If you search the Internet you’ll always find an answer. There will always be somebody that will tell you that you can get your ex back, or they’ll tell you that you weren’t energetically aligned, or that your astrological signs didn’t match, or whatever. We’re always trying to find out why something didn’t work out. We need to find out.

Well here’s the deal: instead of looking at why it didn’t work out, ask yourself what you really need to experience that you were afraid of. Let’s go even deeper into this. What do you need to experience based on the experiences that you had with this person? Why do you keep attracting the same type of person in your life, and why are you so afraid to experience what you really desire? Why are you so afraid of become raw, open and vulnerable?

It’s really time to get Naked. I was told—by some great philosopher no doubt—that the question “why?” is one of the worst questions you can ask. “Why?” can almost never be answered alone, in your head—especially if it involves someone else. “How?” is a much better question. It’s more empowering. Instead of “why did they do that to me?” you could ask “how can I grow from this experience?”

We always try to figure out why something didn’t work out. But in reality, there’s a great message as to why it didn’t work out that can’t be rationalized by numerology or anything else. It’s a message that presents itself over and over again with a lot of our lovers and a lot of our relationships.

And until we figure out what that message is, we never move forward and experience what we really need to experience.  And that is where you need to look within.  Because looking deep within is going to enable you to really process it, in a way that you’ll grow instead of just saying it didn’t work out, because you weren’t “energetically aligned”.

Status: Single.
Status: It’s complicated.
Status: Single again.

Do you know how many clients I talk to who have been broken up with via Facebook without even getting a phone call from their Facebook “ex”?
What is wrong with our society? We don’t even have closure anymore. We’re so afraid of actually having to face our partners when we’re ending a relationship that we resort to alternate, virtual ways to break up with them. Facebook. Email. Even texting! It’s ridiculous.

First, unless you’re married, real men do not post their relationship status on Facebook. Unless you’re married, it’s nobody else’s business.
And more importantly, real men do not break up over Facebook.

And real women do not post their relationship status on Facebook either. Your actual friends already know what your relationship status is.
Enough with the Facebook relationship announcements. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of constantly seeing so-and-so’s relationship status who I haven’t seen in 12 years, or so-and-so who I met at some party last summer.

I’m tired of all the bullshit.
If you’re going to break up with somebody, do it face-to-face.
At the very least, before you go out and publicly announce a relationship with someone over Facebook, have the courtesy to announce that relationship to your “significant other’s” face first so they don’t wake up one morning to their that surprise they’re suddenly in a relationship with you on Facebook—when all they thought was that you two were dating.

Well now your friend is about to marry a crazy one. What do you do?

Let’s add a little fun dimension to this. You’re at a party one night. You open the bathroom door and that crazy lunatic woman is making out with another guy only a few months before your friend is scheduled to marry her.

She looks at you and she smiles. Then she corners you and says, “Don’t say anything to him. That was just an ex, and I really needed to just get that out of my system before we got married.”

What do you say to your friend, knowing he is about to marry this crazy one? Is it your place to say anything to him? I think it is, and I’m going to share something with you from my own personal experience.

Back in 1987, my best friend Mark was about to marry a woman I didn’t particularly like. I’ve known Mark since I was seven years old. I didn’t particularly like her because I found her to be very controlling and a little uptight sexually. From what he described to me, she just seemed like she had an underlying plan and I didn’t trust her.

When I asked him how the sex was with her, he said it wasn’t that great but was nice enough. He told me he wasn’t even that attracted to her, but that he felt he should marry her because she was the nicest woman he’d ever met.

That’s the problem about being in your mid 20′s. We tend to go off and marry someone who’s just so nice to us, but yet we’re not really into them.

About a month before Mark’s wedding, I confronted him and I told him that I didn’t think he should marry that woman. I also told him all the reasons why I didn’t think he should marry her. I had it all written down on a piece of paper, so I wouldn’t forget anything.

Do you know what happened? He ended up marrying her anyway, and I wasn’t the best man at the wedding.

Guess what happened fourteen years later? You got it . . . He had to write a really big check when the two of them got divorced. He had to move out of the house he bought.

Being the controlling woman I knew she was, she of course started manipulating the kids and telling them what a horrible father they have. Now two years after the divorce — after all the messes and financial cleanup has been done — his own kids don’t talk to him.

A real and true friend will be honest regardless of what the outcome is going to be. Your friend will make whatever decision he is going to make no matter what. He may marry the crazy, manipulative woman or he may listen to you. He may actually open his eyes and realize you are only looking out for his best interest. Regardless of what decision he makes, a true friend will still tell him how he feels.

Welcome to a really hard time of adult adolescence called honesty with your friends. Don’t sugarcoat things any more.

They’re dating a nut or are about to marry a crazy woman, then you as their friend better try to shake them into reality. They may be dating that woman or marrying that woman based on their own insecurities or their own fear of not being able to meet someone else. They lack an abundance mentality when it comes down to meeting women.

