Be Present Where You Are
January 11, 2010 
26 Comments
I recently saw a really funny movie called “It’s Complicated.” In a nutshell, it’s not that complicated. It’s about as complicated as people want to make their own lives.
In the movie, Alec Baldwin plays a 58 year old man who has an affair with his 58 year old ex-wife at the same time he is married to a 30 year old woman. She wants to get pregnant.
So the Alec Baldwin character spends his days at fertility clinics masturbating into cups, instead of enjoying the stage of life he is in with his grown children and still sexy 58 year old ex wife. He could be enjoying the experience of appreciating his age and growing old with his wife.
So many of us are constantly looking to maybe upgrade. The 55 or 60 year old fat, chubby man all of a sudden decides that he wants a younger, beautiful wife. The younger, beautiful wife really just wants him for money, sperm and/or more money.
It’s really about learning to be present where you are.
I seem to get a lot of guys who email me and say, “I’m 50 years old and I’m only attracted to 20 year old women.” Well, I was attracted to 20 year old women in my life too . . . when I as 20 or 23 or maybe 25. Then I realized, “God, 20 year old girls are so annoying!”
As I kept getting older, I kept dating in my age range. The fact is that I couldn’t image at 47 years old dating a 20 year woman.
Just the thought of it makes me sick. Having to watch how they interact with their friends and listen to how they speak (with all the “likes” and the “oh my gawddds”) would really be too much for me to handle.
I’m not knocking anybody who’s 20. I think 20 fits great with 20. I think you should talk like 20 year olds talk. I know I probably said some pretty stupid things too when I was that age.
It’s just learning to embrace that where you are in your life is where you should be. So if you continue to want to date younger and younger people, it’s time to ask yourself why.
When I was in my twenties, I dated plenty of women in their twenties. When I was in my thirties, I dated plenty of women in their thirties.
I was never looking younger. I was just looking for somebody great. I never put an age on it.
I know a lot of guys whose taste in women age-wise changes in direct proportion to their own age — for every year older they get, the desired age of the women they date goes down by a year. I have a friend who is like that. He is always chasing the youth.
My friend is 48 years old now, and he’s been chasing the youth for five years. He still isn’t in a relationship. He decides he wants to date younger and younger women each year, thinking that is the answer.
That is not the answer. The answer is to date within your age range. Appreciate where you’re at right now in your life.
For those of you who are in your twenties right now, go crazy with each other. Say all the “likes” and “oh my gawwdddds” you want. Get drunk, throw up and have one night stands. Do all the fun stuff you’re supposed to do in your twenties.
Get it over with and do all of those things. Date people who may not fit or who flake all the time. It’s all cool.
As you get older, though, appreciate who you are and where you’re at in your life. Not only that, but I know that if I was Alec Baldwin’s character in that movie — trying to chase a 30 year old around all day long — I would find it exhausting.
I would want to be on a cruise ship, hanging out with other 58 year old guys. Okay, well maybe not a cruise ship, but you get the idea. We’ll talk about that topic another time.
Great advice even if you aren’t dating…
Hi David,
I’ve been following your work for something close to half a year and I think this blog is pretty relevant to me. I’m 18 years old and in college. Many women I’ve met have been older than me, maybe 20, 22, even up to 25.
I’ve been told that there’s a different culture of people between the age group of 18-25 and 25+. What do you say?
The movie was funny. I really liked your honest and open thoughts about this topic!
Well I’ll have to admit I’m guilty of that one in a funny way b/c I’m a guy in my twenties but I seem to like older women, I have no idea why.
Leo-so you like older women? have you dated anyone yet who is older than you?
Jacob- yes I have my last girlfriend was a 32 year old. It was because of her I became really interested in older women.
What’s the age difference?
She is 8 years older than me, and man I really liked that she knew what she wanted and took care of herself really well. She was just amazing in bad, i can’t never forget about her:)
I hear you Leo. They are like fine wine, older they get the better the quality and taste:)
hahahah that’s a nice way to put it J.
