Status: Single.
Status: It’s complicated.
Status: Single again.

Do you know how many clients I talk to who have been broken up with via Facebook without even getting a phone call from their Facebook “ex”?
What is wrong with our society? We don’t even have closure anymore. We’re so afraid of actually having to face our partners when we’re ending a relationship that we resort to alternate, virtual ways to break up with them. Facebook. Email. Even texting! It’s ridiculous.

First, unless you’re married, real men do not post their relationship status on Facebook. Unless you’re married, it’s nobody else’s business.
And more importantly, real men do not break up over Facebook.

And real women do not post their relationship status on Facebook either. Your actual friends already know what your relationship status is.
Enough with the Facebook relationship announcements. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of constantly seeing so-and-so’s relationship status who I haven’t seen in 12 years, or so-and-so who I met at some party last summer.

I’m tired of all the bullshit.
If you’re going to break up with somebody, do it face-to-face.
At the very least, before you go out and publicly announce a relationship with someone over Facebook, have the courtesy to announce that relationship to your “significant other’s” face first so they don’t wake up one morning to their that surprise they’re suddenly in a relationship with you on Facebook—when all they thought was that you two were dating.

Here’s a comment that a reader left on the blog that I really wanted to address. I’ve heard it quite a few times from guys and the topic is really relevant for guys who don’t drink alcohol but still want to go out and experience some nightlife.

Coach Shogo, I want to try something new: going sober in a club or bar, how can I put myself at ease and enjoy while not taking any drinks?  I’ve been studying this option for some time now, and it is very difficult to achieve…

–Maximillian

First off, I think going sober is a great thing.  I think living an alcohol-free lifestyle is great.

That being said, I have to give you a disclaimer that I personally don’t live an alcohol-free lifestyle.  Now, I don’t booze it up every day, but I do like to go out a couple times a week and have a few drinks in the evening.  And about once I month I like to go out and actually get drunk.  Just the way I like to do things.

So if you want to go out and have a couple drinks, loosen up, and be less uptight when you’re out meeting people, more power to you.  (But if you HAVE to drink in order to open up at social functions, that’s a problem and we need to talk.)

And if you never drink alcohol because you don’t like the feeling of losing control of your senses, or you don’t want to put unhealthy things in your body, more power to you as well.  Don’t let the pressure of the drinking crowd get to you.

Is everyone at this bar getting drunk?

A lot of times I will go out and not drink any alcohol, or I’ll just sip on one beer the whole night, especially when I was bartending and just needed a break from all the boozing.

But if you’re not able to put yourself at ease in a bar or club situation without drinking, it’s for one of two reasons:

One, you don’t feel comfortable in a bar or club environment and you need the influence of alcohol to relax you and help you be less uptight.

Two, you’re self-conscious about being the sober one in the bar while everyone else is drinking and you don’t want to look or act like the odd man out.

Let’s talk about the first one.  If you don’t feel comfortable when you’re out in a bar or club, or you just can’t seem to mingle with the crowd, you should really consider not going to bars or clubs anymore.  Your body is telling you something.  There are plenty of other great things you can do in the evenings besides going to a crowded bar and standing around feeling like you don’t have anything in common with the people there.  But if you feel like you need the influence of alcohol to help relax you in EVERY social situation, that’s another issue altogether and something you need to deal with separately by putting yourself out there and opening up to new people every single day.

Now let’s talk about the second one, and that’s really the heart of the matter.  If you do genuinely enjoy going out and being social in bars and clubs, but you just want to cut out the drinking part of it, here’s what you do: you cut out the drinking.

Just get a glass of something nonalcoholic and hold it in your hand.  Drink a coke.  Drink club soda with lime.  It doesn’t matter.  Nobody is going to ask you what you’re drinking. On the off chance that someone does (and it will probably be another guy), just casually tell them you’re having a club soda and change the topic.

What’s really holding you back is that self-conscious feeling of being a little bit different from the rest of the crowd.  That somebody will look at you like you’re from another planet if you tell them you’re not drinking.

