I live right on the beach in L.A., and I thought about something I noticed on my trip: the Atlantic Ocean in Miami sounds different than the Pacific Ocean. The waves are smaller, but have continuous little swells that come in, so you hear a constant whooshing sound. The Pacific has bigger waves that crash harder, so it’s a different sound. In Hawaii, the ocean sounds different too. When I’m in the South of France, at the beach in Cannes, the waves are totally different.

Nature has so many different sounds. Each beach has different birds with different sounds. Different forests have different sounds depending on the density of the trees. Each thunderstorm is different depending on where you are. If you’re in the mountains, a thunderstorm sounds far different than it does if you’re on flatland in Kentucky.

Getting in touch with nature can make you a far more interesting person, but not only that, it’s going to help you connect with the opposite sex better. You’re going to be more tuned into the environment and you’re surroundings.

Every day, lots of people here watch the sunset over the Pacific Ocean. But when you live on the East Coast, you watch the sunset over a city because the sun sets in the West. Different! And the reflection of the sun fading out as the day gets dark over the water on the East Coast gives it a different hue that you don’t get on the West Coast. On the West Coast, you get the red water, the red sunset.

It’s all about noticing these little things in those “torturous” sounds of silence that makes you really start to think about how beautiful the world is. When I was in Miami, I always looked up, and that’s something that I learned to do. I look at the Art Deco buildings and admire the architecture and I think to myself, “Wow! These were built by hand in a whole different era.”

I notice buildings. I notice the way the sand feels. It’s different sand in Miami Beach compared to the sand where I live in Los Angeles. Everything is different in the world. It’s up to you to explore it.

Start looking around. Start looking up. I remember when I was in Miami and I stared at this beautiful Deco building. It was an off-yellow at the base, and then as it went upward it became more white. And it had trees on the upper level, which means that somebody had a giant patio. And everyday they get to see the sunset on the East and the way that the beautiful sun reflects on the water as it sets.

I urge you all to get out into the world and start paying attention. Get in touch with everything that’s around you and you’ll never be lacking in conversation.

. . .

Some days I’ll walk down the street and I’ll see a woman and say, “Do you ever look up, because some of the most beautiful things are up there.”

I remember when I was 19 and a sophomore at American University, I got broken up with by my high school girlfriend for the third time. (Thanks, Chris, for breaking my heart three times—now I know why I’m such a cold person. …Just kidding.) But anyway, my heart was broken. And I remember going to American University and thinking to myself, “You know, I want an abundance of girls I can date. I want to be able to meet girls whenever I want. I want people to know me for the person that I always dreamt myself to be.”

You know that superhero version of ourselves that we have in our heads? That incredible, awesome version of you that goes on all the adventures and saves the world? Well, we get so caught up in that superhero version of ourselves, but we don’t really know how to execute it. But here’s the deal: every day when we wake up, we’re naked. We are raw and vulnerable to the world. But then we put on this shell and our shell is all of our past experiences of failure and people that hurt us. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

When I went to college my sophomore year, I decided that I was going to become the person I always dreamt of because nobody knew who I was. I was able to portray the most confident version of myself because that is all they knew. They didn’t know about my past failures, they didn’t know anything about my past.

That’s how the world looks at you every single day. That girl that you are looking at in the corner at the grocery store, she has no idea that you are insecure. She has no idea that you have approach anxiety. The girl that you are checking out in the line at Starbucks has no idea about your approach anxiety or about any of your fears. It is about really becoming naked, open and vulnerable every single day.

For all of you that haven’t heard yet, I have got a brand new book out called Naked. Naked is all about stripping down all of your fears and all of your insecurities and allowing the world to see the amazing superhero version of yourself. It’s only $10 and it’s something that I think all of you need to grab because it’s a wonderful starting point for the new you.

When my publisher asked me when I wanted the book to come out, I said I wanted it to come out in the beginning of the year, so that everybody who is working on their resolutions and their new self will actually have something to work with. Naked is full of exercises. It’s a step-by-step guide to becoming totally raw, open, and vulnerable and so that you can go after what you want, not only in dating, but also in life.

No, it’s not the song “Cleanup” we used to sing as a kid—you know that song?  Well if you don’t know that song I will of course stick a YouTube video in with the clean up song so you can listen to it as you clean up your life.

