Be the Big Dick
March 20, 2009 
37 Comments
There is this rumor going around with all of these spiritual books, “Write down what you want, and you will attract it.”
I love that shit. They’re offering you a shortcut! Do you remember that book The Secret? Write yourself a check for a million dollars, and it will just show up!
Not by working at McDonald’s, it won’t! That’s just not how it works.
There is no shortcut in life. You attract who you are, not what you want.
If you want a relationship that is based on love, great sex, confidence – whatever it might be – then you’d better be that person. When you walk over to a woman full of fear, and you see that she’s confident, guess what? She’ll walk away.
And then you will always wonder why you always seem to attract these really timid and scared women. Well, that’s who you are.
You attract who you are. Many people don’t realize that you have to work on yourself first. All of the guys who have come to my bootcamps realize this: the more you work on and embrace yourself, the more you love yourself – the greater the chance that someone else is going to love you back.
If your goal down the road is for a great relationship, then you’d better work on yourself now. You are always going to attract who you are.
Many people look at their past relationships and they don’t take inventory of them. They always place blame – well, I was this way with her, and she was this way. She did this, and I feel bad… bullshit.
The reason why you were a certain way with her is because that’s who you were. You have to take responsibility for everything that you are, and realize that you can attract who you are.
In my current relationship, I attracted me. I’ve attracted me in all of my relationships. I like this version of me that I’ve attracted now more than any other version of me that I’ve ever attracted. And this actually forces me to look deeper inside me and realize that I have to take responsibility for myself.
So it’s not just about writing down what you want – that’s fucking lala-ville. That’s just airy-fairy shit. “I want a big dick” – you can’t just put that shit out into the universe and expect it just to come to you.
You have to BE the big dick! You have to be that person. If you want a hot girlfriend, you have to be a hot guy. If you want a girl that is confident, you’d better be confident! If you want a girl that’s really a sexual dynamo, you’d better be that.
You have to be all these things first. Otherwise you’ll just attract people that will teach you lessons. You have to look back on your lessons, and when you make your list of what you want, make your list of who you want to be.
If you make your list of who you want to be, you’ll attract that person.
Hey… thanks for this blog entry. I can only agree with your words!
A lot of great wisdom in this blog. Thanks David.
I would say that visualizations techniques are really useful, however, they are no susbtitute to earning experience through hard work and facing up to your inner-demons, whatever they may be. If you want to learn to swim, you’ve got to be prepared to get wet!!
I myself feel like i’m slowly starting to develop into that person who I see captured in the most authentic, the most serene and liberated moments of my life. Those moments when you feel in complete synergy with everything around about.
haha so true… sadly however I’ve indulged into the “airy-fairy shit” far too many times before in my life. I’ve even made a vision board once. lol, remember those David?
I don’t really see what this has to do with finding a relationship, but ok.
amen.
Best blog ever! Be who you want to be. Be yourself and do an inventory of what kind of person u are inside and pay attention to appearance. Kindness and respect goes a long way.
Damn right! Attract who you are. Great post.
So that’s what “The Secret” was about? I guess you answered my question.
Applause!
Thank you! The Secret, is all part of this new-age thinking and it’s all screwed up.
You are absolutely correct on saying that we attract people like us. As I reflect on my previous relationships, I can see that with certainty. The people who are not like me are not the one’s I’m interested. Become the kind of person you want to attract and you will get that kind of person. Makes so much sense.
I’ll say one thing for sure, the guy who came up with or wrote “The Secret” made a mint off of a whole lot of people who wanted shortcuts. He may have written that wished for check for a million dollars, but first he had to write that book full of scrap, find a publisher and publicist and go to some work and effort in getting it out to the suckers, I mean, ahem, the masses. If wishing and imagining success and wealth was just all there was to it, then there would not be a single poor person on earth. Just wish and visualize real hard and it’ll come true? Don’t think so! Ya have to do some stuff first. Like work your ass off! Unless you’re some privileged heir or heiress type like PH who’s never had to work a day in her life! But for the rest of us, there’s lots of pavement pounding, elbow grease and ass busting to be done.
