I think a lot of people are really unrealistic. This is especially true when it comes to dating.
Think about this. There are 52 weeks and 365 days in a year. Think if you went out and met people every single day with the goal of getting one date per week. I’m not just talking about a date with anyone you can find, but with someone with whom you share a real chemistry connection.
That’s 52 quality dates a year. You don’t think that out of those 52 dates that you’re going to find at least one person with whom you really connect and with whom you will form a relationship?
It’s funny how many times people say to me, “David, I’d like to go on two to three dates per week.” Why?
It’s really all about going out every single day and meeting people. You can do it for ten or twenty minutes one day or a half hour another day depending on your schedule. It doesn’t really matter.
By doing that, don’t you think you can meet one person per week with whom you share a great connection? Don’t you think you’ll find that great and amazing person with whom you love to hang.
Don’t you think you’d find people along the way that would be great sexual partners? Don’t you think you’d find people who will teach you things and people with whom you can share things? Don’t you think you might find people you want to date for a week, a month or maybe forever?
So, really, keep your goals realistic. Go out there and look for that one great date every week. No need to worry about how many dates you’re getting. Try this for a week!
Wonder what to say to when you are out meeting all these people? Click here to listen to my favorite openers to use when talking to women.
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Let’s talk about crap. No, I’m not talking about the crap you leave in the toilet bowl each morning, and I’m not trying to be crude or disgusting. I want to talk about a different kind of crap — your personal crap.
The taxes that are due. Your father with whom you aren’t getting along. The bad fight you had the night before with your roommate. Your boss being mean to you. All of your personal crap.
We all have personal crap, but you need to leave all of that behind when you are out and about each day. The reason is that although everyone has personal crap going on in their life, you don’t want to be exuding that bad energy when you walk around trying to meet people.
You don’t want to say to someone in response to them asking how you are doing, “Crappy. My boss yelled at me today” or “I’m a doctor and I had the worst patient today in my office. I’m miserable. Do you mind if I vent and tell you all about my personal crap?”
When you go out, picture yourself on a giant stage. On that stage are four people you’ve wanted to meet your entire life, and now is the moment you and they are going to get together.
So you want to leave a positive impression of you. You can do that by being positive when you talk to them, of you can talk about your personal crap until you turn them all off.
As a matter of fact, I’ve had some heavy-duty personal crap I’ve been going through in my own life which I could have been venting about to all of you for weeks now. I could have been telling you how annoyed I am about certain things, and how I have to deal with all of it.
Do you guys really want to hear about that? If all I did in the blog every day was talk about my own personal crap, you would get tired of it pretty fast. You want to hear about the great things.
So does everyone else. So leave you personal crap behind.
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I got a great email today from a friend of mine. In his email, he asked me why I don’t drink alcohol.
The real reason why I don’t drink alcohol is because the sugar content in it makes my stomach feel funky the next day. I really don’t like to feel funky because one of my favorite things to do is eat.
Also, the temporary buzz I get from alcohol (which is very temporary) isn’t worth how it makes me feel the next day. If I have a glass of wine, I might feel a little more relaxed for about 12 to 14 minutes. That’s about it. The buzz doesn’t really last that long for me.
The taste of wine is good, but not worth the after effects that I experience. That’s the only reason I don’t drink.
It’s interesting though. There are a lot of people who do drink alcohol, and a lot of people whose personality totally change when they do. Last night we witnessed the annoying change of personality due to booze.
We live on the beach near the fireworks show and all night all we heard was loud drunk obnoxious people who could not handle there booze. They screamed and yelled like a pack of wild 5 year olds on a sugar high.
They lost all concept of manners and this drunken stupor not only sounded awful but you know really is not much fun.
You know how there is the Surgeon General’s warning on packs of cigarettes advising you that smoking is dangerous to your health? Well I’ve always thought there should be a warning label on bottles of booze that says this: “Warning: Consumption of this substance may turn you into an annoying, loud, obnoxious asshole.”
So here’s a tip for all of you who drink . . .
