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Archive for the ‘Love’ Category |
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Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
Are long distance relationships really realistic? To tell you the truth, I think long distance relationships are fantasies.
Let’s say you meet someone on vacation. You fall for them in two days.
Then after the trip you have hot phone calls, texts and emails with them. Every time you see them on the weekend, everything is perfect. Everyone is on their best behavior. The sex is great.
The whole weekend is great. It’s like going on vacation with somebody over and over and over again.
The only way you can really get to know somebody, though, is to see them every single day. You need to see what they’re like after a long day of work. You need to see how they are in the middle of a regular work day.
Relationships are difficult to begin with, but long distance relationships tend to be fantasy-driven. Now, there are long distance relationships that are successful.
Most of the ones that I’ve known about or seen, however, do not end up lasting long-term. When the people finally are together in the same place, they are often broken up within a month because they finally start to experience what each other is like and how each other behaves on a daily basis.
Remember, when you’re in a long distance relationship, you are just seeing each other on the weekends. You really are always on your best behavior every time you’re together.
It’s hot and passionate every time you meet. You look forward to seeing that person every time. In fact, you usually can’t wait to see that person. It’s sexy.
You think about them on the airplane. At the end of every weekend when you leave each other, you spend the next week thinking about how amazing the prior weekend was. You spend all week thinking about how you can’t wait until the next weekend.
The problem with this is that you never get to see the “nitty gritty” daily stuff. You don’t get to see the bras and panties hanging on the shower curtain rod. You don’t get to see his dirty underwear thrown on the floor. You don’t realize that neither one of you actually never clean up when you’re alone.
That is why long distance relationships are tough. I always truly believed that you are better off hunting in your own neighborhood.
Popularity: 3%
Tags: Date, dating, dating advice for men, dating advice for women, david wygant, long distance relationship, relationship advice, relationship advice for men, Relationships
Posted in College Dating, High School Dating, How To Start A Relationship, Love, Marriage, Relationships | 10 Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2010
You know, it’s amazing. It’s one of these beautiful summer nights in Southern California when the Santa Ana winds are blowing in.
I was talking to one of my neighbors, and we were actually looking up at the stars. As he and I were there together outside, we both realized that on that beautiful night we should have been standing out there with our significant others.
I mean, it was absolutely a gorgeous night. There were so many stars showing.
Couples are always looking for ways to break the routine. You come home from work, eat dinner and put on the television.
You don’t take advantage of the beautiful nights. Now that summer is here, the nights are warmer and more fun.
So one of the best things to do a warm night of the year is to stargaze and take the dog for a long walk. Feel the night air. Smell the difference in the summer air.
Fall is right around the corner and you need to get out of the AC and really enjoy the hot hot summer nights!
If you don’t start doing things like this, it’s just going to be another night laying next to each other wondering why you aren’t have sex. The reason you’re not having sex is because you don’t take time time together to have nights like those.
So try this. Believe me you will see your sex life change dramatically.
Popularity: 4%
Tags: advice, better sex, Date, dating, david wygant, how to have better sex, relationship advice, Relationships, Sex, tips
Posted in Love, Marriage, Relationships | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, July 20th, 2010
Have you ever been in a relationship in which you keep having the same conversation over and over again? You’ve explained your situation, or a need or desire you have, or something that might bother you about your partner.
You’ve talked about it with them over and over and over again. You feel good after each conversation.
Then two or three days later, you realize you are about to have that same conversation again, because nothing has changed. Their mannerisms and their actions haven’t changed.
What you fail to realize in this situation, though, is that you can express your needs, emotions and desires over and over again but your partner has to want to satisfy them. It’s up to them to make the changes.
It’s up to them to see the importance in it for you. It’s up to them to have the compassion. It’s up to them to do the work at that point. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink (as the saying goes).
What’s interesting is that all of what I just said is also true about yourself. Have you ever had a conversation with yourself over and over again about a change you want to make?
Maybe it’s something like, “I’m going to start going to the gym and I am going to finally lose this weight.” You feel really great after you give yourself that pep talk. Three days later, however, you are right back on the couch eating a piece of cake. You feel lazy and you don’t do it.
This is how we run our own lives, so it’s even more difficult when it’s something we want someone else – like our partner – to do. It’s something that causes an uncomfortable dynamic in the relationship, but the bottom line is they have to want to do it. You can’t make them.
You must have full faith in the other person. Being an imperfect human being yourself, however, you know how hard it is to break your own habits.
So when you put these two dynamics in a relationship, it’s really frustrating. It could drive you up the wall, because you are battling over the same stuff over and over again. You are waiting for someone else to respond over and over again.
What’s the solution to this problem? The solution is to start working on your own stuff every single day.
