Before you listen to today’s podcast, I am about to share with all the men something to which you need to really pay attention.
Yesterday on the flight home from New York City, I was sitting next to a guy who was wearing a pair of True Religion jeans. Every time he bent over or reached down for something, the whole plane had the privilege of seeing half of his hairy ass. I am not just talking “plumber butt crack,” this was plumber butt crack on steroids.
This is not something anyone needs to see . . . ever. Every time he moved, every person on that plane — women, men and children — were forced to see his ass.
SO, guys, if you can feel the wind chafing your ass when you are wearing jeans, then it means they are way too low and you need to cover up!
Now, on to another revealing topic . . .
This might be the most powerful podcast you will ever hear. I was recently on the phone with a guy who was thinking about taking a Bootcamp, and he asked me why he has trouble approaching women. He had already attended someone else’s bootcamp at which they had instructed him to approach women using some kind of pickup line.
I told him that pickup lines will never work. Life is all about observations based on instincts. He asked me about what kind of instincts I was talking, and I told him I was talking about the kind of instincts we have as a child.
Remember when you were a kid (maybe three, four or five years old) and you’d see something you like so you’d look at it and touch it? Remember also how when you did that your mother would scold you and say, “Don’t do that?”
Do you realize that the social conditioning we got from about the age of four to about the age of eleven was all about the things we should not do (and all about the things we can’t do)? Don’t look at strangers. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t smile at that person.
Our social conditioning is the reason why so many of us out there now suffer from problems meeting the opposite sex. Our social conditioning taught us not to talk to people instead of relying on our natural instincts.
This podcast will truly blow you away. It is by far the most important podcast I’ve ever done. Enough writing now. It’s time to open your ears and start listening!
Also, if you want to learn how to recapture your natural instincts and de-program yourself from all of you bad social conditioning, then you need to check out my Men’s “What’s Your Excuse?” and my Women’s “No Excuses” programs.
I’ve been ruined. Once again, I’ve been ruined. Every time I go to Europe and eat lots of small meals with fresh organic foods, I come back to America and the processed foods in my favorite restaurants make me feel lousy.
Last night, I went to one of my favorite sushi restaurants, and now I am going to be off of sushi forever. The next time I eat sushi and raw fish will be when I am reincarnated as flipper. The other night I ordered in Chinese food from a healthy Chinese restaurant, and let me tell you that the next time I’ll be eating Chinese food will be when I’m reincarnated as Wo Ming Ching the fisherman.
I miss all the wonderful meals I had in London and in France. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to take another vacation soon.
Oh, and I want to personally thank everyone who left great comments yesterday about my big announcement on the blog. If you haven’t read about my big announcement, click here (because you missed something pretty huge).
This is something I talk about almost every single day. In order to meet the kind of people you most desire, you need to learn how to attract them (and not chase them).
I mean, how many times are you guys going to go out on a Friday or Saturday night and chase women before you realize that it doesn’t work. You are just what I call chasing the night. You need to realize that your actions — all of your actions — are picked up on by lots of different people.
When I was in Cannes recently, I was standing in line behind a man at a buffet. If you’ve ever seen me in a buffet line, I act like I’ve never eaten a meal before in my entire life. It was one at one of those beautiful hotels in Cannes with a great breakfast buffet, and I was really hungry and anxious to get my hands on the lox.
So I might have gotten a little too close to the man in line in front of me, and at some point we bumped into each other. It was really no big deal. I mean, how many times have you accidentally bumped into someone, right?
That man, however, gave me the dirtiest look in the world — one of those “f*^k you” looks. So I sat down at my table, and I saw him give me yet another dirty look.
How many of you do this? How many of you accidentally bump into someone because you get too close to them, and then give the other person a dirty look because they invaded your personal space?
Do you realize how many other people see you give that dirty look and see the whole interaction take place? They don’t look at the other person as the asshole. They look at you as the asshole.
