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Archive for the ‘Humor & Just For Fun’ Category |
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Saturday, September 4th, 2010
Have you guys ever looked at the love for sale section on Craigs List?
It is by far some of the best reads ever.
I wanted to share a funny one that one of you sent me this morning,
Heres a guy that basically is near 60 and he wants a young hot plaything to be at his beckon call.
I love men who cant deal with aging and expect some young hot woman to be totally turned onto them in all ways.
Give this a read and share with me any Craigs list experiences you may have had.
And read it all the way through and check out his code word at the end!!
It should have been sugar daddy!!!
Hello, I am seeking a pretty and slender, affectionate and special Latin female in her early twenties for friendship, love, and possibly marriage…..
I am fond of Latin people, their mentality, culture and emotional generosity. I lived in Spain for a long time, also in Mexico and Colombia…..Born and raised in Germany, I have some German earnestness and solidity, a Latin soul, and an optimistic Southern Californian mindset. I speak English and Spanish fluently (and a few other languages).
If you are dreaming of an unusual man, in all modesty here he is: I have traveled all over the world, am highly educated, open-minded, romantic, faithful and noble, with a very soft heart, stable values and deep feelings. I would like you to have the same human qualities. I will give you all my love, treat you with respect, and adore you with passion. I am divorced and totally independent. Being 58, I feel very young and enjoy a healthy lifestyle. I am 5 ft., 11in., 170 pounds and in excellent shape. I don’t have children and prefer that you don’t have either. But I like children and imagine that at some point I will have a family.
I am fascinated by languages and my hobby is my profession: I have my own language corporation in Los Angeles. My other interests include writing short stories and poems, reading, studying, thinking, meditating, and dreaming, traveling, psychology and personal growth, ethnic music from all over the world, especially from Latin countries, salsa, samba, flamenco, jazz and blues, outdoor activities by the beach and in the countryside, but also quiet hours at home, personal, totally candid conversations, and relaxed and intimate times with my love….and so much more….
I live in Southern California and in Germany….and am able to offer you an interesting and fulfilling life. I am totally independent, so we can live here or in Europe.
Let us reach our dreams! I hope for your friendly message (with photo)
P.S. I am not into virtual affairs, online chatting or endless texting. Our goal should be to exchange phone numbers and get together in person as soon as we feel comfortable with each other.
In order to avoid unwanted messages I would request that you include the code word LOVE in the subject line of your first message.
I will answer any message that includes the code word and your picture. THANK YOU!
Popularity: 3%
Tags: call girls, craigs list, hookers, latin women, Match.com, Online Dating, sugar daddy
Posted in Humor & Just For Fun, Money & Success, Online Dating | 8 Comments »
Tuesday, August 17th, 2010
Sonja and I were making pancakes the other day, talking and reminiscing about the good old days — the good old sex days. I thought about how many erections I used to get in a 24 hour period, and how I needed to have sex.
I don’t know how pancakes and sex ever came into the conversation, but I was laughing. I remember from about age 18 to age 23, it wasn’t having sex once a day. It was more like do it now, then do it again in twenty minutes . . . then do it again in another twenty minutes.
I remember by the fourth time screwing in a day, I was basically pounding for forty minutes. I felt so good to be able to say that I could f^*k for forty straight minutes.
The poor girl would be laying there screaming and yelling. I of course thought screaming and yelling was from pleasure. The screaming and yelling was because she was getting so raw. Forty minutes is a long time for anybody.
Four times in a row, and that’s 160 minutes of screwing. I mean, the poor woman was moaning and groaning — yes out of pleasure part of the time, but mostly out of pure pain because she was getting wet and dry and wet and dry. I would just keep going and going and going like the young testosterone filled man that I was.
Let’s practice quality over quantity when it comes down to sex. Let’s do it in all areas of our lives. Quality over quantity is much better.
So if you’re going to have sex, make sure it’s the best sex session you can have. Have some good foreplay.
