Now it’s been a while since I wrote anything about bars and clubs.  To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve been out to any clubs.  But I’m going to be out on the town this weekend with some friends, so I figured I’ll put you guys in the right mindset with a question that comes from an email I got last week:

Hey Shogo,

Thanks so much for the coaching call yesterday, I got some great advice out of it and can’t wait to put it to use.  One question.  Could you help me out with cock blocks in a bar or club, they can be very annoying and ignorant I find and I’ve been cockblocked now and again.  So what could ya say to the guy to stop?

J, Ireland

Hey J,

Here’s how I feel about cock blocking.  I never get cock blocked.  It just doesn’t happen to me. So what that means is that cock blocking has nothing to do with another guy being an asshole, swooping in and taking “your” woman.  It’s got everything to do with YOU.  You can learn all the quick and witty comeback lines and banter you want to be prepared for a so-called cock block, but it’s not going to stop it from happening to you.

Because cock blocking only happens to certain types of guys.  And it happens to them over and over again.

Guys who are very hesitant about expressing themselves to a woman.  Guys who don’t claim their space.  Guys who keep their distance and are afraid to get close out of fear that he’s offending her or coming across as “giving her the wrong idea”.

When you do that, other guys will notice it and see that there is no chemistry there.  Maybe you just look like friends.  Maybe a guy is an asshole, and sees an opportunity there to come in and take her away.  In any case, she’s clear for the taking to any other swinging dick who walks by.

Cock blocking happens to guys who don’t intrigue women.  If she is interested in you and the conversation you are having, she will stand there and listen to everything you have to say.  When she’s not into you, her eyes will start darting across the room, hoping for her friend or some other more interesting guy to come rescue her.

When that starts happening, you’re done. Nothing can save you.  She’ll pray for someone else to come join the conversation.  She’ll be totally open to starting a conversation and flirting with another guy who’s around her.  And a guy who sees that will jump right in.  Sometimes she’ll start a conversation with another guy.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone up to the bar to get a drink, and a girl standing there will turn and start talking to me while another guy was just in mid-conversation with her.

Then I’d look over her at the poor guy’s disillusioned face and give him a little shrug.  Does that make me a cock-block?  Does that make me an asshole?  No.  It means she was bored to death with the other guy and wanted talk to me instead.  It means the other guy needed some coaching—not on how to deal with cock blocks, but on how to keep her intrigued.  Because I’m no better than the guy who just got shoved out of the picture.  But I’m much better in conversation.

Cock blocking happens to guys who don’t claim their own space and walk over with confidence and start great conversations with women everywhere they go.  Cockblocking happens to guys who talk to one or two women a night, and then CLING onto those conversations like their lives depended on it.

Sound familiar, victim of cock blocking?

You sit in the corner of the bar, waiting for what to say to that one girl you’ve been looking at for the past 45 minutes, then you finally get up the guts to approach her and hope it really works out because this is your one shot for the night.

Instead you try and try and try with that one girl you finally approached, even when there’s no chemistry.  And the more you try with a girl who’s only lukewarm about you, the longer you stand there struggling, the more likely some guy with dimples and a great smile is going to wink at her and jump in to the rescue.

So you’re still asking why you need to start conversations with women everywhere?  This is why.  Because when you start doing that, you will start having an abundance mindset.  You’ll start approaching women everywhere.  When I go out, I talk to girls everywhere.  Quick, 30-second conversations.  If there’s no chemistry, if she doesn’t want to talk to me, I move on.  I don’t stand around in a shitty conversation, struggling to make things happen, and wait to be cock blocked by some guy she likes better than me.

You think you’ve been cock blocked, but you really just cock blocked yourself.

A lot of you are probably in front of your computer or on your phone right now, texting, e-mailing, you’re at different stages of planning out what you’re going to be doing tonight. You’ve waited all week for Friday night. This is going to be the night that you’re going to go out and meet a cool new woman. If all goes right, everything is going to change by the weekend, you’ll have one or two or even three prospective new dates, and your lifestyle is going to be different. You’re finally going to approach the woman you’re most attracted to.

Then what happens? As the night progresses, all those fears and excuses start creeping in. You get paralyzed. You stand around the bar. You do nothing.