They don’t wonder what’s wrong with you because you accidentally bumped into someone. They wonder what’s wrong with you that you have to be such as asshole.
When we’re talking about attracting people (and not chasing them), this is the type of thing that will not only not attract others — but will actually repel them. So be careful what you do.
The next time somebody is too close and they bump into you, just smile and say “No big deal.” You never know who is looking at you and checking you out. You never know who is getting turned off by your actions.
When you give the dirty look or something like that, you are turning off every person around you (not just that one person next to you). If you’ve learned anything from what we’ve talked about, it all comes down to creating attraction.
When you give the dirty look, you are actually creating instant detraction. That may or may not be a word, but it is the perfect term for when you doing the exact opposite of attracting people to you (including those people of the opposite sex you most want to attract). So everywhere you go, be sure to avoid the art of detraction.
Men are extremely visual. Women need to realize that men are extremely visual.
Being visual does not refer to what men find attractive, but rather how they become attracted to women. It means that you need to use your sexuality and your femininity to attract men.
A man will look at a woman many times — five, six, seven, ten, twelve times — and will not stop looking until a woman acknowledges him. A woman who knows and understands this, can easily get a man to approach by acknowledging him. It’s really very simple.
Say you see a man to whom you are attracted. You need to look directly at him and smile. If he notices you, then go back and smile at him again.
When you do this, the man will become very curious and wonder why you’re smiling at him over and over again. You need to encourage him to come over to you.
Understand that men are basically Scooby Doos on steroids. You’re the Scooby Snack, and you need to lay the crumbs down for men.
The crumbs are your smiles. The crumbs are a casual hello. Once a man spots a woman to whom he is attracted, you are able to go and lead him with your femininity and your smile to come over to you.
In order to really learn and understand this at a deeper level, though, you need to be observant about all your surroundings. You have to be able to look around at all your surroundings and know that men are looking at you all the time.
Most women are not observant. Most women walk into a place with their head in the clouds — on their BlackBerry or thinking about what’s on their “to do” list — and never notice men noticing them.
So one of the best things to do to learn how to be more observant is to go out in the field with a friend for a day. Have your friend be your “wing girl” for the day, with her job all day long being just to observe you and to notice all the men who are checking you out.
By doing that, and by having her point all these men out to you, you will see all the opportunities you are missing to meet men every single day. Most women have opportunities to meet men that present themselves all day long, but unfortunately they are almost never looking!
Women have been taught not to look. Men, on the other hand, are looking at women nonstop.
Men never stop looking for women. Men are always looking for women, talking about women and obsessing about women. That is how men are visual. So in order for you to become better at this, you need to learn to be more aware of your surroundings.
When I talk about using your femininity and your sexuality, I am not talking about being “slutty” or overtly coming on to men all day long. I am talking about sexuality and femininity that exudes from within.
For example, women who have a lot of masculine energy need to dress more sexy. Many women end up having very masculine energy about them due their careers. You need to feel sexy as a woman. You need to put yourself out there more. You need to really explore your feminine side.
Take a look at your body type. Take a look at the type of woman you are. Start looking through magazines that have women with similar body types to you in them. See how those women dress sexy. Go to a store and get a makeover. Find a way to express your sexuality and to feel sexy from within yourself.
Men are attracted to all body types and to all types of women. The key thing here, though, is that men are attracted to sexy women of all body types.
So women really need to explore that side of themselves more. Women need to learn to use their feminine energy and start flirting. The Scooby Doos out there will respond when you do.
In order to meet somebody great, you need to create a great lifestyle for yourself. You need to do things you love.
The first thing (and one of the most important things) you need to do, is to evaluate your work environment. You need to be in a healthy work environment, one you love and one that has people in it with whom you enjoy spending time.
Of course there are going to be times at work you don’t enjoy. There’s going to be things you have to do that you don’t like. There are going to be people you need to interact with whom you don’t particularly like. In the grand scheme of things, though, you have to decide which compromises you’re willing to make with yourself.
