It’s Sunday and it’s family day for me . . . well it’s family day with Sonja’s family today. I’m meeting her family today, and it’s going to be a great test of remembering names for me. Wish me luck, because as you all know I’m terrible with names!
When you’re dating somebody, what are the boundaries? Are there certain relationship boundaries which, if crossed, cause irreparable damage and the ultimate end of most relationships? While I am not usually a fan of hard and fast “rules” for relationships, there are certain dating behaviors which will almost without exception will end a relationship.
What all of these behaviors have in common is that they are violations of another person’s trust. Once one person in a relationship no longer trusts their partner, the relationship will almost certainly end. So to help you ensure that this doesn’t happen in your relationship, here are 6 relationship-ending dating behaviors that should always be avoided: Keep in mind that I am not mentioning the most obvious one which is cheating.
1. Everyone Is Entitled To Their Privacy. What constitutes a violation of someone’s privacy? When, if ever, are you justified in violating your partner’s privacy? If you have an “intuition” about something, does that give you the right to start reading through your partner’s email? To start listening to their voicemail messages? To hack into their other Internet accounts? The answer to all of these is no! To violate someone’s privacy is to violate their trust. You should NEVER dig through someone’s personal emails, or listen to someone’s voicemail messages. By listening to your partner’s voicemail messages or reading their emails, you are violating not only their trust, but also the trust your partner has with anyone who left those voicemail messages and emails.
2. There’s No Such Thing As “A Lie For The Greater Good.” Of course lying is never good in a relationship, although we’ve probably all been guilty of doing it. Certain kinds of lies, though, are far more damaging to a relationship than others. Some people will lie to their partner in certain situations in an effort to avoid hurting them or to avoid having to have a conversation that will be hurtful to them. So although we lie believing we are doing so to “protect” our partner, when that lie is exposed (which it almost always inevitably is) we end up digging a deeper hole for ourselves. When you do get caught in this situation, not only do you end up hurting your partner anyway, but you also end up hurting yourself even more. In life, what you fear will actually manifest – but it will manifest even more severely than you feared. So whatever you were trying to protect your partner from by lying to them will seem worse because of your lie than it would ever have had been if you just were open and honest about it from the get-go. On top of that, you have violated your partner’s trust by lying to them. These kind of lies are almost always relationship-enders.
3. You Are Not James Bond, So Never Spy On Your Partner You are not a spy, so you should never be spying on your partner. You should never snoop in your partner’s private things. That means that you must never look through your partner’s drawers, their wallet, their filing cabinet, or their private records (like their bank or credit card statements). Further, there is nothing that justifies snooping. No matter what you have a “hunch” about, snooping through your partner’s things is never the way to confirm or deny your hunch. It is an absolute violation of your partner’s trust. Your partner’s private business and personal records should be kept private unless they give you permission to look at them. Spying on your partner behind their back James Bond style is one of the most deliberate and blatant violations of your partner’s trust, and will achieve nothing except to have your partner never trust you to be alone near their things ever again.
4. Beware Of Designating Yourself “Magnum P.I.” Another wrong way some people try to verify suspected bad behavior by their partner is to take on the role of private investigator by attempting to “catch their partner in the act” of doing something. Whether this takes the form of searching for your partner’s car by driving by their house, work or gym, or it takes the form of following your partner in your car, this is something you should never do. Even if you believe you have a true “hunch” or “intuition” that your partner is doing something wrong or is hiding something from you, designating yourself as your own private investigator is not only the wrong way to address that, but also frankly smacks of stalker-like behavior. If your partner finds out you’ve been “tailing them” in your car, they will no longer trust you and will likely end your relationship right there and then.
5. Don’t Send Others To Do Your Dirty Work. Don’t ever send a friend or anyone else to gather information for you about your partner or to spy on your partner for you. That means, don’t send a friend to go hang out where you know or suspect your partner will be. Don’t have your friend try to eavesdrop on your partner’s conversations in places they go. Don’t ask your friends to use their cell phone to snap covert pictures of your partner. All of these not only violate your partner’s trust, but also reveal your total lack of trust in your partner. This behavior, if discovered by your partner, will most certainly result in them ending your relationship.
