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Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category |
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Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
Are long distance relationships really realistic? To tell you the truth, I think long distance relationships are fantasies.
Let’s say you meet someone on vacation. You fall for them in two days.
Then after the trip you have hot phone calls, texts and emails with them. Every time you see them on the weekend, everything is perfect. Everyone is on their best behavior. The sex is great.
The whole weekend is great. It’s like going on vacation with somebody over and over and over again.
The only way you can really get to know somebody, though, is to see them every single day. You need to see what they’re like after a long day of work. You need to see how they are in the middle of a regular work day.
Relationships are difficult to begin with, but long distance relationships tend to be fantasy-driven. Now, there are long distance relationships that are successful.
Most of the ones that I’ve known about or seen, however, do not end up lasting long-term. When the people finally are together in the same place, they are often broken up within a month because they finally start to experience what each other is like and how each other behaves on a daily basis.
Remember, when you’re in a long distance relationship, you are just seeing each other on the weekends. You really are always on your best behavior every time you’re together.
It’s hot and passionate every time you meet. You look forward to seeing that person every time. In fact, you usually can’t wait to see that person. It’s sexy.
You think about them on the airplane. At the end of every weekend when you leave each other, you spend the next week thinking about how amazing the prior weekend was. You spend all week thinking about how you can’t wait until the next weekend.
The problem with this is that you never get to see the “nitty gritty” daily stuff. You don’t get to see the bras and panties hanging on the shower curtain rod. You don’t get to see his dirty underwear thrown on the floor. You don’t realize that neither one of you actually never clean up when you’re alone.
That is why long distance relationships are tough. I always truly believed that you are better off hunting in your own neighborhood.
Popularity: 3%
Tags: Date, dating, dating advice for men, dating advice for women, david wygant, long distance relationship, relationship advice, relationship advice for men, Relationships
Posted in College Dating, High School Dating, How To Start A Relationship, Love, Marriage, Relationships | 10 Comments »
Sunday, August 29th, 2010
Do you know a surefire sign that your relationship is on the edge, and is going downhill? It’s when you start masturbating again, and actually start enjoying it.
Think about your past relationships at the point they were ending, or at the point when you and your partner were “on the outs.” All of a sudden you get to a point in the relationship where you’re having sex, you’re fighting, and you’re not really connecting.
Then one day you’re angry because you haven’t had enough sex, so you beat off. You think to yourself, “This isn’t bad. I can do this again.” The next time you fight with your partner and have sex, you realize it’s not really working at all. You jerk off again.
Pretty soon you are jerking off a couple of times a week. You start to not care anymore about having sex with your partner. You are able to fight with your partner without any emotion.
You become a lot more mellow because you’re not dying for them. You’re not relying on them sexually. You’re not needing them sexually anymore. You’re just basically alright with wherever you are.
It’s the weirdest thing, but if you think about it there is almost a cycle to masturbation.
When you first meet a woman (or a man), you’re really hot for them — and even have sexual fantasies when you think about them — so you masturbate.
Then you start having sex with that person all the time, and you don’t need to masturbate anymore.
You will masturbate for fun, like if you masturbate together. You show each other how you touch yourself. You turn each other on that way.
Maybe you will masturbate alone if you’re not with your partner for a week. You’ll always tell your partner about it, though, and turn each other on by doing that.
At some point in the relationship, you start masturbating two or three times a week, and are hardly having sex anymore with your partner. You start to think, “What went wrong here?”
What went wrong is that you’re not connecting anymore. What went wrong is that you’re not sexually turned on by that person anymore.
At that point, you realize that it’s not worth it – what you’re going through in that relationship — because you’re not connecting and you’re fighting all the time. Looking at when, how and why you’re masturbating in a relationship is usually an indication of what’s going on in that relationship.
Popularity: 4%
Tags: advice, Breakups, david wygant, Marriage, masturbation, Relationships, Sex, tips
Posted in Breakups, Marriage, Masturbation, Rejection, Relationships | 3 Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2010
You know, it’s amazing. It’s one of these beautiful summer nights in Southern California when the Santa Ana winds are blowing in.
I was talking to one of my neighbors, and we were actually looking up at the stars. As he and I were there together outside, we both realized that on that beautiful night we should have been standing out there with our significant others.
I mean, it was absolutely a gorgeous night. There were so many stars showing.