You may be in a job that doesn’t stimulate you like it used to, but it pays you well enough to allow you to maintain the lifestyle you really enjoy. So you make an agreement with yourself that you’re going to stick with this job because it allows you to do the things you like to do outside of work.
If that job is something you just don’t like anymore then you could move to another company, except you’re afraid to move. If you can make a lateral move where you don’t lose money or seniority, then I suggest you spend some time and energy to do that. It will really improve your life overall.
Lifestyle is something a lot of people don’t fully understand. Lifestyle means doing the things that you love. If you do the things you love to do, you will always have something to talk about with people.
If you’re somebody who does not enjoy going to a bar, then you’re really not going to have things to talk about there. You’re just going to be standing there punching the time clock. You’re basically going to be walking in, handing your time card to the bartender to punch, spending a few hours there, paying your bill and then punching out before you leave. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?
So, do things that you love. If you like exploring new neighborhoods, explore new neighborhoods. It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s only important that the “it” is something you love.
One of the reasons why creating a lifestyle like this is so important, is that creating a lifestyle makes you more open. You want to be open all the time.
Don’t go places and just “show up.” When you go to places, you want to show up and embrace everything.
You need to smile. You need to talk to people. You need to have random conversations with strangers all day long. That way, when you find someone to whom you are attracted you will have an open energy that will attract them (and get them to come over and approach you!).
The reason why a lot of women don’t get approached and a lot of men aren’t approachable, is because they’ve got a look on their face that says ‘don’t talk to me’ to people. People have that look on their face because they’re not really having fun.
They are not enjoying things. Everything you do, you should do with a child-like enthusiasm.
Go to the supermarket and act like you’ve never before been in there. Look through everything, have a good time and ask questions.
Ask questions of other people in the store. If you see someone getting a brand of yogurt you’ve never tried say, “I’m curious. I’ve never had that. Is it good?” Use those kind of approaches to talk to people everywhere.
Let’s say you’re in a brand new coffee shop and it’s your first time there. Don’t just order a cup of coffee. Ask the person standing in line next to you, “What do you recommend?” Even if you’re the only one in line, ask the guy behind the counter, “Hey, What’s good here?”
Get into a conversation, because people notice open energy. People notice people who are having fun. People notice people to whom other people are talking. It’s called attraction.
The law of attraction works. When you walk into a place and you start talking to a bunch of different people, other people will line up and want to talk to you.
I teach this at my Bootcamps all the time, and the guys see firsthand that it works every time. I remember one time at a Bootcamp we went into Neiman Marcus and started to talk to a woman.
All of a sudden, everyone was watching us and watching this interaction. Everyone was watching her smile. Everyone was watching us smile. When we went into another department, I had the guys do the exact same thing.
So when we came back through again for the second time, people literally started walking up to us and started conversations with us. One woman said, “Wow, you guys are so much fun!”
That is the kind of energy to which people are attracted. People are attracted to people having a good time. No one wants to hang out with a person who’s pouting, folding their arms and looking miserable.
So it’s about creating a lifestyle and being open. Do things that you love, and enjoy and embrace every moment.
By doing that, you will naturally start attracting people. You’ll be more open, so people will start talking to you. Being open will also get you to start talking to more people.
The key here is that when you are more open, people will notice you and will want to be around you. If they want to be around you, they’ll start talking to you.
I had a really interesting dinner with some friends the other night. It’s funny how many people will spend their time talking about what they want.
Women might talk about how they really want to have kids. Men might talk about how much they want to meet someone fascinating.
While I was doing a pilot for an online dating show recently, I met a woman who is in her 50s who said to me “I’m dating online, but I really don’t want to show who I really am. So I just write these little things about myself.”
In life, you attract exactly who you are. If you show people only a few things about yourself, then you’re going to attract people who only show a few things about themselves.
You get exactly what you put out there, not what you want. So many people spend so much time telling you what they want.