6. Avoid Paranoid And Obsessive Behavior. One of the biggest ways to reveal that you don’t trust your partner at all, is to manifest that distrust with paranoid and obsessive behavior. While calling your partner regularly is quite normal, calling them incessantly to “check up on them” comes off as paranoid and obsessive, and will virtually always drive your partner away. If for example your partner leaves their phone somewhere, and by the time they realize they left it and pick it up two hours later you have called them 50 times, you are not only coming off as being paranoid and obsessive, but you are clearly communicating to your partner that you don’t trust them at all. If you panic every time ten minutes go by without a reply from your partner to a phone call or an email, it sends the exact same message to them. This behavior will not only drive your partner away from you, but the fact that you clearly don’t trust them at all will most likely lead your partner to end your relationship.
So even if you have some type of “intuition” that your partner is doing something wrong, it is better to confront them openly about it and “slug it out” with them than to violate their privacy and their trust by searching for answers behind their back. Even if your partner doesn’t respond to your attempts to talk about it the first, second or third time, chances are that you will get to talk about it – and the outcome of confronting your suspicions openly with your partner will always be better than if your partner discovers you have engaged in any of the behaviors I talk about here.
Finding a great person with whom you want to be in a relationship can be really hard. Once we find somebody, though, we need to understand that our partner’s privacy and trust are boundary lines which must not be breached. Violations of trust like the ones discussed here are some of the quickest ways to kill any relationship.
No matter how much emotion and love exist in a relationship, a relationship cannot survive without trust. Think long and hard before you engage in any of these behaviors. Violating someone’s trust will never take a relationship to a better place. In fact, by doing so you may very well be single-handedly orchestrating the end of what could have been a fantastic relationship.
Today is going to be a blog about the male “commodities brokers” in the dating world.
What’s up with all these men who keep getting busted because they can’t keep their dick away from the yum-yum? It’s amazing.
Look at all the high-powered men from Eliot Spitzer to Bill Clinton, and even back as far as Ted Kennedy and Chappaquiddick. Really, what’s up with men and their endless pursuit of the blow job or the new indecent woman?
The downfall of a man is always when their hand gets caught in the yum-yum cookie jar. Just look at Eliot Spitzer. He went from being New York’s Governor to being a scumbag who will always be remembered as the guy who was a customer in a busted prostitution ring.
I mean, men need to understand something: You are special and there are PLENTY of women to meet. With the right amount of confidence, you can go out and get any woman you want . . . and you can find some really cool ones too.
The problem with a lot of these high-powered men is that they’re addicted to the rush. They’re addicted to business. They’re addicted to lifestyle. They’re addicted to money. Women are just another commodity to them, so they use women and don’t respect women.
So a lot of these guys have a lover whom they use. It’s no different from anyone else on their payroll. What these men do is use women for their own sexual favors.
The problem in this scenario is often times the women are using them too. This is where it starts to get ugly, because there’s nothing worse than having a worthless whore. So all these men who go out there in the pursuit of having their dick sucked basically have their careers thrown away as well.
Throughout history, the downfall of some very powerful men has been their choice in women. They had a wife and kids, got bored, sought a lover . . . and found someone who actually could play the “commodities” game smarter than they could.
Living in Los Angeles has allowed me to see all sorts of women. Look at the recent TV shows, “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” Good show . . . and a lot of fun to watch.
If you saw and remember the last episode, the guys were feasting over the women who were just hot instead of picking the really amazing women. Look at the women these guys chose. One of them was, according to tmz.com, an ex nude model, and the other one was actually an escort that you can get for $300 an hour. The rest of the women in the room were intelligent and interesting, but maybe not as hot as these other two.
No matter what, men will always go for eye candy. Similarly, these powerful men (male “commodities brokers”) think that because they’ve made money, that they have a right to and deserve the hottest piece of ass . . . exactly like they think they have a right to and deserve the hottest car, best plasma TV and the coolest phone. It’s no different to them.
Do you know what’s funny? We changed the design of the website two weeks ago, and not one person has uttered a word about it.