Some of you may not even be reading this blog until late night Friday night, and you’ll say to yourself, “David, you just described my night. I was all jazzed. I was all excited. You’re right, slowly but surely, all my fears and excuses crept in and the next thing I knew, I was home again. I was staring at the ceiling, reviewing the night, and I finally came up with something really great to say to the woman I was attracted to, but it’s too late now.”

Here’s what I want all of you who read this blog early today to do. For those of you who are reading it late, do this exercise tomorrow night.

I want you to go out. I don’t want you to talk to a single person tonight. Not one person. I want you to observe, and I want you to watch, and I want you to understand the dynamic of what makes one guy fearless and successful with women, and another guy who goes home and masturbates, dreaming of the woman he wishes he could be with. I want you to watch the guys that are successful with women.

It doesn’t matter what they say, because I’m about to launch a brand new program that’s going to give you everything you need to say in these situations. I want you to take a look at their body language. I want you to take a look at what real attraction is. I want you to look at these guys and I want you to basically see how much fun they’re having. How engaging they are, how they use their hand motions, how they smile, how they walk with confidence. I want you to notice everything about them.

Now what I want you to do is I want you to look at yourself. No, don’t look directly at yourself in the mirror, but look at a guy just like you. I want you to find the guy who’s in the corner with his hands in his pockets, a clueless or frustrated look on his face, the kind of guy you can feel is really thinking with all the monkey chatter going on in his head.

I want you to look at that guy, and I want you to ask yourself this question: if you were a woman, who would you rather talk to? The guy who’s going around talking to everybody and generally just having a great time, or the guy who’s paralyzed in the corner waiting for the woman to go to the bathroom so he can chase her down and find the right moment to talk to her? The guy with that nervous energy who kinda scares people a little?

How do you feel? What type of emotion do you feel when you look at the guys who are having fun versus the guys who are not having fun? This is a great exercise that I have every single client do, any guy who’s ever been successful with women going out and meeting them on a Friday or Saturday night. Every guy goes through this exercise, because you have got to learn how to enjoy yourself before you can start meeting people. If you approach with nervous energy, nothing will happen, but if you approach with a smile while having a good time, the words don’t make a difference.

Note To All Men: If you are already subscribed to my email list you are well aware that next week I’m releasing a new product that is going to empower you to get over the BIGGEST issue you guys have when it comes to meeting women… approach anxiety. I hear it time and time again, and it was confirmed by thousands of survey responses taken by my email subscribers that have been pouring in the past couple of weeks.

I put together a video to help you learn how to kill approach anxiety to become natural with women, simply by using the power of observation!“

Dear David,

As an introvert, I have difficulty engaging and intriguing people in a way that builds lasting relationships. Being an introvert I don’t have a lot of friends and that specifically gives me a low opinion of myself, and it’s oten difficult for me to express myself even in a one-on-one setting. I would like to learn how to change this, how to build more social connections, and form real relationships with the men and women in my life.

Thanks for taking the time to read my email,

Danny

Here is my response:

Hi Danny,

Interesting the way you say it, “As an introvert.” In a three-sentence e-mail to me, you’ve used the word “introvert” twice. Which leads me to believe that was you go about your entire day, you probably say to yourself, As an introvert, I do X. As an introvert, I do Y. Because I’m an introvert, I can’t talk to that person over there. Because I’m an introvert, I won’t be able to meet somebody.

Your mind set is everything in life, and your personal verbal programming dictates the way you lead your life. Whatever it is that you believe about yourself, that will come to the front. If you believe it, then you are going to be it.

So instead of going around all day saying to yourself that you’re an introvert, I want you to say the following (and listen to the difference):

I’m shy. I have trouble engaging and intriguing people, and it’s because I act shy. But, you know what, every single day I go out and I do things to help overcome my shyness. I may not have a lot of friends right now, but every day I’m just going out and meeting people, talking to people, becoming friendly, because that’s what helps. I realize that it takes time to change all of those learned behavior patterns that I’ve developed over my entire life. But I’m willing to tackle my issues, I’m able to do this, and I’m going to work on it every day. Every day I’m going to go out and do the things that make me feel the most uncomfortable, because I know that eventually I’m going to get comfortable doing these things.

You see the way I phrased it differently? Your words are very powerful. Your words are your actions. The words you choose to tell yourself affect the actions you are going to take in life.