Couples are always looking for ways to break the routine. You come home from work, eat dinner and put on the television.
You don’t take advantage of the beautiful nights. Now that summer is here, the nights are warmer and more fun.
So one of the best things to do a warm night of the year is to stargaze and take the dog for a long walk. Feel the night air. Smell the difference in the summer air.
Fall is right around the corner and you need to get out of the AC and really enjoy the hot hot summer nights!
If you don’t start doing things like this, it’s just going to be another night laying next to each other wondering why you aren’t have sex. The reason you’re not having sex is because you don’t take time time together to have nights like those.
So try this. Believe me you will see your sex life change dramatically.
Popularity: 4%
Tags: advice, better sex, Date, dating, david wygant, how to have better sex, relationship advice, Relationships, Sex, tips
Posted in Love, Marriage, Relationships | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, August 4th, 2010
So you’re dating somebody with children, and they have a really nasty ex.
How do you deal with that?
How do you deal with the ex when you see them?
We’re going to talk about that in today’s podcast.
It’s a subject into which I’ve never delved and, let me tell you, it’s pretty damn controversial.
This is one podcast you are not going to want to miss . . .
Click here to listen now:
Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast
Popularity: 8%
Tags: advice, Date, dating, dating someone with children, david wygant, dealing with an ex, ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, how to be a better communicator, podcast, tips
Posted in Breakups, Dating Etiquette, Divorce, How To Be A Better Communicator, Marriage, Relationships | 15 Comments »
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010
Let me share with you a very interesting story about the dynamics of interpersonal relationships — friends and lovers. Let’s say your (same sex) friend is dating someone you really don’t like.
You say to your friend, “Look, man, this woman is not good for you. She’s exactly like Mary was. She’s a taker . . . etc etc etc.” When you do that, how does that other person usually respond?
Well, your friend usually listens to you. Then at the end of the conversation, he will say something to you like, “You know, I never looked at it that way” or “You may be right. I’d like to talk about it more.” You don’t get into a fight with him. You don’t yell and scream at each other.
Now compare that scenario to this one. Say your lover comes to you and says, “I really don’t like the way you’ve been lately. You’ve been really cold. You’ve really not been very affectionate. You used to rub my head all the time, and now you don’t.”
Instead of listening to our lover, what do we do? We become defensive.
We say something like, “What are you talking about? I rubbed your head two nights ago. What do you mean I’m not in touch with you anymore? Just the other day I made you breakfast.”
You start listing things you’ve done, which in turn makes your lover feel unsafe. Do you know how hard it is to go to your lover — your partner — and tell them what you told them?
You’re not saying to them, “You really don’t love me.” What you’re really telling them is, “Your behavior has changed a bit, it’s affecting me and our love doesn’t feel full. So I’m sharing this with you because I love you, and I want you to do these things for me because you’re the only one who can. Now I can fulfill my own needs, but it’s so much more beautiful when you take the time out and rub my head or listen to me after a hard day at work.”
The problem is that we get so defensive. We get defensive because we interpret this as, “Damn, they’re not satisfied. They don’t love me anymore.”
We jump to conclusions. Our egos jump into the mix. Our control issues jump into the mix.
We don’t listen to our lover like we listen to a friend. If we listened to our lover like we listened to our friends, then you would be so entwined with each other that there would be none of this type of ‘tit for tat’ arguments.
Those ‘tit for tat’ arguments in which it is a back and forth of ‘you don’t do this’ and ‘well you don’t do that’ never lead anywhere good. You never have those kind of arguments with a friend.
You don’t ever talk this way to a friend. A friend you love, honor and listen to when they have something to say to you.
Because we’re in a relationship, though, we think our partner is complaining about us when they say the same kind of things. In reality, what they are doing is crying out for something that they need and desire. You are the lucky person who is the one who can give them what they truly need, and the person they are able to be open and vulnerable enough to ask to do it.
When you get defensive and don’t do what they are asking of you, you are basically telling them that you are in control. You are really being passive aggressive, and telling them “I’m not going to do these things you want, because I interpret you asking as complaining.”
The truth is that it is YOU they want all along. So the next time your lover comes to you and tells you the things they need and desire — or maybe the things you haven’t done — listen to them.
Write the things down that they tell you, and start doing them the very next day. Then watch and see the love between you blossom even more. Watch them start doing even more things you want for you. Watch your intimacy grow. If you think you’re having good sex now, just wait!