No feedback? No “love it” or “hate it” remarks? What’s up with that?
My designer called today and asked for feedback from all of you about the site, and I had to tell him I hadn’t heard a peep from anyone. Now he is depressed and thinking of a new career!
So, let’s help him out and give him some feedback. Tell me what you think of the new site design.
In this corner, we have a BlackBerry weighing 6.2 ounces. In that corner, we’ve got an iPhone weighing 8.1 ounces.
The iPhone has texting that you can do with your fingers that is a self-predicted type, but your fingers can’t be too big to get that little keyboard to work. The BlackBerry Pearl has predictive type where they actually choose words for you. The BlackBerry Curve doesn’t have the predictive typing, but it’s bigger so you’re able to type really fast on it.
Now the question is: Which device is best for text fighting? Text fighting is the newest thing in dating.
It’s a wonderful thing. You’re in the middle of an argument with the person you’re dating and they leave the house. Do you remember the good old days when you got into a little argument with your significant other, you walked out of the house and you were able to not talk to that person again until you were ready?
Well that is no more, because now there is the phenomenon of text fighting. Text fighting is wonderful because the second they walk out the door you can send them a text. Why walk out the door like that?
Not only that, but you can continue text fighting for hours. You can do it while you’re watching television. You can text fight while driving (although it’s not a brilliant thing to do and against the law in California). You can even do it at the office.
You can consistently text fight for hours — back and forth, circles and circles, round and round. If you’re really good at texting, you can almost text them as quickly as they text you back. Some of you are so fast you can have three texts for every one of theirs.
Fights used to last five or ten minutes. Your lover would leave, you’d have a few hours to cool off, and by the time they got home you’d both apologize because you’d realize both of you were being an ass.
Now-a-days with text fighting, though, you can continue a fight for long periods of time and even turn the original fight into other fights. Not only that, but text fighting gives each person proof of what an ass they were being during an argument. With text fighting, you can go back and re-read the texts you sent in anger, re-live each angry text.
It’s so destructive! Things that are said in anger should never be thrown back in somebody’s face. Things that are said in anger — whether they come out of your mouth or out of a BlackBerry — should be deleted right away.
They should never be re-read again, because we all say stupid things in anger. We all say stupid things at the wrong moment. You should never hold anyone to what they said in anger.
So if you do get into a text fight, delete those negative texts. Delete them immediately, because they’re just going to bring more unnecessary bad stuff into your relationship.
The other night I saw the movie “The Ugly Truth” starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. It was actually a pretty cute movie. It’s about a guy who gives dating advice on television.
Obviously I feel we already give the “ugly truth” about dating here . . . but I just never came up with a good nickname for it like they did. So today, let’s think about what I can call what we do here.
Seeing the movie at the theater raised a whole other issue with me as well. What is wrong with people who bring little kids to a movie theater on a Saturday night and allow them to scream, yell, run around and act like a monkey in a zoo? I mean, that is just ridiculous and rude.
My favorite people in a movie theater aren’t even those people, as much as the “huffers and puffers” those people annoy the most. The woman who was sitting in front of me was a huffer and puffer. She was annoyed by the same unruly child, and kept huffing, looking back and giving a dirty look.
A dirty look . . . in a dark movie theater? Really, Miss Huffer. They’re seven rows back. They’re not going to hear your huffing or see your dirty look. So to all you ?huffers and puffers,? I say grow some balls, walk up to them and tell them how you feel!
So when we left the theater, there were five young women with the young monster they were obviously babysitting. They probably thought it would be funny to take him to a movie.
By being there for this movie, however, the kid at about three years old got to see a hot makeout scene in an elevator, a woman using vibrating panties in a restaurant and men wrestling around in Jello. Is it any wonder that some men out there use their penis as a weapon?
How many women out there have been sexually harassed by men? Raise your keyboards. How many women have been date raped by men? Raise your keyboards.
You never hear anything about a man being date raped. Why? It’s because women don’t have the weapon to do it. Some men when they get erect and the testosterone kicks in, get angry and they need to find a vag in which to stick their weapon.
