You never, ever want to be a “background guy.” Do you ever walk into a store or into a party, and your friend is always the lead guy?
Your friend start talking to some people or to a woman, and there you are in the background. That leaves you hovering ten or fifteen feet away from the conversation.
You don’t join in the conversation because your ego won’t let you do it. You say to yourself, “Well my buddy is talking to first and I didn’t get to talk to her, so I am just going to stand in the background and look like a deaf mute.”
You don’t want to ever be ‘background guy.’ If your buddy walks over and starts talking to one person or to a group, then you go and hang out with him.
Just because you’re not talking or didn’t make the first approach, doesn’t mean that you can’t be actively listening to the conversation. When you actively listen to a conversation, you can join in when something intrigues you.
If you’re in the background, though, you don’t hear any of that conversation. So there is no way for you to easily join in that conversation at any point because you are a ‘background guy.’
Don’t ever be a ‘background guy,’ because background guys are forgotten. You literally are the background, like when you look at a scene in a movie with tons of extras in the background.
Those extras never get to speak. Do you know why? It’s because they are just background people.
There is no need for this to be you. So don’t ever be ‘background guy.’
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In order to really be able to connect with people, you need to improve your memory. So many times when you’re in a conversation with someone, you fade out and go into “Me World.”
Slipping off into “Me World” during a conversation could happen out of fear or out of disinterest, or it could happen simply because you fail to remain present. At the moment you feel yourself starting to go in that direction, you need to dial yourself back become totally present in that conversation (whether you’re talking or just listening).
It’s a really powerful thing to be able to just listen while staying present. It’s equally powerful to be able to remember things about people after you have a conversation with them.
At the end of every conversation you have with someone, there’s a a couple different ways to remember about the person with whom you were talking and about the things they said to you. One thing you can do is your phone and dictate on the spot four interesting things you learned about them. The other way is to keep a pad and pen with you, and to write those things down manually.
So how would this work? Well say that you were walking down the street and you came upon a mother with her young daughter. You say, “How come you’re not in school?” The little girl tells you it’s her spring vacation. You then learn that the family is going to Mexico for spring vacation and that the little girl has a dog named Max that she’s going to miss when she’s gone.
To work on your memory, at the end of this conversation you would dictate to your phone (or you’d write down), “Met this woman today who has a daughter. She and her family are going to Mexico on spring break. The little girl was so proud of not being in school, and told me all about how she will miss her dog Max while they’re gone.
Do this for thirty days. It’s not that you need to remember all this about these particular people, but by doing this exercise over and over you will train your memory to be better. You can then use this better memory whether it’s when you run into people a second or third time, or whether it’s when you are out there meeting members of the opposite sex.
I did this exercise myself a long time ago. Now I don’t forget anything about anyone, whereas I never used to be able to remember much about anyone I’d meet. Really, I used to remember nothing about people I’d meet.
By doing this exercise, it forces you to remember everything because you’ve made recording these details into almost a responsibility and an assignment. Commit to doing this for thirty days, and you will be so glad you did when you see how much you’ve built up your memory.
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So many guys are obsessed with meeting women on the street.
Its seems like every guy wants to know the secret of how to grab her attention and make her stop in her tracks, forget where she was going, and fall for the magic that spews out of his mouth.
Today I am going to share this secret with you.
Women of the blog your job is to recognize these efforts when they happen and help the men along!
Looking forward to reading todays comments!!!!
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Let’s talk about crap. No, I’m not talking about the crap you leave in the toilet bowl each morning, and I’m not trying to be crude or disgusting. I want to talk about a different kind of crap — your personal crap.
The taxes that are due. Your father with whom you aren’t getting along. The bad fight you had the night before with your roommate. Your boss being mean to you. All of your personal crap.
We all have personal crap, but you need to leave all of that behind when you are out and about each day. The reason is that although everyone has personal crap going on in their life, you don’t want to be exuding that bad energy when you walk around trying to meet people.
You don’t want to say to someone in response to them asking how you are doing, “Crappy. My boss yelled at me today” or “I’m a doctor and I had the worst patient today in my office. I’m miserable. Do you mind if I vent and tell you all about my personal crap?”
