Are you a back talker?
That is, are you somebody who won’t talk to people to their face – so you talk shit about them behind their back?
There is nothing I disrespect more than back talking. I don’t respect someone who can’t look me in the eyes and talk to me directly – someone who badmouths me behind my back. I find that to be the most disgraceful way of addressing something.
I don’t honor people who talk behind other people’s backs. I don’t honor people who don’t look me in the eyes and tell me what is on their mind. I don’t respect somebody who can’t talk to me face-to-face.
If anyone has an issue with me, I want to hear about it. I want to discuss it, because that is what a real friend would do.
Do you know anyone who is a real back talker? Or are you somebody that has been a chicken in life and decided to talk behind people’s backs?
Really, I think that back talking shows something important about your personality. I think it shows something about your development and your confidence level. A genuinely confident person will talk to somebody about the things that bother him or her. They won’t talk shit about somebody.
Shit talkers and back talkers are people who are really insecure. These are people who don’t really know themselves.
Do you know of any back talkers in your life? Or have you been one at times?
We’ve all talked shit about people behind their backs before. We’ve all done it. But hopefully most of us have stopped doing it – it really is one of the ugliest traits anyone can have.
I fully agree David. I lose respect for people immediately who if they have a problem with me won’t shoot straight and talk to me personally about what they think of me or something I’ve done. My attitude is, if you have a problem with me, bring it to me and tell me about it. It does neither he(or she) or I any good if they won’t speak up. If I’m doing something wrong, then I need to know about it. Otherwise, it may never be corrected. Don’t go whispering and whining behind my back. Tell me to my face and I’ll correct the mistake or problem. But being all pussyfooting around and hemming & hawing and all weasel-like is just bullshit and doesn’t solve any problems or fix anything.
And if they’re just back-biting and dissing somebody just to make themselves look better or superior, it’s usually going to backfire anyway. It’s just going to make the backbiter look insecure and weasel-like because that’s just what he/she is.
Wonder who inspired this blog? If I say something about someone behind their back it is usually to defend them against someone who is shit talking. I have friends who have traits I don’t admire and I might mention it to someone who is also familiar with the person, but if you are a friend, then you will never hear me talking shit about people.
Greetings from Ireland… rainy Ireland!!
If I’m honest tonight I was nearly caught out back talking tonight about one of my housemates friends who wasn’t the nicest person in the world this evening.. But I found myself reasoning it out that if I’m nice to her and she’s still unpleasant she can say nothing bad about me….
tonight coming back from the gym i found her in sitting room, started conversation as if we were good mates, and we were both in stitches laughing and enjoying each others company within a few mins….
looking back at previous blogs – the power of now and being yourself definitely comes to mind now, i didn’t dwell on what she had said previously in the evening, but focused on being in the now (and myself) and we had great craic…. (In Ireland craic means good fun!!)
im sure my example is different from other experiences, but if you’re nice to the person without letting them walk all over you, and you don’t let past experiences put you off, you can enjoy their company and not have to resort to back stabbing….
cut the bullshit, live for now, live with energy and passion and observe.. just do it!!!
thanks again Dave
I couldn’t agree more. I don’t respect back talkers… but I have to wonder sometimes: what is the fine line between back talkers (who talks with the intent to hurt) or sharing with someone out loud their frustrations about someone (which is more about observation and constructive criticsm)?
Whats the opposite of a back talker??
I have been accused of being too forward, too direct and telling people (to their face) exatly what’s on my mind.
I definately agree…if you have a problem or issue with someone…..let them know about it (try it in a constructive way)….DON’T talk behind someones back. That reminds me of High School…..and those days are LONG gone!!
Try working in a small office with ALL woman…….you will definately find back talkers! LOL
Hey good for you Phillip from Ireland……that was very inspiring story about you & your housemate…..glad to hear that it turned out to be great craic…..
I don’t necessarily lose respect for back talkers. I’d try to have compassion for them. That seems like insecurity on their part. I wouldn’t get offended or angry.