This is crazy there are so many man in their 40′s still at the night club and bars with the 20 year olds. Like you said David, they always end up chasing all their life, or maybe that they are blinded by beauty and because of that they never find their true self.
Hey Jacob- I never got that download link, can you send it to me again thanks!
Steve-
Sorry that you didn’t get the link, look out sending it now.
Thanks for your patience.
Great blog today David!
I couldn’t least disagree. Its interesting nowadays you see all these dating service that tries to sell their services to younger men with older women or older men with younger women. There are bunch of site out there that manipulates men and women about this whole age thing.
Leo- have you met anyone since her?
Julia- no I haven’t and it would be nice to have someone older but what I get from todays blog is that maybe I shouldn’t wait so long, and just enjoy my life and dating women that are around my age group.
Sorry Jacob for taking your coaching spot for bit, but Leo just enjoy your twenties, there is no point in waiting for that someone, who knows when you might meet her again. But if you are out, you are more likely to find that special someone.
Julia-
no worries the guys here love women’s perspective.
I saw the movie “UP IN THE AIR” and that is another example to be in the moment stay present
incredible movie..ery thought provoking
Anthony- i will have to check that one out, is it the one with George Cloony?
I love this blog! It’s all about embracing where you are in life. A lot of times people chase the young hot thing so that they can feel better about themselves or fill a void. But as David indicates, that only fills you up temporarily. Fill yourself up and you’ll be happy where you are!
Julia..love and always welcome more female presence!
Thanks Coach Kimberly!
What if in your 20s, you didn’t live and experience the craziness proper of the youth?. What’s wrong with doing it when being a little older like in the movie the bucket list?
Besides, not all 20 year olds girls are crazy and immature, I believe you can find a cool, serious, mature, and independent woman who happens to be much younger than you.
David, I’m well above 18 years old, but, dang it, like you said nearly a year ago, all men(well, too many of us at least)are still 18 yr old Scooby Doos regardless of our age.
I have this thing, maybe it’s just a fantasy about being with a beautiful girl around 24 years old with the mind & maturity of a 34 year old. Is that even possible? Is it possible to find a girl in her early 20s who doesn’t talk like a total Valley Girl, like okay, like chatter chatter chatter, like as if OK, like OMG, like what-EVER, like(insert hyperventilating spaz attack here as she talks about Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, any Jonas brother, etc), like chatter, chatter some more, like OMG, like totally, like…
There are so many beautiful 20-24 yr old women at the local university, but that’s the way they talk and when I hear them talk like that, after only 5 minutes, I have to deduct 100 IQ points from their score.
And here’s another thing, because I’m a Christian(but not an overly uptight prude, so don’t confuse the two) I get annoyed when I hear girls & guys use the OMG phrase all the time. “Oh my God” translated into Valley Girl speak became OmIgawwwwd all crammed together. But it’s still violating the 2nd of the 10 Commandments; Exodus 20 & Deuteronomy 5(It’s a Jewish thing too). So I use other things in conversation in place of that when talking. Instead, you can say “Oh man” or “Wow” or “Cool!”
“You’ve been to Italy? Cool! Me too! Did you get to Florence while you were there?”
Or “Hey, you saw Avatar at the IMAX too? Cool! What did ya think of it in 3D?
Dave, I’m 44 and work in a hospital with a lot of girls in their younger 20′s, sure they’re nice to look at, but like you said, a man my age and a young girl in her 20′s are in 2 completely different worlds.
Hello. Not sure if anyone is still looking at this blog. I have a question. I am a 46 year old woman and an acquaintance of mine from work who is 32 has contacted me. We are both separated and he wanted for “2 people to enjoy each others company” and that he had liked me for a long time without telling me.
We have been meeting for sex only and sometimes sex and lunch for about 6 months. He comes and goes with his closeness to me. Sometimes he texts or calls me just to talk or tell me he misses me and alot of the time he backs off and I don’t get those warm texts from him. We are both separated so I’m fine with the 2 people enjoying each others company, but I’d just like to know what’s up with him backing off and coming forward, on and off. Can anyone offer some advice?
Rachel