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Archive for the ‘How To Be A Better Communicator’ Category |
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Monday, November 9th, 2009
Are you a passive aggressive person? Are you somebody who has a lot of trouble with confrontation? Do you have difficulty telling someone how you feel — whether it’s telling someone you love them, that you want to see them again or even asking somebody out on a date?
Are you a “beat around the bush” person? Mr. Beat Around The Bush is Mr. Passive Aggressive’s brother. He always waits and waits and hopes and hopes for someone to give him confirmation so he can ask them out.
Do you beat around the bush when you’re trying to ask somebody out? Do you say, “So, do you like coffee?” hoping they will respond with “I love coffee. Why don’t we get together for coffee sometime.”
Let me tell you something, Mr. Beat Around The Bush. Doing this is really no different than being passive aggressive.
People in life who beat around the bush and have passive aggressive behavior tend to be the most frustrated people, because they never seem to get their needs fulfilled. They tend to walk away from situations saying over and over, “Oh man, I wish I would have asked her out. I just didn’t get the right signal.”
My question to that guy is, “Why didn’t you ask her out?” The reason is that they beat around the bush and are passive aggressive.
In life, you had better state exactly what you want. You better state what you need and you better be damn proud of it. If you don’t state what you want, you’ll never get what you want.
If you don’t ask that person out and continue to beat around the bush, you’re always going to be frustrated because you never get your needs fulfilled. You’re never going to date the person you want.
Then, when you finally do date people, you will go from Mr. Beat Around The Bush to Mr. Passive Aggressive. This will manifest in your relationship. So stop this cycle now, and stop beating around the bush!
Tags: advice, beat around the bush, Date, dating, Dating Advice, dating advice for men, dating tips, david wygant, how to ask a woman out on a date, how to ask women out, how to talk to women, meet women, meeting women, passive aggressive, tips
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, How To Ask For A Date, How To Be A Better Communicator | 14 Comments »
Thursday, October 29th, 2009
Do you know what “the magic of a story” is? The magic of the story is remembering that while you might be telling a story for the hundredth time, the woman you’re talking to is hearing it for the very first time . . . and being able to tell it like you’re telling it for the first time.
Recently while I was with some clients, I told a woman a story I’ve told probably at least a thousand times (that’s why the story is so good!). The clients who were with me were shocked when they found this out, and said it seemed like I was telling the story for the first time.
I have such enthusiasm for my stories because I like them. I also know how people will react to them because I’ve told them before.
So how do you tell a great story; how do you tell a story like you’re telling it for the first time? Well, you have to start somewhere in order to learn how to do it.
Pick five or six things that come up over and over again in conversations, and then think of stories that relate to those things. It doesn’t matter what they are about, so long as you enjoy telling them and can do so with passion.
Practice your stories, so they are natural and easy for you to tell. I would suggest that you record all your stories, and then listen to yourself tell them.
As you listen, ask yourself whether you are interesting enough as you tell each story. If you are not, then go back and record them again. Keep listening to those stories over and over again, because those are the stories that are going to come out when you meet people.
Those amazing stories will be what attract women when you talk to them. They love to hear them.
A man who can tell a great story is very intriguing to women. It will show you as a man who is passionate about who he is. A woman will think that if you’re that passionate about yourself and your life, then you will be equally as passionate about her if you start hanging out together.
If you’re passionate about everything that you do – even down to little things like sniffing fruit passionately at the farmer’s market — then women are going to realize how passionate you are about all sorts of things. It’s about living with passion, and it all starts with your stories!
Tags: advice, attract women, attracting women, Date, Dating Advice, dating advice for men, dating tips, dating tips for men, david wygant, how to attract women, how to be a better communicator, how to meet women, how to talk to women, meet women, meeting women, PickUp, pickup artist, Pickup Lines, pua, tips, understanding women
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, How To Be A Better Communicator, Understanding Female Psychology & Mindset | 18 Comments »
Monday, October 26th, 2009
What are the four worst words in the English language? Do you have any idea what they are? They are: We have to talk.