If I felt it was worth it, I’d get right in their chest and see what the issue is. That’ll stop all of that back talk REAL quick.
Khiem, I think the fine line rests on your intentions. Like you said, if the intentions are to hurt or offend, you’re a back talker. If you’re just makin’ an observation and venting, I see no problem with that.
Bottom line, back talkers: bad. Back scratchers: good. I need a back scratcher. Can’t reach back there sometimes, lol.
I agree as well. Talking smack is one of my biggest pet peeves.
will of fire- having compassion is a great thing to do in the situation. And shows your maturity as a men as well.
now i need a back stracther:)
Oh yeah! This is what I love is when someone comes up to me and has a problem and they start telling and I say that is between you and them…I was taught if you have a problem with someone take it up with them….If I have something to say I will give you the pleasure and tell it to your face…Now these people on the blog if you were to meet me face to face would you say half of what you say on the blog to me….That we will never know…There are some of you if I had a son by you would not be raising my son for what I have read and what you have said to Mike about getting laid and all is that what you would teach your sons…How about telling your daughters in order to become a woman you sleep with a man…I bet some of you started with your sisters come on tell the truth….How would you like it Pete if your sister showed you half the shit you typed to me would make you angry right how about your daughter if you ever had one….Thank God in Heaven I don’t have any kids by:
Demetris, Pete, and DTO for you would teach them okay hey Dan what do you teach your own kids do you preach to them like you preach to us what are any of you going to do when your daughters come home and say I am pregnant and looks you in the face and says well you told it to my brother that in order to be a man you have to sleep with someone or a woman that looks you in the eye and says hey I am pregnant think before you type because I see now you are and I would not want you to even teach my grandkids….
Sorry David spoke my mind once more great blog about backstabbers…Did you know I could start a rumor and before it got back to me it would be mole hill made into a mountain…The less you know the better off you are…The more you know it will come back to haunt and next thing you know you might be answering to people that you don’t want too. Then when you repeat something that someone else has said and it gets back to the person and you say so and so told me and then they go back to them all they have to say is you started it….
OK, Will of Fire – here’s a little scratch for you: I also try to have compassion for back talkers – not because they deserve it or I’m such a wuss (and believe me, no one who has ever worked with me would believe that one) but because situations change from one audience to the next. Not everyone can expound on a given subject or person and spit out their feelings verbatim to every audience. Some audiences are more savvy than others and some don’t see any difference between venting and real back-stabbing and/or promoting one’s own agenda over anything or anyone else. Who really wants to lose even a moment worrying about that kind of crap?
One former co-worker said something to someone on another shift about me and that person won’t even give them the time of day any more. I have no idea what it was but the listener was so enraged that the back-talker’s name is only spit out these days with total venom and is now totally baffled by the listener’s behavior. Here I am, the person who was talked about, still clueless as to what was said about me and still having a cordial relationship with both parties.
My view is that we have honest disagreements about things and that others are entitled to their feelings. I won’t say that it never bothers me but it’s pretty rare – not because I have a thick hide (because I don’t) but it’s just not important enough to call them out to the parking lot and kick their ass. If they irritate me off enough to shoot off my mouth publicly, I will take no prisoners, as my last VP and director can attest to. I shot both of them down in a crowd with no apology as they were both full of shit and trying to talk to us employees like we didn’t know any better. Yeah, right, bet me.
In the last couple of years, I have found my philosophical, mellow side coming out more and I’ve been more than a little frank with some people with whom I disagree greatly and I make it clear that I will not shield their names from my telling of the story so it’s all out in the open. I think that it’s what allows us to co-exist without coming to blows.
I’ve been a total back talker back in high school. Yes, I’m guilty of everything said in this post. I regret all the things I’ve talked shit about. For that, I lost friendships, good memories and respect. I always did, and I regret it.
