You know what I find really funny? I live on the beach, and every morning when I take Daphne for a walk there is a giant tractor-looking thing combing the sand to make it look flat and pretty.
Why? Why does it matter? California is broke, and this is on what it spends its money? I actually kind of like the footprints on the beach. It sort of makes it look like the moon at night.
Back when I was single and dating multiple women, I probably would have told that story three or four times in a week. Can you start to guess what I’m going to talk about in today’s podcast?
Yes, in today’s podcast I am going to talk about multiplicity. No, not multiple orgasms…but about dating multiple people.
I am going to talk about dating multiple people in a way you probably aren’t expecting. I am going to tell you not only how to manage dating multiple people, but why you should be doing that.
I am going to talk about why dating multiple people is one of the best ways to learn more about yourself and what you really want, and why it is the way you will end up dating the kind of people you have most been wanting to date.
This will be a really eye-opening podcast for many of you . . . and will change the way you think about (and the reasons you want to) date multiple people. Enjoy!
Click here to listen NOW:
By the way, if any of you have anything you’d like me to talk about in a future podcast, be sure to email me (david@davidwygant.com) and let me know! I’d love to hear from you.
Also, if you want to learn more about how to communicate with all the people you’re dating so that you can date multiple people in an enjoyable and stress-free way, be sure to check out my “Dating Principles For Great Relationships” product.
So, yesterday I had to go find last minute airfare to take care of some personal business down in New Orleans. I first went online, only to discover that it would cost me $700.00 per ticket roundtrip from Los Angeles.
Then I tried to get one of the Southwest vouchers. The problem is that they only allow a certain number of people per flight to use a voucher, and I missed being allowed on one flight I needed to get another flight, so I couldn’t work that out.
Then I called up American Airlines, and American told me we’ve got award travel miles (12,500 for one way and 25,000 the other way) available so the ticket would cost an additional $100.00. If two people fly, though, you can get it for $120.00 but only if it comes out of one mileage account. If it comes out of two separate mileage accounts, then it costs $200.00.
So then I called up United Airlines, which was the best one so far. They could get us there using 25,000 airline miles, except that we were short some miles in my account. So I asked if I could transfer some miles into my account (which they could), but they said the transfer takes 48 hours and I needed to be on the flight before then.
Since I was already on the phone with them and they could see on their computer screen that the miles I wanted transferred were there, I asked if they could just do the transfer right then and there so we could get the tickets. They said no, they couldn’t do it because the 48 hour thing is a rule.
It’s unbelievable the amount of rules that are out there. People are robots. Nobody can break a rule . . . or even alter a rule.
Last night we went out to dinner to talk about this wonderful day spent finding airfare. We were at a sushi restaurant, and I wanted one piece of uni. At this restaurant, uni comes two to an order for $8.00. I asked if I could order just one piece of uni, and the waiter said no (because they only serve it in orders of two).
So, basically, the restaurant didn’t want to make $4.00, and they didn’t want to split the order up because it would break the rules. I talked to the manager to see if he would be willing to break the rules, but he said he wouldn’t break the rule because it’s a rule and he had to obey the rule.
People are such robots. Nobody can ever bend a rule even a little bit. I know the airlines have to have certain rules, but the problem is that they have so many different rules — and the rules change so often — that no one can figure out what all the rules are.
Can you bring on carry-on luggage or can you not bring on carry-on luggage? Now, all of a sudden, you have to pay to check your luggage. Because of that, everybody’s trying to just have carry-on luggage (leaving no overhead space on the plane).
The “rules” say that the plane should have a certain amount of overhead space per person, but most people put their suitcases up there with the wheels sideways so only about half as much luggage actually fits up there. Isn’t there also a “rule” about which direction the wheels should go in the overhead containers? How come no one follows that rule?
We all are robots. We all follow rules in life. So what does all this have to do with dating?
Well, a lot of people think there are rules in dating. I can’t tell you how many times I get an email from someone asking something like, “David, I read where you said that you should lean in on a date when you’re talking to a woman, but someone else said you shouldn’t do that. Now, isn’t that a rule that you’re not supposed to lean in like that?”
It’s unbelievable. What about intuition? What about doing something just for the sake of doing it? What about trusting your own gut?
What about bending and breaking the “rules” sometimes? Why does there have to be so many rules? Why are we such a rule-driven society?