When you go out, picture yourself on a giant stage. On that stage are four people you’ve wanted to meet your entire life, and now is the moment you and they are going to get together.
So you want to leave a positive impression of you. You can do that by being positive when you talk to them, of you can talk about your personal crap until you turn them all off.
As a matter of fact, I’ve had some heavy-duty personal crap I’ve been going through in my own life which I could have been venting about to all of you for weeks now. I could have been telling you how annoyed I am about certain things, and how I have to deal with all of it.
Do you guys really want to hear about that? If all I did in the blog every day was talk about my own personal crap, you would get tired of it pretty fast. You want to hear about the great things.
So does everyone else. So leave you personal crap behind.
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So many guys worry about the kiss at the end of the first date, because they really think it seals the deal (or, in guy terminology, that it “closes” her). In reality, though, the kiss is actually the least important part of the date.
The kiss means absolutely nothing unless you’ve done all the rest of the stuff right. I feel that if you pay attention to what the woman has to say — if you listen, react to her, smile in her presence and enjoy the date — that the kiss is really easy.
Not ending the date with a kiss is so different from how most guys think. I truly believe that you shouldn’t play tonsil hockey at the end of the first date. There is no reason to do that.
That’s a sexual thing. That’s a male thing. That’s an ego thing. It’s a man who is acting like a little boy who feels like he has to prove to everyone that he can get a kiss from a girl.
A real man couldn’t care less about the kiss at the end of the first date. A real man builds attraction by listening to her, talking to her, enjoying her company and asking her out for the second date. Those are the things that a real man does on a first date.
The best “kiss close” you can do at the end of a first date is to look into the woman’s eyes, reach in, give her a kiss on the lips, pull back and smile at her. That alone is so much more powerful that figuring when to jam you tongue in her mouth.
That subtle little kiss, in conjunction with asking her out at the end of the first date, will keep her thinking about you way more than any makeout session. So come on guys, do you want to be a boy or would you rather be a man?
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What’s interesting about life is how it changes every day. You never know what’s going to happen every single day.
Every day is the same to a dog though. It really is. They wake up, their bladder hurts a little bit, and they wonder when the master is going to take them outside so they can pee and poop.
Then they run into the house, stare at their bowl, wag their tail and wonder when the master is going to fill the bowl with food. Then when they’ve eaten, they go lay down and go back to sleep — since they’ve had a really rough first 20 minutes of the day.
They anticipate the next walk. They wait patiently for that next walk to come.
Can you imagine living your life as a dog — spending all day waiting for things to happen? Do you know how many people do spend your life like a dog, waiting for things to happen — waiting for someone to approach them (instead going up and doing the approaching themselves)?
Waiting for someone to approach you is no different than the dog that just sits back with its bladder hurting while it waits for the master to take it outside, instead of going up to the master and nudging him.
I mean, if you want to play with somebody but you’re afraid to pick up the phone and call them, then it’s no different than a dog that’s too afraid to pick up its ball and put it in its owner’s lap.
We really are like dogs. I’ve seen people on dates who are so hesitant to touch one another, so scared. It’s almost like they were abused by someone at one point in their life, so now they are afraid to reach out and kiss or touch someone.
People really are like dogs more than you think. Dogs are always waiting. The smart dogs are always learning how to manipulate their masters.
So isn’t it time that some of you became just a little smarter, and realize that if you want something in your life to change or to happen that you can’t just be a dog sitting back and waiting? You need to put the ball in somebody’s lap, wag your tail a little bit more, and maybe you need to greet people with a little more enthusiasm. Do those things and your dating life will change.
If this didn’t put a smile on your face, then all you really are is an uptight cat. You are an uptight cat perched on a ledge that hisses at everyone who comes in the door and says, “I will never let you pet me no matter how much I need affection!”
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It’s funny. If you ask a guy about a woman and say “What do you see?”, he will always pick out the most obvious things. He’ll say “She has great blonde hair” or “I like her body” or “She’s tall” or “She’s wearing a read shirt.” Women, on the other hand, notice totally different things about men.
