Do you suffer from boring dates?
Do all your dates seem to go nowhere fast?
Let go over how to never have a boring date again.
I decided to record this for you all today instead of a podcast enjoy!!
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Are Your Dates Boring?
Wednesday, July 21st, 2010Why I Don’t Drink Alcohol . . . And Why Maybe You Shouldn’t Either
Monday, July 5th, 2010I got a great email today from a friend of mine. In his email, he asked me why I don’t drink alcohol.
The real reason why I don’t drink alcohol is because the sugar content in it makes my stomach feel funky the next day. I really don’t like to feel funky because one of my favorite things to do is eat.
Also, the temporary buzz I get from alcohol (which is very temporary) isn’t worth how it makes me feel the next day. If I have a glass of wine, I might feel a little more relaxed for about 12 to 14 minutes. That’s about it. The buzz doesn’t really last that long for me.
The taste of wine is good, but not worth the after effects that I experience. That’s the only reason I don’t drink.
It’s interesting though. There are a lot of people who do drink alcohol, and a lot of people whose personality totally change when they do. Last night we witnessed the annoying change of personality due to booze.
We live on the beach near the fireworks show and all night all we heard was loud drunk obnoxious people who could not handle there booze. They screamed and yelled like a pack of wild 5 year olds on a sugar high.
They lost all concept of manners and this drunken stupor not only sounded awful but you know really is not much fun.
You know how there is the Surgeon General’s warning on packs of cigarettes advising you that smoking is dangerous to your health? Well I’ve always thought there should be a warning label on bottles of booze that says this: “Warning: Consumption of this substance may turn you into an annoying, loud, obnoxious asshole.”
So here’s a tip for all of you who drink . . .
If the day after you drink people tell you that you were really rude, loud or obnoxious the night before, then I think you should stop drinking booze. Remember, you only have one chance to make a first impression.
You may think that you need alcohol to loosen you up when you go to a party. If drinking alcohol turns you into a loud, annoying and obnoxious drunkard, though, then everyone at that party who sees you act that way will think that is what you are like all the time. Even if you are the sweetest and most amazing person otherwise, people will label you loud and obnoxious if that is how they first see you acting.
So how do you get when you drink? I know some people who have a drink, and you’d never know it. My best friend can have ten drinks and talk to everyone in the room, and no one would suspect he’s had a lot to drink.
I’ve met other people who have only one or two drinks, though, and that turns them into a totally different person. Another friend of mine used to have three or four drinks, and Mongo would come out. He’d start drooling a little bit. His words would slur. He became a totally different person.
So start asking your friends how you act when you’re drinking alcohol. Alcohol unfortunately tends to give a lot of people temporary Alzheimer’s where they forget if they were loud, obnoxious and being an asshole.
So it’s time you started looking into your drinking, and finding out what type of person you become when you drink. If you become that annoying person when you drink, you may be turning off a lot of people without realizing it.
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Happy 4th America Its Time To Grow Up!!
Sunday, July 4th, 2010There’s a woman I know who every 4th of July really thinks that if she gets the right spray tan and hits the right party, that she might finally meet the right man. This woman cruises every party. She meets some really interesting people, but even at her advanced age she just can’t seem to get it right.
Maybe it’s all the lingering issues this woman has in her head. Maybe it’s all her excuses that’s holding her back. If she could just along with others, then maybe life would be better. If this damn recession wasn’t happening, then maybe people would feel better about her.
Then there’s all the constant bickering she has with Iran, Iraq and North Korea. I mean, really, at this advanced age don’t you think she would have known that picking fights and taunting and teasing people doesn’t work? Don’t you think her mother would have taught her how to embrace her enemies?
You’d think on this day — her birthday — she’d be more reflective. I mean, 234 years old and still making the same mistakes!
234 years old and she’s still not meeting the right people at the right parties. Do you know why? It’s because people like you and I are running the place. Not only that this lady allowed a Brit by the name of Tony Hayward to destroy an entire part of our country.
This lady still shares a part of her with some very evil corrupt company.
You would think this lady has at least glanced at this blog and learned something!