It’s amazing how many people have trouble meeting and dating the opposite sex because they believe there have to be rules. Hmmm, she flipped her hair on the left side, which means I should not kiss her tonight. Really?! Where did you read that . . . in some “10 rules for dating” article somewhere?
Whatever happened to just doing things because they feel right in the moment. Now, I’m not talking about a rule-less society, but every once in a while can’t we just give up that one piece of uni, allow someone to transfer a few airline miles or go in for a kiss without reading a textbook about it ahead of time? If we did, we might all actually live a little longer.
Let’s talk a little bit about setting an intent. I’m going to share a story with you, one that is very personal to me.
The other night I was kind of just sitting around, and I started reminiscing a little bit. Then I started thinking to myself, “God, it’s amazing.” I read all your posts on the blog and on YouTube. I see all of you struggling so much either trying to meet someone, to work on aspects of your relationship or to work on aspects of yourself. What I realized was that I think a lot of you are missing the point.
Here’s the story I want to share with you. When I was nineteen years old, I was really skinny. I know I’m not exactly the bulkiest guy in the world right now. At nineteen, though, I was really thin. I was a ‘tall drink of water’ — tall, lean and thin.
Then I saw the movie Flashdance. As most of you know, Flashdance was a hot, sexy dance movie. After seeing it I thought to myself, “I really want to be in that type of shape where I can just rock it at all times.”
The minute the movie ended, I went into the basement of the house I was renting in college and I started working out. I haven’t stopped since that day.
I have been working out since I was nineteen, and I’m now 47 years old. I’ve been working out consistently for 28 years.
When I was in my 20s, I was a big guy. I was bulky, big around the neck, and had big arms and shoulders. Now, at 47 years old, I’m more lean again.
The one thing that will never change about me is being in shape. I will always be in shape.
Why? Because I work at it every day. Every single day I do something.
last night a took a long walk on the beach after we had dinner. The day before that I did weights. Tomorrow I’m probably going to go for a bike ride. The day after that I’m probably going to go do some more weights, maybe do a little bit of stretching and Pilates.
No matter what it is, every day I’m doing something. It might be for half an hour, 45 minutes or an hour. It doesn’t matter. The reason why I do it every day is because I believe there is no reason for me not to look good, and not to feel good about who I am and what I’m all about.
Why should I look flabby? Why should my woman look at me and think to herself, “God he looked so much better six months ago. Why doesn’t he look that good now?”
That’s the message I want to get through to all of you. The message is that if you want to achieve goals, you’ve got to painfully do something every day.
Do I enjoy working out? Some days I hate it. Do I enjoy taking a long walk? Sometimes I love it, but other times I just don’t want to do it.
I do it not only to look good, but also because it makes me feel good. I like to feel tight. I like to feel ripped. I like to feel my body.
I don’t like to feel flabby in any way. I wouldn’t want to see myself with a big belly.
Is this all ego? There’s probably a little bit of ego involved, but a big part of it is the way it makes me feel. I feel great.
All of you need to realize that in order for you to get good at something, you’ve got to do the work. You’ve got to drag your ass out there every single day. You’ve got to drag yourself out there even on days you don’t want to drag yourself out there.
You have no choice but to drag yourself out there and get things done. If you want to become good at something, then you’ve got to do it every single day (including on days you don’t want to do it).
So even when it’s cold or raining, you’ve got to get to the gym or get out there and meet people or do whatever it is that you have set as a goal for yourself. If you want to become a good conversationalist, for example, you’ve got to talk to everybody . . . and you’ve got to do it every day.
So many of you will get so frustrated — so painfully frustrated — while you’re working on a goal. It will drive you up the wall. It will drive you crazy. You’ll get so frustrated, it’s ridiculous.
You’ve got to work through those frustrations. I was so proud when I had that realization the other day that for the last 27 years I’ve worked through my frustrations and therefore can look in the mirror today knowing I’m in as good shape now as i was in at age nineteen.
Do you know how that makes me feel? I’ve got a herniated disc. You would never know it by looking at me . . . ever. I move well. I’m strong. That makes me feel great!
I’ve got a blown shoulder. I can move through that pain, and I’m strong as can be.
How about getting blown off by a woman once in a while. That is a frustration that I know many of you face. All of you can blow right through all that stuff. I know you can. I know every one of you can.