Another thing to add to what David said, there’s the old saying that “Like attracts like.” Meaning that if you are a certain way, then you will attract similar people.
I once saw a poster that said, “If you want to fly with the eagles, then don’t hang around with turkeys.”
And also, don’t think like a turkey either. Eagles soar above the mountains. Turkeys get served on a plate.
I’ve been working on myself constantly these days. Now it’s time to take some action! So, starting this weekend, I am going to be volunteering at a bunch of runs and races in New York, where I live. I would like to flirt with some of the handsome guys there, since lately I’ve barely been flirting with anyone.
The only thing I can think of to say to guys is:
“Congratulations” and “How was the race for you?”
Does anyone have any suggestions for anything else I can say to guys? If so, it would really help me immensely in terms of getting back into the flirting flow! I am now ready to end my “manertia” and get asked out by someone I’d really like to date!!! I’m sure you peeps have some good advice to share…my thanks in advance…
Great blog David, It’s true that like attracts like and that the ”secret” kinda makes it look like a fake shortcut.
I know you know that they ment, If you visualize, It will just open your eyes to the options that are out there that will help you achieve your goal. Or when you focus on something you will start to see it everywhere. so it’s a combination of success tips.
Anyways just saying I feel what your saying cause I fell in the trap at first too but It did help with keeping positive and to just know that no matter what happens, the universe will work with you in mysterious ways If you help yourself.
Ah yeah, btw I can’t wait to receive your knew principles for relationships!!! The universe delivered just in time
Allright back to my victoria secret catalog to visualize some more.
Princess,
make sure you look cute, because you want to make yourself noticeable. If you have nice legs, make sure you wear shorts to show off those stems. Likewise, if you have a nice rack or semi-nice rack, don’t wear a sweater. In fact, even if you’re flat chested, wear a nice tight tank-top. Throw on a big smile, but don’t make it cheesy and use that line above that you came up with and follow up with a question like “so did you have a time that you wanted to beat?” or “I want to run next time because i didn’t get to sign up on time” or “is this your first race?” etc. Come up with anything.
Hope that helps.
David,
What are your thoughts on the “wingman”?
I’ve never posted here before, but I wanted to share what I thought about of the secret. I didn’t really neccessarily thought of it as more or less a shortcut, but judging based on what the movie had shown me, I had more thought of it as encouraging positive thoughts. If you think positively, positive things will come to you. This resonated with me really well because I’ve always believed in karma. I think that if you act a certain way, you’re going to get a reaction a certain way. If you always do the things you do, you will always get the same things you always get.
I don’t think the entire message of the “secret” was that if you just write yourself a million dollar check it will come to you, but more or less of, if you think big, you can go big. I think the secret recognizes this negative thinking, the “monkey-chatter” that’s telling you, “oh that’s too ambitious, that’ll never work.” Just negative thinking in general. If you envision yourself doing something, then I don’t see any problems with you achieving it.
If I haven’t scared you away yet, I think, as a general overview, the secret tried to tell people to think positive and to seriously hone in the idea that “if there’s a will, there’s a way.” Not so much a get rick quick scheme as you seem to have made it out to be David.
People tend to thnk that their’s not enough to go around..but their IS! Hunger on earth, peace, great relationship.. Whatever you want .. it’s their! But first you’ve got to SEE it, FEEL it, BE it.. and what Devid says it’s the same thing as “The Secret”.. Because SEEING something happening, FEELING it makes YOU attract IT. And just the way YOU attracted YOURSELF to this website means, your alligned with what David is saying.. You could be on hundreds diffrent websites? Why aren’t you? Why are you here? Because you can FEEL that what D. is saying is true and genuine and it corresponds with the part of YOU that wants the same thing. So “USE” the Secret, use meditation, use affirmation, use practice.. use whatever your immagination gives you at that time, it really doesn’t matter HOW you get where your heading, Just enjoy the ride
Przemek,
If you believe the Secret were true, then you must also believe that people attract Cancer, death in one’s family, the loss of a job, obesity. What about those who are blind? Did they SEE (no pun intended) it, FEEL it and then ATTRACT it?