Let me tell you something. When you spend all your time just listing what you want, you sound like the spoiled kid who keeps telling his parents that he wants that one pair of sneakers they won’t buy him.
You spend so much time on your wants. You are listers, i.e, you list all your wants all the time. Well, if you want all these things then you need to become all these things to get those traits in another person.
I recently ran into a woman in her 30s who told me she wants to meet a great man, get married and have a family. When I asked her what she was doing to meet such a man, she told me she was still going to the same “cool places” she frequented in her 20s. Well, guess what? If you keep going to places populated with those same young bar guys, you are going to keep attracting emotionally immature people.
You attract exactly who you are. You are not going to get the person you want unless you get yourself first, change the way you are, and change the way you meet people.
It’s unbelievable how some people act. They talk so much about what they want, what they need and what they have to have, and yet they are not working on becoming that person themselves. They are not embracing that person they want.
Remember too that you are not the only one who has a list. Many of the people you meet will have a list of their own.
When two people who want a kind of person they themselves are not, those two people inevitably will break up (or get divorced). Since you were not connected deeply to the other person’s soul from the get-go, you will never connect with who the other person truly is and what that other person is truly all about.
So look at your life right now. Look in the mirror. How do you go out and meet people? Are you still doing the same things you were doing ten or fifteen years ago because you’re in denial? Are you in your 40s but are still conducting your life like you’re in your 20s?
I’m not talking about you stopping being or having fun. I’m talking about you really taking a look at all your wants and seeing if your behavior (and you as a person) match them.
The following is a transcription of an actual one-on-one coaching interaction I had with a client at a recent Bootcamp. This, by the way, is an excellent example of the individual coaching every coaching clients get!
So here’s something I said to a recent client who was very anxious about approaching women. He was also very nervous about what would happen if he did approach them, and about how they would react. Here’s what I said to him:
Think about this. Every time you approach a woman, it’s like you’re doing it as a child would do it. Do you remember when you were a child and your mother would say, “Alright, before I get home tonight you have to clean your room. If you don’t clean your room, you won’t be able to watch TV?”
So what did you do? You cleaned your room, because you knew that you’d be rewarded for it. You might have kicked all your clothes under the bed to get that job done, but the bottom line was you did whatever it took to earn that reward.
Now, because of that social conditioning, whenever you walk over to a woman you are still completely attached to the outcome of the encounter.
At work if you wanted to become a partner, there were certain conditions you had to meet. As you met all of those conditions, you would think, “Okay, check. I did it,” but then they would mind-f*^k you a little more by making you do more things before they would make you partner.
When you finally did make partner, though, do you remember how you felt? It was a reward, right? You thought, “Yay! I made partner!”
Here’s the thing: Our whole life is about rewards. At work if you bring in a lot of money, it means that you had a good month. Everyone has a different agenda.
Salesmen have sales quotas. Copywriters want their sales pages to make a lot of money. If these things don’t happen, people will think “What did I do wrong? Where is the reward?”
Everything is about the reward. If you eat well for a day and then get on the scale, what happens next? You might lose a pound. That’s a reward.
Everything in life is a reward EXCEPT interactions with people. We have to stop being so selfish.
When you see somebody you’re interested in, why don’t you pay them a nice compliment just for the sake of being nice? People always expect something back.
Men and women will stand there like a little kid waiting for something in return when they make a gesture to each other. So you walked over to somebody. Congratulations! So then you stand there, expecting to be rewarded with a phone number or a date . . . or with sex?
Sex is certainly not a reward. A lot of “nice guys” are conditioned to believe that if they do nice things (or do all the right things), that they will be rewarded with sex. It doesn’t work that way.
Here is the way life really works. You know what you know, and you have to be okay with that and with whatever sensations are going through your body and whatever ideas are going through your head.
Being in a situation where we don’t know about something brings us anxiety. We always like to be in control of the situation.
It is an anxious moment for a lot of guys to go over and approach a woman. It’s an anxious moment for a lot of guys to just walk up to a woman and pay her a nice compliment.
