Are you a passive aggressive person? Are you somebody who has a lot of trouble with confrontation? Do you have difficulty telling someone how you feel — whether it’s telling someone you love them, that you want to see them again or even asking somebody out on a date?
Are you a “beat around the bush” person? Mr. Beat Around The Bush is Mr. Passive Aggressive’s brother. He always waits and waits and hopes and hopes for someone to give him confirmation so he can ask them out.
Do you beat around the bush when you’re trying to ask somebody out? Do you say, “So, do you like coffee?” hoping they will respond with “I love coffee. Why don’t we get together for coffee sometime.”
Let me tell you something, Mr. Beat Around The Bush. Doing this is really no different than being passive aggressive.
People in life who beat around the bush and have passive aggressive behavior tend to be the most frustrated people, because they never seem to get their needs fulfilled. They tend to walk away from situations saying over and over, “Oh man, I wish I would have asked her out. I just didn’t get the right signal.”
My question to that guy is, “Why didn’t you ask her out?” The reason is that they beat around the bush and are passive aggressive.
In life, you had better state exactly what you want. You better state what you need and you better be damn proud of it. If you don’t state what you want, you’ll never get what you want.
If you don’t ask that person out and continue to beat around the bush, you’re always going to be frustrated because you never get your needs fulfilled. You’re never going to date the person you want.
Then, when you finally do date people, you will go from Mr. Beat Around The Bush to Mr. Passive Aggressive. This will manifest in your relationship. So stop this cycle now, and stop beating around the bush!
Man, I just don’t know when I’m going to get rid of this jet lag. I have been home now since Friday night, and I am still jet lagged! It’s just ridiculous.
I was gone a long time and it was a great trip. So it was worth every bit of that jet lag.
Today’s podcast is really interesting. It is about the importance of going out and doing things outside your comfort zone to meet women. It’s about the importance of enjoying all sorts of different activities and events.
We have the holiday season coming up soon, and you guys are going to be looking for places to meet women. The truth is, though, that there are many different places you can go to meet women. You can take a pottery class, take a dance class, take a cooking class.
In today’s podcast, I actually give you a list of great places to go and great things to do to meet women. I also tell you why those places and activities are so great. Plus, it never hurts to become more well-rounded and learn some new things.
So check out today’s podcast and hear all about all the great places you’re not going to meet women. Click here to listen now:
Also, if you want to learn more about how to approach and start great conversations with the women you’ll meet going to these places I’m recommending to you, be sure to check out my “20 Ways To Meet Hotter Women Without Pickup Lines” product.
So there’s a trend going around. You may have read about it.
There are a bunch of guys that go around and teach the “you’re beautiful” opener or the “you’re really cute” opener. This opener is being taught to guys who want to authentic and real, and these poor guys are forced to go out and approach 40 women a day saying the same “you’re beautiful” line.
What kind of strategy is this? You could almost just stand in the town square walking around in a circle saying to person after person, “You’re beautiful! You’re beautiful! No, really, you ARE beautiful!”
It is about the most ridiculous line I’ve ever heard in my life. Keep in mind that regardless of how nice sounding the sentence is, it is still a line.
Keep in mind, too, that by saying this line out of the blue to a total stranger you are putting the woman completely on the spot. She may be insecure or not want to hear it . . . but she definitely knows you are bullshitting her. She absolutely does.
Another flaw in this whole “you’re beautiful” routine, is that you have no good means of follow up. So you say “You’re beautiful!” to a woman and she responds “Thank you.” Now what? You have nothing else to say because “thank you” gives you nothing to go on to create a conversation.
Canned lines and routines in general are ridiculous, but this particular one is really bad because all it achieves is to leave you standing next to a woman feeling uncomfortable. I had a client once who had tried this routine, and when I asked him how he felt afterwards he told me, “The conversation didn’t go very far and I had no choice but to abruptly end it. It felt embarrassing – from the first moment and I still felt bad afterwards. It’s not natural.”
Of course starting the conversation with a woman with “You’re beautiful!” is going to feel not natural. It’s an awkward way to start a conversation with a complete stranger.
Also, telling a woman she is beautiful the first moment you meet her isn’t helping you connect with her in any way, and isn’t giving you any information (or potential to create a connection with her.
The only connection you create with a woman by this routine is with her physical appearance. Women already know you like their physical appearance if you walked up to them! They’re not stupid. They know if we’re talking to them it’s because we’re intereseted.