There was nothing magical about how I came to this website. We had to go to many websites before we came across it. David in a past blog talks about how he worked hard to get where he’s at. The SECRET was all about getting material wealth and we all know riches and fame doesn’t bring any long term satisfaction. Look at all the rich people who have committed suicide recently and in the distant past, all the rock stars who are empty because they’ve reached the top and realized they did not find what they are looking for
What people want more than anything in life is to be loved and money can’t buy love. You can’t attract love just by thinking positive thoughts. It must transcend and must make itself evident in your daily life.
This Secret is a phony philosophy that only those who are looking for a quick fix will follow. People want a short-cut in life and there is no shortcut.
Many of my realtor friends who are starting out in that field watch the Secret to make them see how rich they can get. Their focus is money. If they can only have 1,000,000 dollars then they will be happy, is their mentality.
If they’re discontent and unhappy with what they have now, no amount of money will ever make them happy because they haven’t learned to appreciate what they have nor to be content with what they have.
Serious. Only a relationship with Jesus will fill that emptiness.
Hey, great post!
The Secret is a great movie. Most people watched it forgot that you need to take action yourself if you want your dreams to manifest. It won’t fall of the sky, everyone should understand that, but most still needs to be told that.. It’s not the movie’s fault….
To Canadian Vince and Przemek:
Vince, just keep visualizing Adriana Lima and Alessandro Ambrosio inviting you into their luxurious, beautiful bedroom or maybe a cabana in the Bahamas. And taking their clothes off for you and saying “Come and get me!” in their sexy Brazilian accent. Just keep dreaming that over and over again. Without doing anything else. Do you think it’ll ever happen for real?
Przemek, all I can say is what David & MAC have already said.
I meant AlessandrA Ambrosio. Sorry for the typo, but you already know who I meant.
David thanks for level minded and not buying into that new age bullshit. I run into people like that and ask them if this is true: Go to the top of that building jump off and can you think hard enough and materialize a parachute or a tornado wind to float you safely down? Ideas have consequences and it seems they ignore the bad ones.
I am starting to notice that it is true I attract like girls who love the lifestyle I do like eating raw food and going on nature hikes.
Princess,
I’m not sure if i agree with what MAC says because in a way it goes against what David says and you are putting yourself out there (no offense to MAC). i remember David said in one of his blogs and videos that you need to live in the present. Don’t go to the event with prepared lines but observe the actions and emotions of people because it is what they don’t say that tells their story and then ask them about it. If you are helping at a running event and you see some guys confident ask about their training that made them that good. you can start a conversation on anything. I was once able to start my relationship with a girl by just commenting on her sigh and how she had a tough day. then things progressed. Things progressed by making comments on what the other person says or asking questions. Don’t dress a way you would normally dress because then that person is going to be attracted to who you aren’t. you learn by doing. Go out and have fun!
Good Luck
Hmmm….so MAC since money can’t buy me love and happiness, perhaps I can rent it?
Sorry, but I just had to. Yeah, visualizations help, but just writing something down without putting forth the effort won’t bring anything to you.
This is a really interesting blog entry, because it is one of those things that I have really been working on and trying to understand. Thanks for posting about it.
The fact of the matter is you do have to BE that person before you can attract anything. The reason people attract “negative” shit is that they are negative in their beliefs. That “monkey voice” is always the Voice of Doom in our lives. It is the ego telling you that you somehow are not good enough or cool enough or too drug out and tired to be wealthy or loved or anything else. It is the voice of the belief of our worth. If one thinks they are unworthy, the Universe will show them exactly how “unworthy” they are. If one thinks in terms of lack, the Universe will show them how much they are missing. No amount of daydreaming is going to get one over negative belief.
I have been understanding that negative belief is simply the ultimate belief in the world as having something “wrong” with it. The fact is that there is nothing “wrong” with it… it is perfect as it is. I am the one seeing the wrong in it based on the idea that it is missing something. Invariably, I find that I am missing something… the world is simply mirroring back to me what my beliefs are.