Here’s what I think about that: forget about the rest of the crowd.  You do whatever you feel like doing and you don’t look back.  So what you’re not holding a vodka tonic in your hand while you’re going around meeting people?  Trust me, there are plenty of people in the place who are also not drinking, especially women.  The more upscale and fun the venue, the more likely it is that other people are not getting drunk.  Just avoid those crappy little bars where the only activity in the place is to stand around getting completely hammered.  That’s just no fun.

So drink whatever you want to.  People are not standing around the bar talking about the fact that you’re not drinking alcohol.  Honestly, nobody cares.  When you see somebody standing at the bar only drinking water, do you start whispering to the people around you, “Hey, that guy over there is only drinking WATER!!”  Of course you don’t.  That would be weird.  But when it comes down to ourselves, we think that everyone around us is talking about us.  Trust me, nobody is talking about the drink you’re holding in your hand.

It’s far cooler to be the level-headed sober guy at the end of the night than the obnoxious drunk stumbling around with beer stains all over his shirt.

Now it’s been a while since I wrote anything about bars and clubs.  To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve been out to any clubs.  But I’m going to be out on the town this weekend with some friends, so I figured I’ll put you guys in the right mindset with a question that comes from an email I got last week:

Hey Shogo,

Thanks so much for the coaching call yesterday, I got some great advice out of it and can’t wait to put it to use.  One question.  Could you help me out with cock blocks in a bar or club, they can be very annoying and ignorant I find and I’ve been cockblocked now and again.  So what could ya say to the guy to stop?

J, Ireland

Hey J,

Here’s how I feel about cock blocking.  I never get cock blocked.  It just doesn’t happen to me. So what that means is that cock blocking has nothing to do with another guy being an asshole, swooping in and taking “your” woman.  It’s got everything to do with YOU.  You can learn all the quick and witty comeback lines and banter you want to be prepared for a so-called cock block, but it’s not going to stop it from happening to you.

Because cock blocking only happens to certain types of guys.  And it happens to them over and over again.

Guys who are very hesitant about expressing themselves to a woman.  Guys who don’t claim their space.  Guys who keep their distance and are afraid to get close out of fear that he’s offending her or coming across as “giving her the wrong idea”.

When you do that, other guys will notice it and see that there is no chemistry there.  Maybe you just look like friends.  Maybe a guy is an asshole, and sees an opportunity there to come in and take her away.  In any case, she’s clear for the taking to any other swinging dick who walks by.

Cock blocking happens to guys who don’t intrigue women.  If she is interested in you and the conversation you are having, she will stand there and listen to everything you have to say.  When she’s not into you, her eyes will start darting across the room, hoping for her friend or some other more interesting guy to come rescue her.

When that starts happening, you’re done. Nothing can save you.  She’ll pray for someone else to come join the conversation.  She’ll be totally open to starting a conversation and flirting with another guy who’s around her.  And a guy who sees that will jump right in.  Sometimes she’ll start a conversation with another guy.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone up to the bar to get a drink, and a girl standing there will turn and start talking to me while another guy was just in mid-conversation with her.

Then I’d look over her at the poor guy’s disillusioned face and give him a little shrug.  Does that make me a cock-block?  Does that make me an asshole?  No.  It means she was bored to death with the other guy and wanted talk to me instead.  It means the other guy needed some coaching—not on how to deal with cock blocks, but on how to keep her intrigued.  Because I’m no better than the guy who just got shoved out of the picture.  But I’m much better in conversation.

Cock blocking happens to guys who don’t claim their own space and walk over with confidence and start great conversations with women everywhere they go.  Cockblocking happens to guys who talk to one or two women a night, and then CLING onto those conversations like their lives depended on it.

Sound familiar, victim of cock blocking?

You sit in the corner of the bar, waiting for what to say to that one girl you’ve been looking at for the past 45 minutes, then you finally get up the guts to approach her and hope it really works out because this is your one shot for the night.