If you’re a guy, make sure you get her to cum first. That way, she’s more sensitive when you go in there and you are able to also give her a g-spot orgasm.
If you’re a woman, make sure you spend some quality time giving him some foreplay as well. Tease him sufficiently, so that when he does have sex with you he’s all ready to go.
Start having fun together. Even a quickie can be quality.
Back them, a quickie was doing it then twenty minutes later doing it quickly again. It’s not a double quickie. It’s called a quickie for a reason.
Popularity: 7%
Tags: better sex, Date, dating, david wygant, g-spot, good sex, how to have good sex, orgasm, quickie sex, Sex, xxx
Posted in Humor & Just For Fun, Sex | 8 Comments »
Monday, August 16th, 2010
You know, living in L.A. is really funny.
If you’re in New York City and ask someone what they do for a living, the answer will likely be either finance, banking or advertising. If you then ask someone what they do in banking (or finance or advertising), they will tell you exactly what they do and why they are passionate about doing it.
Conversely, if you run into someone in L.A. and ask what they do (or what brought them to L.A.), you will often have someone tell you that they are “in the business.” Really? They’re “in the business?” What business is that?
Are they in the gardening business? I mean, there are a lot of gardeners in L.A. since the weather is nice year-round. Are they in the parks & recreation business (because the parks are open all the time)? Really, about what business are they talking?
In L.A., when people are talking about being in “the business,” they mean the Hollywood business. It’s the ones who aren’t working, though, who will always say “I’m in the business.” What they’re really in the business of is waiting tables.
That’s the definition of a waiter in L.A. When you’re a waiter in LA, you’re actually not waiting tables. You’re waiting to get into “the business.”
So for all those who say they are in “the business,” what do you think they say when asked about exactly what it is they do in the business? They say, “Oh, you know, I’m doing the actor thing.” It’s never just acting – it’s always “the actor thing.”
They call it “the acting thing” because it’s not really something real to them yet. It’s just a thing in which they wish they were actually involved.
L.A. is a really fun town. So the next time you’re in L.A. on vacation and you ask someone what they do for a living, you’ll know how to interpret the answer. If they say they’re “in the business,” you’ll know they are really not in the business.
A lot of my friends are writers. If you ask them what they do for a living, they’ll tell you that they’re a writer. I have friends who are actors. If someone asks them what they do for a living, they will say that they are an actor. My friends who are directors will say they are a director when asked what they do for a living.
Not one of my friends say they do “the writing thing,” “the acting thing” or “the directing thing.” Not one of my friends who are actually “in the business” will ever use that term when referring to what they do for a living.
Popularity: 3%
Tags: acting, actors, Los Angeles, waiters
Posted in Humor & Just For Fun, Life Style 101 | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 15th, 2010
Masturbation is a very funny word.
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Not much, I think I’m going to go home and masturbate.”
It would be funny if people talked that way, and were very frank about masturbation.
“What did you do last night?”
“Not much. Watched a movie, masturbated for a while and ate some dessert afterwards. Couldn’t fall asleep, so I masturbated again.”
Masturbation is such a taboo topic for people. For some reason or another, people are just afraid to admit that they masturbate.
There are a lot of people in relationships who sneak their masturbation sessions. They don’t tell their partner that they masturbated. They actually don’t tell anyone that they masturbated.
They sneak it. It’s a private thing. It’s not something you ever want to discuss with others.
I think it would be fun if you just walked up to somebody and said, “Hey, any good masturbation sessions lately?” You’d have a far better conversation than you would have by walking up to someone and asking about the weather.
About what would you rather talk — your masturbation session or the next range of thunderstorms coming?
Popularity: 5%
Tags: david wygant, masturbation, privacy and masturbation, Sex, taboo
Posted in Humor & Just For Fun, Masturbation | 19 Comments »
Wednesday, August 11th, 2010
Do you know what I love about traveling? It’s when you drive into LAX and the four cops who are standing there as you enter wave at you.
