Comments on: Can You Be Friends With An Ex?

By: Nicky

Nicky — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 12:00:43 +0000

I don’t think exes should be friends. Obviously they have to be if there are children and shared custody involved. I don’t think you should be friends with them especially if you were cheated on. I just think people come and go in your life, you learn from each other what you need to and then just let it go. If you are meant to be friends with them in the future, then you will be. I think it gets akward when you meet their new partner and vice versa even if you both have no feelings for each other.

By: James Y

James Y — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 18:52:43 +0000

Don’t deny that it is there, just don’t fall into the trap of letting it happen.

By: James Y

James Y — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 18:51:08 +0000

Ken,

The only thing you can do, is just accept that you still wanna screw her brains out. But you already know that its not good for you.

So you can recognize it, and just not let yourself fall into that trap.

By: Khiem/Ken (DW Coach)

Khiem/Ken (DW Coach) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 00:24:39 +0000

I think ex can be friends… as long as you guys moved on… but sometimes, can you really get over the “pheromone” feeling?

I went back to see my ex in Vegas at the end of May. We both moved on… but I can’t help but still get “that feeling” in my body. Emotionally, I know we are at different places in life… but what do you do about “that feeling”? It’s that feeling that… even though you know you aren’t right for each other, you know you still turn each other on. There’s still a sexual chemistry that you can’t deny… or overlook.

What then?

By: Sandra

Sandra — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 14:46:54 +0000

Exes what would we do without them. But have to watch out when the person you are with gets to thinking that you are still hung up on them. Sometimes we do carry a torch and sometimes we don’t. When I see my first ex husband he has a tendency to stare. I wonder what he is thinking or if he is thinking about the things he gave up. Who knows…Or when I see an ex I am cordial to them depends on how we broke it off. Now my last two exes I would not be friends with for they treated me and my daughters like we were dogs. OOps and the second ex was on drugs and I do not want that stuff around much less around my daughters.

By: nvr2late

nvr2late — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 00:47:05 +0000

It all depends on how and why the relationship ended. In my case, after 25 years of marriage and 2 younger kids, my ex, a teacher, turned her friendship with the school janitor into a love affair. The married janitor knew our marriage was fragile and in stress, due to my depression and her mental attitude, and he went after her, which breaks the rule, “You never mess with another man’s wife.” He had affairs with female janitors in previous years, so he was scummy. So I can never be friends with her after what she did to our family, and I will never be friends again with the scummy janitor who moved into my house the same day I moved out, and while still married. I’m afraid for my kids who I share 50/50. BTW, He struts around outside whenever I pick up or drop off the girls.

If she had done it differently, I would certainly have been friends, after a period of grieving, and forgiveness, and if the new man was someone else.

By: Marina

Marina — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:56:58 +0000

Todd,

That’s a tough one. I had a husband that was a recovering Alcoholic and if he began again he would forget about our kids, which he loved unconditionally within a week. She most likely does not even know what she is doing at this point. If she does not want to stop it will not happen. I assume you can’t just abandon her if you pay alimony, but once that is over I don’t see why you should continue. What about her own family don’t they help. But you walking a thin line between hating to see her go homeless and continue helping her, these is only so much you can do to help her change.

Sorry not a clear Yes or No answer, but Alcoholism is really a hard thing to deal with.

By: James Y

James Y — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:44:30 +0000

Coach Kimberly,

Yeah, I pretty much came up with the same conclusion.

And while I am still willing to be her friend (but I am leaving it up to her to start communicating her willingness to be so), I know her well enough to know that she will never do it, as she fully believes that she did nothing wrong.

I can debate that, convincingly, with anyone but her.

But thank you for your advice.

By: Todd

Todd — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 19:54:57 +0000

What if you have an Alcoholic Ex that used and abused you and now you’re divorced and you can’t shake her loose because she’s totally dis-functional and can’t survive on her own? Do you completely abandon her and let her go live on the street with the homeless? Or continue to pay alimony endlessly until you die of old age? I’m taking a poll!!!

By: Diego R+R

Diego R+R — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 19:51:20 +0000

marina, i love your last line! just wanted you to know