You’ve just got to persevere. You’ve just got to drag yourself out there every day and work on the things you need to work on. You can do it. I know you can do it.
Today’s video will help you understand women’s intent.
The other night I saw the movie “The Ugly Truth” starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. It was actually a pretty cute movie. It’s about a guy who gives dating advice on television.
Obviously I feel we already give the “ugly truth” about dating here . . . but I just never came up with a good nickname for it like they did. So today, let’s think about what I can call what we do here.
Seeing the movie at the theater raised a whole other issue with me as well. What is wrong with people who bring little kids to a movie theater on a Saturday night and allow them to scream, yell, run around and act like a monkey in a zoo? I mean, that is just ridiculous and rude.
My favorite people in a movie theater aren’t even those people, as much as the “huffers and puffers” those people annoy the most. The woman who was sitting in front of me was a huffer and puffer. She was annoyed by the same unruly child, and kept huffing, looking back and giving a dirty look.
A dirty look . . . in a dark movie theater? Really, Miss Huffer. They’re seven rows back. They’re not going to hear your huffing or see your dirty look. So to all you ?huffers and puffers,? I say grow some balls, walk up to them and tell them how you feel!
So when we left the theater, there were five young women with the young monster they were obviously babysitting. They probably thought it would be funny to take him to a movie.
By being there for this movie, however, the kid at about three years old got to see a hot makeout scene in an elevator, a woman using vibrating panties in a restaurant and men wrestling around in Jello. Is it any wonder that some men out there use their penis as a weapon?
How many women out there have been sexually harassed by men? Raise your keyboards. How many women have been date raped by men? Raise your keyboards.
You never hear anything about a man being date raped. Why? It’s because women don’t have the weapon to do it. Some men when they get erect and the testosterone kicks in, get angry and they need to find a vag in which to stick their weapon.
Wow, this is turning into a serious blog. Do you know the scariest thing about these date rapists? After they climax, they still think they’re dating that woman. They’ll call a few days later like nothing out of the ordinary happened, wondering when the next date will be.
What part of getting kicked and punched by the woman didn’t they understand? Unfortunately, a lot of men are like this after having a little alcohol. They drink and become instant assholes. They get rude with women, and some of them become sexually violent.
This goes on more than you think. What causes it? They probably had five babysitters take them as a little boy to a movie they shouldn’t see. “The Ugly Truth” was fairly harmless luckily for that kid the other night.
Every day, though, it seems like you see people taking little kids into movies they shouldn’t see and allowing kids to watch television they shouldn’t watch. Children between the ages of two and seven are sponges. What they see is what they process. What they process is what they become. So that cute little three year old kid may turn into a date rapist in college.
I’m not a parent and, of course, all parents make mistakes. That is what parents do. Men who can’t control their testosterone, though, became that way starting at a very young age.
Men who date rape women — men full of testosterone who look at women with no respect — are men who belong in the zoo. Some of you maybe even have participated in this or have been the victim of this.
Forcing a woman to have sex after she pleads with you not to do it is nothing of which to be proud. No means no.
If a woman is screaming, kicking or punching, then back off! The problem is that some of these guys get into such a rage that they can’t back off. They don’t see it.
This was a very heavy topic . . . especially for a Monday. It all started with coming up with a new name for what we do here, and it turned into a really deep blog about the violent behavior of certain testosterone-laden males.
I want to hear your thoughts on all of this. Let’s hear from you…
What a hangover! Man, I can’t remember a thing from last night.
I woke up this morning with crap all over house. Then I went to the bathroom and found a tiger in there! How it got in there I have no idea. Is anyone missing a tiger? What do you even feed a tiger anyway?
For those of you who think I’ve lost my mind (because you know I don’t drink), I saw the funniest movie of the summer last night: The Hangover. It’s a must-see movie! Ninety minutes of straight laughter. I never got bored and I never wanted it to end. I haven’t seen a movie this funny since I saw the movie Superbad. I must say, too, that Bradley Cooper (who played the jerk in the movie Wedding Crashers), stole the movie with his awesome performance.
Speaking of being super bad and about a bad, bad thing, how many of you are fans of blood? True Blood is a great show on HBO if you haven’t seen it. And talking about true blood, how do you feel about women during that time of the month? Will you have sex with a woman during that time of the month?
