Break Up With Your Friends
July 27, 2009 
29 Comments
One of the funniest things about Los Angeles is that you always feel like you are on a movie set. Here is a perfect example.
The other night we went out to dinner, and sitting right behind us were Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. I was actually looking directly at Tom Hanks and had no clue that it was him, until Sonja said to me “Did you see Tom Hanks sitting behind us?”
I am clueless when it comes to celebrities. I could be staring directly at a celebrity and would have no idea. That just shows you how much I don’t care about any of this! To me, people are just people.
Anyway, it’s Monday. Welcome to a new week and something with which I want to kick start it . . .
There is something that all of you need to do this week. You need to break up with some of your friends.
There are friends of yours who just really no longer suit your lifestyle. They could be friends with whom you just don’t have anything in common anymore.
Think about why you’re still friends with some of your friends. Perhaps you shared your gum with them in the fifth grade and then got drunk together for the first time in the eighth grade, so you feel like there is a reason you should still be friends with them.
If they’re holding you back, though, you need to start breaking up with them. You want to spend your time with people who don’t hold you back in life. You want to be with people who actually share the same goals that you have. You want to be around people who want to move forward in life.
So you need to go to take a good look at your phone, and you need to eliminate the numbers of people with whom you no longer connect. You don’t have to physically break up with them. Don’t call them up or send them a letter.
In your own head (and phone), you just need to start breaking up with the people who no longer fit your lifestyle. Life is about change.
Many of you out there get stuck in “stagnant world.” I have met people who will actually tell me, “I have all the friends I need.” If you have all the friends you’ll ever need, then you are not growing as a person.
I like to open my life to new friends every single day. If I can meet new friends, it means that I’m growing and learning new things. If you stick to a routine, you’ll never grow!
I tend to do this from time to time. Occasionally I’ll run into an old friend from high school who’s a real downer… that’s when the magic of the break up takes place.
I totally agree. This was one of the hardest things that I had to do a couple of years ago. But sometimes, it’s needed in order to grow as a person or achieve the goals you have set out to accomplish. Like, David said, you’re not REALLY breaking up with them. It’s just a wake-up call to not really talk to or be around them as much. I’ll never forget the friends that I have had over the course of my life. Never.
great blog today!
Hey David,
I got to tell you man that I am guilty of hanging with friends who serves me no purpose at all, these are all about routine you bring up a very interesting blog today.
life is totally about change if we don’t we become stagnant like you said!
You know most people would probably jump out of their seats when they hear or see Tom Hanks, in the end he just as human as anyone, its funny how people lose themselves near celebrities.
this is great mindset blog, i will have to take notes from now on.
doctor- always take notes David is way ahead of all those other fake gurus out there, his stuff are really powerful!!!
I think its also about no longer trying so hard to be someone’s friend. Friendship should always come naturally i think. Its such a relief to approach it that way. Great blog David.
I’ve just had the milestone of breaking up with some friends lately. It was sad to get the wakeup call but it was liberating. =)
This is a great concept. Before breaking up with a friend, it is important to define what a friend is. The most important thing to me in a friend is that there is reciprocity…give and take. There have been many friends in the past where it has been more one-sided…always taking and not giving. Those are definitely ones to eliminate…
Johnnylove-
why have those kind of friends? are you still hanging with them?
i used to have quantity of friends, that is what most people are proud of, now after some life lesson, i have learned its really comes down to the quality of friends not quantity.
I have had to do this. It sucks but I can’t be held down. Hell no.
I did the exact same thing you recommended this past saturday.
I have this friend I met from college. He is a good guy but lazy, inconsiderate, and full of excuses.
On the other hand, I am trying to become a better person and hanging around him was not particularly helpful at all.
Coincidence…lol
I have a friend now whom I just don’t think we have anything in common anymore. I rarely call him and he calls me all the time. This is really hard for me because I try not to hurt people but this blog has helped me to understand why I feel this way about him.
Great blog David!
You’re right, there are some friends I don’t quite click with nowadays. So I just never call them or talk to them. But some of them end up coming back to me again. But when I converse with them…. nah they’re still the same people I hanged out with. I’ll keep these in mind. Thanks for the tips!
I guess like anything else in life… friends have expiration dates too LOL
If I had a friend who was only interested in pushing themself, and unwilling to accept my faults, who was my friend only to improve their life, rather than just hang out like a human being and chat, then I’d definitely break up with them!
I know that paragraph made me seem like a cunt, but its not all about connections ffs! Ok if your mate constantly pisses you off, is disloyal, wouldnt back you up, talks shit behind your back, lets you down then fine, fuck him/her. A friend is more than what you can learn from them.
A few of my best friends I wouldnt exactly say introduce me to loads of girls, bump up my test scores, hook me up with certain things, show me how to do whatever, but I fucking love them all the same and I dont care. If I’ve got the blog, or rather some of the comments on here, all wrong, but damn its not all about self improvement!
To me its a hobby rather than a lifestyle. I’ve changed immeasurably, an the past 5 years or so because of all this and the BC, but looking back, committing to so much of it with the material with the PUA, self help, voice coaching blahblah, the more I was changing, the more my personality was deteriorating I was becoming drier, less unique and boring, instead of chilling out a bit and liking people for what they are, rather than what they can offer, or finding people who’re good with women and ditching my stoner/drinking buddies.
This is probably the “angriest” comment I’ve ever written, but if I’ve got up the wrong tree, let me know because I’m passionate about what I’ve just written. However I completely agree about people who say theyve got all the friends they need who arent growing!
Pete
Pete,
I think what you wrote is fair but you might have taken it more personally than most. We aren’t telling that all your friends should be about self-improvement….
But what David is saying is that… we all outgrow certain things.. friends included.