The truth is that many women get their validation from someone paying them those kind of compliments. If you think about it, when you give a woman a compliment you are actually giving her a reward. She wants to be noticed, so when someone appreciates her it is a reward.
Deepak Chopra wrote that every day you should commit one random act of kindness or pay one compliment to a total stranger, and expect nothing in return. When you expect nothing back, you get everything back.
Instead of seeking a reward, just walk up to somebody and compliment them. Say, “Wow, that is a great shirt on you” or “Wow, you have a great pair of legs.” Whatever it is – it doesn’t matter. Then continue on with your business.
Make it seem like you’ve always laid those compliments out there, so it doesn’t appear to be something that is totally new. This will help get over that anxiety.
I rarely ever make a correction to any blog, but I have to tell you something. I can see why some of you are having trouble meeting the opposite sex.
You take things out of context when you read, and if you do it while you’re reading then I know you do it when you’re listening. My blogs are short, but if you want to get the whole message then you have to read them from beginning to end.
I posted a blog the other day that was titled “We’re Pregnant!” I got congratulatory messages all day long on Facebook, on the blog and in my email inbox. If you’d actually read even the first four lines of that blog, however, you would know that Sonja and I aren’t not pregnant and that the blog was about how men use the phrase ‘we’re pregnant.’
Enough about that blog, except that it’s interesting how life is all about perception. Some of you perceived that my girlfriend and I were pregnant.
It was probably the same group of people who don’t listen to what people say, and have difficulty transitioning into deeper, more meaningful conversations with people to whom they are attracted. Life is all about perception, but you’ve got to listen and communicate everything in order to get what you want.
It’s funny. I have someone who works for me who wants to know why they aren’t making more money. It’s not that I’m not paying them well. It’s that they are not doing what they are supposed to be doing (and need to be doing) to earn more.
If they’re not on Skype during the day, I can’t get a hold of them when I need to do so, and they are on the bottom of the sales numbers every month, then I will perceive them as lazy. I will perceive them as not having a good work mindset.
Now, if you want to masturbate the day away, that’s your business. I’m not talking about physically masturbating (although some people do). I am talking about mental masturbation.
People who don’t take action often times are mental masturbators. They’ll mentally masturbate about having great sex, losing that weight, being able to approach the opposite sex, or whatever it may be.
Mental masturbation is no different than physical masturbation. You just get off in a very different way.
You think about the big home you’re going to have, the car you’ll be driving or taking over a business. In reality, though, you’re still the same person who is getting nothing done and who has the same poor work habits.
Life is full of fears, and unfortunately some of us spend more time mentally masturbating away our fears instead of actually doing something about them. It’s no different than masturbating with your hand or a vibrator. Think about it.
Whenever you get off alone, it’s never even close to how good it is to get off with someone with whom you’ve connected. In a work context, whenever you actually accomplish a goal it is always so much better than mentally masturbating it. Approaching actual women and learning how to be confident doing will always feel better than mentally masturbating all the women you want to approach.
Eventually you have to overcome your fear and just do these things. I am a doer, not a talker.
I am not attracted to talkers. I’ll coach them, but I don’t have any friends in my life who are talkers. I surround myself with doers.
With whom do you surround yourself — doers or talkers? Do you surround yourself with a bunch of mental masturbators so you can stroke each other all day long and never get to your destination?
That’s all for this topic. Speaking of stroking, though, today’s video will tell you how to stroke women so they’ll climax like never before. Ahhh…your mind is so dirty right now, but the sexual technique I’m going to show you will stroke women in a place you would have never thought of…
Today is a very important day. Before you read the rest of this blog, you need to be sitting down alone with no one reading over your shoulder, because what I’m about to tell you will change your life through the beginning of February.
What I’m going to tell you, you can bring to the bank . . . to buy a new home, meet the love of your life or buy a new wardrobe. Put every last available penny you have on the Patriots winning the Super Bowl.
