Are long distance relationships really realistic? To tell you the truth, I think long distance relationships are fantasies.
Let’s say you meet someone on vacation. You fall for them in two days.
Then after the trip you have hot phone calls, texts and emails with them. Every time you see them on the weekend, everything is perfect. Everyone is on their best behavior. The sex is great.
The whole weekend is great. It’s like going on vacation with somebody over and over and over again.
The only way you can really get to know somebody, though, is to see them every single day. You need to see what they’re like after a long day of work. You need to see how they are in the middle of a regular work day.
Relationships are difficult to begin with, but long distance relationships tend to be fantasy-driven. Now, there are long distance relationships that are successful.
Most of the ones that I’ve known about or seen, however, do not end up lasting long-term. When the people finally are together in the same place, they are often broken up within a month because they finally start to experience what each other is like and how each other behaves on a daily basis.
Remember, when you’re in a long distance relationship, you are just seeing each other on the weekends. You really are always on your best behavior every time you’re together.
It’s hot and passionate every time you meet. You look forward to seeing that person every time. In fact, you usually can’t wait to see that person. It’s sexy.
You think about them on the airplane. At the end of every weekend when you leave each other, you spend the next week thinking about how amazing the prior weekend was. You spend all week thinking about how you can’t wait until the next weekend.
The problem with this is that you never get to see the “nitty gritty” daily stuff. You don’t get to see the bras and panties hanging on the shower curtain rod. You don’t get to see his dirty underwear thrown on the floor. You don’t realize that neither one of you actually never clean up when you’re alone.
That is why long distance relationships are tough. I always truly believed that you are better off hunting in your own neighborhood.
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One time, I went to a seminar where all the guy leading the seminar wanted the audience to do was to say “Yes!” over and over again. No matter what the seminar leader said, he expected the audience to respond to with just one word: Yes!
You don’t ever want to be a “yes man” (or a “yes woman”). Why are you saying yes? Why are people “yes men” or “yes women?”
The reason is that they are insecure. They actually feel like nobody wants them, so when they find someone with whom to have a relationship, they agree with everything.
They’re so afraid to rock the boat. They’re so afraid that if they don’t say yes to everything that they’re going to lose this person and never have a chance at another relationship again.
Unfortunately they are unaware of one thing. The truth is that nobody wants to be with a “yes man” (or a “yes woman”).
It drives me crazy to be around these kind of people. I have friends who are “yes men,” and have been stuck in conversations like this:
DW: “Do you want Thai food?”
YesMan: “Yes.”
DW: “How about Mexican food?”
YesMan: “Sure.”
DW: What do you want to eat?
YesMan: “I want whatever you want.”
I really can’t stand it.
Stand up for yourself, have an opinion on things and don’t be afraid to communicate. People will respect you more.
I never respect “yes people.” If someone yes’s me to death, I don’t respect them because they don’t feel like my equal.
Everyone is each other’s equal. So if you feel like you’ve been a “yes man” or a “yes woman” in relationships, then it’s time for you to start saying the magic word: No!
These are two letters you need to learn — “n” and “o.” Use them. Be one with “no.”
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You never, ever want to be a “background guy.” Do you ever walk into a store or into a party, and your friend is always the lead guy?
Your friend start talking to some people or to a woman, and there you are in the background. That leaves you hovering ten or fifteen feet away from the conversation.
You don’t join in the conversation because your ego won’t let you do it. You say to yourself, “Well my buddy is talking to first and I didn’t get to talk to her, so I am just going to stand in the background and look like a deaf mute.”
You don’t want to ever be ‘background guy.’ If your buddy walks over and starts talking to one person or to a group, then you go and hang out with him.
Just because you’re not talking or didn’t make the first approach, doesn’t mean that you can’t be actively listening to the conversation. When you actively listen to a conversation, you can join in when something intrigues you.
If you’re in the background, though, you don’t hear any of that conversation. So there is no way for you to easily join in that conversation at any point because you are a ‘background guy.’
Don’t ever be a ‘background guy,’ because background guys are forgotten. You literally are the background, like when you look at a scene in a movie with tons of extras in the background.
Those extras never get to speak. Do you know why? It’s because they are just background people.
There is no need for this to be you. So don’t ever be ‘background guy.’
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Let me ask you a couple of questions…