What a powerful phrase that it. It’s never good when anybody says those four words to you. Usually when people say “We need to talk,” they do so lurching at you with a frustrated energy, because no one wants to have the talk that follows the announcement that “We need to talk.”
If you think about it, the reason that you have the “We have to talk” talk before you have the real conversation, is because you’re full of anxiety. What you have to talk about is probably something you’ve been thinking about for weeks, but just couldn’t get yourself to raise with the other person.
Because there has been all this buildup, when you do finally bring it up the tone that is taken is unbelievable. It is never a loving tone.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend ever says to you “We need to talk,” you know it is not good news. If it was good news, you would have heard about it already..
Nobody uses the phrase “We need to talk” to tell someone that they love them. When your boss calls you into the office and says, “We need to talk,” it’s never good.
It’s funny, too, because you could have just been in the kitchen with your boyfriend or girlfriend five minutes before talking about breakfast, then all of a sudden you are hearing “We have to talk.” So you say, “Weren’t we just talking?” and they will say “No, we weren’t having the ‘we have to talk’ talk.”
I don’t have a solution for the “We have to talk” problem, but I can tell you one thing. If you have something good to say to someone, you’ll never preface it with “We have to talk.”
Also, no matter what you have to say to someone — whether it’s something great or telling someone they are driving you up the wall — don’t start it off with “We need to talk.” Start it off with something more loving like, “Hey babe, I want to share something with you about the way I’ve been feeling that I think will really be beneficial to our relationship.” Doesn’t that sound much better than “We need to talk?”
Let’s talk about this. There are so many better ways to start a conversation than, “We need to talk.”
What would the theme music be for ‘we need to talk?’ Maybe the theme from The Exorcist? It must be something ominous sounding. Let me know if any of you have suggestions.
Tags: conversation skills, Dating Advice, dating advice for men, dating advice for women, david wygant, how to be a better communicator, how to communicate, how to have a better relationship, how to talk to boyfriend, how to talk to girlfriend, relationship, relationship advice
Posted in How To Be A Better Communicator, Relationships | 7 Comments »
Friday, October 23rd, 2009
How many of you have gone out there and really tried online dating? I’m talking about going on a site and really hitting it hard.
Do you know about the 80/20 rule in life? In life, 80% of the people fail and 20% of the people succeed.
These success percentages carry over into online dating as well. Do you know why? It is because most people don’t understand exactly what is needed to succeed in online dating. In particular, most guys don’t understand what is needed to succeed in online dating.
First, men who are successful online daters connect with women emotionally. Most guys don’t understand why that is important, and don’t know how to do it if they do.
What most men do is put some pictures up of themselves and then list things in their profile. They don’t create a story in their profile. You need to create some type of store to engender an emotional response in a woman.
For example, let’s say you are someone who has been on vacation in Italy. You could write in your profile, “I love Italy,” but so what? Who cares?
A lot of people would care if you wrote about it in the right way. They would care if you instead wrote this: “On my trip to Italy, I cruised up and down the Positano Coast. Let me tell you something. If you’ve never experienced a sunset in Positano, then you’ve never really experienced a sunset in your life.”
Do you see the difference? The difference is that you’re creating an emotion. You’re creating a feeling. You are creating something inside people that is going to get them really excited.
Another thing you need to realize about online dating is that is it really like a giant bar in the sky. Just because someone didn’t respond to you on Tuesday, September 22nd, doesn’t mean they’re not going to respond to you three weeks later.
They could be dating somebody else, flirting with somebody else, or whatever it might be. So I always tell people to email someone again. The key with this, though, is what you write when you do it.
Don’t cut and paste your first email (or any other email message). Go into their profile. Walk into their life a little bit. Read through it — even read it out loud — until you have an “Aha!” moment and see something that really resonates with you.
Say their profile says, “I love running on the beach with my dog. The funny thing about it is that my dog runs around in circles, and sometimes I think he’s going to get dizzy and pass out.” You have that “aha!” moment because your dog does the same thing.