But seriously, here’s what I want you to do: I want all of you to head to your closet today and look at all of your clothes.  I want you to put them all on, and I want you to only keep the clothes that look the best on you.  If you haven’t worn it in two years, I guarantee you, you’re probably never going to where it again.  Don’t think about how much money you spent on it. Don’t think about how you didn’t wear it enough. Don’t think about that it may come back in style again.

It’s not an investment. Clothing is not a monetary investment; it’s an investment in making you feel good.  Look at all your clothes, take the clothes that you don’t want and either donate them or do as I do and give them to your friends. They may want to wear some of the stuff.  Pass it along.

Here’s a great idea for all of you: put an e-mail out to all your friends and say you’re going to have a “clothing swap party”.  Everybody’s got to bring a bag of clothes, and every body has to bring a member of the opposite sex.  And that way then, you put all the clothes on the floor and everybody tries them on for each other.

It can get real personal very, very quickly, and it could be a lot of fun.  You can get opinions on the way things look on you and how they fit.  I’ve done these clothing swap parties in the past, and—let me tell you something—people will swap more than just clothes!

So have a clothing swap party.  And by doing a clothing swap party, you’re going to have an absolute blast.  As a matter of fact, I think I’m going to go do this right now. I think I’m going to go call a couple of friends up, and then I’m going to throw some stuff on the floor, and allow them to brawl for my leftovers.

I told you I would! 

I want you to look around your house, and I want you to ask yourself: if my dream girl came over today, would this house represent who I am?  Is this furniture a statement of who I am? Is the artwork that’s on the wall a statement of who I am?

Is the lawn furniture in the living room a statement of who you are? (Those are for those of you that never really decided to get a couch.) Does your bathroom resemble who you are? Does your bedroom resemble who you are? Do some of you live in a place that you used to live with your ex, and all her stuff is still around because you were too lazy to get rid of it?

Where you live represents very much who you are. Are you living in a neighborhood that represents who you are? Are there enough things to do in your neighborhood that keep you busy? Are there enough people like yourself that you can meet? Is there a market that you go to in your neighborhood that you really enjoy?  Does your neighborhood represent who you are?

Does your city represent who you are?  Do you enjoy where you live?  Are you proud to say you live in that area?  Does it represent the lifestyle that you want?  Is it the climate that you want?  I want you to take a look at where you live today, and I want you to ask yourself: is this where I want to be? Am I around people that I want to meet? Am I living in an area that I’m proud of? Am I living in an area that I really enjoy?

If the answers are too often “no”, then I encourage you to move to an area that inspires answers that are more often “yes”.

Being really happy with where you live and living in a place that really represents who you are as a person, is a big step in meeting like-minded people that you can date and enjoy.   So look around your surrounding and ask yourself: do I live in a shantytown with people that I do not connect with or do I live in the place of my dreams? Your choice.

Well, the first weekend of 2012 is officially here.  Have you made plans yet to set things into action and go out and meet people this weekend?  Have you made resolutions to master your communication skills, go on more dates, get laid more often?  Have you started seeing somebody new and now you’re looking to turn this into something real instead of just another failed relationship

Whatever it is your goals are, the only way to get it done is by starting off on the right foot and actually taking action.  Start off the New Year with the right positive energy by setting goals for yourself and then following through with baby steps.

Maybe you want to go out for 5 hours each day this weekend and talk to as many people as you can instead of staring at your computer or watching the football games and wasting away your weekend.  Maybe you want to go out and approach three beautiful women and start a conversation with each of them this Saturday, and then do the same thing again on Sunday.  Maybe you’ve had your eye set on the cute Starbucks girl that you’ve never had the guts to ask out and now you’re ready to say, “Fuck it” and tell her you think she’s cute.

Maybe you already have an exact picture of how you expect it to go down all planned out in your head.  Maybe you can picture right now exactly the way it’s supposed to happen.

Momentum Is Everything

Whatever your vision is, whatever your goals are, right now is the time to set the tone for the rest of the year.  Your goals may just be in your head as dreams, desires, or New Years resolutions right now.  But the only way to make them a reality is by making a commitment to yourself to put your internal goals into action.  Make that internal decision to go out this weekend and follow though on your plans.

