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Archive for the ‘How To Be A Better Communicator’ Category |
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Monday, August 30th, 2010
I get asked a lot about how am I so good at being impromptu with strangers. People ask me how I am able to so easily and effortlessly communicate with people, and how I am able to take a simple observation and turn it into a conversation.
My response is this: It’s very easy, because I am not censored. I don’t censor myself.
I basically see something and I walk right over to it. It’s almost like when you were a little kid and you first learned how to catch a ball.
Your dad would be standing there, you would be standing there holding out the glove. Your dad would wind up, and your legs would be shaking as the ball came toward you.
What would you do? You would essentially put the mitt out in front of the ball to try and catch it, or you would cover your face and let the ball hit you in the head (depending on your athletic ability).
In reality, though, all you had to do was allow yourself to react to each pitch as it came toward you. That’s the same thing you have to do with conversation situations.
All I do is allow myself to react to every single situation. I don’t monitor myself. I don’t censor myself. When I see something, I react to it and it comes across as being very genuine.
The problem with most guys is that they’re always over-thinking, trying to figure out what to say or how to say it. By doing that, it never comes across as natural.
You can’t stand there for five or ten minutes before finally spitting out what you hope is the “right thing” to say. It’s so awkward. There is so much apprehension because you spent so much time trying to figure out what the right thing to say is.
There is no right thing to say. It’s the way you own the words and the way you speak. It’s the way you come across.
You can say anything, as long as you say it right away and you say it with authority. When you do that, you are going to command attention. It’s just the way it is.
If you want to really learn this, one of the best things to do is go to any city and look at homeless people. Look at the ones who get attention and who get money. They are the ones who go to people and say, “Hey, you look like you’re having a great day today.” Watch homeless people and learn from them.
Popularity: 9%
Tags: approaching women, dating, david wygant, homeless, how to be a better communicator, how to talk to women, Mindset, understanding women
Posted in How To Be A Better Communicator | 6 Comments »
Tuesday, August 24th, 2010
One of the most important things that all of you can remember when you’re going out and meeting people is that friends are noise. They’re that random email that comes in all day long.
If you’re somebody who sits by your computer answering every email as soon as it comes in and you think you’re being proficient by doing so, you’re wrong. You’re actually not being proficient, because what is really happening is that you are allowing yourself to be at the beck and call of all the noise coming into your inbox.
Every single time you hear a beep signaling a new message has arrived in your inbox, do you know what that is? It’s an intrusion.
It’s basically somebody saying, “Answer me right now!” It’s almost like a two year-old throwing a temper tantrum in a supermarket. If you give into that temper tantrum, you made the biggest mistake in the entire world.
You don’t give the little tyrant a Popsicle, when it’s not time for a Popsicle. You reward the Popsicle when it is time for the Popsicle. Answering that email is basically rewarding somebody for intruding on your life.
If you’re in the middle of doing something and you get an email, it’s called noise. So when you’re going out and meeting people, your friends being with you out there are also noise.
All of a sudden you go and see a woman you’re attracted to and you want to talk to her. If you engage in conversation with your friend about it, your friend is going to be noise. “Ah, man, you can’t approach her right now. It doesn’t look like she wants to talk.” Noise. Negativity and noise.
You’re most efficient when you are by yourself. So when you decide to go out and practice meeting people to work on your social life, it should be like going on a date with yourself.
The most important thing to do is to be by yourself, go out there, and not have anybody judge you. Friends are noise, just like that annoying text or email that comes in.
Why do we have to answer our texts and our emails right away? We don’t.
We also don’t need to drag somebody along when we’re going out trying to meet somebody. So when you guys go out and meet people, do it alone.
Popularity: 4%
Tags: dating, Dating Advice, david wygant, email, friends, sexting, texting
Posted in Dave's Faves, Goals & Aspirations, How To Be A Better Communicator, Money & Success, Pop Culture | 6 Comments »
Monday, August 23rd, 2010
I get asked a lot about how am I so good at being impromptu with strangers. People ask me how I am able to so easily and effortlessly communicate with people, and how I am able to take a simple observation and turn it into a conversation.