Wow, this is turning into a serious blog. Do you know the scariest thing about these date rapists? After they climax, they still think they’re dating that woman. They’ll call a few days later like nothing out of the ordinary happened, wondering when the next date will be.
What part of getting kicked and punched by the woman didn’t they understand? Unfortunately, a lot of men are like this after having a little alcohol. They drink and become instant assholes. They get rude with women, and some of them become sexually violent.
This goes on more than you think. What causes it? They probably had five babysitters take them as a little boy to a movie they shouldn’t see. “The Ugly Truth” was fairly harmless luckily for that kid the other night.
Every day, though, it seems like you see people taking little kids into movies they shouldn’t see and allowing kids to watch television they shouldn’t watch. Children between the ages of two and seven are sponges. What they see is what they process. What they process is what they become. So that cute little three year old kid may turn into a date rapist in college.
I’m not a parent and, of course, all parents make mistakes. That is what parents do. Men who can’t control their testosterone, though, became that way starting at a very young age.
Men who date rape women — men full of testosterone who look at women with no respect — are men who belong in the zoo. Some of you maybe even have participated in this or have been the victim of this.
Forcing a woman to have sex after she pleads with you not to do it is nothing of which to be proud. No means no.
If a woman is screaming, kicking or punching, then back off! The problem is that some of these guys get into such a rage that they can’t back off. They don’t see it.
This was a very heavy topic . . . especially for a Monday. It all started with coming up with a new name for what we do here, and it turned into a really deep blog about the violent behavior of certain testosterone-laden males.
I want to hear your thoughts on all of this. Let’s hear from you…
A lot of couples like to define themselves certain ways. My girlfriend and I were sitting around having lunch the other day and talking about how we hardly ever fight. I mean, we’ll get into something and we’ll have an argument (which all couples do).
Do you ever run into couple who say they never have an argument? If you never fight, though, it’s almost like you have no passion.
If you never fight or have a misunderstanding, you probably have a relationship where you tend to accept everything. I’ll hear people say things like,k “Yeah, my husband was seven hours late today. No big deal. I don’t care.”
I always thought that couples who don’t find tend to have a sex life with a similar lack of passion. A good argument once in a while is good, and disagreeing with your partner is all right.
The key thing about fights in a relationship is how your resolve them. When you fight, do you resolve it by making up or do you let the argument linger?
Another type of couple is the one in which one person controls everything. The person who is not in control in these relationships is always being reprimanded.
Do you ever go out and you see this happen? The poor guy or poor girl is always being reprimanded in public by their partner . . . always. I have a friend who was this “poor guy” with his ex-wife. Whenever they would be out together, she would say “I can’t believe you. How could you act like this?” She was the controller in that relationship.
Then there are those couples who just love to fight. They are always picking a fight with one another. My college girlfriend was like this. These people love to fight. Their life is about fighting.
A lot of couples fight non-stop because they really don’t like each other and they’re miserable. They’ve given up on meeting anyone better, and they have accepted being miserable.
So what type of couple are you? Are you a fighter? Are you a lover? Maybe you’re a combination of both. Let’s hear from you.
Today’s video is all about men and there lack of manners. Its the little things that women notice.
One of the funniest things about Los Angeles is that you always feel like you are on a movie set. Here is a perfect example.
The other night we went out to dinner, and sitting right behind us were Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. I was actually looking directly at Tom Hanks and had no clue that it was him, until Sonja said to me “Did you see Tom Hanks sitting behind us?”
I am clueless when it comes to celebrities. I could be staring directly at a celebrity and would have no idea. That just shows you how much I don’t care about any of this! To me, people are just people.
Anyway, it’s Monday. Welcome to a new week and something with which I want to kick start it . . .
There is something that all of you need to do this week. You need to break up with some of your friends.
There are friends of yours who just really no longer suit your lifestyle. They could be friends with whom you just don’t have anything in common anymore.
Think about why you’re still friends with some of your friends. Perhaps you shared your gum with them in the fifth grade and then got drunk together for the first time in the eighth grade, so you feel like there is a reason you should still be friends with them.
