Be Authentic
July 21, 2009 
37 Comments
“Hey girl on the blue bike! Come on up here so you can meet four drunken guys!” That’s basically what I was privy to hearing the other day as I was coming home from a bike ride with my girlfriend.
What is is about men screaming at women to get their attention? Has this ever worked? Do guys actually think women will respond to this . . . or at least women who they would WANT to respond would respond to this? Are these guys as drunk and stupid as they appear to be?
For more about this ridiculous approach, check out today’s video at the end of the blog that I just posted on YouTube. Also, for those of you who want to really learn the right way to approach women, then you’ll really appreciate today’s blog . . .
You know, a lot of you think you know me and a lot of you want to know more about my personal journey to become who I am today. You want to know about fear and how I overcame it.
You read the blogs, you read my newsletters, you watch my videos, and you think you know who I am. In reality, though, you only know what I’m telling you.
In life, you only know what people are telling you. You only know what people are sharing with you. You only know whatever story they’re telling you.
What is your story? People always hide behind stories. Our stories are things we create in our minds and what we share with others.
Every story that I have been sharing with you is my story. You have filled in the blanks. You have decided that I must be a certain way based on the facts I have provided you.
That’s what we do in life. It’s so interesting.
People ask me all the time, “David, Why did you get involved in this business?” Do you know why I got involved in this business? It was because everything I teach is something I once needed to work on myself.
A few months ago I read some of my old journals to my girlfriend. Some of them were over ten years old, and others were over twenty years old. What I found out by reliving my past in those journals is that my own personal experience and personal journey is no different than yours.
I wanted to go out and find love just like many of you. In some of the journals, all I talked about was finding love, believing in love, wanting love . . . and asking why I couldn’t seem to find it.
In one journal I talked about a woman I was with at the time whom I ended up marrying. After I married her, I realized she was not the one for me and I was so frustrated by that. At that moment in my life, I wasn’t sure I would ever find love.
I even become very soured on the idea of love for a while. In one journal entry, I mentioned thinking a friend of mine who was going to propose to his girlfriend was crazy to want to get married.
I was new in the business at that time and, although I was teaching guys how to meet women every day, I was soured on the idea of romance.
I had to work on myself from the inside, just like all of you are doing. So I understand the journey so many of you are on right now.
The reason that I never wanted to teach “pickup” was because I always wanted to be authentic. I want all of you to be authentic.
The only way to find love and a great relationship is to be authentic. The only way to be authentic is to keep working on yourself.
I also learned from my journals that I really struggled for a time with the old “monkey chatter” issue that I talk to all of you about all the time. In some of those old journals I had entries all about what I wished I could say, what I wanted to say, and what I didn’t say to so many different people. My head was so full of monkey chatter, it was ridiculous.
I spent a long time working on myself and getting rid of all that monkey chatter in my head just like you are working on doing. The reason I now have such an amazing relationship is that I can actually tell my girlfriend how I feel.
It is really hard for me still at times to completely share how I feel, but if you are going to be authentic in life (and in dating) then you have got to communicate how you feel without worrying what the response will be. If someone truly loves you, they will process whatever you say to them and give you an honest, real and authentic answer.
The power of self-love and working through all your issues will really allow you to attract the person you want. As I’ve said so many times before (but it’s so true), you attract what you are in life. After doing all this work on myself, I attracted the woman who surpassed all my dreams.
wow those guys need some help, they are so retarded.
Good to see you on youtube again David, thanks for all the great advice!!!
Your journey is a very inspiring one now I am taking on the challenge you have given me even though i do have some fears that tries to take over time to time.
I had similar problems when i was dating a women few months back, there were times when i would walk with her in the street some guys would whistle and of course they check her out like they never seen a woman before.
I got to be honest when i was in my high school i did that immature stuff not anymore.
should i get a journal will it help me guys?
Lance- ever since i got my journal more than few months back, i have become more aware of life, and better observant as well, so i recommend it based on my benefits!