In order to be successful or cool or loved or whatever, you have to project that. The only way to project it is to BE it… nothing else works. Everything can come into balance and flow, but the work is fucking hard and entirely internal to the state of mind one finds themselves in. That is why presence works… presence works because it is all about the power of the moment, which ultimately holds all the power there is. That is where your future is built. If one is in lala-ville, they are not present and seeing the opportunity to create their lives in that instant of time where they are. If the mindset is positive, they will see the positive opportunity, and yes, the Universe will help them with that creation. If the mindset is negative, no form of wishful thinking can do anything (except maybe make the person discontent enough that they get off their ass and change).
“I’ve attracted me in all of my relationships. I like this version of me that I’ve attracted now more than any other version of me that I’ve ever attracted.”
What is a fantastic way of looking at things. I think if you’re expecting to attract higher quality people in your life and are constantly falling short, that’s a sign to work on yourself.
tony
– like I said, visualizing helps with noticing the things you need to notice so you can then take ”action”
And I have to agree that allesandra does look awesome. and she is not a bad kisser.
I agree 100% that you attract who you are but I don’t think what you write about the law of the universe is right. I think the book secret said that not everybody’s going to want to same thing. Not everyone wants a big dick. You have to look within and find out what you trully want in life – not the wants that are negatively affected by your peers, familiy, and society.
Great blog. You HAVE to walk the talk. If you do not love yourself, and have the confidence to get up after a setback, then you will never get what you really want. Everything in life comes from effort, focus, planning, and yes, a lot of luck. Just being in the right place at the right time can totally change who and what you are.
I agree with you that desire alone won’t make things happen for you.
I relate this to Stephen Covey’s 2nd Habit (from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People): Begin with the End in Mind. I think that it takes both the goal and the visualization of the path to that goal.
The next step is doing whatever it takes to get to that goal, and that’s where this article comes into play. I found that I have to be willing to be the asshole in order to get what I want. I tend to sense what I need or needed to do – the next step for me is making it a habit to always do it instead of hesitating / over-thinking / etc.
There is no law of the universe called attraction. It doesn’t exist. Don’t be brainwashed into that empty philosophy. Good and bad things happen to people independent of attraction. Car accidents happen to people who never want them. There is nothing you can do to prevent your ultimate destiny, death, no matter how hard to you try to think positively about it. There is no such thing as the law of attraction and there is no secret.
Here is the real law at work which everybody knows without having to watch a foolish new age movie:
YOU WILL REAP WHAT YOU SOW.
When difficult times come, how do you react? When a girl turns you down, how will you take that rejection? Do you learn from your mistakes and grow? That’s pretty much the gist of it. Nothing you don’t already know.
see this is why out of all the dating coaches out there u hit home to me the best. for example… you wrote..
There is this rumor going around with all of these spiritual books, “Write down what you want, and you will attract it.”
I love that shit. They’re offering you a shortcut! Do you remember that book The Secret? Write yourself a check for a million dollars, and it will just show up!
Not by working at McDonald’s, it won’t! That’s just not how it works.
So it’s not just about writing down what you want – that’s fucking lala-ville. That’s just airy-fairy shit. “I want a big dick” – you can’t just put that shit out into the universe and expect it just to come to you.
I agree and thats exactly what i say to myself when i read shit like that in books like “the secret” i will say writing down a to do list and putting in front of my pc which im at a lot helps me eventually accomplish shit i’ve been meaning to do, but shit like act like you have a million dollars and it will come, or write it down. idk… setting goals is great, but if your not taking some serious action to make it happen, its most likely not going to.
you know the older i get the more i realize it’s all me. what i mean here is no one is gonna do it for me. if i want something in life i gotta get off my ass and accomplish it myself…work for it myself….learn it myself. when your younger you don’t think about that shit as much, your just living day to day, then one day you wake up and ur like fuck…. its been two years i been wanting to drop 25lbs and here i still sit not doing it. fuck its been two years i’ve been wanting to start this business and haven’t. and so on and so on.
you know just the other day (and i still haven’t gotten to it) i really noticed and thought about this…but I have one of those plastic storage box things sitting here in my office that i’ve been meaning to sort thru and get out of this room…. and i thought to myself. holy fuck g, you’ve lived here 2.5 fuckin years now and still never got around to sorta thru that box of shit and getting that thing outta here. 2.5 years.
its amazing how time flies and you look back and say to yourself all the reasons and excuses you made, imagine if you hadn’t and just took action instead right then and there.
imagine how much you could have accomplished.
just think about that.