Now, don’t mistake what I’m saying. Of course you need an “opener” when you approach a woman. If you are observant of what a woman is doing, and you are 100% confident and authentic about who you are, then you don’t need to use a canned opener. You will have the right opener every time, and women will chase you all day long.
So many guys get stuck in friend zone with women, and they never get out of it. I’m sure that resonates with many of the guys reading this blog.
I really don’t have women anymore with whom I am just “buddy-buddy.” Now I am not talking about having women friends. I am talking about being just friends with certain women whom I liked as more than friends, but with whom I was just friends because that is all I could be with them.
I used to have women friends like this during my twenties. I was always the dishrag.
They would get into a fight with Joe The Boyfriend, and then they would call me crying and say, “Oh my God, I don’t know what happened…” I’d sit there and listen to them because I would think that something would happen if I just listened and waited it out.
What did happen with those women? Nothing.
They would come over and say, “Can I snuggle with you?” Then we would snuggle as I had a full-on erection, hoping that they either wouldn’t notice or would notice and give me some misery sex or something.
I would also keep hoping that when they would break up with Joe The Boyfriend, that they would then decide to date me. Did that ever happen? Nope. They would break up with Joe The Boyfriend and start dating someone new . . . and I was never that guy.
Eventually I realized that there was a way to escape being stuck in the friend zone. I started to realize that every time I befriended women in another way, things turned out very differently (and with a much more desirable result!).
I began to be the “cool guy” with women I would befriend. I would hang out with them and have fun — maybe take the dog for a walk on the beach or get some coffee — but there was no romantic pressure or talking about the boyfriend. Once I started doing this, I never went back.
I never again sat with one of these women and said, “So what’s your relationship with your boyfriend really about?” I didn’t ask women in text messages, “How’s your boyfriend?”
I knew what the relationship was about, and we didn’t have to talk about it all the time. We might talk about it for five or ten minutes, but then I’d drop the subject.
By being this type of friend — a buddy, but really not a buddy — if she texts you out of the blue six months down the road, then she is still thinking about you.
I remember back when I was single something like this happening to me one time. I received a friend request on Facebook from a real estate agent whom I had asked out on a date months before.
When I first met her, I wrote her an email that said “You know what? I’m very indecisive right now about the house that I want, but one thing I’m very sure about is that I want to get to know you better. Dinner.” She emailed me back saying, “God, I’m so flattered and tempted, but I’m seeing somebody and just can’t right now.”
So months later she added me as a Friend on Facebook (with no message). This meant that somewhere in the back of her mind, subconsciously, she was thinking about me.
So what I did next was to write her a little note on Facebook saying, “How the hell are you? What’s going on? Is that boyfriend protecting you from burglars?” (We had talked when I met her about her house almost being broken into, and I was joking that she needed somebody to protect her).
She responded, “Well, the dog protected me.” That led into a conversation and some consistent contact (and ultimately a date with her as her relationship was on the verge of ending).
So think about the women in your life with whom you might be able to reconnect. How do you be sure to stay out of the friend zone? Be sure that you’re not being used as a dishrag. Be that “cool” guy, and you will never get stuck in that dreaded friend zone.
So you’ve finally got the date for which you’ve been waiting. This is it. This is the woman you’ve been waiting to date for six months. This is the woman you think is going to be with you on the road to boyfriendhood. This is the one you’ve had your eye on, and you don’t want to screw it up. You want to impress her so much that she want a second date, a third date — and much more — with you.
I’m about to give you six easy things you can (and should) do to impress a woman on a date. As you will see, none of these six things involve picking out the right food or the right restaurant.
1.What Do You Know About Her?: So what do you know about this woman you want to impress? What are her likes and dislikes? In order to plan a great date, it has to be something that really interests her. A lot of guys do the standard “take her out to dinner” thing and just hope for the best. In reality, though, that’s just not the right way to do it. You need to think outside the dinner box, and think about something that will show her you thought about her when you planned this date. Picking something that relates to something she likes or in which she’s interested goes a long way.
2.Have A Plan: There’s nothing that turns a woman off more than when you call her and ask her what she wants to do on a date. It’s called listening. It’s about knowing what she likes. If you like her, you will do things that resonate with her, and you will know what (at least some) of those things are because you’ve been listening to what she’s had to say when you’ve talked to her. Also, women like strong, confident men. Women like men who have a plan.