Take little baby steps if your need to.  Tone it down.  Maybe you don’t have the skillset right now to go out on Saturday and randomly approach five women.  Start off by approaching one woman and see what happens.  Then the day after, approach two women.  Maybe you don’t have the confidence right now to ask out the Starbucks girl.  That’s fine.  Start off by engaging her in a 15 second conversation.  Start off just by smiling and saying, “Hi.”  It’s all part of a much bigger picture, and that picture is how you envision your social life to look like this year.

The main thing right now is to make a commitment to yourself to take action.  Give yourself your word, and then keep your own word.  Put one foot in front of the other and just start doing something.  Momentum is the name of the game.  Get a start on something, even if it’s just a little tiny baby step, because that is the first step in following through on the bigger picture of your commitments.

By following through on your commitments right now, this weekend, you are setting the tone for the rest of the year.  You are rolling the ball into action and it’s going to start gaining momentum.  Then the next day, you take another step and put your goals even further into action.  And further.

The last thing you want to do right now is sit at the office, think about doing something, and then go home, order Chinese food and watch  YouTube videos or read some pick-up e-book until midnight.

You need to do whatever it takes to get your ass into gear.  o get that one foot even just a few inches in front of the other.  Think about it—how do you want to set the tone for 2012?  Do you want to start off with a bang?  Do you want to start off with the great feeling of actually getting one step closer to your commitments?  Or do you want to start off the year by sitting around thinking about how you’re going to plan your strategy?  Because that’s a waiting game you can play with yourself forever.  And yes, you will be playing with yourself…forever.

If you need a pep talk, email me with where you’re at and what your goals are to shogo@davidwygant.com and I will personally hold you accountable to me and kick your ass into gear.

It’s all about momentum, so get that ball rolling guys.  Because once you’re in gear, you will be unstoppable.

About a month ago, I grabbed this new razor from Norelco called the Senso Touch. It’s an electric razor that kind of slides up and down all over your face. It can be wet, it can be dry, basically whatever you prefer. We do not talk enough about grooming here but once in a while its a great topic to go over the ups and downs of manscaping!

Guys, I have to say, I’ve never liked electric razors. Never enjoyed using one before in my life. It just feels like every little hair on my beard is being pulled right off of my face. It always drove me crazy whenever I tried to shave with an electric razor. Plus, I would always miss all the hairs on the side of my neck with the damn thing! Its not like I’m the hairiest person in the entire world. It’s not like I’m Wolf-Man or anything.

My beard isn’t the thickest, either, but electric razors just never really do the job.
I have to say though, I’ve been using the Norelco Senso Touch here and there for the past month, and it’s just an amazing shave. Not only does it work as opposed to other electrics I’ve used, it’s just an effortlessly easy way to shave. Whether I’ve got one day’s worth of stubble or two, it just glides right over your face. You can shave wet or dry and even without lube your going to get a great shave. Just seeing if your all paying attention here, with the lube remark:)

I’ve really come to enjoy using it. All of you guys should check it out. I enjoy it, it’s fun to use, and it’s 100% practical.

And how exactly does this relate to dating? Simple. Women love a clean shaven face, guys. They want to be able to kiss and caress that soft face of yours. They want it to feel just like a baby’s butt. Ok, maybe I’m reaching with the baby’s butt thing… Ill see you guys tomorrow.

I haven’t sat down to watch any new movies in a long time, so decided to click through the Pay-Per-View and the On Demand selection and check out what’s been playing.
I’m going to give you a rundown of some of these doozies I’ve watched.

I watched a movie called “The Dilemma” starring Vince Vaughn. When did Vince Vaughn start looking like Alec Baldwin? He used to be a tall, skinny guy; now he’s become a chubby, young Alec Baldwin lookalike. Anyway, he was in this movie with Kevin James called “The Dilemma.” Here’s the big dilemma that took two hours to finally figure out: Winona Ryder’s character gets caught cheating on her husband by the guy’s best friend. That’s right. Vince Vaughn’s character actually sees it happen. So he spends the whole movie chasing her and her lover around town and can’t decide whether to tell his best friend that his wife’s been cheating. Unbelievable, huh? So the question is, what would you do if you saw your best friend’s wife or girlfriend cheating on him? Would you tell him right away or would you turn it into a really bad two-hour movie?