Instead you try and try and try with that one girl you finally approached, even when there’s no chemistry.  And the more you try with a girl who’s only lukewarm about you, the longer you stand there struggling, the more likely some guy with dimples and a great smile is going to wink at her and jump in to the rescue.

So you’re still asking why you need to start conversations with women everywhere?  This is why.  Because when you start doing that, you will start having an abundance mindset.  You’ll start approaching women everywhere.  When I go out, I talk to girls everywhere.  Quick, 30-second conversations.  If there’s no chemistry, if she doesn’t want to talk to me, I move on.  I don’t stand around in a shitty conversation, struggling to make things happen, and wait to be cock blocked by some guy she likes better than me.

You think you’ve been cock blocked, but you really just cock blocked yourself.

You tell them that it’s the best sex of your life. She’s nurturing, loving and amazing.

Alright, maybe she loses it once in a while. Maybe when she drinks she has multiple personalities — not just one, but three or four. Maybe she’s just a little rambunctious and a little embarrassing at some of your office parties.

That’s all okay, though, because you wake up every Saturday morning and she does things sexually that no one else has ever done before. She wears skimpy little outfits around the house all the time. If you have a rough day, she completely caters to you.

Then one time you disagree with her and have a little bit of an argument in which you contradict yourself about something. So she decides to sneak into your emails and reads them. When you catch her, she tells you she won’t do it again and that she’ll “be a good girl” from now on. She even uses that terminology to make you feel like you’re the daddy — the man in control — and will say to you in a baby voice “Oh baby, I’ll never snoop again. This is the first time I ever snooped.”

I have heard that from these crazy women. The first time you’ve ever stooped? You’re 32 years old, and you just decided today for the first time that you were going to snoop?

These crazy women will lie. They’re never quite sure where they were during the day when you ask them. They manipulate.

If you don’t have enough sex with them, they will give you a play-by-play report of what they did that afternoon with their vibrator. You think it’s so cool. So you decide that you’re going to break the “man law” and date this woman.

The “man law” is that you have sex with the crazies and marry the great ones. You don’t marry the crazy ones, because that crazy woman is going to turn into the crazy mother of your children one day.

Despite the “man law,” you make the decision to date her because the sex is so addicting. It’s great getting hot text messages in the middle of the day when she decides to masturbate in her office while everyone was there.

You love this stuff. She’s crazy, she’s wild, she’s fun, but she’s insane. It’s probably like marrying Lindsay Lohan. You don’t marry these women though.

So now your best friend has come to you and told you not to do it. Don’t date this woman any more. Let me tell you what to do in this situation.

The crazy ones only get crazier with age. They don’t get more mellow. Your life will be a life of great sex, but emotional instability.

Just wait until she’s pregnant for nine months, and all the hormones are kicking in. Let me tell you, even the sane ones are insane when they’re pregnant. Wait until she feels fat after pregnancy and you make one comment asking her if she is going to lose the weight. See what happens then.

The crazy ones are great to have sex with, but don’t marry them. It’s almost like when you’re playing monopoly. You don’t want that get out of jail free card with the crazy ones, you want to stay in jail.

Enjoy the sex, but think to yourself, “How stable is this woman going to be with the kids? How stable is she going to be once I move my way up the corporate ladder and we actually win the trip to Hawaii? Do I really want my wife to be topless at the company pool? Do I want her hitting on the other women at the office party?”

It might be hot right now that she’s willing to do all these crazy things, including having her best friend over for a three-way. The problem is that if you marry this crazy woman you might lose out on a lot of other things in life — sanity, promotions and stability.

Take some advice from a friend of mine who once married one of these crazy women. You can’t just them — 50% of what you own (and then some) will be in their pocket. Crazy women are irrational, and if you try to divorce them they get even and they’ll take you for everything you’re worth.