So you need to wake them up — and wake them up fast — because that divorce is going to cost them a lot of money in the future.

No, not somebody who orders eggs and hash browns at the diner, takes them home, and then rehashes them the next morning.

The other rehashing.

Are you somebody who will go out on a date-maybe a few dates-and then if it suddenly fizzles out with him or her, you’ll go and drive your friends crazy for the next two weeks reliving and replaying every single moment of those dates. You want to rehash every moment: “If I just said this…” “If I just did that…” “If he just reacted to me this way…” “It was over all because I didn’t react that way, that’s the reason why we’re not going out again!”

Dating And Complaining

All that rehashing is ridiculous. It’s not the one thing you did or didn’t do that killed it. It’s a combination of things. It’s energy. It’s chemistry. There’s so much more involved than just one stupid little thing you could’ve done better. Usually nothing you could have done would have saved the situation anyway.

So if you’re driving your friends crazy rehashing your last failed date or relationship 24/7 over something that you think might have gone wrong—you’re 100% wrong in that. Because what really went wrong is that you didn’t have the chemistry with that person. Maybe life at that moment was throwing you a curve ball. Maybe your date had things going on in his or her life. Maybe you had things going on in yours.

It’s never, ever just one thing. It’s not one thing that you said on that date that turned the whole thing around and killed the date momentum. It’s not one thing that made your date not want you or desire you or want to be with you. So stop rehashing the past, and start smoking all the hash that you want.

“Decide what you want, and learn how to ask for it.”

Think about it. You have to make a decision. What do you want? What do you want in a date? What do you want to get out of a date? What do you want in relationships? How do you want to be treated in a relationship? How do you want to be loved? How do you want to give love?

In work, you get to decide how to get a job, how to start a business, how to get clients, how you want your career shaped. The quote above works for everything. But, today, let’s focus in on how it works for relationships.

I truly believe we all have a blueprint, a blueprint on how we need to be loved, how we desire to be loved, and how being loved will satisfy us. All of us need to share this, whether you’re in a relationship or not in relationship. Communicate how you need to be loved. Are you somebody who likes to have sex for long periods, for lots of long, intimate sex sessions? Are you somebody who lives to travel with your partner? Are you somebody who likes deep conversations, and it’s really important? Are you somebody who is all about quality time, no distractions, hanging out? Are you someone that likes to have their head rubbed or their back rubbed?

Learn what you want, decide what you want, and learn how to ask for it.

We give each other the blueprint when we’re first dating, during that excitement phase, when we’re first hanging out with somebody. We tell them everything we need, because we truly trust and believe that this person, this new special person that we feel wonderful things for, really gives a shit and wants to please us, wants to learn, wants to know what we’re all about and how we desire to be loved. Then, in a perfect world, that person will actually do those things that are important to the other person.

The problem is that most relationships dissolve because the other person or both people stop doing the things that are most important to the other person due to whatever battlegrounds ruin those wishes.

Some of us actually suck at delivering what the other person needs. There’s a book called “The Five Love Languages,” which I’ve discussed before. It talks about learning your partner’s love language. Until you learn your partner’s love language, the relationship will be frustrating. Once you learn the love language, then every single day, you can go and do the things necessary. Every day you’ll be able to then do things that fill that person’s love tank. I believe it. I look at all my relationships and I realize the reason they weren’t successful because the woman I dated wasn’t getting their love tank filled, and my love tank wasn’t full either. The book’s great because it really talks about how, even when your love tank is empty, you can go and fill another person’s up, because somebody has to be full. And even though that other person may not react or fill up your love tank for a while, eventually that lover will, if they love you.

Self Love

Decide what you want, and learn how to ask for it. It’s pretty amazing. It’s pretty simple. I think the majority of relationships fail because the couple sits there like two stones on a couch, not reaching, not doing a thing, because the other person isn’t doing it. It all starts usually when one person or both people have really described what they wanted and the other person doesn’t deliver. We’re talking simple things usually what most of us want. I’ve had lots of relationship in my adult life, and it’s mostly simple things that people are asking for. The other person just doesn’t want to deliver. They can deliver for their kids, for their family members, and for their friends. Yet, with you, they won’t do it.

If the other person can’t fulfill yours or doesn’t want to, that could be the end. But you can decide what you want, and learn how to ask for it. Every day, you need to think to yourself, what can I do to fill my partner’s love tank up? You need to do it, otherwise you’re a phony. All those wonderful promises and all those wonderful emotions and wonderful feelings you make and have in the beginning of the relationship are just a facade. If you’re that lazy and that mean – and I’m referring to when people act in a very passive aggressive way to really hurt somebody – you really don’t deserve to have a wonderful relationship.