The next movie I saw — totally unrealistic by the way — was called “Friends with Benefits.” First off, okay: Mila Cunas and Justin Timberlake. That’s about all you need to know about this movie. So, what happened during this amazing two-hour, stretched-out movie that went nowhere and really just had the characters playing out the same topic over and over again? Basically, here’s the deal: Justin Timberlake moves to New York City through Mila Kunis, who recruits him for a job. They become friends, then because neither of them has had sex in a long time, guess what happens? They become friends with benefits. Meanwhile, they get along great. They laugh, they hang out together, they have all sorts of fun and inside jokes, they have sex like animals, and the woman looks like Mila Kunis. Let me ask all you guys: If you got a hot friend who you have an absolute blast with, you like her, the sex is some of the best sex you ever had in your entire life, would you ever leave her as your friend?

So stupid these movies sometimes. They’re just so not realistic. I mean, you’ve got a hot girl who’s incredible to hang out with, you have great sex, and then you just want to be friends with benefits with that? I doubt it. And the ending was beyond cheesy that I’m not even going to give you a spoiler alert warning. Ok, I am going to ruin the very predictable ending for any of you who actually want to waste two hours and watch it…It ended in Grand Central Station with Justin Timberlake singing a song from another artist. Why couldn’t he have just sung Justin Timberlake music to her? I Want My Sexy Back. Or something like that.

So, if you’re going to spend time this holiday season watching bad movies, I strongly suggest you do not watch The Dilemma or Friends with Benefits. I’m sure you’ve already got enough dilemmas in your life, and on top of all of that I’m sure most of you would like to have a friend with benefits, and you don’t need to watch Justin Timberlake fake banging Mila Kunis for two hours.

I had a few really interesting people over at my home last night, and as we were sitting around talking I thought, “This would make a great Podcast!”

So press the play button and listen to us talking about life, sex, dating, relationships, and closing the chapter on 2011.

You’re also going to find out what I was really, really scared of as a kid, and you’re going to hear something else in today’s Podcast that will absolutely scare you away: How are horror films and sex related?

Sirius radio is great because you can just scroll right over the display and it gives you the name of the music that’s playing and the year. And while I scrolled over the song, I realized that With or Without You was a song that came out in 1987.

I remember listening to that song, I was 25 at the time and I had either just gotten broken up with or I had met somebody I really liked and it didn’t work out. I remember thinking to myself, “God, With or Without You, yeah, that’s right, I can make it with or without her. I can survive.”

And then I started thinking to myself what my 20s were like.

So many emotions all the time. When I thought I really liked a woman and she didn’t call me back, I’d freak out for a day or two. I’d go through streaks where I was really good at meeting women and then streaks where I wasn’t.

Why was this happening to me? This is why: I didn’t know who I was.

I was unemployed at certain times, I’d lose jobs for no reason at all – at least I thought it was for no reason at all. But the reason was because I had an attitude problem, but at the time I didn’t think I did.

And I remember that so much of my 20s I’d spent with or without all the things that I thought I needed at the time. It was with or without money: times I had money and there were times I didn’t. With or without women: there were times I had them in my life and there were times that I didn’t.

And every time I didn’t have something in my life I kept saying to myself, “Things are going to be much better when I get more money, things are going to be better when I have more women in my life.”
All the while, I could never be content where I was. I always thought I needed something else, but I didn’t realize the beauty of what the whole journey was all about. The whole span of my 20s was like this. And the beautiful thing about it, and the most amazing thing about it, was I was never going to get those days back again.

Each one of those days was a memory. Yet I didn’t fully embrace or fully enjoy each day.

I remember times where I had no money. I was 23 years old and starving. I had to look through my sofa to find quarters and dimes. I had enough money to go down to the grocery store, the little bodega on the corner of 80th and Amsterdam in New York City. I had just enough money to get a box of pasta and a stick of butter and that was dinner for the next two nights. And I remember thinking to myself, “I can’t wait to have money so I can eat better.”

But in reality, it was the beauty of that moment that I should’ve been appreciating. Nothing lasts forever. Every moment you have is just a fleeting moment, because whether or not you can embrace the lesson that life gives you right then and there, you’ve outgrown that moment. And when you outgrow that moment, what happens? You never get that moment back.