My response is this: It’s very easy, because I am not censored. I don’t censor myself.
I basically see something and I walk right over to it. It’s almost like when you were a little kid and you first learned how to catch a ball.
Your dad would be standing there, you would be standing there holding out the glove. Your dad would wind up, and your legs would be shaking as the ball came toward you.
What would you do? You would essentially put the mitt out in front of the ball to try and catch it, or you would cover your face and let the ball hit you in the head (depending on your athletic ability).
In reality, though, all you had to do was allow yourself to react to each pitch as it came toward you. That’s the same thing you have to do with conversation situations.
All I do is allow myself to react to every single situation. I don’t monitor myself. I don’t censor myself. When I see something, I react to it and it comes across as being very genuine.
The problem with most guys is that they’re always over-thinking, trying to figure out what to say or how to say it. By doing that, it never comes across as natural.
You can’t stand there for five or ten minutes before finally spitting out what you hope is the “right thing” to say. It’s so awkward. There is so much apprehension because you spent so much time trying to figure out what the right thing to say is.
There is no right thing to say. It’s the way you own the words and the way you speak. It’s the way you come across.
You can say anything, as long as you say it right away and you say it with authority. When you do that, you are going to command attention. It’s just the way it is.
If you want to really learn this, one of the best things to do is go to any city and look at homeless people. Look at the ones who get attention and who get money. They are the ones who go to people and say, “Hey, you look like you’re having a great day today.” Watch homeless people and learn from them.
Popularity: 6%
Tags: advice, dating, david wygant, how to be a better communicator, how to meet women, how to talk to women, meet women, Mindset, pua
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, How To Be A Better Communicator | 4 Comments »
Thursday, August 5th, 2010
Not too long ago in the blog, we talked about guys who act like an ass in the bar. For any of you who didn’t catch that other blog, I talked about how to deal with the annoying guy (who we’ll call “Mr. Attitude”) who comes and starts talking to a woman you’re talking to in the bar — particularly the guys who try to get the woman to walk away with them.
In that blog, I gave some advice on how to handle that situation, including leaving the decision of whether to stay talking to you or to leave with Mr. Annoying up to her. A few days after I posted that blog, I got an email from a guy who told me he had tried what I said and that it had worked! This guy said what I recommended in that blog, and (not surprisingly) the woman chose to stay with him instead of leaving with Mr. Annoying.
This guy was not just writing to let me know how well this technique worked though. His email went on to say that after the woman rejected Mr. Annoying, he started to try to pick a fight with this guy right there in the bar.
Here’s a guy who just can’t handle that someone else talked to the girl to whom he wanted to be talking. So what do you do in that situation? Here’s exactly what you do.
You take the girl by the hand, look at her and say, “Let’s go sit down over there with some of my friends. I want to introduce you to my crew.” Then you take her by the hand and sit down with your friends, or grab a table if you’re not there with friends.
In other words, you walk away. Mr. Annoying is a bully. You walk away from bullies.
Mr. Annoying is so sexually frustrated in his life, that all he wants to do is fight. Bullies like that are so pissed off that they don’t get what they want, that they go out at night with aggression and ready to fight. So you walk away.
There is power in walking away, because real men will walk away from Mr. Annoying. Less powerful men will challenge Mr. Annoying. They will engage with him.
A powerful man doesn’t do this. You are not only being a powerful man when you do this, but you are also showing that woman that you are a powerful man who has restraint as part of your personality.
That woman is going to admire the fact that you don’t have a temper. Women don’t want to be with a guy like that, because it reminds her of so many other guys she has known in the past.
Men are very testosterone-laden and women don’t want to see that crazy hot-tempered side of you. Women want men who are very even-keeled and can handle all situations.
Do that, and she’s going to look at you as someone with strength. It’s actually probably going to turn her on. The fact that you walked away from the idiot will turn her on, because a lot of guys would have just gone ahead and engaged with him (and maybe even got into a fight with him).
Let me tell you something, if you get into that fight with Mr. Annoying then neither of you would end up with that woman. Both of you would have gone home alone.
The lesson here guys? Walk away.