3.Activity Dates Are Great: When you plan your date, do something where you can challenge each other and have fun. Go bowling. Play miniature golf. Go to one of those pottery places where you can paint a mug. Take your dogs for a walk. Go get some ice cream. Instead of just having dinner, take a walk around a lake. Do something that’s casual, fun and no pressure. The problem with going to dinner on a date is that is can feel very high pressure. You are sitting across from each other with nothing to do but watch each other chew and resume swap. Do something more fun than that, and the more child-like the activity the better. Plus activity dates give you lots of easy conversation topics.
4.Have No Expectations: Even though you are so excited to be out with this woman, you really don’t know who she is yet so why have expectations? When you have expectations, you have pressure to make things work. By remaining present on the date and by not thinking ahead to other dates, you’ll actually have more fun (which will give the date a much better chance of being successful). The reason why so many dates go south is because you’re thinking ahead during the date. In reality, though, all a woman wants is the real you. She wants you being present and being engaged in the moment with her. She wants the real you, not the “playing it safe” version of you.
5.Don’t Worry About The Goodnight Kiss: If you both have a good time on a date, then don’t worry about the goodnight kiss. So many times, guys feel like they have to “seal it with a kiss.” So many times, guys will start thinking about the goodnight kiss the entire last part of the date. It’s like it’s the 4th quarter of a football game and they’re planning their comeback, when what they should be doing is just enjoying the play-by-play. When you walk her to her car, just give her a hug or a little kiss on the lips. Don’t worry about the full-blown makeout session. Women love foreplay, and they love to be left wondering about that passionate kiss they will have with you.
6.Follow Up With A Second Date: If you had a good time and she had a good time, then why leave her in suspended animation? Ask her out for a second at the end of the first date, and ask her to do something you both talked about enjoying on the first date. That way, when she goes home and does the play-by-play with her friends, she’s going to say that you’re one of the few guys who didn’t leave her wondering what she did right or wrong on that first date. You will stand out among all the “other guys” she’s met.
As a man, you want to be a leader. You need to remember that women love romantic comedies. They are always looking for that serendipitous moment where a man just knows things about her and takes her to her favorite coffee shop without even having to ask her which one that is. You want to be the leader, not the follower. You want to lead her on a romantic journey. So taking her to a restaurant and watching each other chew just isn’t going to cut it. It’s time to get creative.
I have been painted as one of the “pickup guys.” You hear things about men in general all the time. Men are always on the prowl looking for women. Men cheat on women. Men are only looking for sex. It’s funny how many stereotypes there are out there.
As all of you know and as you all can see, we’ve started to really change some of the focus here on the site. Not only are we trying to teach men how to meet women (and teaching them how to meet women in an authentic way), but we are teaching men how to have great relationships. We are teaching men how to connect with women more deeply when they start dating them. We are teaching men how to really please women sexually.
Women need to know that there are men who want to get married as much as women do, otherwise there wouldn’t be marriages. It’s funny how many women think men are “just after one thing,” when in reality so many men are after the same things women are: love, companionship and friendship. It’s just that men have been painted a different way.
So many of the stereotypes that are out there are just ridiculous. A lot of men think that women are just after them for their money . . . even the men who don’t have any money think women are after them just for their money.
I think it’s time we really stopped with the stereotypes. I can tell you that men who have coached with me are men with whom I would set up my sister. The men I’ve coached are all men I would call friends of mine. We get some really good quality men in here.
It may be true that there are all sorts of men out there who just want to get laid. Guys who come here to this site, however, are guys who are looking to have relationships and to make deeper connections with women. So, ladies, let’s give them some credit.
And if any of the other type of guys are reading today’s blog…..then this video is for you.
Last night, Sonja and I went to something called First Fridays in Venice. It’s where all the merchants on Abbott Kinney stay open late, and it’s like a street party.
It used to be really mellow. You would go meeting interesting people. It wasn’t the hip and trendy scene it’s turned into now. Now, that it’s a hip and trendy scene, you’ve got a bunch of drunk 20-something people all over the place.
What is it about being in your 20s that make you have to get wasted as you can be (and become as rude as you can be)? Look, I’m not some old crabby guy. I’m sure I was rude when I was drunk in my 20s.
In California, though, Marijuana is as easy to get as a bottle of booze. All you have to say is that you have some kind of sickness. You stubbed your toe? Here’s your marijuana card.