People make mistakes. So the next time you get pissed at the government, about a war, or about whatever it is about the country that upsets you, realize that it’s just people making the wrong choices and decisions. But there is no 4th of July party for BP! Its time we really looked deep at what is important in this country and started preserving the earth so future generations can enjoy it as well.
If today when you’re at the 4th Of July barbecue the woman you want to meet doesn’t talk to you, are you going to create a war? If that woman doesn’t talk to you, are you going to blame the recession?
If a man doesn’t approach you today even with your beautiful spray tan, the ten pounds you’ve lost and with you looking great in your bathing suit, are you going to think he’s hiding nuclear weapons? If he is, you may want to find out quickly, because who knows what kind of 4th of July orgasm he can bring.
So today when you’re watching the fireworks and searching for a great party, cut yourself some slack. Our beautiful lady is turning 233 years old today and she still screws up, and I guarantee you will too.
You will leave one barbecue to search out a bigger, better barbecue. Then the next day you’ll hear how the barbecue you left turned out to be THE barbecue of the summer. You missed that barbecue because you left to go hang out at the summit.
I guarantee that today one of your friends will become too drunk and will get annoying. You will get hounded by someone who will tell you their name no less than seven times. Someone will fart in the middle of the party and you’ll have to embrace the fumes.
Today when you’re searching for perfection, realize that the country you live in is far from perfect . . . and that is what makes it such a great place to live. So have fun today at whatever party you attend. Stop searching for the perfect 4th of July. Cut yourself some slack and relax. You’ll have a much better time!
Today we’re going to an imperfect party with imperfect cooks, and we’re going to have a great time. The truth is that this great country turning 233 years old today cannot control the way your life is; only you can control that.
So Happy Birthday America! Also, remember, don’t look for the BBQ, i.e., the “bigger, better barbecue,” because when you wake up I guarantee you’ll find out you missed the best party.
They say “love the one you’re with.” I say love the party you’re at . . . cause it’s all you’ve got!
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Summer Rules
Wednesday, May 26th, 2010Memorial Day weekend is coming, and with it the start of an amazing summer for you.
I’m sure you’ve all got plans. I’m sure you all have the mindset that it’s going to be a great summer, because summer is the time when people are friendlier and you can meet people.
Have you ever thought about this though: Wherever you are, there you are.
Think about that for a second as you’re listening to today’s podcast.
This podcast is going to really explore the truth about what your summer is really going to look like, unless you work on this one important thing . . .
Click here to listen now:
Click Here To Download The Podcast Now!
P.S. Keep an eye out on your inbox tomorrow as I have some exciting news about a new product I’ve been working on!
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Are You Insane?!
Sunday, April 4th, 2010Happy Easter to all of you!!
Figured you may appreciate a good laugh after hanging with the family all day.
Hope the Easter bunny treated you well, and you enjoyed those gooey gross Cadbury Easter Eggs!
You know what’s funny? Ideas come at the weirdest times.
Recently I was about to jump into a spin class. Spin class is where you go absolutely nowhere on a stationary bike for 45 minutes. It’s fun though, especially when they yell “hill!” and you get to climb up a hill that’s not really a hill and it’s always the same person in front of you.
Anyway, as I was getting ready for class — adjusting the seat on my bike, listening to the music — I hear these two girls next to me talking. One of them says, “Are you insane?!”
I love that term. I’m waiting for someone to answer that question and say, “Yes, I’m schizophrenic with a borderline personality” or “No, I have Tourette’s Syndrome — f^*k sh*t bitch!”
Are you insane?! I mean, what a weird thing to say.
What would the person say if someone answered that question and said, “Actually I’m manic depressive right now. I forgot to take my meds today.”
Some of the phrases in life are just so bizarre. Are you insane? “Yes, I’m absolutely certifiably crazy. I just went to a shrink and she said I was a schizo.”
It’s so funny the phrases that become part of our vocabulary. What are your favorite phrases that people use that really should have a funnier response than just “yes?”
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What Are You Giving Up . . . Or Is It Lending Time?