Choose your words wisely.

“My ex just texted me…look at this text.”

“Oh, that totally reminds me of this time I was with my ex…”

Is the topic of talking about exes a big no-no for you? Does it make you feel uncomfortable?

Have you ever had a bad date where your date would not stop talking about their ex? Do you feel like you wasted the evening over a bad conversation? Even worse, is this a recurring problem in your dating life that’s preventing you from getting anywhere past the first date?

Here’s an email I got from a reader that I’d like to share with you today:

Dear David,

First of all I’d like to say how much I enjoy your products, and advice, that being said….here comes the question:

What do you do when you’re on a first date, and the woman will not stop talking about her Ex?, be it ex husband, or boyfriend, it doesn’t matter…. I mean I make great money, and don’t mind paying for drinks, and such, but my question is how do I stop this? I’ve tried changing the subject, acting uninterested, playing with my BlackBerry, and even asking them to stop, usually at that point, the date is over very soon. I’ll ask for the check, and drive them home, never to call them again. No, this doesn’t happen all the time, but I’d say 50% of the time. If she mentions the ex, or even discusses them a little, that’s ok, but the entire date?? One woman actually showed me a picture of her ex boyfriend!!!! The date was over.

What would David Wygant do?

Thank you,

Larry

I Love My Ex

So why is this happening to you? And what can you do about it?

Click below and listen to today’s podcast as Shogo and I dig in and tell you exactly what’s going on and what you can do to take control and start enjoying your date conversations!

Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast!

So, lately I’ve been hearing a lot of guys making the “observation” that women always say they want a “Nice Guy” but then end up with the total jerk. In my circles, this is one of the most common reasons why guys think they don’t get dates. They’re nice guys with “principles” and treat women with “tons of respect” only to have them say they only want to be friends. The “Nice Guy” always follows this up with “Well, women aren’t logical and do really dumb things and this jerk is going to treat her way worse than I would treat her.” And we can’t forget “Well, I’m a nice guy, that’s who I am and I won’t change into a jerk for her, that’s just not who I am.” I’ve heard this over and over again and I’ve probably thought this way myself once or twice.

Well, guess what? This whole “Girls don’t date nice guys” is true. Women don’t want a “Nice Guy”. They may say they do, but what they really mean is that they want a GOOD guy.
What’s the difference? Well for starters, Nice Guys aren’t actually nice. A Nice Guy is a guy who doesn’t think enough of himself to fully take control of his life so he tries to be as accommodating and inoffensive as possible.

Nice Guys And Dating

When he meets a woman he’s attracted to he wants to make sure he does everything he can to please her. He thinks he can do this by constantly asking if she’s okay and getting her to plan dates. The wishy-washy sentence “Oh whatever you want to do?” is the perfect example of this.

See, what the nice guy is actually doing is giving control over his life to the woman. He’s too scared to live his life so he’ll let her do it for him. It’s weak and not just a little cowardly. Women don’t want the power over a man’s life. She wants a partner, a friend, a lover… not someone who she has to make life decisions for. When you’re “nice” you’re really trying to give up the responsibility of living your own life to a woman, trusting she’ll take care of you.
In my books, that’s a pretty jerky thing to do.

I’ll tell you where you don’t go. You don’t go to a movie, you don’t sit there in silence, wondering what she’s thinking, who she is, and feeling all uncomfortable wondering what to say after the movie.

You don’t go and spend money on dinner. That’s right, you don’t sit there and chew food, exchange resumes, and basically talk at each other for two and a half hours.

You don’t spend money on a first date. The reason being is most first dates never pan out to second dates. So why should you invest your hard earned money in a woman that you may never ever see again? Guys, dating is like an investment. You want to pick and choose who you date, who you spend money on, and where you go.

My best first dates have always been activity dates. Miniature golf is great, bowling is a lot of fun, walking in the park is great, playing Frisbee is a lot of fun, rowing a boat across a lake or across a pond is a blast, going to a street fair, and sitting and just having a cup of coffee or having hot coco in the winter time. Simple things, so you can go, talk, and hang out and have no pressure.

Here’s the deal, if you like her you can plan the next date at the end of the first date. But the bottom line is stop spending your hard earned money, stop wasting your money on women you never ever see again. You don’t need to impress her with where you take her, you need to impress her with who you are.