If there is something that you do (or don’t do) that bothers your partner, then show them how you are working on your own stuff. Lead by example. Show them that you can make the changes, and that you can treat them the way they want to be treated.
If you lead by example, then the next time you have that conversation with your partner you can say “Look at how I have progressed. I need you to participate too.” give them the encouragement they need.
When I’m coaching someone, I’m the one who calls them out over and over on their shit. I do it nonstop, until they finally figure out what they need to do and do it. It’s all about small steps every single day.
When you want to work on this for yourself, the best way to do that is for you to take baby steps every single day. If it’s about approaching the opposite sex, then start by just saying hello for one day. If it’s about filling an emotional need that your partner has, then do one thing that day that makes them happy.
Popularity: 5%
Tags: advice, communication, david wygant, Marriage, Relationships, tips
Posted in How To Be A Better Communicator, Love, Marriage, Relationships | 3 Comments »
Friday, July 16th, 2010
Why don’t they act the way they did the first six months? What happened?
Why don’t they do the things they used to do during the first six months, like write me love letters? Why don’t they light candles like they used to do? Why aren’t they attacking me sexually in the same way?
Are they just bored with me? Do they no longer want these things?
Why is it that we are so amazing in those first six months of a relationship? Are we trying to impress somebody? Are we trying to win somebody over? Are we being somebody we’re not? Are the first six months just that “amazing” time before all the arguments start and before we get defensive?
In the first six months, we allow ourselves to be emotionally open. We give so much emotionally to our partner.
When you start fighting with each other, however, we take something back. With each fight or misunderstanding after that, we take another piece back. The vulnerability, openness and beauty of those first six months at that point are gone.
During the first six months you would invite your partner to your house, they’d say “Oh Babe, I love coming to your house,” and you would light candles. You do this over and over again during the first six months.
After the first six months, the candle-lighting goes away. Your partner comes over and says, “You don’t light candles anymore.”
Instead of just acknowledging that what they’re saying is true, you get defensive. You could have said, “You’re right, I don’t. I need to start doing that again. I know how much you loved it.” But you don’t. You defend yourself.
Those first six months of a relationship should always be the way I’m describing. It should always be amazing. What happens in those first six months are the reasons why you fell in love with that other person in the first place — the things you used to do for them, the way you came onto them sexually, the way you listened and the way you were patient with them.
It’s amazing, though, how we take things away once the fights and disappointments begin. We don’t even necessarily do it consciously. We do it very passively.
Say that you and your partner touch each other nonstop during the first six months, then your partner stops touching you as much. What do you do?
You start taking some of your touching away. You get angry. You hope that they will notice and think, “Oh my God, he’s not touching me as much. I must need to touch him more.”
The first six months of a relationship are beautiful. For those of you in that post-six months frustration period, however, what you need to do is to go back and think about all the things you did for your lover in the first six months. Then start doing them again, without your partner having to ask you to do them.
I guarantee that if you do this, you’ll not have the whole “taking things away” situation happening anymore. There will be no reason to fight about who is (or is not) doing things for the other.
I challenge all of you who are in a relationship right now, over the next thirty days to do all the things you did for your partner in the first six months you were together. All of them. Every single one. And do them every day.
I guarantee that if you do this for the next thirty days — acting sexually, emotionally, in your communication and in your intimacy the way you did the first six months — and you don’t expect anything in return, you will see your relationship come alive again.
Then watch what your partner will start doing for you. Like magic, they will start doing things you have been wanting them to do for months.
It’s amazing how easy it is to rekindle a relationship, but we all stand on principle so much that we don’t allow ourselves to do the things to make it happen. We’re so about “tit for tat” that we never grow.
So think about what you did for your lover during the first six months, and do them all over the next thirty days. Then watch how the dynamics of your relationship will totally change. It’s a beautiful thing.
Popularity: 6%
Tags: advice, Date, dating, david wygant, relationship advice, romance, Sex, sexual turnons, sexy, tips
Posted in Love, Relationships, Sexual Turn-Ons | 3 Comments »
Thursday, July 1st, 2010
In a time far far away in a time when things were more mellow.
A woman by the name of Helene Wygant gave birth to this lucky fellow.
Today this fellow is celebrating that once a year ritual called post pardum day or in laymens terms a birthday.
I recorded something very personal for all of you today!
Popularity: 8%
Tags: birthday, childbirth, david wygant, july 1
Posted in Dave's Faves, How To Be A Better Communicator, Love, Mindset, Relationships | 25 Comments »
Saturday, June 26th, 2010
One thing you notice when you get to the breakup point is that you actually fight less with your partner. You fight less because in your mind and in your heart you start detaching yourself from the other person, and you don’t care as much anymore.