But nowadays, it’s just observations and criticism. I sometimes back talk, but not so much to the point I got a bad view about someone and I didn’t tell them.
For that, great post David! I’ll keep this as a reminder
Yakety Yak don’t talk back the three guys that I mentioned in my blog better watch it I might say your momma if you keep it up…I wonder what your mom taught you guys did you know you live by your dad’s example….Like Merle Haggard’s song Momma Tried to raise me better but her clinging I denied that only leaves me to blame because Momma Tried…
Just a quick word to say that I agree with this. Have the courage to say what you want, when you want, without apology. Back talkers diminish your value so much without much recovery to those who are important to you.
Sandra, cut the rubbish rants – I thought they had ended last week. I don’t know why you say other people communicate badly when it was you who went off the handle with all sorts of chilidish language and bad talk – just because you write what you think doesn’t make special.
If I met you (and to be honest, I do my best to avoid people I consider to be idiots), then I’d have no problem in telling you what I thought of your behaviour. Responding to intelligent comment with an unintelligible stream of consciousness isn’t really a great strategy if you want people to think you’re worth listening to. A funny response would work a lot better, but as yet you haven’t demonstrated an understanding for subtle humour.:-)
David
I admit that I am guilty of such negative trait in the past…but ever since I experienced the ‘receiving end’ of it I changed…I can totally understand why most do not respect ‘back talkers’ because it is downright childish and gutless! Even when I confronted the ‘back talker’ himself back then, he still denied it to my face after revealing real evidence and witness; like I said – totally GUTLESS!! This has become one of my pet peeves and have not back talk about anyone since then…
When I first started to confront any person whenever I got a problem with it usually didn’t end up in a positive light…eversince then I have constantly strive to confront with more tact…but sometimes when one get so caught up in the moment you just say it like it is…I believe its better than being a total wuss and talk shit about that person later…
Ok, here’s just a little tidbit to all readers here: “Psst! Hey guys….do you wanna know what David did to the waitress he teased last Saturday at the club?” Hahahaha! Just jokes David… :p
Backtalkers…BOOOOOO!
I used to back talk when I was 12, does that count? Now I just front talk!
Well said, K.
I think that’s an amazing distinction you’ve made:
My bad, hit the wrong button, lol.
“not because I have a thick hide (because I don’t) but it’s just not important enough to call them out…” This strikes me as a really honest and well put.
That’s an interesting situation with your co-workers, too. At least you’re still relatively cool about everything.
I feel you on the mellow, philosophical vibe. I definitely appreciate that side of me, however, I do love a good confrontation. I love back talkers! I get pumped up when the haters come out to play.
The way I see it, if you don’t have a few haters, you ain’t doin’ somethin’ right
Will of fire
We all hate you for not sharing the note…leaving us in such suspense…my mind has not had a minute of rest ! Cliffhangers cliffhangers
Peter
It strikes me interesting that for a bright guy, that you continue to write like this. Why do you care, in context to Toltec traditions how would you respond then to what is written here that strikes you the wrong way?
How is your efficiency book doing ?
Peter
Your momma go tell her the trash and you know something my youngest daughter said all the way around the world Aussie’s don’t care about women at all she should know for she has met some of them on IMVU…..Sorry Charlie but I date my own brand American White Men….
Sandra, you know very well that the only person who is guilty of ‘trash talk’ is yourself. I have been nothing but polite with you, despite a constant stream of bullshit coming from your direction. Sorry to hear that your daughter also suffers from very poor reasoning skills, but I guess that’s not a big surprise.
As a final point on this subject (because I won’t bother communicating with you again), I will acknowledge that one weakness Aussies have (both men and women, myself included) is that we can’t stand people who ‘talk through their arse’. You write the most incredible amount of crap I’ve had the misfortune/entertainment to come across for some time, and what’s most amazing is that you have zero awareness of what you’re doing. For my part I know its pointless bringing myself down to your level, so now it will stop. Have fun showing people what a great communicator you are and attracting fantastic relationships into your life. To paraphrase what I think Tony Robbins said, if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting what you’ve gotten.