I got an email the other day which I thought was really interesting. A guy wrote me and said, “David, my girlfriend wants us to have sex during her period and I really don’t want to do it. What do I do?”
Well, I’m all about “riding the red river” during the period. I’ve got no problem being Count Dracula.
Granted, oral sex is really not that fun during a woman’s menstrual cycle (and not fun at all during the heavy bleeding days). On the “lighter” days or the last days of her cycle, however, if she takes a shower then it’s clean down there.
As far as having sex, you just stay up top. If you ever go down below, then you might as well be a werewolf or Count Dracula.
Really, sex during the period is a blast. Women are really horny during that time, and if you’re dating someone exclusively and using condoms, it gives you four or five days of free sex in which you don’t have to use a condom.
It’s a lot of fun. I suggest putting down towels, and I suggest not making her feel uncomfortable. Her period is a natural thing! Be glad she’s having her period if you don’t want kids!
It’s a natural thing, so don’t sit there and say, “Eew!” or “Hey, I don’t want to get my sheets all dirty.” It’s not a dirty thing! There are some guys who act like it’s some dirty thing to be riding the red river, but it’s really not a dirty thing at all.
The only thing is after having tampons inside her all day, and because she very likely may pull the tampon out right before you have sex, she’ll be dry. So I suggest a little lube, so you can slide in easily and not rip her apart.
It’s actually very sensual and it’s very connecting to have sex with a woman during her period. It shows her that you’re willing to have sex with her anytime, regardless of the conditions.
It doesn’t matter if the tide is red or the tide is normal, you’re willing to have sex at any time. This is a very bonding experience that you two will share.
Not only that, but if you are worried about your sheets then just put down a towel! Have some fun with it. Say, “Alright Honey, we’ve got to put down a towel today because the red river is here and we don’t want to ruin the sheets.”
Just have some fun with it. Don’t be so uptight.
Men want women to open up sexually all the time, except men aren’t willing to get out of their comfort zone. This, ironically, is exactly the reason why women won’t open up sexually with you.
You really need to open up and expand your sexual horizons. I’ve got no issues with the red river flowing, and neither should you!
What do I have in common with Fred Flintstone? My pet is not a dinosaur. My girl does not have outfits that use bones to hold them together. I don’t have a daughter named Pebbles.
I do, however, snore like a cartoon character. This is a new phenomenon in my life. I was never much of a snorer, but for some reason or other I’ve started to do it.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve met the woman I want to be with, so all my latent bad habits are coming out of the woodwork. Call it “domestic bliss at its worst.”
So if anyone knows a good cure for snoring besides hitting me over the head with a bag of rocks, please let me know. Well, that’s all I am going to complain about today.
Some of you, though, spend you lives complaining. As it’s Monday, I know some of you have been complaining since you woke up and got to work this morning. This leads me directly into today’s blog…
Complainers. I can almost hear the crying from you now, “Waaaaaaaaa!” So many people just complain their lives away.
“Poor me. I don’t have a good job.”
“Poor me. I don’t have a girlfriend (or boyfriend).”
“The weather is bad.”
Let me tell you something about complainers. They need to start checking themselves and reigning in all the complaining.
Also, I’m want to set up “complaining rules” which govern when and about what things people are allowed to complain. I don’t know if I need to send these rules to Obama or to Larry King. Of course, Larry never knows what he’s talking about anymore anyway.
If you’ve got a shitty driver in front of you, complain away. If you have a cold, the flu or the runs, then go ahead and complain if it makes you feel better. If you’re at Starbucks and the person making the coffee is so damn slow you believe they must have been dropped on their head at birth, then go ahead and complain. Go ahead and complain about all these things, but complain to yourself.
Really, though, don’t complain about things you can’t control and certainly don’t complain to others about them. Don’t, for example, complain about the weather. You’re not Superman, you can’t change it. If the weather is crummy for a few days, find something else to do.
My mother was a chronic weather complainer. That’s probably why I live in California where the weather is always perfect.
When it comes to things you can control, instead of complaining about things, DO something about them. Instead of complaining about your body if you’re dissatisfied with it, do something about it. Complaining is not going to get your body in better shape, and I’ve never seen the complainer’s diet or workout.
If you complain that you can’t meet someone but you never do anything about it, then guess what? You’re not going to meet someone. Stop complaining and start doing something about it.