I’m not a Patriots fan. I’m a Jets fan. In fact, today’s video is from when I was about five or six years old and went to a Jets’ training camp. Check out how Joe Namath looks. Being a true football fan, though, I know the Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl.
So against which team will they be playing? The Packers? The Bears? The Giants? Nope. I’m going out on a limb and picking a team no one is going to pick.
I’m not picking this team because of my girlfriend — and I’m certainly not a big fan — but I think the dark horse this year is going to be none other than Drew Brees and the Saints. They won’t make it if they don’t find a defense, but I am predicting now that they will.
You never know. The world’s biggest cry baby may actually lead the Minnesota Vikings to the Super Bowl. You can count on Norv Turner once again getting the Chargers to the playoffs where they will once again lose.
Which team will be the worst team in the NFL this year? No, it’s not the Lions. The worst team in football will be a coin flip between the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC or the Rams.
So this year, the Super Bowl will be the Patriots versus the Saints. The ‘toilet bowl’ will be the Chiefs versus the Rams. Wow, Kansas City versus St. Louis. Interesting how close they are to each other.
For those of you who play fantasy football, you’ve already had your draft so I can’t help you with that. Since football is your fantasy life, though, isn’t it time you made dating your reality life?
It’s funny how guys will say things like, “Next time I see that girl I’m going to say…” They work out this whole fantasy about what they’re going to do or say soon or next time.
I believe in life you can only have one fantasy life at a time. So if you play fantasy football, you can’t have fantasy conversations with women.
Look at the next seventeen weeks as your time to talk to people. Practice just like the players practice.
Be like Peyton Manning practicing throwing balls to Reggie Wayne, except you go to Whole Foods and practice throwing words to women. Saturdays will be your game day (because Sundays you’ll be in front of the television watching football).
As for you women (because I need to talk to both sexes in every blog), you have to understand where the men will be on Sundays. If you’re a woman, you can always play the old ‘damsel in distress’ at a sports bar (like I talk about in my Women’s Mastery Series), because men really go there to watch football and hope a woman walks in the place.
According to my girlfriend, however, not all men like football. So apparently there will be men in the shoe department at Bloomingdales that you can meet . . . although they may be trying on heels.
This really is a good seventeen week season for all of you. I know some of you want to make the playoffs, because who wants to spend Christmas alone? If you don’t start practicing and playing now, you’ll have another Christmas alone wondering whom you will be kissing at midnight on New Year’s Eve.
Think it’s too early to think about this? It’s not. Time flies.
As a good NFL coach and as a good NFL general manager, you plan for a long season so you can be one of the teams still standing in January. Do you want to be standing under the mistletoe kissing someone on New Year’s? Do you want to be standing with a woman (or a man) for whom you actually have the hots, or do you want to be sitting on the couch playing armchair dater?
Do you know what an armchair dater is? It is someone who goes home at the end of the night and thinks about everything they could (or should) have done or said.
Aren’t you tired of that? Aren’t you sick and tired of feeling that way?
The summer is over. Whatever grand plan you had for the summer may not have materialized. I’ve found that to be successful in anything, you need to have an action plan.
So it’s time you acted like a winning franchise. You don’t want to be the Cleveland Browns, the Detroit Lions or the Oakland Raiders. You want to be like the Patriots, the Giants or the Steelers. You want to be a team that knows how to win every year.
These teams don’t just go out and wing it. They practice all week and they get prepared for the game on Sunday. They do the ‘one game at a time’ method.
You need to have the ‘one day at a time’ mentality. I know that what I’m saying is resonating with you because, really, the ‘winging it’ method never works in anything in life. It’s time you came up with a game plan.
For those of you who were thinking of taking a Bootcamp this year, I’ve got a few left . . . and that’s it. I’ll give you the structure you need to make this season a winning season.
I would have made a hell of an NFL coach. I know the X’s and O’s, but it’s really all about motivation and kicking ass anyway. So . . . are you ready for some football?