Welcome to your life — the one where you need to choose between being with the sexual dynamo who is a crazy woman, and going out to find one who is just a little more mellow and a little more sane.

Yesterday we all went to Spitalfields Market, and everyone met so many cool women. For those of you who are in London, Spitalfields is a must. I ate so much great food again, I really stuffed myself. Then we sat to digest for a bit as I lead a really “heavy” discussion on dating!! Bo-bump-bump…pshhh!
You know that sound, that “bo-bump-bump” drum sound you hear at a bad comedy show? You know what “bo-bump-bump” is? That’s not just reserved for late-night talk shows, it’s also you when you become Punch-Line Guy.

Are you the guy that read somewhere on the Internet that women are really attracted to the funny guy? So now, in every conversation you have, you always want to make sure that you can show you’re funny, that you get the punch line out as quickly as possible? Basically you are punch line guy. You’re that guy who, within a minute of a conversation, whatever the topic, you have to end the conversation with this funny joke (well, at least that you think it’s funny).

Here’s the deal guys: That really takes both you and her out of a moment that could have been special. Punch-line guys tend to kill conversations because there’s not much to go on after you spew your cheesy punch-line. Especially if the punch line wasn’t that funny, maybe she’ll chuckle a little bit and then she’ll just realize the conversation is ending.
What most punch-line guys do is they just end the conversation with that mediocre punch line, they don’t keep it rolling. They take a perfectly good conversation and they feel like they have to spit the joke out somewhere to show her that they’re funny.

The reality is that you have plenty of chances to show her that you’re funny—at the right moments. But your problem is that you can’t risk waiting to be naturally funny, waiting to be funny at all the right moments. You have to do it now, you have to try to create the punch line moment because this is the ONLY moment to show her you’re worth getting to know.
I know what this is like because I used to be punch line guy. I was the class clown, I used to sit back and wait for my punch line in class. When I was first learning to talk to women, I’d always anticipate and wait for the punch line. I’d throw it out there and expect a big laugh but I never realized, when I was younger, that actually killed a lot of good conversations because I was killing the momentum.

All the punch line does is show that you’re not really listening and adding the conversation, it just shows that you want to be the center of attention, because that’s what punch line guy really is. He wants to be validated, he wants people to think he’s funny, and he wants to be the center of attention. So the next time you have your punch line guy moment, think to yourself, Is this really a proper moment for the punch line? Think about that. Will it keep the conversation flowing, or will it end the conversation like it has in the past?

Today, I take a trip down memory lane for you guys and tell you exactly how I lost my virginity.

 ”Nervous” is not a strong enough word for the feelings I had swirling around inside of me over that brief (but seemingly very long) two-day period in my life.

How David Wygant Virginty

What? you may be asking.  How does it take someone two days to lose their virginity?  Did it take me 2 days of begging, pleading, and convincing some poor teenage girl to give in to me?  Or was it due to my complete lack of sexual skill at the time that made the whole ordeal last 2 days?

Listen to todays podcast, and you will realize that stressing out so much about sex is completely not worth it.

If you want to gain the knowledge from my 30+ years of sexual experiences to make sure you aren’t making the same mistakes all guys make in bed and ensure you aren’t nicknamed “the 1 pump chump”, click here…

A lot of you are probably in front of your computer or on your phone right now, texting, e-mailing, you’re at different stages of planning out what you’re going to be doing tonight. You’ve waited all week for Friday night. This is going to be the night that you’re going to go out and meet a cool new woman. If all goes right, everything is going to change by the weekend, you’ll have one or two or even three prospective new dates, and your lifestyle is going to be different. You’re finally going to approach the woman you’re most attracted to.

Then what happens? As the night progresses, all those fears and excuses start creeping in. You get paralyzed. You stand around the bar. You do nothing.

Some of you may not even be reading this blog until late night Friday night, and you’ll say to yourself, “David, you just described my night. I was all jazzed. I was all excited. You’re right, slowly but surely, all my fears and excuses crept in and the next thing I knew, I was home again. I was staring at the ceiling, reviewing the night, and I finally came up with something really great to say to the woman I was attracted to, but it’s too late now.”