Click Here to read how to be a powerful man and handle any situation in a way that will set you apart from all the other guys and will attract women to you even more.
Popularity: 7%
Tags: advice, attract women, attracting women, Date, dating, david wygant, how to attract women, how to be a better communicator, how to handle conflict, how to meet women, meet women, meeting women, meeting women in bars, tips, understanding women, when to walk away
Posted in College Dating, How To Be A Better Communicator, Life Style 101, Night Game, Understanding Female Psychology & Mindset | 13 Comments »
Wednesday, August 4th, 2010
So you’re dating somebody with children, and they have a really nasty ex.
How do you deal with that?
How do you deal with the ex when you see them?
We’re going to talk about that in today’s podcast.
It’s a subject into which I’ve never delved and, let me tell you, it’s pretty damn controversial.
This is one podcast you are not going to want to miss . . .
Click here to listen now:
Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast
Popularity: 8%
Tags: advice, Date, dating, dating someone with children, david wygant, dealing with an ex, ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, how to be a better communicator, podcast, tips
Posted in Breakups, Dating Etiquette, Divorce, How To Be A Better Communicator, Marriage, Relationships | 15 Comments »
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010
Let me share with you a very interesting story about the dynamics of interpersonal relationships — friends and lovers. Let’s say your (same sex) friend is dating someone you really don’t like.
You say to your friend, “Look, man, this woman is not good for you. She’s exactly like Mary was. She’s a taker . . . etc etc etc.” When you do that, how does that other person usually respond?
Well, your friend usually listens to you. Then at the end of the conversation, he will say something to you like, “You know, I never looked at it that way” or “You may be right. I’d like to talk about it more.” You don’t get into a fight with him. You don’t yell and scream at each other.
Now compare that scenario to this one. Say your lover comes to you and says, “I really don’t like the way you’ve been lately. You’ve been really cold. You’ve really not been very affectionate. You used to rub my head all the time, and now you don’t.”
Instead of listening to our lover, what do we do? We become defensive.
We say something like, “What are you talking about? I rubbed your head two nights ago. What do you mean I’m not in touch with you anymore? Just the other day I made you breakfast.”
You start listing things you’ve done, which in turn makes your lover feel unsafe. Do you know how hard it is to go to your lover — your partner — and tell them what you told them?
You’re not saying to them, “You really don’t love me.” What you’re really telling them is, “Your behavior has changed a bit, it’s affecting me and our love doesn’t feel full. So I’m sharing this with you because I love you, and I want you to do these things for me because you’re the only one who can. Now I can fulfill my own needs, but it’s so much more beautiful when you take the time out and rub my head or listen to me after a hard day at work.”
The problem is that we get so defensive. We get defensive because we interpret this as, “Damn, they’re not satisfied. They don’t love me anymore.”
We jump to conclusions. Our egos jump into the mix. Our control issues jump into the mix.
We don’t listen to our lover like we listen to a friend. If we listened to our lover like we listened to our friends, then you would be so entwined with each other that there would be none of this type of ‘tit for tat’ arguments.
Those ‘tit for tat’ arguments in which it is a back and forth of ‘you don’t do this’ and ‘well you don’t do that’ never lead anywhere good. You never have those kind of arguments with a friend.
You don’t ever talk this way to a friend. A friend you love, honor and listen to when they have something to say to you.
Because we’re in a relationship, though, we think our partner is complaining about us when they say the same kind of things. In reality, what they are doing is crying out for something that they need and desire. You are the lucky person who is the one who can give them what they truly need, and the person they are able to be open and vulnerable enough to ask to do it.
When you get defensive and don’t do what they are asking of you, you are basically telling them that you are in control. You are really being passive aggressive, and telling them “I’m not going to do these things you want, because I interpret you asking as complaining.”
The truth is that it is YOU they want all along. So the next time your lover comes to you and tells you the things they need and desire — or maybe the things you haven’t done — listen to them.
Write the things down that they tell you, and start doing them the very next day. Then watch and see the love between you blossom even more. Watch them start doing even more things you want for you. Watch your intimacy grow. If you think you’re having good sex now, just wait!