There are about five entrances into LAX, but they only stand in one. It makes me think that their function is not so much security, but more to be “meet ‘n greeters.”
Yes, I know they are supposed to be ferreting out would-be terrorists. They stare at you as you pass by and assess based on that look whether you have a bomb in your car.
What is funny, though, is that any cab driver will tell you about the other four entrances at LAX at which there are no “meet ‘n greeters.” It’s like the cab drivers know about a secret back door to a club about which the cops don’t even know.
So here in Los Angeles we have the “meet ‘n greeters” at the airport. They are there to wave hello to you when you enter LAX.
You are probably wondering why I am ranting about “meet ‘n greeters,” and what they have to do with today’s blog. I actually am not ranting about them.
I think they’re funny. They are something that would be part of an episode of Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Can you imagine telling people about that job if you worked as a “meet ‘n greeter?” Someone asks you what you do do for a living, and you would say, “I’m a “meet ‘n greeter” at LAX . . .”
Then when they ask you what your job entails, you would say “I take my hands and put them in the air, moving my fingers back and forth all day long. I wear sunglasses as I stare at your car so I can look intimidating.”
Somewhere along the line in meet ‘n greeter school, these folks were supposedly taught how to find a bomb. Oh really, Mr. Meet ‘N Greet? What exactly are your experience and qualifications? Were you a meet ‘n greeter at Wal*Mart first?
You would, however, get to tell people all about the interesting things you get to do as a meet ‘n greeter. You could tell people, “I get to check out people in really interesting states of mind. I get to see people stressed out and rushing to get to their planes. I get to search cars with a flashlight and a cool dental-type mirror that turns upside down so I can see underneath the car.”
Is that really going to ferret out all the bombs? Really, I’m sure there aren’t any terrorists who know how to hide a bomb. I’m sure they would hide the bomb in that four inches that little mirror can see under the car.
So if you are looking for a new job, have I got a line for you! Think about looking into being an LAX “meet ‘n greeter.”
Popularity: 3%
Tags: curb your enthusiasm, david wygant, LAX, meet and greet, police at lax, security at lax, seinfeld, walmart
Posted in Humor & Just For Fun | 9 Comments »
Sunday, July 18th, 2010
I was recently in the airport getting ready to leave on a flight, when I started to look around at everything happening around me.
I looked at the families with kids in strollers getting ready to leave on a trip to visit Grandma and Grandpa. I looked at businessmen wearing looks of misery on their faces as they prepared to get on yet another flight (kind of like George Clooney in Up In The Air). I looked at the couples reading books and ignoring each other.
As I looked at all these people, I realized something. I realized that I was in an airport and could really go just about anywhere in the world I wanted.
Okay, so the person I came to the airport to get on a flight and see would be bummed if I didn’t show up. The truth is that I could disappear and go anywhere I wanted.
I had my bags already packed, and had my identification and credit card. What else would I need?
I could vanish to any destination, and never be heard from again. With your credit card in hand, you actually could disappear for a long, long time.
The question really is this: To where would you disappear? If you could go anywhere in the world, to what place would you want to go?
What would you want to do once you got there? What would you want to experience? What is going on in your life right now that would make you want to escape to someplace else for a while?
I know why I would want to escape right now. It would be because right now I’m sitting next to a screaming kid. So I would want to go somewhere that was quiet and peaceful, where all the children were well-behaved. That place would also have great beaches and fantastic food of course.
Maybe I’m actually describing the place I am right now. Maybe I’ve been there for the last few weeks and none of you even noticed that I’m not in my home office in California.
Maybe I’ve already left on my escape. Maybe I did it because I just really wanted to experience something different, and I wanted to take a personal dare.
So, how daring are you? Where would you go if your best friend dropped you off at the airport?
Think about it. You have no destination in mind and you walk up to the big board and see where all the flights are heading. As you look at that board, you say to yourself “I can go anywhere I want right now. This is where I would go and why.” Where would you go?