So you could write an email that has has the subject line, “Wondering what would happen if we ran around…” Then in the body of the email you would write, “…in circles like our dogs. It’s funny, but my dog does the same exact thing and sometimes I wonder how she doesn’t get dizzy. Remember when you were a kid and used to spin in circles until you got dizzy? Maybe we should try that with our dogs one time  ”
What happened what that you related to her by sharing a story about your life that pertained to something in hers. That’s how you get better at online dating. You need to look at it as a conversation.
There’s so many women out there. Take advantage of that and find women with whom you can connect. It’s really important, though, to connect by relating in a a conversation.
Read every email response you get from a woman out loud so you can relate to it like you’re in a conversation with her. Form your responses by thinking how you would respond if she said it to you in a live conversation.
Online dating is really all about a conversation from the beginning. It’s no different than flirting in a bar, at a supermarket or anywhere else.
If you want to learn EVERYTHING about how to succeed at online dating — from how to create an online profile, interpret women’s profiles, how to contact women online, to EXACTLY what to say to intrigue them … as well as what specifically will attract the women online and get their attention, then be sure to check out my video product “Secrets Of Online Dating”
Tags: Date, dating, Dating Advice, dating advice for men, dating tips, dating tips for men, david wygant, how to attract hot women, how to attract women, how to meet hot women online, how to meet hotter women online, how to meet women, how to meet women online, Online Dating, online dating tips
Posted in How To Be A Better Communicator, Online Dating | 7 Comments »
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
Have you ever had a conversation with someone in which you are pouring your heart out about something, and the other person makes an assumption about what you are saying based just on the surface stuff? Let me put out a very simple example of what I’m talking about.
Let’s say you and your significant other are discussing whether or not to go to the beach that day. You say that you are apprehensive about going to the beach, and don’t really want to go. The other person’s immediate reaction is, “You don’t want to go to the beach with me.”
Now, I know the beach isn’t the best example, but stay with me here. The other person didn’t hear the part where you said you almost drowned in the ocean as a kid. The other person didn’t hear about how frightened you are of the water.
So even though you’re telling the other person all this information so they will understand your background, and so that maybe you can open up about wanting to try and go in the water again, the other person makes an assumption about what they think you are saying.
A lot of people in life are “assumers.” Assumers always assume the worst because that is the way people have always treated them. It is the way they have always been treated by everyone in their mind.
They have always been rejected, or they will reject themselves before anyone else can reject them. This is what happened in the beach example above. The other person rejected themselves very quickly, and didn’t stop to really listen to the the real meaning behind the words being said to them.
They have not been able to get really deep with themselves. So many of you do this over and over again when it comes to meeting members of the opposite sex.
You don’t approach someone because you either look for a certain “sign” that you don’t get, or you get what you perceive to be a negative sign. You’ll think, “Oops, they looked in the other direction, so that means they don’t want to be approached. They don’t find me attractive and just rejected me.” All that from someone looking in the other direction?
You are always looking for the negative because you are a negative person and negativity is your comfort zone. That is what you are used to, i.e., being rejected or assuming the worst.
I have a friend who is like this. If I don’t immediately call them back or answer an email from them, they assume there is something wrong. They assume they did something wrong.
The truth is that I didn’t answer an email because I was busy. The truth is that I didn’t call them back because I didn’t have my phone on me over the weekend. I’ve told this friend over and over that I don’t carry my phone on the weekends because (1) I’m not a doctor and (2) I find the phone obnoxious during my time away from things. No matter what, though, this person assumes there is something wrong.
They will ask me, “What did I do? What did I do wrong? Are we back in the non-communication mode?” This person reacts because of the way that people have treated them their entire life, and they can’t see past it no matter what I say to them.
They don’t want to see past it. They don’t want to listen to the depth of what I’m telling them, because all they do is hear what they are used to hearing.
They are used to that rejection. They are used to feeling that way.
It is really time you listened outside of your comfort zone, and really listen fully to what someone is saying when they talk to you. If you are someone who has trouble really processing this in your life, then I have a great exercise to help you.
When you have a conversation with someone, write down bullet points of everything you hear. Instead of immediately reacting, take time to really review the conversation and change you pattern.
You pattern will never change until you do this. I know because I am a reactor too. My mother taught me how to react.