One of my greatest dates I ever had was this woman was telling me how much she loved the sunset. So I took her to this great beach in Malibu. Malibu is about 15 minutes from my house, so maybe I was out $2.25 in gas to get her to and from there. Bought a bottle of wine because she liked wine, I spent $10 on the bottle of wine. We sat, we talked, we watched the waves break, we walked some more, we watched the sunset, and we had a fantastic time. It was a great date. It created a moment.

That’s what women are looking for, to create that moment. They’re looking to have something that they can go back to their friends and say this was a really different date. I’ve gone on hiking dates where it was a lot of fun, where we just talked and we hiked and we saw things, and it takes the pressure off sitting across the table. When you’re doing an activity date it takes all the pressure off of you having to sit there and analyze one another. Not only that, for women, dating is about an adventure. You want to create an adventure the first date. You might go hiking, you might take a walk on the beach, you might take a walk with your dogs. Second date you might grab some dinner at this cool little stand because now they’ve got great food trucks all over the place where you can sit, stand outside and eat. You’re creating a movie for them. You’re creating the moment.

So stop trying to impress on a date, and start having fun on a date.

You take a deep breath. You sigh, say, “Well . . . maybe not tonight, I’m comfortable right now. I’m cozy in my house.” So you get undressed slowly. Maybe wash up a bit, run a bubble bath. You slip into your pajamas, maybe slip on your little shorts and a comfy oversized t-shirt.

Now you’re starting to get in the mood a bit. You put on some soft music, dim the lights down, and you say to yourself, “Hmm . . . maybe I’ll get my toys out tonight and have a little fun. I’ll go out next week to meet someone special, but for tonight it’ll just be me and my electronic toys to keep me satisfied.”

So there you are, another night, home alone with your electronic toys.

But as you’re home alone stimulating yourself with your toys, you start to think how you’re almost addicted to the whole thing. It’s just easier than the effort you have to put in to go out and get some real human contact. “This is ridiculous,” you say to yourself. “I really need to stop relying on these toys to satisfy my needs. I should really force myself to go out, meet new people, find someone who I connect with, and then I wouldn’t be so electronic-toy-dependent.”

So you stare at the toy you’ve got in your hand and think to yourself how you can stop using this thing. It’s always so fun with it. It allows you to dream and to fantasize in any which way you want. So how do you break up with it?

Two Guys With Man Vibrators

You need to say to your toy, “How do I stop you from sucking me into your world? Damn you, electronic toy! You’re killing my social life, and it’s time for me to cut you off! I don’t care if I can play golf as Tiger Woods, and I don’t care if I can be Michael Vick in Madden NFL. You’re killing my chances and meeting people. Damn you, X-Box, stop sucking me into this electronic world!”

If you’re one of those guys that gets stuck in electronic gamer-land and you’re frustrated about your social life, it’s time your really started limiting your electronic toy time and went out to meet some new people. There is no X-Box game that teaches you how to meet women. There’s no X-Box game where you can go and practice your conversation skills with women. Really the only thing your X-Box does is ruin your chances at becoming a social person, you’re allowing yourself to rely on your electronic crutch so much that you don’t even care about the real world out there that’s so much more fun to play in.

So the next time you get the urge to mentally masturbate inside your X-Box, I suggest you go out and start talking to people instead. Every time you’re about to reach for the electronic toy, head out instead and break that X-Box habit.

I have a confession to make: I went out last night. And I got really, really drunk. So drunk in fact that I decided to leave my girlfriend stranded at the place we were at and took a cab home by myself. And I was keeping all her money and her ID in my pocket. Don’t ask me why. Not the smartest decision I’ve made in my life. Like I said……I was drunk.

So here’s to making not-so-smart decisions while wasted. Let’s hear from you guys. Ever made any stupid drunk decisions? I certainly have my fair share.

I think it’s ok to go out once in a while and just get really drunk if that’s what you want. I honestly think that it’s fine, as long as you understand what you’re doing, you can control yourself, and you keep your lifestyle balanced. For me, I do it like once every month. About once a month, duty calls and I get the urge to just go out and get shitfaced with my friends. I like to call it the male version of getting my period. Other than that I’m not a huge drinker other than a beer or a couple glasses of wine with dinner. Wait a second I sound like functioning alcoholic.