You have already made a determination that they don’t understand you, that they will never understand you and that the relationship just won’t work out with them. So, all of a sudden, the incredible anger that were starting fights decrease.
 You start walking away from them. You used to feel like she was busting your balls or like he was riding you and not understanding you. Now the minute you get into a fight, you just walk away from it.
The fact that you are on opposite sides of the bed, which used to bother you and keep you up at night, turns into the natural way things are and you are able to sleep with no problem. You go to your side of the bed, they go to theirs, and you both just go to sleep.
You are not up for four hours every night thinking, wondering, feeling and missing them. You just want to go to sleep.
When it hits this point, i.e., when it hits the breakup point, then you need to face the business of breaking up. You know breaking up sucks, but there is only one good way to do it.
When you think you might have hit that breakup point, you must tell the person that you’re disconnecting from them. You need to be honest and raw.
If you don’t think the relationship is going to work or you know you’ve already disconnected based on how things have been going, then you might want to consider walking away for a week. Spend a week without that person.
Go visit some friends or family. Really think about what life would be like without that person. How would you feel without them being there?
When you’re in the thick of things, they never seem to be able to work out. So take a break. Take a walk. Take a week long walk.
Take that week to ask yourself some questions. What does your life look like without them? Do you like and enjoy the way it feels?
Then, after you’ve taken this time, go back and either take a stand for the relationship or break up. Whichever decision you make, you need to be honest with yourself.
Life is too short! There are a lot of wonderful, amazing people out there whom you can meet.
When you take this time to think, be sure to think about what it was like when you first met this person. How did you feel about them before things got so frustrating? Did you feel like they were your soulmate and the two of you were meant to be? You’ve got to dial back into that.
A friend of mine said to me one time, “Pretend you just got amnesia and all of a sudden someone told you the person with whom you are living (or in a relationship) is the person you are going to marry. You would have none of the bad feelings and none of the fights. What would you do in that situation?” What you would do in that situation is try to get to know that person again without all the anger, fights, frustration and history getting in the way.
So maybe take a week to yourself and then a week with that person. Get to know them again and remember the reasons why you fell in love. If you guys can do that, then you might be able to save your relationship.
Popularity: 6%
Tags: advice, breaking up, breakup, Breakups, Dating Advice, david wygant, divorce, fiance, fighting with partner, marriage advice, partner, relationship advice, roommate, separation, should you breakup, signs of a breakup, spouse, tips, when to breakup
Posted in Breakups, Divorce, Love, Marriage, Rejection, Relationships | 8 Comments »
Sunday, June 13th, 2010
I had a great conversation today with someone about the difference between what a relationship is like the first three to six months, and what it is like once it really “settles in.” It’s really interesting if you think about it.
In the beginning, you try to impress each other. You do special things for each other. When they come over you set an intent for the evening — you light candles, put on some music and maybe make a special dinner.
As the relationship progresses, though, you stop setting intents. It’s almost like you stop listening to each other. “I know he (or she) likes candles, but I’m just not going to light them anymore because I’m lazy (or because we’re in routine world or because they are as attracted to me as a piece of furniture).”
There’s a lot of things that we should keep doing for each other because they are fun and are things the other person likes. There are also things we shouldn’t be doing for each other.
One of those things is settling into the comfort zone where we stop doing the great romantic things you used to do for each other and letting the inner slob come out. Men tend to start farting more, leaving the door open when they go to the bathroom, and really just leaving their smell all over the place.
Women may not walk around farting, but they tend to start leaving their stuff everywhere. There are products in every nook and corner, and underwear hanging from every hook and hanger. Some women will start wearing sweatpants every single night.
We tend to stop doing things for each other because we get comfortable. Of course we love the other person for who they are, and nobody has to get dressed up for their partner every day. You need to be 100% comfortable in a relationship, but you also need to do all the things that were amazing at the beginning.
Click here for some great ideas on how to keep the fire lit in your relationship.
Popularity: 4%
Tags: advice, candles, comfort zone, david wygant, farting, relationship advice, romance, routines, stay out of routines, tips
Posted in Love, Marriage, Relationships | 5 Comments »
Sunday, April 25th, 2010
Relationships can really be frustrating. I mean, they’re battles at times. They really are.
You draw battles into relationships due to ego and expectations. So many things can go wrong in a relationship due, very often, to the way you communicate your needs, wants and desires to each other.
There are ways to be sure that relationship battles don’t cause permanent damage. Here are seven ways to avoid relationship disasters (which will also help you take your relationship to an even better place):
1.Have Sex On The Brain?: How much do you think about sex in your relationship? Do you feel like the other person doesn’t do the things you like to do (or doesn’t do them enough)? We all get lazy sexually in our relationships at times. So how do you get the other person to do these things (or to do more of those things)? Well, you don’t look at them and tell them they are doing what you like (or aren’t doing enough of it).