Hey Lance-
I liked what Jimmi had to share with you and i would recommend it as well.
Imagine years from now you can go back and see how far you have come.
you can find some great journal in the bootstores.
Thanks CJ and Jimmi. I will get one soon!
welcome Lance.
CJ- How was the nyc bootcamp?
Jimmi-
The guys were fuckin amazing and I had so much fun!!!
Its one of my favorite city to teach bootcamp:)
man that sounds great, someday i like to meet you face to face i hear a lot about you lately!
Thank you Jimmi!
Someday i would like to meet you as well:)
Touching blog today… I’m find it really interesting to hear about peoples’ journey on the course of self improvement.
Great Blog today it touched me in a way because it made me think about my journey that I am still working on and how I’ve progress. Today is my 27th birthday and I was thinking about how I was 10 years ago I would not even had the courage to admit that I needed help. Thanks to you Dave and coaches you have truly helped me to start changing my life!
Big PP
Happy birthday my friend and thanks for sharing!!!!
Happy birthday Big PP! I turned 28 in May and have learned a lot from this website. there is some great stuff here. I love the blogs and the video. I know i need to purchase the book on of these days… lol
Happy Birthday Big PP and thanks for your authenticity! Being honest with where you are and what you want is key! Thanks for sharing….
David,
Great youtube video. Sadly, I used to see guys do this all the time in college, and yet it sometimes it worked. I always wondered why it worked in college, perhaps it was just the ignorance or little value of college girls or of college people in general. Thoughts Anyone?
John
David,
I also hope the video helps guys realize how much of a turn off it is when they do those kinds of things!
Thank you- this was a great blog. It actually brought tears to my eyes, but that’s a good thing
And yes, journaling is an extremely helpful way to keep track of those thoughts and feelings so you can see what you need to work on. I’ll be 30 next week, and I’ve been dealing with some crap (aka monkey chatter) for a long time. It has taken a lot of hard work, but it is all worth it. Changes might not happen over night, but if you stick with it, you’ll get there. At least that’s what I tell myself
I drive and look but i dont stop the car in a dramatic way to look, and then i look in the rear mirror for one more look. i have to pay to get laid, its good in a way cause when im done i just leave.i have trouble talking to girls sometimes,
m23,
Are you afraid of getting truly intimate with a person? Is that why you have to pay to get laid?
Happy birthday, Big PP!
Hey everyone,
I have been journaling ever day for close to five years now and I have to admit, before I ever met David and his blog, the simple act of journaling was the catalyst that started my own personal growth and change. So, if it sounds appealing to you at all, don’t hesitate! Get started. I wore out so many journals, that now I write in Microsoft word.
Also, regarding the video. I used to sublet from a good friend who is one of these holler guys. He had this appartment that had a great balcony at street level where you could see everyone walking by and they could see you. When he visited, he would always want to stand on the balcony and just holler at the women wandering by. I didn’t participate, it seemed pretty stupid to me and very ineffectual. But one day I finally got him to open up about why he did that and he said that he loves beautiful women and he doesn’t know how to talk to them. He knows that the holler approach doesn’t work but he feels like more of a man knowing that he tried. He would set himself up for failure. I asked him, why he doesn’t just walk over and talk to one that he is attracted to next time and he said that he never could, he wouldn’t know what to say.
Take care,
Mike
Hey this was a really cool blog. I’m just now beginning to understand the value of putting your thoughts on paper. Yesterday I was feeling really bummed about this girl that I like but who doesn’t seem interested in a relationship with me. I sat down and ended up typing 4 or 5 pages of whatever came to mind. It was really helpful for sorting out my thoughts; and though at the end I resolved to talk to her and tell her my true feelings, when I met her later that day I just couldn’t. I guess I still have problems with the “monkey chatter” that you keep referring to. I still have a lot to work on but this site has been a great help so far. Thanks.
i guess so. when you pay for it you dont have to put up with the rest of the shit afterwards.i can still do what i want. not fell guilty too.
yelling at women is an art. First, make suee you yell REALLY LOUD. Then start off with HEY BABY, they like that. If they walk away, just YELL LOUDER! and follow em, works EVERY TIME!!