But one of the biggest mistakes that guys who are dating can make is when they decide to go out at night and mingle with friends, to go out and meet new women, is that they end up getting really drunk. And they do it every time. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with having a few drinks here and there. But if you’re out there trying to meet new women to date, and you’re choosing bars as the place to do it, don’t get hammered every time you go out. It sounds so obvious, but when you’re in a bar all night it’s actually really easy to get carried away and have one pint or seven too many.

Why Drinking Prevents You From Hooking Up

Guys, here’s a tip: NEVER use alcohol as a way to get up the courage to go approach and talk to a woman at a bar. Never. There’s a fine line between “social lubricant” and “liquid courage”.

You see a cute girl at the bar you’d like to talk to. You don’t really know what to say. But you’ve been reading this blog and learning from David so you already know that there is no best thing to say. You’re going to just go up and say hi. But you need another drink first. So you go hang with your buddies and have another round. Five rounds and two hours later: it’s last call, you forgot about the cute girl and you’re standing there with your buddies like a sloppy mess, or you finally did go talk to the cute girl, but you were tipsy and she wasn’t, and the conversation didn’t go so well because you couldn’t really communicate.

Don’t make it a habit to guzzle down some liquid courage before you can start a conversation. Use real courage. When you get that urge, it’s time to “just say no.” Use real courage, and once you can do it sober, meeting new women in bars very casually will start getting so easy and fun for you.

Alcohol will never help you grow balls. Getting drunk once in a while can be fun, but understand it for what it is. It’s not going to help you meet women. And if you have in the past, it’s because you got lucky. That’s why they call it “getting lucky.” Two drunk people basically bumped into each other on accident, looked at each other, and said, “Let’s get it on!”

So if you’re a habitual drinker that’s my challenge to you this weekend: if you’re going out tonight, switch it up a little. Drink soda for the entire night and see how many women you can talk to. Make it fun. Use it as a conversation opener. Go up to random people, say, “Hey, I’m trying out a new social experiment. I usually drink when I go out to bars, but my conversations are always a little hazy. So tonight I’m drinking apple juice like a little kid and I’m seeing if my conversations are any different. And I’m going to entertain myself by finding the most drunk people in here and watching them interact.” Then lean back and let the conversation unfold.

I guarantee you one thing: you won’t be the last drunk guy looking around with his dick in hand as the lights come up for last call.

So when we walked into Sears, I told him to watch and learn just how playful you can really be.

So when I walked into Sears, Passion Optical, ready for my glasses to be done with repairs. I walked in, and this woman behind the counter says to me, she goes, “Are you here for a pick-up?”

I said “Absolutely, I’m here for a pick-up.” She goes, “What’s your name?”

“No, I’m here to pick you up,” I replied.

Then all of a sudden she realizes what’s going on. Little did she know the ulterior motives I had with my client watching but when I said so, she came crawling back, talked with me even more, and was cracking up the entire time.

Think about all the times you go and you pick up something at a business.

How To Meet Women At Sears

In a restaurant, you walk in and they go, “What are you here for?” “I’m here for a pick-up.” And they go, “What’s your name?” “No-no-no-no, no. I’m here to pick you up. I didn’t order any food. You asked me if I was here for a pick-up. Absolutely, I told you, I am here for a pick-up.”

Think about how much more fun you have and think about how creative that is. It’s about being goofy, having fun, and really just admitting why you’re even there in the first place.

So the next time you go to a restaurant and they ask you if you’re here for what you’re here for, just tell her you’re here for a pick-up, and then they’ll wonder what name. Just don’t fumble it, and get your own name wrong!

So many men and women head to the bars on a Friday night with some really high expectations.

Not only that, with some really bad advice on how to meet each other.

So I called Shogo up and since he was and still is a Bartender in one of the nations hippest cities, he would be the man to give all of you some great advice to succeed in bars.

Or as so many people call it. Night Game.

When I hear the term night game I picture lights like in a baseball park over your head and a crowd of fans cheering you on.

Every Friday, we will explore the magic of nights.

Without any more fanfare here is Shogo’s thoughts for today.

Hey guys, Shogo here.