All your friends, old or new, should like you for who you are… but they are some… who just outgrew the kind of person you are.
For example, I have old college friends who were very much into playing video games. They are still my friends… but now they are more distant friends rather than close friends… b/c my personal life doesn’t revolve around video games anymore.
So what we are saying is… look at the kind of friends you have and don’t feel bad if you are not wanting to hang out with the same friends as you used to.
Khiem
Your point about your college buddies playing videogames I agree with, and if you paths are diverging or whatever then thats the way it is. And yeah, I suppose you could use the analogy of outgrowing something like Pokemon, videogames, hello kitty, rocket power on nickelodeon then ok, as in a friend then ok.
My (admittedly quite over the top) point was that I (personally, only my opinion) thought a lot of what was written on this page was pretty crude, about expiry dates and serving no purpose whatsoever (unless you call having a great time and laughing a purpose, then fine. If you’re bored rigid hanging out with someone, then obviously its not working out).
An admittedly large majority of my friends dont particuarly serve any purpose, but I have a great time with them as I mentioned earlier. Some of my friends I really dont have a lot in common with, but they make me smile. I’m not going to upgrade them for the next blackberry in terms of friends, or whatever. Ive no problem with making friends for the fact that youve got something in common, and you have a similar path, but I dont necessarily think you should forget your roots, and think that deleting friends who serve no purpose is just a tad pretentious! (unless ofc you havent called each other in months, and are generally no longer communicating).
Just to add, obviously like Davids said before, text gets misinterpreted, and what I think might be crude (because Im a bit soft inside really..) might be pretty average to someone else, who looks at things from a more factual realit
So apologies in advance if I’ve misinterpreted anyone.
Pete
Hey Pete,
I love what you have to say. But I think it’s just a matter of interpretation as you pointed out.
Personally, when you have friends that are just there because they make you smile, they lift you up with their energy… well… that’s why you like them. Their “purpose” if you want to use that term is that they make you feel good.
A purpose or a commonality doesn’t have to relate to lifestyle or common hobbies… it’s the “you just click” factor…. and many times, that’s good enough.
khiem,
Love your second paragraph too!
And yes definitely about the just click factor, my argument if you call it that was just about some of the adjectives used to describe friends like expiry dates (although I believe that was in your comment!), “serve no purpose” etc, but then its all the interpretation blah blah.
My general point, although you’re right I got a bit personal about it, in my own opinion and nobody elses, if youre ditching old ones and replacing new ones just to get something in return like meeting more women because he’s gay, and all his friends are “fag hags”, or you think you can score a new job, then to me you’re a shallow, slimey piece of shit!!! (cue the ridiculous no offense but line)
I was fortunate to hang out with some really cool fucking guys on the bootcamp, and the instructors were wonderful, wonderful people, but instead of bombaring with questions that have been answered on the blog time and time again I wish I got to know them a bit better personally and had more of a laugh instead of the same drab, grey shitty questions theyve heard 10000 times before(although i appreciate that its obviously a business thing and theres not much sugar coating to that).
Ive a ton of people on my msn list, who ive met from the days I used to hang out at seduction boards, people enlightened by double your dating, and although im glad to say ive met some wicked people and had some hilarious conversations, around 25% of those (including myself at one point, badgering people) you get into those same questions about living your life blah blah, so how do you tease her, im trying to afford a bootcamp, we were talking at a party for 1 minute and i knew she was into me then she had to go to the bathroom to take a piss or something, and yeah this shits really changed my life (multitasking jacking off in your mind about talking to absolutely everyone in the street, fucking a different girl every night while reading the Game (which is a brilliant book, for the purpose it was originally writte for)).
You can smell it on these people, like women and my friends could smell it on me. 2 years ago i reguarly chatted to a girl at a supermarket like a human being, then for some reason (I was either extremely high or incredibly stupid) I had a quick glance at Mysterys book before hand (no i didnt use those daft lines everyone quotes and takes the piss out of, i more or less used his structure) and got the creep look again and again.
Ive written a lot and im tempted to delete it because in retrospect it doesnt make a whole lot of sense/relevancy + im a bit drunk, but my main point in 2 sentances;
From personal experience if you start treating people for what theyve got, than rather for what they are, everyone else will smell it, youll get sucked into that little fantasy in your head you listen to instead of your lecture/job or whatever, rather than enjoying what you have, and youll pay the price! I more or less (a lot of more!!!) that you mature by yourself (a little help is always nice!), stop obsessing about the little goals list, stay present, and switch up your personality up to 11!
Pete
(Sorry for all the scrolling
)
You are right.
You got to appreciate people for people… not just for what they bring to you… but in the end, you just took the post a bit outside of its intended use.
The point of the post is not to be a bad friend, but to recognize when you and your friends don’t click anymore. If you click, no matter the reason, stay friends with them… but if you don’t, it’s OK to let them go too.
And as far as the “expiration date” comment… can’t you take a little joke?
I know… words on a screen always mess the humor… argh!!!!
Khiem
I cant take a little joke and now I’m very upset. ; )
Pete
I am so doing this! Unclutter my life (and phone) from people I never see and/or never talk to. And don’t intend to.
I’ve got a friend of twenty years that I used to sit around drinking beer and bitching about women, bosses and the general unfairness of life with. I’ve since figured out that all of those are what you make of them and have learned to push myself towards what I want. My life has changed dramatically in the last few years, but he still wants to bitch and moan. It’s gotten to the point where I just have to avoid him as much as possible. He’s a good guy, but he’s a downer. I just don’t have the space in my life for that.
Friends are good to have but when they want to tell you who you can and can not be with well it is time to say bye bye…These are the friends that need to get a life of their own and stop living yours. I know I learned this lesson the hard way in life and I do not want to repeat that again for I do not need anyone’s validation when it comes to dating guys.