Relationships take work, and take effort. If you think the next one is magically going to be any better, you’re 100 percent wrong. Because what happens is, you’ll take the same behavior patterns, and lack compassion for the other person’s needs, wants, and desires, and you’ll repeat that same pattern for the next person. Life works that way. It’s really that easy. Decide what you want and learn how to ask for it.

You’re in a relationship, but you don’t really want to be in a relationship, so you’re constantly going out with friends (or telling your significant other that you’re going out with friends). But what you’re really doing is secretly making yourself available so you can look for something better, look for a replacement for the man or woman that you’re with.

Have you ever been on a date that’s not going really well, but you see someone else you’re attracted to sitting by the bar? So you sneak away—just for a second—to go flirt with the person at the bar so maybe that can be your next date…

We’ve all done this from time to time. We’ve all performed the “sneak around.” Whether we cheated on our significant other, we were out on a date and secretly talked to someone else we were attracted to, or just plain and simple we did not want to be in the relationship and avoided our partner instead of confronting the issue.

The Cheatanator

Isn’t it amazing how many things we do instead of just being honest? You realize what a waste of time the “sneak around” is. You’re in a bad relationship, yet you’re sneaking around hoping any issues will miraculously be solved. You don’t have the balls to get out of the relationship, so you spend all this time and effort lying, sneaking around, daydreaming about living a different lifestyle and not living your own life freely and openly, and not living your life so you are truly enjoying yourself.

Think about all those things that you do in life in order to avoid hurting your partner, even if you don’t want to be with them anymore. But in reality, you’re going to end up hurting them in the long run by sneaking around and prolonging the inevitable, and not being open and honest with them. And in the end, you’re not facing your own issues head-on, and you’re actually really hurting yourself.

So you went out with somebody, you had a great time, maybe you slept together, maybe you didn’t, but now you’ve determined that this person just isn’t for you. Now when it comes to dating and relationships, most of us are complete chicken shit because there are a lot of feelings and emotions involved, and it’s a really intimate thing.

Most of us are not going to take a stand and break up with somebody properly who don’t really know that well. So instead, what we do is we perform the fade away.

What exactly is the fade away? You hung out with somebody maybe for a week, maybe a few weeks, maybe you had some sex, maybe you didn’t. Basically by now you’ve determined you are not really into anything serious with this person, or that person is just not for you. But instead of saying that to them, you just fade away.

Fade aways are usually paired up with one of two really bad excuses. One: you’re going out of town to visit family for a week, or you’re going away on business for a week, and you’ll call when you get back! Two: Hey, things are just really hectic over the next 10 days, you’ve got some deadlines at work, you’ve got some friends in town, you’re moving into a new apartment, whatever.

That’s when the fade away process slowly begins. Then, over the course of the next 10 days, you start fading away and hope you’re becoming a distant memory. Of course you never call him or her again, and you never intended to, but you start the fade away by saying that you will keep them in mind, that you’ll be in touch soon.

The Fade Away

You start the fade away with an excuse you pulled from your life so they don’t expect to hear from you for a short while. Then, after that time passes, they start scratching their head wondering if you are ever going to call them again.

Here’s the question: why is it so difficult to just be honest with each other? Instead of doing things like the fade away tactic, why can’t we look at each other and say, “Hey, you know, I really enjoyed hanging out with you, sleeping with you, whatever. It was great fun, I’m glad we met, but I just don’t see this going anywhere. I just don’t have that feeling, and I’m looking for something else. But I enjoyed the time we spent together, the few weeks we spent together, however long it might be.”

We’ve all had somebody perform the fade away on us. And the next time you’re thinking about doing a fade away yourself, it really comes down to thinking about how you felt the last time a person you were dating faded away on you? How did the fade away make you feel in that situation?

Practicing honesty and being up-front with people who you’re dating is an amazing thing to practice. When dealing with people in life, you have to think long term. Because when you see that person again, months or years later down the road, they will respect you a lot more if you’re completely honest with them, even if you hurt their feelings temporarily. But when you perform the fade away, that person doesn’t really want to see you, doesn’t want to waste their time having to deal with you either personally or professionally, and you become that asshole who only cared about himself or herself and faded away hoping you wouldn’t notice.

Have you ever thought that when you were in a relationship that came to an end? Have you ever been completely taken by surprise?

I don’t think there’s any truth to a statement like that. Nobody gets dumped just like that out of the blue. Nobody wakes up one morning, everything perfect in the relationship, and then gets dumped just like that out of the blue. Similarly, nobody in a wonderful relationship wakes up one morning and decides to dump their significant other out of the blue, just because they felt like it for no particular reason. It doesn’t work that way.

If you got dumped and it came out of nowhere, it is because you were oblivious to all the warning signs from your partner. Or you chose to ignore all the signs. You weren’t really paying attention to them. You ignored the conversations where she (or he) was trying to tell what was on their mind, you ignored the body language, the emotional disconnect, you’ve ignored or been oblivious to everything.