Instead, when they do things you like you need to really let them know. Say things like, “Oh babe, I love the way you kiss me and touch me. It makes me feel good…” Describe the emotions you have and how you feel when they do those things. Doing this will turn the other person on and make them want to do those things to you all night long. Whenever you come from a place of abundance like that, you will always bring you more of what you need.
2.Never Nag: Nagging doesn’t work. Nagging to get the dishes washed, the garbage taken out and the dog walked doesn’t work. Instead of nagging, ask out of love. Say something like, “Hey babe, I’m running late today. Do you mind walking the dog? That would be awesome and would help me out a lot!”
Asking this way is a lot better than asking by saying something like “You know, you never walk the dog. I’m always walking the dog, and I’m running late right now and don’t have time to do it” or “Can you please empty the dishwasher for once? I said I can’t do it right now. Why are you so lazy?” Asking nicely always gets you better results.
3.Learn The Art Of Compromise: Learning how to compromise in your relationship is essential. When you go on vacation, for example, make sure you split up the things you do 50/50 between things you like to do and things your partner likes to do. That way, one of you never feels like you are being dragged around the whole trip. Neither person will feel about the other that “it’s just about you.”
The best way to have real compromise is to find out what each other really wants. In this vacation example, you could say something like “Today I’d love to do this. What would you like to do tomorrow? How about if we make today my day and tomorrow your day (or make half of each day be yours)? That way we can both do things we enjoy.” Real compromise is about coming to an arrangement that makes both parties happy.
4.Be Forgiving Of Family: When dealing with each other’s family, it can be very stressful. You may have old things to mend with your mother or brother or sister which get you tense or upset. Because of this tense feeling, many of us will pick fights with our significant other — the person who are there with us to support us on this tense visit — because we don’t want to act out with our family. So we take out our frustrations on our partner instead.
So the next time you go with your partner to visit your family, write down ahead of time the things you need to do or work through with your family while you’re there. Let your partner help you and see them as being there with you (and for you). You will avoid so many unnecessary arguments.
5.Avoid The Passive-Aggressive Approach: In relationships, one person will sometimes drag their significant other with them when they are going out to meet friends. Then that person will spend the entire night not reminiscing, but bringing up personal things about the relationship in front of the friends. Your personal life is your personal life, and your friends do not need to be privy to all of it.
The way this happens sometimes, is that one person will take passive-aggressive jabs at the other. They will start hinting to the friends about the things they would really love to have in their relationship. This is a very passive-aggressive (and ineffective) way to raise these items.
If you have any personal needs or desires about which you want your partner to know, don’t bring those things up in public and in a passive-aggressive manner. You need to bring these things up with your partner in person and face-to-face. If you want your partner to do more of something, then tell them how much you would love it. Don’t bring it up in front of friends.
6.Don’t Air Your Dirty Laundry: When you get into a fight with your partner, do not tell your family and friends every little detail about it. When you do this, you are actually hurting your relationship. The reason is that even though your family and friends only want to support you, by knowing you had conflict they will judge your relationship and your partner after that.
They will judge your partner based on things you’ve said about them while you were upset or angry. Whenever you are speaking out of anger you will speak with disdain and venom, and often not tell all sides of the story. So keep your personal life between the two of you. It could save your relationship a great deal of unnecessary strain.
7.Do Something Special: In the midst of all these “don’ts,” I also have one “do” that you should do in helping to avoid relationship disaster. Every day, I want you to do at least three special things for your partner. Make them breakfast, walk the dog for them, rub their head, light candles or whatever you know they would really appreciate. Pick things that will make them feel wonderful, needed and warm.
Tell them that you love them. Send them ‘I love you’ texts, or something like that. Understand that the more you reach out to your partner and the more you express your love to your partner, the more intimacy you will have. You also make your relationship stronger each time you do things like this.
So, look at the above list and then at your own relationship. Ask yourself in how many of the relationship-destroying behaviors you and your partner engage. Ask yourself in how many of the relationship-building behaviors you and your partner engage. Then as to any areas you’re falling short, start making changes right away.
Having a great relationship takes work, patience and a lot of understanding. Don’t just give up on one before you work on it. If you do work on it and it still doesn’t work out, then at least you know you did everything you could to not only keep it from falling apart but to make it amazing.
Popularity: 9%
Tags: advice, arguments, david wygant, fighting in relationships, how to avoid a breakup, Marriage, marriage advice, relationship advice, Relationships, tips
Posted in Breakups, Divorce, How To Be A Better Communicator, Love, Marriage, Relationships | 16 Comments »
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