I think getting a journal is a great idea. It’s an awesome outlet and pretty cool to be able to go view it, look back at old times and see how far you’ve come.
Thanks for the video post David. I really learned alot from your older posts. Do you ever give discounts on your mastery series?
Over the past few months, I have been more keen and aware, picking up details I missed out on in my interactions with people and friends. I now see things for what they are, not a naive view. I think what really pushed this awareness was after the whole guy troubles that involved both my friend and I.
Speaking of authenticity and working on yourself, I just realized that the confidence I had in the past were based on external views people had of me, so that was not true confidence. True confidence should start from within. I need to be confident enough that I won’t feel like my friend who gets all the attention will sweep a future/potential boyfriend away. I need to be confident enough that if my attractive physical appearnace fades away, I’ll still be fine.
My daughter and I were talking about her sister. My youngest thinks this guy she has met on the internet is going to come down and see her and want to take her home with him. I said in her dreams she is living in this world of make believe and I know that one day she is going to get hurt. I said something to my oldest daughter how is this guy going to help my youngest if she can not help herself. In life we learn to focus on self so we can help each other. If a person can not be true to themselves then how do they think they can be true to others. Study who you are what kind of person you are imagine yourself standing in front of a mirror and picture yourself and how you want to be in a relationship.
indeed…..Loves the video
wow can anyone help me? I’m 15 and have a terrible dating life. I have been reading this blog for a few months already. David you are amazing man thank you so much for all this info it helps. Well anyways after reading all this I just cant get it right to implement it in real life. Does anyone have any ideas or help>>??
Rob…
What are you doing today to implement the teachings you read in the blogs? Have you watched the YouTube videos yet?
You start implementing these ideas one at a time. Every week, journal how you feel and what you are doing to practice the ideas you see in here. If you are just reading them and not applying them, it doesn’t matter how long you read these ideas.
You won’t get it until you experience it.
David is right on about how worthless these approaches are. Can’t imagine the quality of women that would actually go for that anyway. Another approach that cracks me up is one where guy will be overly checking her out, or tell her how hot she is when she walks by. Its not like a girl is going to want you just cause you think she’s hot.
yea i actually borrowed a copy of david deangelo and its very good it really raised my confidence quite a lot. And by implementing them im working on it. Is it true that it takes up to 10 years to really talk naturally to girls? I think thats quite too much
It doesn’t take you 10 years to be good with women.
You are BORN with the ability to meet and attract women. You just have to get back in touch with yourself to do so.
Depending on how you feel about yourself and how good are at implementing whatever you need to improve, it can take as little as 3 months to a year to be good.
But if you are talking about MASTERING it…. it may take up to 10 years. Research says that mastering any discipline takes about 10 years.
I just have to comment on this – honestly, ya’ll make it SO much harder than it has to be.
Think of it this way – if you saw another man that you really admired and possibly wanted to meet – (for whatever reason – he’s a great athlete, has a great fishing boat/golf swing/car, consistently excels at something you’re interested in, whatever) would you use these same techniques to let him know or to be able to meet him???? In other words, if a girl were interested in you, would you want that disrespectful, embarrassing, degrading type of attention to be used by her to get the point across? Or, would you respond better to a sincere compliment/comment to break the ice and start a conversation to open the door to meeting you? Come on, guys – it’s really simple – common sense & courtesy will impress us way more than ‘beating your chest Tarzan-like’ embarrassing techniques. And, truly, any girl that would be impressed by that type of display isn’t someone you would really want to meet, let alone date, unless you only want to get laid – and probably be expected to pay for it. Just treat us with the same honest respect, desire and admiration that would make you feel like someone was truly impressed by you and wanted to know you better.