The minute someone says something negative, I used to react and say “Aha! I knew you felt this way. I knew it!” We do this because it makes us vulnerable to change our ways and this pattern.
If someone is constantly saying to you that you are assuming things in what they say that just aren’t true, then it’s time to change the way you do things. It’s time you learn to listen outside your comfort zone.
You need to step up and realize the things that you bring upon yourself. It’s really, really important to do that. When you do, you will live a better and more enlightened life.
You want to live a more enlightened life and really feel someone’s energy, instead of always focusing on the negative things they might say. If you focus in on negative things, it’s because you’re a negative person.
You’re not somebody who really wants to grow. Even though you say you want to grow and even though you say you want to make changes, you have a hard time doing it because you don’t follow what you’re saying.
So, look into your life. Look deeply into your life. If you’re somebody who has really been focusing in on the negative and only hearing what you want to hear, then you are missing the entire conversation. You are missing an amazing npart of what another person is giving you — the gift of themselves and the friendship you could really have — all because of this neurosis.
Tags: Date, dating, Dating Advice, dating advice for men, dating advice for women, dating tips, david wygant, how to be a better communicator, how to listen better, how to talk to men, how to talk to women, Marriage, Rejection, relationship advice, Relationships
Posted in How To Be A Better Communicator, Marriage, Mindset, Rejection, Relationships | 9 Comments »
Sunday, October 18th, 2009
A client of mine recently asked me a great question. He asked me, “How do you stay in your own reality? How can you keep your own frame of reference and not get sucked into the reality of the person we want to meet?”
After asking my client to elaborate more on what he meant, I understood that what he was asking was how to keep control of situations instead of letting situations control you. He wanted to know how to not let intimidation get in your way when you want to meet someone.
I told my client that it all starts with the way you approach. You have all heard me talk over and over again about the power of observation. So the first and most important thing to do is always to observe what a woman is doing so that you can frame the conversation based on your own enthusiasm.
Let’s say that you go to a book store and you see an absolutely stunning, beautiful woman browsing in the travel section of the store. Let’s also say that you are very interested in travel and have traveled extensively, so approaching that woman should be quite easy and comfortable.
If you don’t stay in your own reality, though, you can risk not controlling the situation and letting the situation control you. Because the woman is so beautiful, you may want to open her as quickly as possible. You may not take the extra five or six seconds to realize she is standing in the travel section.
A lot of men in this situation panic, and all they focus on is the thought “I’ve got to approach, I’ve got to approach, I’ve got to approach…” While I would agree that you should approach, you should not do so until you are armed with the necessary information to do so. Taking those extra five or ten seconds to really observe what is around you is arming yourself with that necessary information.
Men will often be totally focused on what they can think of to say and will often miss something easy, comfortable and obvious they could say based on what is going on around them. So you need to take those extra five or ten seconds and observe before you approach. It will be well worth it when you see how much more successful (not to mention easy and comfortable) your approaches will be.
Think about what is in her mind at that moment. Is the woman in our hypothetical looking at a particular book? In what section of the book store is she browsing? If she is in the travel section, maybe she is looking for a book about the place to which she is about to travel (or a place to which she would like to travel).
What you’re doing is playing the odds. You are playing the odds based on what she’s already thinking, though, which means that you’ll be in control of the conversation.
This is precisely what most guys do not do when they approach. Most guys go in too quickly.
The reason why these “too quick” approaches don’t usually end up so well, is that you are not starting a conversation based on what the woman is already thinking. You are not getting inside her head.
Don’t go into the approach too quickly simply because you want to get it over with. Don’t rush the approach.
The more you train your mind to be observant by taking those extra ten seconds, the quicker your mind will begin to do that on its own. Don’t worry about getting faster, though, and just work on the observation skill and on not rushing your approaches.
As with everything else I teach you, whatever happens in any approach you should never beat yourself up. Remember that you learn from each experience, and there will always be another opportunity. Working on this observation skill, however, will help to make more and more of your approaches successful.