Popularity: 3%
Tags: airport, david wygant, favorite places to travel, travel, travel destinations, Traveling
Posted in Humor & Just For Fun | 9 Comments »
Tuesday, July 6th, 2010
Just thinking about certain things are in life. Whenever you travel down south, you always meet a Tom Dixon III or a John Williams Jr.
You know that I am having a girl. Can I name her David Jr. because I really want there to be two of us in the house with the exact same name?
Maybe because my ego is so big, I will get a male dog and a male cat and they’re all going to be named David. Since David is not a good name for a girl, I’ll name the dog David and the cat David, and name my daughter Davida.
Look at George Foreman. He named every single one of his kids George.
What is it with men passing on their name? “It’s very important that I have a son, so he can be named Tom Jr.” You know, it’s just so ridiculous. When women have a daughter, they don’t think this way.
I’m having a daughter. Should her name be Sonja Jr.? Yes, that is what we’re going to do, have a Sonja Sr. and a Sonja Jr. in the house.
It is funny, though, because the woman who cleans my house is named Olga and so is her mother. So maybe in the Guatemalan culture, they actually name women after their mothers (instead of naming men after their fathers).
So if any of you can think of a good name for my daughter, let me know. Do you think it should be Davida or David Jr.?
Why not just name her David and confuse people altogether. Or, should I just get a male dog, name it David and keep my surname going that way.
Also, how do we tie this whole discussion into dating? It’s so easy.
Down the road, you’re going to start having sex. You’re going to meet someone about whom you are absolutely crazy. The next thing you know you are going to be getting married. One night of sex will lead to a bump in the belly. When that bump comes, you’re going to realize that naming your kid after yourself is really ridiculous.
Popularity: 3%
Tags: david wygant, george foreman, jr, names for children, namesake, naming children, sr
Posted in Humor & Just For Fun | 31 Comments »
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
The other day Sonja and I were walking around, and I saw this really cute cat. I was at the foot of the driveway, and the cat was at the back of the driveway.
Sonja looked at me and said, “Oh my God, a Siamese cat. I love them!” I said, “Me too.”
So we both got down on the ground and looked into each other’s eyes. We had that really great gaze that only lovers can have.
All of a sudden, we got involved in this heavy petting session — right there at the end of the driveway. It was really heavy petting.
That cat kept pushing up against us really hard as we were petting it. It kept raising its ass up in the air because it was loving the heavy petting so much. It kept banging its head against us, to encourage us to continue the heavy petting.
When we left, we were hoping the cat wouldn’t follow us since we had to cross the street. I know after an intense heavy petting session, cats tend to follow you because they are so satisfied.
So why this whole cat story? Well it was inspired by an email I just received.
The email said, “I met up and took a trip with a guy. At the end of the trip, we kissed and had some heavy petting, but no sex. Then he went back to his country. . .”
Heavy petting? Really?
Are we rubbing each other’s heads like cats? Are we touching each other on that certain spot above the ass, resulting in us sticking our butts up in the air? Are we getting down on all fours and saying stupid things to one another so that the other person will touch us with heavier hands?
Heavy petting just sounds so hot. “God, Sonja and I made out the other night. It was so hot. Then, all of the sudden, we were heavy petting . . . ” Come on now.
Heavy petting is the weirdest term in the world. Who came up with that term?
What ever happened to the term “fooling around?” How about saying that you were caressing each other’s bodies? How about saying that you were sexually touching each other? How about just saying kissing and some great foreplay?
When did we become animals? When did “heavy petting” become a term in our common vocabulary? Let’s talk about that today.
In the meantime, I have to go because my girl is looking at me right now wagging her tail and I need to take her for a walk. Wait, actually I am going to do some heavy petting on Daphne my dog, so that she will be extra satisfied when she pees.
Popularity: 9%
Tags: advice, david wygant, foreplay, heavy petting, Sex, sexy, tips, xxx
Posted in Foreplay & Sexual Communication, Humor & Just For Fun, Sex, Sexual Turn-Ons | 5 Comments »
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