Having trouble keeping the peace in your relationship, and sick of arguing about the same stuff over and over again? Click Here to end this for good, and to reignite the passion in your relationship.
Popularity: 4%
Tags: advice, arguments in relationships, better sex, better sex in relationships, Date, dating, Dating Advice, david wygant, how to avoid arguments in relationships, how to communicate in relationships, how to talk to your partner, Marriage, relationship advice, Relationships, Sex, sexy, tips, xxx
Posted in How To Be A Better Communicator, Marriage, Relationships | 3 Comments »
Thursday, July 29th, 2010
There is a word of which a lot of people are afraid: Honesty. Being honest, to me, is one of the greatest feelings in the entire world.
I always tell people that whenever you lie, you have to remember that lie. A lie has so many levels to it, and you have to remember them all when you say a lie — where you were, to whom you said that lie, the name of the person you were supposedly with or to whom you were talking. You have to create a whole story.
When you lie, you usually leave all sorts of loopholes. You always forget at least one detail. If people are really paying attention, they can easily catch you in a lie.
Being honest is one of the hardest things for people to do, especially when it comes to being honest with ourselves. There are times, particularly when you’re dating, that you need to be 100% honest both with yourself and with the person you’re dating in situations where it is not easy to be that honest.
Say you’re dating someone who wants three kids and you don’t want to have any kids. Because you are so intoxicated by her beauty, instead of being 100% honest about that you say, “You know, I think I could have kids. I really do think I might want kids.”
You have to be 100% honest at all times with yourself, because otherwise it’s going to come back and bite you in the ass. Being honest is very liberating because the more honest you are, the more honest people are going to be with you. When you have this kind of mutual honesty between you, you don’t get into nearly as many arguments.
Say your partner tells you that he wants to move out to the country, and even though you love living in the city you say that you would be happy to move to the country. When you inevitably stall about making the move, it will end up in an argument between you.
Your partner will say, “You told me you wanted to move to the country, and here we are still living in the city.” If you are (and were) being honest with yourself, you knew all along that you didn’t want to move to the country.
The only reason you said you did is that you fell in love with your partner. Instead of being honest with them and allowing them to have their dream, you lied.
Being 100% honest is really tough sometimes, because when you meet someone you think is so amazing and fantastic you really want to want the same things they do. So we will tell a little white lie, and we lie to ourselves in the process.
Then that white lie ends up putting us in a situation where we have to confront that dishonesty with ourselves. That’s where you get into a mess. It’s really important in life to be really clear about what we want.
How many kids do you truly want? There is a big difference between having one kid and having three (and an even bigger difference between having any number of kids and having no kids).
Where do you want to live? Do you want to live in the country or do you want to live in the city?
How often do you like to have sex? Sex is something you have to be this honest about too.
How many people who like to have sex four times a week get involved with someone who only likes to have sex once a week, and tell themselves they are okay with only having sex once a week. They tell themselves that it doesn’t matter.
The truth is that it does matter. I’ve been in a relationship with a person who liked to have sex a lot less than I do, and it was not okay (and mattered a lot!).
We make all sorts of compromises like this when we go into a relationship because we think to ourselves that all our our needs and desires are never going to be met in any relationship. After all, there is no ‘perfect’ partner, right?
The truth is, though, that if you listed all your needs and wants and desires, it is not that many things. You need to be on the same page with your partner in so many different ways. If you’re not, then you will find yourself in situations where you have to accept things you never wanted.
Popularity: 6%
Tags: advice, david wygant, honesty, honesty in dating, honesty in relationships, How To Start A Relationship, relationship advice, tips
Posted in Dating Etiquette, How To Be A Better Communicator, How To Start A Relationship, Marriage, Relationships | 5 Comments »
Tuesday, July 20th, 2010
Have you ever been in a relationship in which you keep having the same conversation over and over again? You’ve explained your situation, or a need or desire you have, or something that might bother you about your partner.
You’ve talked about it with them over and over and over again. You feel good after each conversation.
Then two or three days later, you realize you are about to have that same conversation again, because nothing has changed. Their mannerisms and their actions haven’t changed.
What you fail to realize in this situation, though, is that you can express your needs, emotions and desires over and over again but your partner has to want to satisfy them. It’s up to them to make the changes.
It’s up to them to see the importance in it for you. It’s up to them to have the compassion. It’s up to them to do the work at that point. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink (as the saying goes).