Marina, point taken and apologies to you (and everyone else) for this last rant – I’ll let Dan keep on dropping in the odd comment from here on in to keep things alive.:-) The book is in the research phase – got a month more of that, a month of writing, and then a couple of months enjoying what will hopefully be a long, hot European summer.:-)
Peter
Do you understand something I Don’t Give A SHIT!!! If you don’t like what I post then ignore it or we can carry it elsewhere DTO and Mike have left me alone will you do us both a favor and leave me alone….Don’t speak and I wont speak…
These posts above mine look familiar… hmm. Where have I seen this before? lol.
Thanks Marina! I heart you, too
>>>>>>Sorry Charlie but I date my own brand American White Men….
who is your presidente girlfriend? lol A big black dude is Commander in Chief….boo:-)
Will of Fire: Several of us asked you to tell us what the note said and you blew us off….come on, do the right thing!
Peter: Why bother?
Leaving in less than 48 hrs!
David i fully agree with you man!
i mean my best friend just today i got into a fight with him, i just looked at him into the eye and said what i wanted to say to him straight in the eye
and this has calmed me down
right there i knew what he was saying on days before behind my back because i kept on telling him that i know what his doing he just stood there silent and said something else about me being lonely just to change the topic
i really learned something about my friend today
at least i hope its all good between me and him i trusted him alot and i still dont know why he talks behind my back
id wish you could respond me in email sometime later
hope your doing great!
cya!
Will of Fire – OK, how about some suitably vague questions about that little note that is driving Marina to the cliffhanger edge:
Was it flirty? Suggestive? Tasty? Complimentary? Open-ended? Personable? Revealing? Good for a tease? Or a good dream? Or maybe even a repeat performance? Perhaps even a close encounter? Just checking as Marina compares this to her own list…
I have never been a trash talker/ backstabber. But recently, there have been some ‘boy-drama’ going within my circle of girl friends at school. I was venting out my frustration and confusion so, like Khiem and someone else mentioned, its more like constructive and not bad intentions. *whew.
What happened/still happens is, there’s a guy thats interested in me, met me and then met my girl friend who is not single. He started hanging out with us to get to know me, and all the while, my friend starts flirting with him. In just a few days, they were already really flirtatious while I was busy with my classes. He’s still interested in me, but the problem is I dont flirt as much as my friend does. She’s taken and her relationship became a long-distance one just this summer, pretty much a crumbling relationship. She flirts like crazy with this new guy who’s interested in me, and she’s really pushing the lines between flirting and cheating, and the lines of friendship.
As a friend who knows how me and him met, isn’t she supposed to help me ‘get’ him instead of taking him away for herself? My friends called her out on it in a friendly way but she acts innocent like she doesnt know she’s flirting and that its wrong of her to do that to her own relationship, and her own close friend. Lately, she’s over the top. Everytime I’m successful with this guy, she just does more flirting and stuff. This is not the first time thats happened. The last guy another friend of mine liked, she started flirting with him online instead of trying to hook the two up. And now I realize maybe she has some insecurity? I dont know how to approach her on this, or if I want to approach her about it at all. As for the guy, I’m just going to go with the flow and not worry about competition.
Any advice?
Man, you guys are persistent. I like that. In that case, here:
The note simply read, “I had a wonderful experience” (heart and smiley face).
Now, I’m not all that fluent in woman-speak, but I took that as “I wish you woulda said SOMETHIN’ after I all but asked you out my damn self, you dum-dum”.
Would any of my ladies care to translate? Marina? If I’m readin’ too much into it, just say, “Sonny, you’re readin’ too much into it”. Or “Sonny, maybe her food was awesome and she felt the need to say how awesome it was.”
Dan & K, shoot straight with me. Appreciate it.