I look back on those days in my 20s and I could easily write 100 blogs about all the things that I went through emotionally. But the real message here and the bottom line is that you’ll never get those moments back. Enjoy wherever you’re at, because that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be right now.
Don’t obsess about what you need in the future, don’t think about how your life is going to be better when you have something else or when you are someplace else. Just enjoy the beauty of where you are right now in your life. Embrace it, enjoy it, and honor it.

Because one day you’re going to be like me and you’re just going to look back and wonder why you didn’t fully enjoy it all the way.

Here’s a comment that a reader left on the blog that I really wanted to address. I’ve heard it quite a few times from guys and the topic is really relevant for guys who don’t drink alcohol but still want to go out and experience some nightlife.

Coach Shogo, I want to try something new: going sober in a club or bar, how can I put myself at ease and enjoy while not taking any drinks?  I’ve been studying this option for some time now, and it is very difficult to achieve…

–Maximillian

First off, I think going sober is a great thing.  I think living an alcohol-free lifestyle is great.

That being said, I have to give you a disclaimer that I personally don’t live an alcohol-free lifestyle.  Now, I don’t booze it up every day, but I do like to go out a couple times a week and have a few drinks in the evening.  And about once I month I like to go out and actually get drunk.  Just the way I like to do things.

So if you want to go out and have a couple drinks, loosen up, and be less uptight when you’re out meeting people, more power to you.  (But if you HAVE to drink in order to open up at social functions, that’s a problem and we need to talk.)

And if you never drink alcohol because you don’t like the feeling of losing control of your senses, or you don’t want to put unhealthy things in your body, more power to you as well.  Don’t let the pressure of the drinking crowd get to you.

Is everyone at this bar getting drunk?

A lot of times I will go out and not drink any alcohol, or I’ll just sip on one beer the whole night, especially when I was bartending and just needed a break from all the boozing.

But if you’re not able to put yourself at ease in a bar or club situation without drinking, it’s for one of two reasons:

One, you don’t feel comfortable in a bar or club environment and you need the influence of alcohol to relax you and help you be less uptight.

Two, you’re self-conscious about being the sober one in the bar while everyone else is drinking and you don’t want to look or act like the odd man out.

Let’s talk about the first one.  If you don’t feel comfortable when you’re out in a bar or club, or you just can’t seem to mingle with the crowd, you should really consider not going to bars or clubs anymore.  Your body is telling you something.  There are plenty of other great things you can do in the evenings besides going to a crowded bar and standing around feeling like you don’t have anything in common with the people there.  But if you feel like you need the influence of alcohol to help relax you in EVERY social situation, that’s another issue altogether and something you need to deal with separately by putting yourself out there and opening up to new people every single day.

Now let’s talk about the second one, and that’s really the heart of the matter.  If you do genuinely enjoy going out and being social in bars and clubs, but you just want to cut out the drinking part of it, here’s what you do: you cut out the drinking.

Just get a glass of something nonalcoholic and hold it in your hand.  Drink a coke.  Drink club soda with lime.  It doesn’t matter.  Nobody is going to ask you what you’re drinking. On the off chance that someone does (and it will probably be another guy), just casually tell them you’re having a club soda and change the topic.

What’s really holding you back is that self-conscious feeling of being a little bit different from the rest of the crowd.  That somebody will look at you like you’re from another planet if you tell them you’re not drinking.

Here’s what I think about that: forget about the rest of the crowd.  You do whatever you feel like doing and you don’t look back.  So what you’re not holding a vodka tonic in your hand while you’re going around meeting people?  Trust me, there are plenty of people in the place who are also not drinking, especially women.  The more upscale and fun the venue, the more likely it is that other people are not getting drunk.  Just avoid those crappy little bars where the only activity in the place is to stand around getting completely hammered.  That’s just no fun.

So drink whatever you want to.  People are not standing around the bar talking about the fact that you’re not drinking alcohol.  Honestly, nobody cares.  When you see somebody standing at the bar only drinking water, do you start whispering to the people around you, “Hey, that guy over there is only drinking WATER!!”  Of course you don’t.  That would be weird.  But when it comes down to ourselves, we think that everyone around us is talking about us.  Trust me, nobody is talking about the drink you’re holding in your hand.

It’s far cooler to be the level-headed sober guy at the end of the night than the obnoxious drunk stumbling around with beer stains all over his shirt.