What’s interesting is that all of what I just said is also true about yourself. Have you ever had a conversation with yourself over and over again about a change you want to make?
Maybe it’s something like, “I’m going to start going to the gym and I am going to finally lose this weight.” You feel really great after you give yourself that pep talk. Three days later, however, you are right back on the couch eating a piece of cake. You feel lazy and you don’t do it.
This is how we run our own lives, so it’s even more difficult when it’s something we want someone else – like our partner – to do. It’s something that causes an uncomfortable dynamic in the relationship, but the bottom line is they have to want to do it. You can’t make them.
You must have full faith in the other person. Being an imperfect human being yourself, however, you know how hard it is to break your own habits.
So when you put these two dynamics in a relationship, it’s really frustrating. It could drive you up the wall, because you are battling over the same stuff over and over again. You are waiting for someone else to respond over and over again.
What’s the solution to this problem? The solution is to start working on your own stuff every single day.
If there is something that you do (or don’t do) that bothers your partner, then show them how you are working on your own stuff. Lead by example. Show them that you can make the changes, and that you can treat them the way they want to be treated.
If you lead by example, then the next time you have that conversation with your partner you can say “Look at how I have progressed. I need you to participate too.” give them the encouragement they need.
When I’m coaching someone, I’m the one who calls them out over and over on their shit. I do it nonstop, until they finally figure out what they need to do and do it. It’s all about small steps every single day.
When you want to work on this for yourself, the best way to do that is for you to take baby steps every single day. If it’s about approaching the opposite sex, then start by just saying hello for one day. If it’s about filling an emotional need that your partner has, then do one thing that day that makes them happy.
Popularity: 5%
Tags: advice, communication, david wygant, Marriage, Relationships, tips
Posted in How To Be A Better Communicator, Love, Marriage, Relationships | 3 Comments »
Friday, July 2nd, 2010
How do these things make you feel? How do you feel if someone cheats on you? How do you feel if someone steals your cell phone out of your car? How do you feel if someone slept with somebody else?
We’re getting to the real root of cheaters right now. You’ve been cheated on in the past.
If someone asks you what happened in your past relationship, is your answer something like this: “She was a great girl, but all of a sudden something happened and she started cheating on me. It was ridiculous. I don’t understand why she cheated on me. I did everything for her.”
Immediately, the person you’re saying this to is going to look at you and wonder what made that person cheat on you. When you’re cheated on, it means that there is something that’s not working between the two of you of which you are not aware.
To tell you the truth, I’ve never been cheated on, but I have cheated one time. I know exactly why I cheated on them. It was because the communication in our relationship was dead, over, done. I wasn’t happy anymore.
So if you tell someone on a first, second or third date that you’ve been cheated on, they’re going to really wonder about you. They are going to wonder why you didn’t realize why you were cheated on, and why you aren’t taking responsibility for your part in it.
A lot of people don’t understand that cheating is a two-way street. In order to push someone out the door to cheat, you must be pushing them one way or another.
There’s something that you’ve been doing in that situation. Maybe you were not aware of the person’s needs, wants, and desires. Maybe you wanted more out of the relationship than they did. It could be a number of different things.
So if you’ve been cheated on and someone asks you why that relationship ended, just say “It ended mutually” and leave it at that. As you get to know someone better, you can uncover the depth of your last relationships.
In the first couple of weeks, though, people are judging and looking and evaluating you. It’s not that you want to hide things, but you just want to get to know each other on a fresh face.
You don’t need to tell every negative detail of your past. You don’t need to dump everything about each other in the first few weeks. You want those first few weeks to really bond with each other, to build up the trust, so then you can talk about all that stuff later when you’re in a safe space with each other.
People are still judging in those first few weeks. So the next time someone asks you if you’ve ever been cheated on, just say “You know what? I have been, but it’s no big deal. I learned a lot from that. I really learned that my communication in that relationship wasn’t good and I take full responsibility for it.”
Take the high road in everything. Anytime you take the road of a victim, it means that you don’t know how to communicate properly with anybody else.
Popularity: 8%
Tags: advice, cheated on, cheaters, cheating, Date, dating, david wygant, past relationships, talking about past relationships, tips
Posted in Breakups, Divorce, How To Be A Better Communicator, How To Start A Relationship, Marriage, Rejection, Relationships | 11 Comments »
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