The reason that you visualize things is to get in touch with what you really want – not what society, family, and friends tell you that you SHOULD want. Our wants change as we go through life – and what we need also changes, depending on where we think that we are at any given time. Sometimes our assessment of where we are and what we need turns out to be in error as we choose poorly and find ourselves disappointed with the results. That’s why we are supposed to learn from each experience…so that we don’t keep making the same choices but expecting different results.
The reason that you should write things down is to down is to keep yourself on track when your attention goes astray. Sometimes, it’s difficult to stay in the present if the only things that you keep visualizing is all of the ways that things COULD go wrong when you haven’t even begun the next step of the journey. When some say that they don’t dwell on the past, they just move on – one has to wonder if they are actually moving forward or just moving in circles and THINKING that they are moving “on.”
Thinking positively is not about the good fairy, God, or the universe making it happen with no effort on your part – it’s about being open to the good things that may come your way and recognizing them when you see them (which you won’t if you’re always looking down). If you don’t see what you want around you, make certain that you are not looking through a negative lens and missing the beauty and wonder that is everywhere.
We all have excess baggage that we carry with us and stash until we “get around to it.” I can beat that 2.5 years with the unsorted box, g-rod, and I have more than one box but I have been using “tools” that I learned at work to finally address my unfinished business and it’s going well. Maybe I could have just moved on but I have learned a great deal in this time and now I have new “tools” in my toolbox to help me move forward and do better than before. It’s only a waste if you learned nothing from it. Anyone that I meet from now on is getting a much improved me.
Regarding this whole arguement over the secret– I quote “wish in one hand and spit in the other, see which one fills up faster”.
Take action
HA! Gray, I didn’t think of that, but my granny, imagine an eighty year old woman saying that, but substitute shit for spit! She was just an awesome woman, and full of wisdom and the secrets to good living…
Li,
I sooo agree with you. I think the Secret was really meant to remind people to live with a direction… to really pay attention to what they want… but in the end, The Secret completely forgot about taking action.
I guess their idea of “align yourself with your intent” was their subtle ways of saying.. TAKE ACTION!
I remember something from sales training at Primerica… they always said: Life rewards action. That always stuck with me.
Hi everyone.So I’m new here. Maybe you won’t read this Dave but I just want one simple answer.
For starters I’m just 18, I’m not from USA actually I’m from Romania if you know where that is. I’ve had my experience with girls but there’s always a problem. In my case , I do the exact right thing with the ones I don’t really like , I mean i have confidence and stuff knowing(maybe just in my head) that, that precise girl won’t turn me down cause she knows she’s not as good looking as another one(I’m not saying that she’s ugly…maybe it’s all in my mind).
The problem is when I see a girl that i really like things like I can’t be with her she’s too good and stuff like that pop in my mind and obviosly I don’t do anything or act really stupid and after that I figure it out and say “why the … did you act that way” but it’s too late.
The thing is I have a sort of mood shifts:sometimes I’m extremly confident and think I can talk and be with any girl I see, sometimes I just don’t want to be seen ,meening my confidence level is kinda 0. I don’t know why that happens.
I was really shy until a couple a months ago an older friend helped me out with advices and really worked(stuff like don’t show them directly that you’re interested ,be confident ,don’t really give a ****).The thing is ,with a ‘normal’ girl it always works or at least in most cases but with a girl that i really like my old sistem comes into place and I really don’t know why my confidence level drops and i really don’t know what to say. It’s kinda of an information overload I feel like forgeting and what do to know and stuff.
I’ve really written too much, a short answer to this will be really apreciated…sorry for the spelling mistakes.
If not David ,somebody else who can see a solution to my problem. Thanks
Alessandra Ambrosio is so a nice looking. What do you think about she?