Here’s what I want all of you who read this blog early today to do. For those of you who are reading it late, do this exercise tomorrow night.

I want you to go out. I don’t want you to talk to a single person tonight. Not one person. I want you to observe, and I want you to watch, and I want you to understand the dynamic of what makes one guy fearless and successful with women, and another guy who goes home and masturbates, dreaming of the woman he wishes he could be with. I want you to watch the guys that are successful with women.

It doesn’t matter what they say, because I’m about to launch a brand new program that’s going to give you everything you need to say in these situations. I want you to take a look at their body language. I want you to take a look at what real attraction is. I want you to look at these guys and I want you to basically see how much fun they’re having. How engaging they are, how they use their hand motions, how they smile, how they walk with confidence. I want you to notice everything about them.

Now what I want you to do is I want you to look at yourself. No, don’t look directly at yourself in the mirror, but look at a guy just like you. I want you to find the guy who’s in the corner with his hands in his pockets, a clueless or frustrated look on his face, the kind of guy you can feel is really thinking with all the monkey chatter going on in his head.

I want you to look at that guy, and I want you to ask yourself this question: if you were a woman, who would you rather talk to? The guy who’s going around talking to everybody and generally just having a great time, or the guy who’s paralyzed in the corner waiting for the woman to go to the bathroom so he can chase her down and find the right moment to talk to her? The guy with that nervous energy who kinda scares people a little?

How do you feel? What type of emotion do you feel when you look at the guys who are having fun versus the guys who are not having fun? This is a great exercise that I have every single client do, any guy who’s ever been successful with women going out and meeting them on a Friday or Saturday night. Every guy goes through this exercise, because you have got to learn how to enjoy yourself before you can start meeting people. If you approach with nervous energy, nothing will happen, but if you approach with a smile while having a good time, the words don’t make a difference.

Note To All Men: If you are already subscribed to my email list you are well aware that next week I’m releasing a new product that is going to empower you to get over the BIGGEST issue you guys have when it comes to meeting women… approach anxiety. I hear it time and time again, and it was confirmed by thousands of survey responses taken by my email subscribers that have been pouring in the past couple of weeks.

I put together a video to help you learn how to kill approach anxiety to become natural with women, simply by using the power of observation!“

Dear David,

As an introvert, I have difficulty engaging and intriguing people in a way that builds lasting relationships. Being an introvert I don’t have a lot of friends and that specifically gives me a low opinion of myself, and it’s oten difficult for me to express myself even in a one-on-one setting. I would like to learn how to change this, how to build more social connections, and form real relationships with the men and women in my life.

Thanks for taking the time to read my email,

Danny

Here is my response:

Hi Danny,

Interesting the way you say it, “As an introvert.” In a three-sentence e-mail to me, you’ve used the word “introvert” twice. Which leads me to believe that was you go about your entire day, you probably say to yourself, As an introvert, I do X. As an introvert, I do Y. Because I’m an introvert, I can’t talk to that person over there. Because I’m an introvert, I won’t be able to meet somebody.

Your mind set is everything in life, and your personal verbal programming dictates the way you lead your life. Whatever it is that you believe about yourself, that will come to the front. If you believe it, then you are going to be it.

So instead of going around all day saying to yourself that you’re an introvert, I want you to say the following (and listen to the difference):

I’m shy. I have trouble engaging and intriguing people, and it’s because I act shy. But, you know what, every single day I go out and I do things to help overcome my shyness. I may not have a lot of friends right now, but every day I’m just going out and meeting people, talking to people, becoming friendly, because that’s what helps. I realize that it takes time to change all of those learned behavior patterns that I’ve developed over my entire life. But I’m willing to tackle my issues, I’m able to do this, and I’m going to work on it every day. Every day I’m going to go out and do the things that make me feel the most uncomfortable, because I know that eventually I’m going to get comfortable doing these things.