Going back to those shitty drivers, unless you have a shotgun or a Bazooka there’s really nothing you can do about them. So complain all you want . . . to yourself.
I understand complaining when you have a cold, but again keep it to yourself. Don’t use it as a topic of conversation with others. I just love when I run into someone and ask how they are, and the response is “Lousy! I have a cold” followed by five straight minutes of complaining about it. What do I look like? A doctor? Really, do I look like I walk around with Sudafed in my pocket?
I also love when I’m in line at Starbucks and people in line complain about the person behind the counter serving the coffee. Do I look like the manager?
If you’re going to complain, do it to yourself or be proactive. It just seems like so many people complain but aren’t willing to do anything about whatever it is about which they’re complaining.
When someone starts bitching, I personally just tune them out. I really don’t want to hear it.
I’m really sorry you ate the box of Twinkies and that you’re not in shape. What do you want me to do? Stick my finger down your throat?
I’m a self-help expert. That means you read my stuff and you self-help yourself. I can’t do it for you.
If you want to meet more women, I can’t introduce you to them. I’m not a dating service. If you want to lose weight, I can’t get on the treadmill for you or make your legs move on the treadmill.
So let’s all stop complaining and start doing! By the way, Larry King called and said “Why complain? You can just get married ten times, and they just get younger and younger each time.” (Well at least that’s what I’m sure he would say).
In New York City with my girlfriend and, as always, New York is full of surprises! I’ll fill all of you in next week…
Did she come? How do you know if she came?
You know I’ve done a lot of different blogs about orgasms. I’ve done blogs on faking orgasms. I’ve done blogs talking about how to give women a great orgasm.
The questions really is, though, did she come? How do you know if the woman you’re with actually had an orgasm?
Some women only seem to have orgasms from the clit. Other women can have orgasms both from intercourse and from clitoral stimulation.
The problem is that a lot of women expect to have the same kind of earth-shattering orgasm from intercourse that they do from their clit. The thing is that during intercourse, orgasms can be more subtle, relaxing and mellow. They are also more distinct.
If you’re inside a woman and you feel her walls start to tighten around you, and starting to expand and contract, you’re guaranteed that woman is having an orgasm. It’s a nice orgasm. It’s a peaceful orgasm, but yet still an orgasm.
If you need confirmation, then keep going and hitting that same spot inside her. If she does it again fifteen or twenty seconds later, then she’s having a multiple orgasm.
Some women have learned how to have g-spot orgasms where they actually squirt. They scream, they yell and they have a release like an orgasm from the clitoris.
The clitoris is actually the leader of the pack when it comes to pleasure. The clit orgasm is a little pleasure button on top of a woman’s vagina that was designed for nothing else but pleasure.
The clit is the captain of pleasure, and the vagina will soon follow. I was originally going to try to tell you all of this in a funny way, but after speaking with a friend of mine today he reminded me how many women don’t even get that that there could be so many subtle ways of coming.
The fact is that as a man, we only have one way to come. We go, we pump, we scream, we yell, we have an orgasm. It’s very distinct.
Women, you can have subtle orgasms and you can have earth-shattering orgasms. I mean, I have always had woman-orgasm envy.
I know if I had one wish, I would have a vagina for the day. If I did, I would just come all day long. I’d also learn every distinctive orgasm that a woman can have so that I could take take that knowledge and turn it into amazing sex with all my partners.
So back to our original question: How do you know if your girl is coming? You can always ask her. You can also be intuitive and you can feel, because when a woman is coming you can definitely feel it in every way.
This is the third installment of my new Tuesday “Q&A” blog format . . . except that this week it’s coming to you on Saturday. If this is the first Q&A blog you’ve read, these are blogs where I’m posting answers to questions submitted from my newsletter subscribers. Each blog answers a question from a man and a woman.
So if you have not submitted a question and want me to answer something for you, I am accepting questions. The only limitation is that you need to be on my newsletter list to be able to submit a question (It’s a “subscriber-only perk!”)
If you are on my newsletter subscriber list and want to submit a question for me to answer, all you have to do is to respond to any one of the newsletter emails with your question. It’s fun, simple and easy!