Tags: advice, approach, approaching, approaching girls, approaching women, Dating Advice, dating advice for men, david wygant, how to approach, how to approach women, how to meet women, how to pickup women, how to talk to girls, how to talk to women, meet hotter women, meet women, PickUp, pua, tips
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, How To Be A Better Communicator | 6 Comments »
Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
Can we please have the last ten seconds of the Jets game played over please? On a positive note, it looks like Brayon Edwards can catch again.
It’s funny when you see a great player playing on a bad team who just quits. Randy Moss did it when he played for the Raiders, and now look at how Braylon Edwards looks since he’s come to the Jets. I guess it just goes to show that athletes are human, and don’t want to be chosen by bad teams.
Remmber when you were a kid and you were playing a game which involved picking teams, and you got chosen by the bad team? Remember how you felt (and sometimes how you acted afterwards)? Men never grow up I guess.
Now on to today’s blog . . .
Let’s talk about how bad you want it. I get so many emails from people who say, “But David, you’re a natural at this! I am not a natural and I need routines.”
What I always tell people who write things like this to me, is that I wasn’t always a natural at this stuff. Do you think I was born doing this? I was nervous as hell in the beginning!
The reason I can coach all of you, is that I’ve experienced every emotion that you guys are going through right now. I know what it feels like to have my heart beat right through my shirt. I know what it feels like to have a quivering lip as I approach some girl sitting at a table. I know what it’s like to have all that monkey chatter in your head.
Some of these feelings are just the natural emotions of life, but this idea of being a “natural” is something we’ve talked about many times before. Many professional atheletes are “naturals,” but that doesn’t mean that you can’t do what they do. You just have to workk harder at it in order for it to become natural to you.
If you put the time into anything in life — whether it’s into meeting women, singing, cooking or whatever — over time your skill will develop and it will become natural for you. The reason I seem like a natural at what I do is only because I’ve been doing it for so long.
With practice, all of you will get to the point where you are naturals. The real question is: How bad do you want it?
Now, granted, some of you will find parts of this that you are far better at than others. For example, if you take me into a bar I am pretty unnatural. I’m so uncomfortable! I don’t enjoy being in a bar and I’m not having fun when I’m in one, so I am always totally in my head when I go to one. I’m just bored.
Take me to a store or out on the streets, however, and I have a million things to talk about with everyone. I can walk in any store, anywhere, and I can talk to people because there are always things I find interesting.
The way to become a natural at something is to go out and do things that you’re interested in, so that you’re able to keep up good conversations. This will also build up your confidence.
I’ve met guys who are naturals in bars. Do you know why? They are big drinkers. They can talk about booze nonstop.
I’m a natural in the market, because I eat at Whole Foods twice a day! I know the menu like the back of my hand. I’m able to work that place and talk to people there, because I always have topics to talk about there.
I had a client one time that was a wine connoisseur. So he expanded his social network by going to wine tasting parties and stopping in wine shops on Saturday afternoons. There he met other wine people, and he developed a social network with these people and he started having wine tasting parties.
I told him to collect the cards of the people he met in the stores and then we set up our own little wine tasting parties. Of course, the men and women he met brought friends to these parties. That’s how he was successful meeting women. That was his hobby.
The best way to meet people is by doing things that you love. You’ll rarely meet people doing something that you don’t love.
If you want to become a natural, you absolutely can. You just have to ask yourself, “How bad do I want it??”
Tags: attract women, attracting women, braylon edwards, Date, date advice, dating, david wygant, hot to talk to women, how to attract women, how to be a natural, how to be good with women, how to flirt, how to meet sexier women, how to meet sexy women, new york jets, oakland raiders, randy moss, sexy women
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, How To Be A Better Communicator, Mindset | 11 Comments »
Saturday, October 10th, 2009
I can’t believe it’s week 5. Week 5 in the NFL season, and I’m 12-1 in my picks so far.
My football record stands on its own at 12-1. 12-1 is pretty good I think. The Titans are my only blemish. So, with that, I am going to go out on a limb and tell you which teams I’m picking this week
 .
The Giants are going to dominate over the high school quarterback led Oakland Raiders. The Vikings will be victorious over the Rams and its equally inept quarterback. Really, the Rams aren’t rams at all; they’re more like goats.