-Sonny
Kismet – Is this friend someone that you usually hang out with when you encounter this particular guy? Even the nicest guy is not oblivious to the most overt of overtures from a woman – even if one or both of them are already taken!
However, you should seriously consider finding yourself a new wing-woman because the current one clearly has her own agenda which would be one of the following: (1) she is seriously hot for the guy (2) she feels safe flirting because she’s already “taken” (3) she is venting on her long-distance BF by misbehaving in public but within the safety of your company (as in “no harm, no foul”), (4) she is suffering from the “expectation anxiety” of being ALL ALONE and “off-limits” (5) she thinks that he is probably doing the same thing (the “all’s fair…” argument), (6) she is just insecurely competitive at heart and in a crowd of two, she has to be number one at your expense, or finally (7) she may have felt that she was number one because she had a BF and you didn’t and now that hers is a phantom, she loses credibility in her own eyes in your social circle.
Of course, she could just be pretty damn selfish and mean-spirited and you never saw it because you didn’t have a vested interest to protect. And don’t let that innocent act fool you for a New York minute: She knows damn good and well what she is up to, particularly after everyone else has called her on it. If you’re not the confrontational type, simply decline to hang with her and go by yourself or with someone else and see if the guy behaves the same way. And as for your friend, perhaps she could use a gift certificate for some sex toys and self-help books since she will have a lot of “alone time” if her behavior continues.
Will of Fire – It’s about as non-provocative as she can get while still expressing appreciation for the experience that YOU gave her! Trust me, if she was talking about the food, she would have said so out loud. The note was about the ambiance that you provided! In chick-talk, that means “You made my day so enjoyable – I’m OPEN to further contact/exchange” without being suggestive or sleazy. How much do you want to bet that she returns?
Oh, Snapple! What if she DOES come back? That never even crossed my mind.
Do you know how awesome that’d be, K?
It would mean that I would be able to stop askin’ myself, “What woulda happened if I had said somethin’?”
Don’t you hate when that happens? Damn shoulda, coulda, woulda’s.
Either way, its still a good experience in my book.
Remember – no rehearsed lines – just a big smile of recognition and welcome!
Sonny
That was a cute note…
Don’t get to worked up wether she comes back or not. Maybe she will or maybe it was just supposed to be a magical moment between two people. Love when that happens, you could be locking eye with some one and just for a brief moment there is something different. You get this great jolt of energy, in am not talking about sex energy this happens with both sexes.
You are giving out the right vibes, continue with that.
You don’t need to rehearse but ofcourse as K say just general hello but with extra warmth. Get her a table right away. If I had written a note like that’s and if it was a bit more than a casual flirt, then I would like the attention of “jumping” the line and getting seated right away with a great smile from you and a simple nice to have you back tonight kind of qoute.
Take it from there..
If she does come back…..make sure she does not have to wait for a table. u
DTO
I did not vote for Obama but off that is my preference and the way I was raised to date on American White Men…OH have a nice and safe trip to China you sneaky lover boy you know I love to hear from you every now and then….My love to ya…
Will of Fire:
Thanks for finally revealing the note! Your reaction is well warranted…But, instead of lingering on the subject “Damn, I am such a dum dum, I could have said something, blah blah blah” take it as a compliment because obviously she enjoyed being around you…in other words, you have a future as a ladies man:-)
Now, next time, stop that monkey chatter in your head and SAY SOMETHING. If she does come back, stick that note in your wallet and when she comes back drop her than note back and write something below “Thank you, I see you are back for the incredible Oriental salad:-) or substitute the salad with what she ordered. And you better not let her wait!
Other than that, you did well. It’s still nice to get such a note!
Sandra:
So we know how you feel about blacks, please tell us how you feel about gay marriage:-)
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOOOOOOO MY
>>>>>>>stick that note in your wallet and when she comes back drop her than note back and write something below “Thank you,<<<<<<<<
WTF DAN, did you go soft on us….