If you’re not on my newsletter subscriber list and would like to be, all you need to do is go to the blue box at the upper right hand corner of each page of this website and submit your name and email. It’s that simple! Then as soon as you receive your first newsletter via email, you can submit your question!
Hi David! i have been following you for a long time now. I have found ur information better than any mystery method. I remember you once said in a blog to email me any excuses you have on approaching a woman. The one i have kills me to death.
Please don’t laugh but i have PE or Premature Ejaculation. Sex for me lasts 30 sec to minute. How can one approach a women, get her number, have sex with her that lasts a second and keep her?
Any advice would help me with this struggle. Its a struggle that has almost pushed me over the edge. all i could use is a push in the right direction. Thanks
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**My Answer To Reader 1’s Question**
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Hey Matt, that’s a great question!
There are a couple things you need to do, but let me tell you this first: premature ejaculation will end. It’s not going to be something you’re stuck with for the rest of your life.
One of the things to make sure you do so that women don’t get as bothered about this as you think they’re going to be, is a lot of foreplay. You need to go down on her. You need to bring her to orgasm with your mouth and your fingers.
You need to spend time playing with her, teasing her, and maybe giving her erotic massage where you touch her whole body. Make sure you spend a good hour just giving her a massage before you even touch any of her private parts or even a breast. By doing this, you’re going to be able to please her.
Here’s another thing you can do. After you please her, you’re going to want to have sex. So what you need to do is have sex slowly. Try having sex with the lights out, because if you can’t see her then maybe you won’t have premature ejaculation as quickly.
When you’re having sex slowly, try just concentrating on what she’s feeling. You just relax, breathe, take it slow. Don’t worry and don’t think.
The last thing you need to do is to realize that is not something that’s going to last a long time. You might have premature ejaculation now, but in the future you may not have it. So don’t worry about it. Everybody has a time in their life where they come too fast.
So, really, I think really you just need to relax. Enjoy it, and really spend a lot of time pleasing her. Then what happens is that she’ll understand your issue, and she’ll help you get past it.
What are your thoughts on guys claiming sexual harassment…
I was kind of flirting with this co worker at my job and we were sharing the smiles, the real ones not the I am friendly ones and he sends me this blank email forwarded from another co worker right, so I email him back and try to open him up, ask him about christmas etc. O.k. in the 1st email he was asked to give a student a “pep talk” to get them back on track with studies. I wrote that I would wanted a “pep talk” to used the quotes cause I was using the same wordage she used. He totally got offended and would not talk to me for 3 days. I didn’t know that till much later but from that point on, all my playful banter was basically forwarded and annotated to suggest I was harassing him.
I was trying to talk to him, gave him a nickname Viking boy, teased him about a piece of cake he missed out on. I mean that is it, the guy just totally freaked and complained to my boss. Which was embarrassing enough because I didn’t mean anything raunchy just friendly, I know you can’t read all the emails but I only sent like 4 over one week and nothing in there was suggestive. Save a nickname. I know you would have us keep going out and practice, but I am so floored by his reaction, I have stopped going out and smiling and talking to people. That sucks. What are your thoughts?
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**My Answer To Reader 2’s Question**
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So you’ve got this awkward situation at work with a guy with whom you were flirting and just having some fun. Here’s the thing.
You gave him a nickname and you teased him about a piece of cake he missed out on in reference to you. The reason why he freaked out about this, was because you went from just talking to really becoming sexual with him.
Nicknames are all about sexuality. Anytime a woman teases a man and calls him a nickname, there’s a sexual undertone to it. I’m sure you were looking at him too. You knew you were flirting. He probably was not interested, so when you started flirting more heavily with him he just freaked out.
Here’s the other major thing I see that happened here. So after this, you stopped going out, smiling and talking to people? That’s ridiculous. This is a one-time thing that happened.
This is what I don’t understand about people who are single. They will try something once and if it doesn’t work, then they just shut down. I call it going on hiatus. I mean, think about it. This is a one-time thing that didn’t work. There are no 100% guarantees in life.
Think about your career. Think about professional sports athletes. Nothing we do is 100%. So you got blown off one time. Keep going! Don’t stop. Flirt with men and have fun.
It’s not always going to work out, but you are going to meet somebody a lot faster if you do it every single day and you don’t allow the rejections to get to you. Shutting down is the biggest mistake you can possibly make because it means that you’re not open to the wonderful world of meeting somebody.