Having trouble keeping the peace in your relationship, and sick of arguing about the same stuff over and over again? Click Here to end this for good, and to reignite the passion in your relationship.
Popularity: 4%
Tags: advice, arguments in relationships, better sex, better sex in relationships, Date, dating, Dating Advice, david wygant, how to avoid arguments in relationships, how to communicate in relationships, how to talk to your partner, Marriage, relationship advice, Relationships, Sex, sexy, tips, xxx
Posted in How To Be A Better Communicator, Marriage, Relationships | 3 Comments »
Monday, August 2nd, 2010
In order to really be able to connect with people, you need to improve your memory. So many times when you’re in a conversation with someone, you fade out and go into “Me World.”
Slipping off into “Me World” during a conversation could happen out of fear or out of disinterest, or it could happen simply because you fail to remain present. At the moment you feel yourself starting to go in that direction, you need to dial yourself back become totally present in that conversation (whether you’re talking or just listening).
It’s a really powerful thing to be able to just listen while staying present. It’s equally powerful to be able to remember things about people after you have a conversation with them.
At the end of every conversation you have with someone, there’s a a couple different ways to remember about the person with whom you were talking and about the things they said to you. One thing you can do is your phone and dictate on the spot four interesting things you learned about them. The other way is to keep a pad and pen with you, and to write those things down manually.
So how would this work? Well say that you were walking down the street and you came upon a mother with her young daughter. You say, “How come you’re not in school?” The little girl tells you it’s her spring vacation. You then learn that the family is going to Mexico for spring vacation and that the little girl has a dog named Max that she’s going to miss when she’s gone.
To work on your memory, at the end of this conversation you would dictate to your phone (or you’d write down), “Met this woman today who has a daughter. She and her family are going to Mexico on spring break. The little girl was so proud of not being in school, and told me all about how she will miss her dog Max while they’re gone.
Do this for thirty days. It’s not that you need to remember all this about these particular people, but by doing this exercise over and over you will train your memory to be better. You can then use this better memory whether it’s when you run into people a second or third time, or whether it’s when you are out there meeting members of the opposite sex.
I did this exercise myself a long time ago. Now I don’t forget anything about anyone, whereas I never used to be able to remember much about anyone I’d meet. Really, I used to remember nothing about people I’d meet.
By doing this exercise, it forces you to remember everything because you’ve made recording these details into almost a responsibility and an assignment. Commit to doing this for thirty days, and you will be so glad you did when you see how much you’ve built up your memory.
Popularity: 8%
Tags: advice, Conversation, Date, dating, david wygant, how to be a better communicator, how to talk to women, talk to women, talking to women, tips
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, Body Language, College Dating, How To Be A Better Communicator | 4 Comments »
Saturday, July 31st, 2010
We don’t talk about one-night stands that often. Let’s talk about them from the women’s side today.
When it comes to one-night stands for women, I say go for it! Go have a one-night stand.
They’re amazing for your sexuality. They’ll make you feel free. You’ll have a blast, and I want you to do it with no guilt.
If you choose to have a one-night stand, just pick a guy and have fun. Don’t judge yourself. Don’t allow your friends to judge you.
Sex is something about which we need to be free and open. We need to stop judging ourselves, and start experiencing ourselves.
To the men, if you have a one-night stand with a woman — if she allows you to have a one-night stand with her — don’t judge her. Just thank her for sharing an amazing night with you.
Give her the option of whether or not to do it again with you. If she chooses you to have a one-night stand, just say “That was a great night. I don’t know if you want to move forward and do this again, but I’d like to.” If she declines, thank her for a great night and make her feel wonderful.
So, if you have a one-night stand with somebody, let the other person feel great about it. They chose you for that one-night stand because they thought you weren’t going to be an asshole at the end of it.
The next time you have a one-night stand, thank the person for a wonderful evening. You never know. You might get another one-night stand with that person a few days later.
Popularity: 7%
Tags: advice, Date, dating, Dating Advice, dating etiquette, david wygant, how to handle a one-night stand, one night stand, Sex, sexy, tips, xxx
Posted in Foreplay & Sexual Communication, How To Be A Better Communicator, One-Night Stands, Sex | 5 Comments »
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