All the drunk 20-somethings were pushing and shoving people, but in front of the medical marijuana store it was mellow with people just talking, laughing and having a good time. I’ve said it a thousand times, on every bottle of alcohol there should be this warning:
OVERCONSUMPTION OF THIS SUBSTANCE
MAY CAUSE YOU TO BECOME AN ASSHOLE
I’ve got nothing against people drinking. It’s just, why do the majority of people who drink turn into assholes? I mean, everyone was just walking down the street. There was no reason to push and shove. One person hit Daphne in the ass with their bike pedal, and they didn’t give a shit (or even notice).
European people often say ‘Dumb Americans can’t handle their booze.’ It’s funny, though, because neither can Brits or Irish people. So basically all of Europe except Britain and Ireland can handle their booze and Americans can’t.
It’s funny to watch the smokers as well. In Los Angeles, a lot of smokers are posers. They pose with their cigarettes like an ad from the 1950’s. Let’s see all the wonderful byproducts of smoking:
LUNG CANCER
BAD BREATH
STINKY CLOTHES
EMPHYSEMA
YELLOW TEETH
…and a slew of other amazing things that deteriorate your body on a daily basis. Oh yeah, that’s cool and attractive.
I think the reason why people turn into assholes when they consume alcohol is because their true personality comes out when they drink. I’m not saying the world is full of assholes. I just think people’s social frustrations really come out when they’re drunk.
Pot smokers chill out, have a conversation and enjoy the moment. That is, unless marijuana makes them paranoid. Then they become anxiety-filled.
People who drink are always looking to CTN (chase the night). Alcohol gives you the urgency to be somewhere else so you feel like you’re missing the party, and thus causing you to have the barrel down the street mentality.
Here’s a hint. Think of all the nights you’ve gotten wasted and chased the night. Tell me if you’ve ever gotten where you thought you wanted to be.
This is not an anti-alcohol blog. It’s an anti-bad human behavior blog. In fact, I had a great time last night!
It’s time you realized, though, that alcohol never really enhances the night. It just makes you anxious and gives you a feeling of missing the night (thus creating the CTN effect).
That’s all for today. I’m sure I’ll have more tomorrow, the next day and the day after that.
As for tonight, do something different. Make it your destination. Have fun with the people you’re with and learn how to attract (instead of chase) people into your life. It’s a lot more fun and a lot more satisfying. Not only that, you won’t wake up thirsty and hungover next to someone you wish wasn’t there.
So where do women hide from drunks that are chasing the night.
So do you really want to drink and either meet her or act like this woman.
Do you know what one of my favorite things is to do? It’s when you’re in a relationship and you stay up late at night into the wee hours talking. You guys thought I was going to say something else, right?
Do you know what I like about getting deep and really talking like this? You learn so much about yourself, about your lover and about how to get closer to each other.
I truly believe that in order to make things amazing in your relationship, you need to get down to the core of your behaviors. I’m going to share more about this a future blog.
Right now, though, let’s talk about another conversation. One that is needed for all lovers to share…
You know, it’s really interesting. I was recently talking to a female client who said to me, “David, I’m having this great sexual relationship with a man but I don’t really know how to communicate things. I love what he does to me, but I don’t know how to communicate more with him in bed.”
Then I asked her a list of things to find out what she likes that he does to her, and also told me what he likes to do and the kind of sex they have together. She also told me what she likes that he does.
So I asked her, “Do you tell him this? Do you tell him that you love when he has sex with you in certain ways? Do you tell him that you love when he goes down on you in a certain way? Do you tell him that you love the way he massages your body? Do you tell him any of that?”
She said, “No I don’t.” I told her that as a man, I want to be told those kind of things.
Let’s say I have great sex with a woman or try a new position or something and the next day she tells me how much she loved what I did to her with that new position. What am I going to want to do? I’m going to want to do it again and again in that position. Even if it wasn’t my favorite position in the world, I’m going to want to do it again and again and again.
Why? I want to do that because in these situations I’m fully embracing their wishes and desires. I’m putting it in my memory bank.
Every time each of you put something in your memory bank, what you’re doing is programming each other. I think everyone needs to reprogram their lover in every which way.
You need to forget about the past, and you need to look at your lover and start finding new ways to make love to each other. So, every single time your lover tells you something that they loved sexually that you did, put it in that memory bank and remember it.
You need to encourage the other person. If the other person does something to you one night and it feels great, encourage them. Say, “I love the way you do that…” What happens when you start doing that, is they are going to want to do those things to you over and over again.
Thank that person for giving themselves to you. Don’t expect, but thank that person. Start doing thiss and your sex life is going to go off the charts.