As you regular readers of the blog know, David Wygant is not the biggest fan of going out to bars and getting drunk on the weekends just to meet new people. And to be quite honest, I agree with him. If you’re looking to meet new people to go on dates with, to find someone you actually connect with and have something in common with, bars and clubs may not be the best place for you to do that. It really depends on the person. Plus, getting wasted on $10 vodka tonics just to get up the courage to talk to some girl or have some drunk dude hit on you in a crowded sweaty room doesn’t exactly scream “romance.”
But I do know that for a lot of us, especially the younger generation, going out on the weekends is just another part of being a social person. It’s another way to get out there, to gain confidence in yourself, to practice your communication skills, and really just meet a variety of new people.

Approach This Woman, Do You Have The Game To Do It?

Guys, I’ll let you in on something: a bar is not my favorite place to hang out, but I’ve been going out to bars for a long time, all over the world. I’ve been a bartender. I’ve managed bars. I know the ins and outs. I haven’t cracked any secret code, and I don’t have a miraculous system for you to memorize. What I have is a TON of real-world experience and knowledge to share with you guys to really help you make sense of the “Friday Night Bar Scene” that can often be very confusing and intimidating. And with all the information circulating on the internet, sometimes it can just get even more

So we’re starting a new tradition here on the blog! Each and every Friday, to get you guys ready for the weekend, I’m going to give you tidbits of real information designed to help you understand and navigate the waters of the weekend bar scene. Feel free to share your own experiences, you can react, you can add to what I say, and feel free to disagree with me too. I’m looking forward to reading your comments!

You know it’s funny, every time I’m out with clients at a bar, they inevitably ask me what my “strategy” is for meeting people at a loud noisy place full of drunk people. I’ve never had a strategy. Never needed one. My only “strategy” is to be a little different than everyone else.

How do I do this? How do I act different? When I go out, I’m friendly to everyone. If you’re friendly with everyone, you actually are being different. If you’re friendly, you’re going to have a good time and people around you will start to open up to you.

The bar scene really is a very odd phenomenon. For some reason, people get the urge to become unfriendly the minute they walk into a bar. Friday Happy Hour, everyone’s having fun and being cordial. Friday night at the restaurants, people are having a good time and socializing. Then all of a sudden, once 10 pm hits and people get all dressed up and set foot into bar or club—BAM! Like clockwork, people start getting all tense and take on a fake air of coolness.

People huddle in their groups and get a really stiff, serious face. I call this the “Friday Night Game Face.” Guys and girls both, we’re all guilty of this. We have to put our game faces on, because, God forbid anyone catch us off guard not appearing ridiculously, ridiculously good-looking. God forbid we let loose a little and actually have a good time.

The truth is that we all want to have a good time when we’re out. We all want to let loose and meet new people. We all want to be approached. What’s really going on here is that most people are just insecure and afraid to make the first move. Everyone’s afraid that if they fail, they’re going to look stupid in front of the crowd. Everyone’s egos are so inflated on Friday nights that it’s suffocating.

Last weekend I went out with two clients to a large bar that had a lot of dancing. Inevitably they asked me what kind of strategy we should use, even after I told them that our strategy is called “be friendly and have a good time.” With that I walked over to two girls and introduced myself. One of the girls mumbled something and immediately pulled out her iPhone and started furiously texting away. I looked at her, looked at her friend with a smile and a wink, and said, “Well, I’ll talk to you guys later,” and turned away. I turned to my clients and said, “No biggie, those girls just had their Friday night game faces on. Let’s go find some friendly women.” And we did. But lo and behold, about 15 minutes later, the same two girls ran up to us like they were our best friends and we all had a great time.

What really happened here was that these two girls actually wanted to talk to us. They wanted to get to know us, but most people have their game faces on and are just not friendly. They just needed someone to show them that there are friendly people who don’t care about the competitive weekend bar attitude and who they can just let loose and have fun with. They probably went to the bathroom together and said, “Hey, that guy who approached us actually seemed really nice. He was confident and he wasn’t pushy. Let’s go talk to him!”

So what do you need to do this weekend? You need to leave all that game face crap at the door. Understand that people may look unfriendly, they may look like they don’t want to be approached, but it’s really just an act. You need to take the initiative and show others that it’s ok to come out and take off the game face. Be friendly right from the get-go. Smile. Show that you’re not in competition for “who’s cooler than who,” that you don’t really care about all that and you’re just having a good time and out to meet new people.