The Ravens will beat the Bengals. I’m not buying all the hype about the Bengals yet.
Here’s another tough pick. The Eagles will beat the Buccaneers. Let me tell you, Jon Gruden is laughing every single day. They fired him? Are you kidding me?
Braylon Edwards will catch a pass and lead the Jets to a victory over the finless Dolphins. The Patriots will win big.
Denver is going down this week. Is that not the worst 4-0 team you’ve ever seen?
Dante Culpepper will wish he was still on the bench after the Steelers destroy him on Sunday. As for the Buffalo vs Cleveland game, really who cares? It’s not even worth predicting.
As for Dallas, Tony Romo better start learning that finding the end zone is not as easy as finding one of his celebrity girlfriends. Maybe he should go back and run one of his family’s rib businesses. Tony Romo notwithstanding, Dallas will squeak a win out this week.
What is it about ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends? They seem to somehow know the exact wrong time to text you.
Here you are, about to have sex with your partner, and all of a sudden there it is. You hear that certain beep telling you that you have just received a text message.
You think to yourself, “Oh man, who is texting me? It’s really late. Who is texting me?” You get nervous about those 1:00 a.m. texts that come in.
It’s nerve-racking, because the only one who should be texting you at 1:00 a.m. is the person with whom you are laying in bed at that very moment. So you keep wondering who texted, until you can’t stand it anymore and you instinctively check your phone like Pavlov’s Dog.
At first you are relieved and you think, “Whew! Thank God it’s not me.” Then all of a sudden you notice that it is your partner’s phone that is blinking. You both have the same “beep” for incoming text messages, and the beep that you heard is theirs (not yours).
Now you think to yourself, “Oh man, I know EXACTLY who just texted them. It’s the ex.”
So here you are laying in bed, either just about to have sex or just having had great sex, and you have to have “the ex talk.” You may have already had the ex talk before several times. When that ex intrudes into your personal space at 1:00 a.m., however, that ex talk goes into a whole other dimension.
You will lay there wondering what your partner is thinking and feeling. You will want to know what the emotions are that they are experiencing, and how they are feeling at that moment about their ex.
Ex’s are a very powerful influence in a relationship. Even though you are with somebody new and you are sharing amazing feelings together, you will still wonder what your partner is thinking and feeling about their ex when a text comes in like that.
You tell yourself that you are not going to let your paranoid mind take over. After all, it is you who is laying next to then (and not the ex). You are the one with whom they are now hanging out and sharing feelings.
Regardless, you have that ex talk right there and then at 1:00 a.m. You are wondering about it, and your partner really needs to let out whatever is on their mind about it.
You need to be 100% okay with whatever they say, because the topic needs to come up and your partner needs to get out what is on their mind. Eventually, your partner is going to need to confront the ex issue, because at some point the ex needs to stop holding on to whatever part of that old relationship to which they are clinging.
The key is that your partner needs to feel that there is an open space where they can talk to you no matter what is going on and no matter what they have to say. They need to feel like they can talk to you anytime and about anything, because building a relationship is all about open lines of communication. That is the only way that two people are going to get close.
I am always fine with the ex talk because I like clean slates. Both people need to have clean slates when you’re in a relationship, and sometimes you need to clean those slates together to get there.
You’ve got to deal with things. Relationships are all about supporting one another.
Tags: baltimore ravens, better relationships, braylon edwards, buffalo bills, celebrity girlfriends, cincinnati bengals, cleveland browns, communication skills, conversation skills, dallas cowboys, dante culpepper, Date, dating, Dating Advice, dating advice for men, dating advice for women, dating tips, david wygant, denver broncos, detroit lions, ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, football, how to deal with your ex, how to talk about your ex, jon gruden, miami dolphins, Minnesota Vikings, new england patriots, new york giants, new york jets, nfl, oakland raiders, philadelphia eagles, pittsburgh steelers, relationship advice, Relationships, st. louis rams, tampa bay buccaneers, tips, tony romo
Posted in How To Be A Better Communicator, Relationships | 7 Comments »
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