If they’re holding you back, though, you need to start breaking up with them. You want to spend your time with people who don’t hold you back in life. You want to be with people who actually share the same goals that you have. You want to be around people who want to move forward in life.
So you need to go to take a good look at your phone, and you need to eliminate the numbers of people with whom you no longer connect. You don’t have to physically break up with them. Don’t call them up or send them a letter.
In your own head (and phone), you just need to start breaking up with the people who no longer fit your lifestyle. Life is about change.
Many of you out there get stuck in “stagnant world.” I have met people who will actually tell me, “I have all the friends I need.” If you have all the friends you’ll ever need, then you are not growing as a person.
I like to open my life to new friends every single day. If I can meet new friends, it means that I’m growing and learning new things. If you stick to a routine, you’ll never grow!
Recently on my blog, a reader posted a comment about one of my articles in which he questioned that I or anyone else could help him to be able to meet someone. He said he has tried “everything” to meet someone. He’s tried pick-up lines and routines. He’s tried what some term “natural game.” He said nothing he’s tried has worked.
Then he started listing some of the reasons why things aren’t working for him in his dating life. What every one of his “reasons” had in common, were that they were all excuses. (more…)
Are you dating a man who suffers from commitment phobia? You love him and you want a lasting commitment with him, but you just can’t seem to get him to commit. You give each other your heart and you have both put all your feelings on the table, and yet it still seems that you have your life and he has his. He just won’t go that extra step to totally commit to you.
So are you just stuck with man who won’t commit? The Answer is no. There are certain things that will keep a man from committing, and certain things you can do that will turn a supposed “commitment phobe” into a man who will want to become totally and completely devoted to you.
Here are five ways to cure your man of commitment phobia:
1.Recognize That You’re Missing The Main Ingredient: So many women come to me saying something like “I do absolutely EVERYTHING for him, and yet he still seems unavailable. No matter how much I do, he just won’t commit.” Do you know why? The reason why a man won’t commit in the situation where a woman does “absolutely everything” for him, is that one key ingredient is missing.
He isn’t hesitating to commit despite the fact that you do everything for him, but because you are not showing him that you need him. It’s fantastic to be so giving to a man, and men do appreciate having someone do lots of nice things for them. In the end, though, men really also need to feel needed.
2.Stop Being Nurturing Nancy: A lot of women end up mothering their men. Whether it’s because they think men need mothering or it’s just their nature to mother, a lot of mothering takes place in relationships. Now, I know that women are generally very nurturing by nature. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you’re very nurturing by nature you need to be careful to strike a balance.
If you do a lot of taking care of your man, then you need to be equally good at letting your man take care of you. You need to be able to communicate your need for him. If a woman is doing everything for a man and never conveying a need for him, it will feel to him like something is missing.
3.He Needs To Be Tarzan: As a man, we still want in certain ways to feel like a caveman. We still want to have the “I’m Tarzan, you’re Jane” dynamic, wherein we bring home the meat and provide for you. In today’s world, women are so self-dependent that they not only don’t need any support from a man but even sometimes rebuff any attempt a man makes to assist her. I feel like the traditional roles have not been modified, but totally lost at times.
4.Don’t Be Boss Woman At Home: Many women have the mindset of “I do my job well. I am upfront with men about my intentions. I state what I want.” Many women, however, forget that they need to switch off the “boss mindset” when they’re at home with their man. They need to be able to interact with their man differently than they interact with their co-workers.
5.Don’t Over-Mother: A lot of men have been overmothered their whole life. As little boys, when they fell down their mother would rush over to see if they were alright instead of just letting them dust themselves off. When you do too much mothering, men will feel more like boys and less like men.
So if you’ve been doing everything for a man, start telling him how much you want him and desire him. Make him feel wanted and needed. When a man feels wanted and needed, you can do all the mothering you want because he will know that he still can take care of you. It brings a little tradition back to his world.
I am all about women having great and successful careers, making money, buying homes and being as ambitious as they desire to be. If you conduct yourself with your man in the same way you do with your business associates, however, he is going to feel like a Power Point presentation instead of your partner. Love him, show him you need him and this commitment phobic man will be yours forever.