If the day after you drink people tell you that you were really rude, loud or obnoxious the night before, then I think you should stop drinking booze. Remember, you only have one chance to make a first impression.
You may think that you need alcohol to loosen you up when you go to a party. If drinking alcohol turns you into a loud, annoying and obnoxious drunkard, though, then everyone at that party who sees you act that way will think that is what you are like all the time. Even if you are the sweetest and most amazing person otherwise, people will label you loud and obnoxious if that is how they first see you acting.
So how do you get when you drink? I know some people who have a drink, and you’d never know it. My best friend can have ten drinks and talk to everyone in the room, and no one would suspect he’s had a lot to drink.
I’ve met other people who have only one or two drinks, though, and that turns them into a totally different person. Another friend of mine used to have three or four drinks, and Mongo would come out. He’d start drooling a little bit. His words would slur. He became a totally different person.
So start asking your friends how you act when you’re drinking alcohol. Alcohol unfortunately tends to give a lot of people temporary Alzheimer’s where they forget if they were loud, obnoxious and being an asshole.
So it’s time you started looking into your drinking, and finding out what type of person you become when you drink. If you become that annoying person when you drink, you may be turning off a lot of people without realizing it.
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I get emails all the time asking me this question: “I like a girl (or guy). I don’t know how I can make her like me more. What do I have to do? Can you please tell me how to get someone to like me more?”
Here is my advice on this. Get on your hands and knees, look up at them and beg them. Stare right into their eyes and say, “Please like me more. Please, oh superior being, like me more. Please tell me how to get you to like me more. What do I need to do? How do I need to change? What do I need to do in order for you to like me more? And, if you like me more when I become this person you want me to become, will you love me? Will you love me so much? Will you never abandon me?”
How does all that sound to you? Desperate? Disgusting? Despicable?
Aren’t you good enough as you are? Aren’t you an amazing person right now? Don’t you deserve to have people like you for who you are because you’re a great person?
Also, if that person doesn’t like you then there is nothing you can do to make them like you. Why would you want to make someone like you anyway? Why would you want to beg someone to like you?
Don’t you want somebody to like you for who you are? If they don’t, there is no relationship there. They are basically in a position of power, and you’re in the weak position.
I really hate when I get this email from people. Please like me more. Please love me. No!
You need to love yourself. You need to like yourself. You need to respect yourself.
A person who respects himself will never beg and will never ask how to get someone to like him more. A person who respects himself already knows that he is an amazing person, and if someone doesn’t like him then there will be other people who will like him.
So stop that behavior. Start loving yourself.
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I really thought this was a great subject, and one I haven’t tackled in a long time. Here is an email I just received from a woman:
“Dear David,
My self-confidence is really a problem. I’m 42 years old, never married, and very inexperienced with sex. Other stuff not a problem. I’ve had long relationships in my past and those guys were okay with it. Plus, I was younger and many of those guys were not interested in becoming fathers then either.
I made a choice to not risk an unwanted pregnancy in my 20s and 30s in conjunction with my personal beliefs and values. When guys did try to have sex with me, it was not in the context of a relationship. I had reached a point where I just wanted to know what it was like, and I’m sure I did not learn a lot from that.
While I’m not worried about it now as I have no intention of sleeping with someone just to enjoy dating, I want to know a man’s take on discovering this about a woman, especially later in life.
Anonymous”
This email at first kind of threw me. There are so many different religious beliefs about sexual intercourse, and I think they are very very antiquated. I really do.
I think sex is a wonderful thing. I think sex between two consenting adults is a wonderful thing. There are so many kinds of birth control out there nowadays that you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant.
I really truly believe that sexual experience is just a great thing to have, and that it’s great to explore and learn about your own sexuality. This woman is 42 years old, and she’s missed a lot of years of great sex due to her personal beliefs.
My advice to this woman, and to anybody in a similar situation and point in their life, is to really just explore sex and enjoy it. Tell men that you’re inexperienced, but that you’re willing to learn. Be open to the experience.