XOXOXOXOXOXOX0
DTO
One of my female black friends explained it well this is what she said: It has to do with Daddy and she is right my family will disown us if he date people out of our race…
Oh I do have male friends that are black, oriental, and etc…I work with the public and I do speak to these people…Why are you black…Remember Jacob/Israel did not have just one son he had twelve and one daughter…Who knows even King Solomon claimed to be a black man and that comes from my Jewish heritage…I used to live in Richmond Virginia and it is populated with blacks…matter of fact I lived in Jackson Ward…I used to rent from a black guy and he is the nicest person I have ever met…But when it comes to Southern families we are raised a little bit differently in the past I have been told some things that I don’t want to mention on the blog…
if we date people out of our race.
Thanks, Dan. I’m not beatin’ myself up over it. It was an awesome experience.
I didn’t keep the check, by the way. It was written on the credit card slip, and I gotta give that to my manager (if I want my tips, that is, lol).
Like I said, it’s all good, either way.
Sandra?! You used to live in Jackson Ward? That’s right around MCV/VCU. I stay in Chesterfield. 804 all day, baby!!
Will Of Fire
I live at 515 St James Street in Richmond Virginia do you remember the Second Street Fair there I have photos of the places I have visited in Richmond…I now live in Tennessee…Yes it is a little ways down from Sixth Street Market Place
I call those type of people b*tches
This is for a joke not meant to offend anyone years ago one of my female friends and i would call each other bitch: My reply was: I have your bitch and the area I was working in I was going to call the office of the Bitch: Or I was the one who wrote the book about Being a Bitch: Did you read my best selling novel….
What it was we joke with each other at work and have fun but if someone did it in anger then we would come in and defend ourselves.
K:
Thanks. She IS a friend I hang out alot with. She’s the party girl+ education + looks and charms but I think she’s oversexualized…Anyways, Your list was pretty darn right. But I would not do anything to ruin or friendship, but it’s sad when one is being loyal and the other doesn’t seem to care. I pretty much did not want to see or talk to her after a dreadful week last week but now I’m not going to let her get in my way.
It just seems that when I put more effort into flirting and being myself around the guy, she pushes the lines even more. Just the other day, the time I spent with him alone and online chat with him afterwards–it just felt right, like we were heading in the right direction. He almost asked me out but said it in the form of, “For example, what if I ask you out, what would you say?” (He was talking about his fear of rejection before that so he used this example for some reason, and would’t tell me his true intentions.) The next day, she friend put up pictures of her on his laptop wallpaper! All the ‘magic’ of the day before seemed to have crushed under her new step in flirting with him. Sometimes I feel she’s taken him too far for me to have a chance with him, and my friends agree. Though, shouldn’t I not be insecure?
How come guys can say and practice “Bros before hoes” but girls can never practice, “chicks before dicks”?
Kismet,
What kind of friend is she for her to flirt with the guy you are interested in?
Have you ever put your foot down and tell her what your boundaries are when it comes to flirting with YOUR guy?
To me it sounds that she’s insecure about herself. It’s one thing for her to like flirting, it’s another to flirt and get in your way. Guys have cockblocks but your friend is just being a “pussy” block!
If she really doesn’t see what’s wrong with it… you might have to reconsider how good of a friend she is. And honestly, maybe you need to call her out on it.
If she is attracted to him, tell her to be honest! Maybe the guy isn’t worth your time that much.
On the other hand, you might have to reconsider if you are truly interested in him or not. Granted, most guys would LOVE to have 2 girls fight for them… but deep in his heart, does he like you? Does he want you? If he does, why is he being so nonchalant?
She knows she’s a flirt and claims it. I haven’t called her out on it, but will if I have to. Right now I’m not sure if he’s worth it if he rather go for an easier girl. But I really don’t know how to say this to her, there’s so much I could start off with and don’t want to sound like a whining girl. I’m interested in him, he’s interested in me but since she’s playing her games, he’s more into her I guess. But she’sjust going to hurt her relationship, hurt our friendship, and hurt him in the end.