How To Dump Her

There are always warning signs in relationships. There are always signals that tell you when things are going well and things are going poorly. The successful relationships are those where both of you pay attention to each other’s signals, you work to please each other, to communicate, and work things out when you hit a rough patch. And when it comes down to being broken up with all of a sudden out of the blue, it’s because there was a breakdown in the communication, you did nothing to reach out to him or her, and you chose to ignore all the signs of a failing relationship.

You are never broken up with “out of the blue.” It just doesn’t exist. If you’re in a relationship, I want you guys to take some time and really open up to your partner, really make sure that you are communicating with them, and that you’re not turning a blind eye to their needs. I want you guys to think about that for today.

It seems like in the first three to six months of a relationship, you actually do things for the other person. You make nights special. You light candles for each other. You make sure nights are romantic. You make love for hours instead of minutes.

You really listen to the other person. You don’t just judge or get angry at the other person because you have a history together.

If you ask any couple what they love the most about each other, a lot of them will say it is the way they treated each other during the first three to six months with unconditional caring and romance, and without any judgment. They will say it was the way they listened, touched and kissed during that first six months.

There was a survey online a little while back that asked women what they felt was lacking in their relationship. A lot of them said it was that their man didn’t kiss them anymore the way he did during the first ninety days they were together.

Here’s the deal. You fell in love with someone because of all the things they did. Why is it so hard to keep doing those things over and over and over again?

Falling In Love

Why don’t we just call it a “groundhog day relationship?” That way we could just repeat the first ninety days over and over again. That’s four times a year you need to repeat that cycle.

You know how easy it is to make each other happy in relationships. We have all done it — and done it so naturally — in the first ninety days. We did it with such open hearts and open minds, and we did it because we really cared about making the other person feel amazing.

So what stops us from doing it over and over again? Do we just take people for granted? Do we think they’ll always be around?

I don’t know about you, but I’d love to live that ninety day beginning phase of a relationship over and over again. I think that time is magical. I think that time is so special.

Think about it. What’s so wrong with living in a magical place like that every single day?

Oh sure, we can come up with a list of excuses. Work was too hard or the kid bit my arm or the dog didn’t do his homework (notice the reversal there).

Notice, though, that you didn’t make any excuses during the first ninety days. You may not have had a kid at the time, but I’m sure you still had work and that the dog still didn’t always do his homework.

You need to really think back on why you fell in love with the other person, and start doing those things over and over again. Otherwise relationships will continue to cycle, and you will continue to feel unsatisfied. You’ll continue to search for something else, when in reality you probably have exactly what you want right there. It’s just that you might have lost it because you got lazy.

Are you always looking at your iPhone wondering where this loyal man of yours is tonight?

Are you one of the many women that have gone out with a cheater? How many times have you been with somebody who has cheated on you, and you think it’s all about you?

And guys before you think this advice that you are about to read does not pertain to you.

Then flip the advice around and think maybe you could do more as well to keep your woman hot and satisfied.

Have you thought that maybe your bedroom skills are not what they should be?

Did you think that maybe if you were just a little more wild with him, that he wouldn’t have cheated on you?

Or did you think that maybe, if you didn’t break up with him and you gave him one more chance and acted a little crazier in bed, that he would never have cheated again?

The answer to all of the above is a resounding . . . maybe.

The first thing you need to do is to realize that men who cheat will always cheat. There are certain men that just love variety. One night they want a blond. The next night they want a brunette.

And no matter how good you are in bed, it just does not matter. The man that you’re with is a cheater. He likes variety, and there’s nothing you can do to change that!

The second part to the “maybe” answer is that there are things you can do to keep the man who is not necessarily a cheater from cheating:

1. Have an open discussion about what you like having done to you in bed and what he likes having done to him in bed. Spend one night a week pleasing each other in different ways than you did the week before.

2. If you’re not that great in bed, buy some books on how to please a man. Take a class on how to give a blow job. Seriously.

3. Learn to master the art of dirty talk. Dirty talk tends to turn most men on . . . and the dirtier you talk to him, the hotter he’s going to get.

4. If the two of you have trouble pleasing each other or you have trouble coming to orgasm with a man, masturbate in front of each other to show how both of you like to be touched and pleased.

These are some steps that will help you keep a man satisfied and which will prevent him from straying.

Not all men cheat, and there are a ton of women that cheat as well. Men are not sleeping with one super-slut that they just pass around from person to person. There are many, many women who are having affairs.

We’ll blog more about this another day . . . but if you are sick and tired of attracting all the WRONG men, and want this guy to be the LAST cheater you ever date – then you need to invest in my Art Of Attracting Men product which shows you how to stop attracting all the WRONG men, and start finding the RIGHT ones.