If I was with a woman who said she was very sexually inexperienced, I wouldn’t judge her at all. I would just enjoy it, teach her and explore her sexuality with her.
So if you truly want to learn about men and how to have great sex, this is how you do it. You need to just be honest with them. If you’re honest, then things will be great.
This is a really interesting topic. Guys, what are your thoughts on this? Have you known women who are really sexually inexperienced?
To the women, have any of you waited your whole life for the right man to come along, he hasn’t shown up, and now you’re in your 40′s with little or no sexual experience? What do you do about this situation?
I would love to hear from all of you on this.
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I get tons of emails from both men and women asking me one major question: “David, What can I do to meet more people?” Then these emails usually will go on to explain all of the places they go just to meet people. They’ll say, “I just can’t figure it out. I go to bars. I go to parties. I go to all the “it” places. But I just don’t know why I am not meeting more people.”
Here is what I tell everyone who asks me that question. I don’t go to any of those places. I don’t go to bars. I don’t go to the “it” clubs. I just do what I want.
Do you know what I do? It is going to sound really boring to you. So let me give you an example of a typical Friday, a day I decided to take off.
I went and saw my friend Barry, who owns a clothing store, and I hung out with him for a while. I had lunch at California Pizza Kitchen and talked to all the wait staff. Then I ran to Whole Foods to get some fruit and other groceries for the house, and I ended up talking to a bunch of people there.
I next went to CVS to get toilet paper and paper towel, and talked to some people there. Then I got a call from a friend who wanted to go buy a book, so he and I went to Barnes & Noble and ended up talking to the person behind the register for a while.
I took my dog for a walk after that, and talked to some more people while doing that. Then I realized I had forgotten to get something at Whole Foods, so I went back to pick that up and ended up talking to more people there.
Do you see how many people I met and talked to just doing one day’s worth of errands? If you want to meet more people, this is what it’s all about.
It is about doing what your normally do. It doesn’t make a difference what those things are.
You don’t need to go out and do anything “special” just to meet people. You don’t have to be miserable standing in a bar with your hands in your pockets. You will always be miserable in there because you don’t enjoy being there.
If you go out and talk to people all day long in the everyday places you go, you are going to meet and connect with more people than you ever imagined. Every time you go out and do this, you are going to keep building your social network.
Every time you go to those same places, you will start running into the same people, and you will get to know them better. As you get to know those people better, you will start to get to know their friends.
So stop thinking about trying to go places to get a date, and start thinking about all the great people you can meet every day. What happens when you do this is that you end up finding dates.
You end up connecting with people. You end up meeting their friends.
I don’t ever do anything extraordinary. My life is actually kind of boring, but yet I meet the most interesting people doing what I do — which is mostly running my errands.
My daily routines are so exciting, that going out is actually boring to me. I have such a good time talking to people wherever I go, that I don’t have fun when I go out and watch people afraid to talk to each other.
So for those of you who want to know how to meet more people, you need to really have a different perspective on life. It’s all about communicating wherever you go.
It’s amazing how you will build up your social network when you do that. As I tell you all the time, you are only as strong and powerful as your network.
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Attracting the perfect person. People ask me all the time, “David, how can I attract the perfect person?” My answer is always the same: “Are you perfect? Are you a perfect person?”
None of us are perfect, and that is what makes life so interesting. It’s our imperfections — the way we conduct ourselves and who we are — that make life really interesting.
There is no perfect person in life. There is no perfection person for you in dating.
The person you end up with is not going to be perfect. They are going to have flaws. They are going to do things that irritate you. There are going to be things that you battle about together.
The best way to attract a great person, is to work on yourself first. Fall in love with yourself.
Accept who you are. Accept your flaws.
Accentuate the positive things in your life, and believe in abundance. If you truly believe there are a lot of great people to meet out there, then eventually you will meet that perfect person for you — that perfect person who is imperfect in every way.
It’s all about you first though. What have you done to work on yourself today? What have you done to embrace yourself?
Did you wake up this morning and think about negative things first? Life is about attitude and mindset. The more positive your attitude is, the more positive people you’re going to attract.
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