You see the way I phrased it differently? Your words are very powerful. Your words are your actions. The words you choose to tell yourself affect the actions you are going to take in life.

Choose your words wisely.

Actually, if you follow my posts. you know that what I write about really applies any time of the day, wherever you are. Daytime, nighttime, weekdays, and weekends alike. It’s all about having a strong, positive mindset, and that’s really the crux of it.

If you guys read the comments to Monday’s blog, our reader Konstantin asked a great question. From time to time I answer questions directly from you guys when I find them relevant. I’m going to answer Konstantin’s question right here for you guys:

Shogo, this is my problem

First, I read all your blogs and I know all tips of natural approach (observing, listening, eye contact) and also I read Always Talk to Strangers (David’s book).

I go to night clubs most, where are all girls from town. I know that place is competitive but I got no choice.

Hey Dad Lets Go Meet Some Women

I’ve tried to observe to start conversation but I don’t know with what to start. Ex: I see girls most in groups, they see at me and smile at me. I look that she drinks something, she is with friends and all that. As you said it’s unnatural because they are doing nothing, except having good time with her friends. Give something to start with Shogo, as I said before I tried, but conversation was like from script cause I not found anything to start with and not to appear as fool. Thanks.

Konstantin,

You have “no choice” but to go to nightclubs? What’s that about? You always have a choice with what you do with your time. Always. What you decide to do with your time is your choice. You can do whatever you want, and as long as you’re out of the house, women will be there.

So ask yourself, do you enjoy going to nightclubs?

If yes, why? Write down the reasons. Do you like the music? Do you like the people? Are you entertained when you see how people there interact? How people dress? Do you like to dance? Do you enjoy watching other people dance and make fools of themselves? Write down all the things you like about going out to nightclubs. These are all going to be your conversation starters.
When you’re out, you see girls who are smiling at you. That’s great! If a girl is smiling at you, you need to go over there and talk to her. It doesn’t matter that she’s in a group. Walk over with a big smile, be open, and introduce yourself.

If you need something to start with, observe everything around you.

She’s drinking something? She’s with her friends? That’s not an observation. Every woman is drinking something and every woman is with her friends.

Be creative. Point out the freaky-looking guy in the corner and how he’s dressed. Comment on how bad or good you think the music is. Make a comment on other people dancing–notice whether it’s good dancing or bad dancing. If it’s really bad dancing, poke fun at it. Use whatever is around you. People in clubs are running around all night acting like fools. There’s always something to discuss. Tell her you dig her outfit (if you actually do dig her outfit). If you don’t like her outfit but you think it’s interesting or weird, tell her why you think it’s interesting or weird.

So here’s the most important part of your question: YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING YOU WILL APPEAR FOOLISH.

Many women you approach in a nightclub will be a little uncomfortable at first too. Just like you, she’s hesitant because she does not know what to expect from you yet. You need to be the first one to be comfortable in the conversation. You need to be comfortable with yourself first.

If you think you’re going to appear foolish, you will appear foolish every time. Or you will never approach. I never, ever believe that about myself when I’m out. I’m out to meet new people, and every conversation that I have is going to be an amazing conversation. That’s all I think about. Period.

Start off by making observations, and before you know it, you won’t even need that anymore. When I go out to bars at night, usually the only thing I say to start a conversation is walk up with a big smile and say, “Hi, my name is Shogo.” That’s it. Guys who have been out with me know that that’s all I ever do. Or I say with a big smile, “You guys look like you’re having fun, mind if we join your conversation?” Or, “You look bored as hell, I’m here to entertain you.” That’s it. Simple.

For those of you that missed it, check it out here.

Today I thought we could have some fun and help out all of our readers that are still in college.

Check out today’s video, not only will it help people hook up in school but you can use the same mindset at a movie or a play.

And I am sure the comments are going to get crazy again today.

So bring em on!

Thanks everyone for all the great posts.