Monday, February 22nd, 2010You know, I heard it’s Lent right now. No, it’s not the play Rent. It’s Lent.
Being Jewish (oh my God, did I shock anyone with that?), I don’t really know too much about Lent. I am actually not really a religious person. I am a spiritual person who believes in spirits. I have no idea in what I believe, but that is a topic for another day’s blog.
Anyway, I heard it’s Lent right now for all the Christian folk out there. Do you know what the Jewish version is of Lent? It’s called Lend. That is the time when we go to our banker, borrow some money to start a new business or build up a current business, and then we have forty days to pay it back.
I understand that you have to give something up during the forty days of Lent. So I was thinking about what I could give up for Lent.
I was thinking of giving up my life for Lent. No, I’m not going to kill myself. I’m just going to give up my life to someone else. Does anyone want it?
Does anyone want to be me for forty days and forty nights? We can trade lives. I’ll be you and you can be me.
You can be a dating expert and give relationship advice. You can yell at my employees. You can walk my dog. You can drive my car — actually, no, you can’t do that.
There are some limitations. As I said, you can’t drive my car. You also can’t have sex with my girl.
In exchange, I get your life for those forty days and forty nights. Let me tell you something, I would love to get inside some of your heads and totally change your mindset. Give me forty days inside your body and your mind, and your life would be very different when you got it back on Easter.
So for Lent, I may give up my life. Then again, maybe I won’t. I may give up something else.
Maybe I’ll give up sex for forty days and forty nights. If I did, I think my balls would be as big as a rat’s by the end of it. So I think sex is something I won’t give up for Lent.
I would give up drugs, but I don’t do them anymore. I’ll give up alcohol. Yes, that sounds like a great idea . . . except that I don’t drink. What about smoking? No, I don’t smoke either.
I could give up driving. Nah, I live in Los Angeles so if I gave up driving I would be stuck!
How about if I give up speaking to my mother for forty days? I could do that, and in fact I think I have done that during certain parts of my life. Yes, I have been a bad son at times.
How about if I give up reading ESPN online? Football is finished, and I really don’t care about any of the sports that are being played between now and Easter anyway. I couldn’t care less about basketball, and baseball is a yawn-fest of 162 boring games.
Let’s see what else I can give up for Lent. I just don’t know. I’m trying really hard to think of something.
I could give up giving advice for forty days and let you guys write the blog. No, I don’t think so.
How about I give up getting aggravated at all the L.A. drivers, and promise to just smile at all of them and give them love? Not sure I can make it for forty days doing that.
Do any of you have suggestions of anything I can give up for Lent? Maybe I should just become Jewish again and go back to celebrating Lend. Then I can just borrow some money, pay it back in forty days and see what happens.
Well, that’s my version of Lent. What’s your version of Lent?
This blog has sounded like an Andy Rooney segment. So this is Andy saying goodbye and happy Lent.
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A Different Take On Valentine’s Day
Sunday, February 14th, 2010You know, I’m not going to write that much about Valentine’s Day. What I am going to say about it is along the lines of what I talked about in Wednesday’s Podcast.
There is one big Valentine’s Day lesson I want all of you to learn. It is about how to make Valentine’s Day exciting for both sexes.
How do you do that? It’s very, very simple.
Men are extremely visual. Why do you think a lot of men go out and get their girlfriend lingerie on Valentine’s Day?
Women want to feel romanced. They do not necessarily want Valentine’s Day to just be dinner reservations. They want men to come up with something creative.
So to make Valentine’s Day exciting for both sexes, both sexes have to be thinking about what the other one wants.
If you are the woman, you can have a visual surprise for the man. It could be lingerie. I heard about one woman who dressed up as cupid for her man and shot him with an arrow.
It’s all about the visual of seeing you in a different light — seeing you in something sexy. It’s realizing that you have something sexy in store. You could maybe rub oil all over each other or whatever it might be.
What you want to do is something different than what he sees on February 13th and February 15th. It’s that simple.
For the men, you need to understand that what women really want is for you to just make a little extra effort on that day. That’s all, just a little extra effort.