Let me ask you a question. How many times have you been talking to a woman and, like magic, other women come over and start talking to you?
Guys always think this phenomenon is the result of women thinking you have a girlfriend and thus must understand how to talk to women. In reality, this phenomenon is totally attributable to an energy thing.
When you’re flirting, smiling and being real with a woman, other women see this energy that you’re putting out and the way the woman you’re talking to is responding to it. Women want emotions. Women can sense emotions. It is called women’s intuition.
Have you ever came home from work, and even though you told your girlfriend that you had a great day, she says, “Something is wrong.” They’re always right about it too. That’s their intuition.
Women read emotions better than men. They’re more in tune with emotions than men are.
So when they see you talking to a waitress in a restaurant, and the waitress is smiling and laughing, you will notice that other women will all of a sudden come and sit down next to you.
Why do they do that? They do that for a few reasons.
For one thing, you will stand out as being different from almost every other guy and how almost every other guy acts. Two, your energy will be very open. Three, they see how other women respond to you.
This is why talking to everyone all day long is equally important to meeting great women as going directly up to the women you want to meet. It’s really as simple as that. It’s an energy thing. Women love to talk to guys who bring good energy to other people.
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Let’s talk about women’s body language and what turns men on. Women tend to be more submissive in society than men, which is fine.
A lot of the time when men will talk to women, a woman might be interested but she’s also very nervous. So men will often not end up asking those women out due to what her body language is communicating.
When they’re nervous, a lot of women will have one foot in one direction and the other foot in another direction. Even though they’re smiling, their body language will say to a man that she’s half in and half out, which a man will interpret as disinterest.
He won’t be interpreting it consciously. It will be done subconsciously. This will be his interpretation nonetheless.
When you’re interested in a man, you need to hold your ground. You need to look directly at him, face him and smile. You can’t have one foot in one direction or a shoulder turned off in another direction.
Another thing that women do that absolutely does not work, is that they will have their arms folded. Even though they’re interested in a guy, they’ll have their arms folded when you’re talking to him. This is a defensive pose, not an open pose.
What you need to do instead, is to leave your arms open. Either have them at your side, or have them facing the guy (or use your hands when you’re talking). The minute you fold your arms, you are basically telling a guy — even if it’s on a very subconscious level — that you’re not interested.
Your eye contact is also really important. When you look down at the ground or off in the distance because you’re nervous, you are telling a guy you are not interested. Even if you are interested, when you look away from that person what he will process in his brain is that you are looking at someone else and isn’t interested.
So, once again, eye contact is really important. If you are uncomfortable with constant eye contact, then you can meet his eyes, look down and then come back and meet his eyes again. Just don’t look off in the distance, that will always tell a guy that you are not interested.
Another mistake that women make when talking to a man is fidgeting. Fidgeting with things when you’re talking to somebody tells him that you’re very nervous. You might be nervous because you like him, but a guy will likely interpret your fidgeting as a sign that you’re bored.
It’s amazing how much these little things communicate to the opposite sex. Being more aware of your body language in these situations will really help you get more men to ask you out (and, by extension, get you more dates).
If you want to know more about what you are saying to men with your body language, then have a friend go out with you and film you. Have your friend watch what you’re doing, how you’re reacting to things and how you flirt. Then you can watch not only yourself, but also see things the way a guy does.
It’s really funny. One time a woman did this and sent me the video. In the video she was flirting with a guy, but kept looking away because she was scared, nervous and intimidated by the guy.
When she sent me the video, she said to me that she didn’t know why the guy hadn’t asked her out. When I watched the video, I knew why the minute she looked away and the guy turned around to see at whom she was looking.
She was interested in that guy, and she thought she was showing interest to him. It’s amazing what your body language and you eye contact says, as compared to what your voice says. Be more aware of that, and you’ll see yourself having better flirting sessions, better dates, and a better dating life.
Now let me ask you a question… Do you want to know where are all the marriage-minded men are?
I thought you did… All you need to do is click here to find out where.
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