Should I ask him ifhe likes me? should I ask if he likes her? I don’t want to waste my time…
Don’t cut yourself short. Talk to your g/f first. I would assume that your friendship to her is more important than some guy you don’t know yet.. but whom you think you are attracted to,.
Based on what she does, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to “fight” for this guy’s attention and flirt more… or just focus on meeting another guy.
See, my mindset is not to care about the competition or that its a fight, if things go well between me and him then thats good. I’m not going to let a guy ruin our friendship, but she doesn’t respect it anyways. My friends call him both me and her’s guy, but she says he’s my guy. Yet she still flirts alot.
Kismet
You need to sit down with your friend and let her know how you feel, a true friend should be able to share in person and not just on a site like this. If your friendship cant take you telling her this then there not much to begin with. Maybe she is not quite aware about what she is doing and if she. Besides if he is flirting with both of you he does not seem to be very serious with either of you.
Are you not the same a couple of days ago crazy with the boy who was going into military, give yourself some time to really find out if this new boy is worth it. Just make sure you really are into this new one før right reasons.
Marina, thats true. That’s why I just have to see where things go now.
The military guy and me are long distance and never met before, but talked to eachother and liked eachother. We’rejust friends now and not in the right time to date eachother seriously. I think its best if we met first. He’s struggling, needs to find himself. He’s the type of guy I think I know that if we date, we’ll have to be in a good place otherwise it won’t work out. I don’t know if that makes sense.
I’m just getting to know guys and taking chances. Idk….
Kismet – I had a really good laugh with that line:
“How come guys can say and practice “Bros before hoes” but girls can never practice, “chicks before dicks”?” Actually, most girls and guys do practice this variation of the Golden Rule but there is always someone who violates the code and they are found in the column marked “frenemies.” They can be the best of friends on one level but also the fly in the ointment on another.
It’s very astute of you to peg your bud as “oversexualized.” I would not recommend using that term to her face because it would stir things up in an entirely different direction. People who do that learned the behavior from others in their lives – often a parent – whether is was copying behavior or finding others with that behavior successful at getting the attention of someone who was not otherwise interested in any interaction. It takes time to realize that it can be a negative behavior when practiced at the expense of their friends and family…people who do this don’t see any boundaries because it’s the only way to be in their minds.
The sooner that you talk to her, the better, but no drama! She probably has a fair idea already with all of the kidding from others but if you want to remain her friend, you should give her the chance to own up. She is probably far more insecure than you ever realized or else she would not have such an uncontrollable need to be the center of attention whenever this guy is around. She may not know that she is hurting your feelings if she thinks that it’s a game…in which case, the only question is “Hey, girlfriend, what ever happened to ‘chicks before dicks?’” It’s really more about her behavior than about the guy himself so don’t make it about him – he could be in the wind. And as for him, maybe you can ask the next hypothetical question of what would he think of a guy friend who would steal his action by not respecting the ‘bros before hoes’ rule?
K, lol.
I would not say that to her. I avoid as much drama as possible and if i were to talk to her, it would be a mature conversation.
Hi folks,
My mother in law just shit talked behind my back to someone over the phone. I heard her while I was in the bathroom. I’m to a point where I just want to blow up at her, after all I’ve done and she’s living under my roof. She’s got issues from childhood and needs to see a shrink.
Going to have a sit down w/ her tonight before I throw her out. Any suggestions on approach, she told someone over the phone that my parenting skills were a joke since I don’t hit my kids. Don’t know what she’s talking about because my 3 1/2 yr. old walks all over her. She makes up excuses as to why she doesn’t hit her but oh no she hit her kids. And if she was my daughters mommy she’d beat the crap out of her, note this is only when she acts up towards her. I think she expects me to hit her if my daughter disrespects her. When she is the one who spoils her and gives in to her every whim and I’ve warned her. My little girl sits out timeout when she’s in trouble and comes out a new person, a good girl.