Instead of just buying flowers, come up with something like I talk about in the podcast. You could do a home picnic. Maybe light some candles all over the house.
It’s really all about really creating a different and romantic experience for her, so she feels like you went the extra distance that day to make her feel just a little more special. It’s not about the gift; it’s about the act of showing love. That’s really what does it for women.
So men are visual and women feel the act of love. The sexes are really very simple, but yet both sexes seem to screw up Valentine’s Day on a regular basis. Why? For no reason except ego.
The men don’t like Valentine’s Day. They think it’s too commercial; it’s a “Hallmark holiday.” They don’t see the need for Valentine’s Day because they feel like they show their love every day.
The women in turn don’t understand the need to make Valentine’s Day fun for the men. When you wake up in the morning, come out of the bathroom wearing a sexy little nightgown (instead of your old bathrobe) and put on some mood music. Do something to stimulate his visual side.
Play off each other’s wants and desires. It’s that simple. Play off each other’s innate personality traits on Valentine’s day and you both will have a more phenomenal day than you ever imagined.
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Hallmark Missed Men’s Biggest Holiday
Friday, February 12th, 2010The Super Bowl was a great game this year. I really enjoyed it. I was pretty amazed at the way things went down. Well, actually, I wasn’t. You know me, I’ve been a good football predictor all year.
Do you realize that Super Bowl Sunday is the man event of the year? Now, I know a lot of women also watch it and enjoy it, but this is a man’s event.
This is an “Oh my God, why doesn’t Hallmark have a line of Super Bowl cards?” type of important event to men. This is a day that a man wishes his girl could find a card to give him that says:
To My Honey On This Super Bowl Sunday…
Enjoy it even though I know I know your team is not in it.
Enjoy it even though you are neutral.
May your love of the game outweigh your sadness that the Jets lost in the Championship Game.
So may this Super Bowl XLIV be a special day for you.
Imagine if Hallmark did it like that. Hallmark is missing Super Bowl cards. That would be amazing.
Do you know what Super Bowl cards would be? They would be for men the equivalent of a woman getting a Valentine’s Day card.
Not only that, there should be Super Bowl gifts like there are on Valentine’s Day. You could buy your man some man-lingerie. Think about it. You could get him a tighter fitting NFL Jets jersey (or a jersey from his favorite team) and some matching New York Jets underwear. It would be the equivalent of women’s lingerie.
Can you imagine that on Super Bowl Sunday? The man wakes up to a present of some great man-lingerie. There it is . . . his favorite team’s logo on some tight shirt and shorts that he can wear and show off his muscles to you.
Then maybe there could be other gifts to go with the man-lingerie. How about some Jets Soap On A Rope? Perhaps some New York Jets cologne.
Who knows what could be created to celebrate this most amazing of man days? I’m telling you, the NFL and Hallmark missed a huge day, because men all over the world could have been getting cards and man-lingerie from women.
Here’s the thing. Valentine’s Day is women’s Super Bowl Sunday.
It is so many men’s failure to see Valentine’s Day this way that causes them to put no effort into it and make lame reservations. It also causes them to not understand how doing that leaves women feeling really disappointed.
Picture you as a man meeting your girlfriend at your annual Super Bowl party with all your friends, and she shows up with a can of cheap bean dip (instead of actually making the amazing bean dip from her Grandmother’s recipe). How could she do this to you on your special day?
Well that is the same type of feeling a woman gets when you make lousy reservations or lame plans for Valentine’s Day. So all of you men need to think about Valentine’s day this year.
I also know that some of you are not in the “Valentine’s Day Mode” because you do not have a girlfriend or a date on Valentine’s Day. So instead of being depressed and angry that you don’t have a date, call one of your friends and say, “Let’s do a Valentine’s Day pub crawl” or “Let’s have an anti-Valentine’s Day party. But here is the rule: Everybody has to invite a new person who is single and that no one in the group knows.”
This way, you can have a great time and expand your social network at the same time. You know I talk all the time about important this is to do.
I talked more about this in this week’s podcast. If you missed it, you can listen to it HERE.
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