That was a great podcast
It really is true that you have to let go of the social conditioning that you learn at a young age

Your blogs have really helped me with confidence.

Thanks,
Nick

So is it possible that a person was social conditioned to think they can get whatever they want? I was second youngest (youngest for a long time) and well, kind of spoiled. So I’m used to getting what I want, and having that mindset. My family thinks I’m selfish, I think its a good trait. I’m not used to being disciplined once I broke the good study habits I had. I have bad attendance and tend to only do what interests me in school/college and try to avoid or put off things I’m not interested in. Is that wrong?

But on the other hand, I’m also very anxious and I can relate that down to my earliest memories of being bullied or rejected as a baby, and being too sheltered by my parents.

I was just kidding about the hand-holding part. Just running with that joke David made.

But yeah, I think it’s an interplay of both the child’s innate personality traits(i.e. just the way he/she’s wired)and socialized.
Kids need a number of things from their parents. They need to know they’re loved, they need reassurance of that and also that their parents support & believe in them. A lot of a child’s self confidence, at least early self confidence comes from their parents confidence in themselves and in their child. If little Johnny or Suzy knows their parents have got their back and believe in them and if their parents are active in their lives, they’ll have more self confidence I believe. If they do get regular encouragement from them instead of berating insults like “You’ll never amount to anything you pathetic #$^*(_)&%% loser!” they’ll have more confidence, in addition to finding something they can really enjoy, love & get good at, whether sports, music, academics, etc. If they know their parent(s) are behind them and get encouragement from them, they’ll be much better off.

Parents have to walk a fine line between looking out & protecting their impressionable, naturally curious, but also naive and vulnerable young child and also giving the kid(s) some space to learn a bit on their own & grow. The overly controlling & domineering parent is one who goes overboard on the protecting and consequently over-protects and shelters the kid to an extreme. They try to micro-manage every aspect of their child’s life, especially if they have only one child. Thus you have the infamous “helicopter parents” who constantly hover and obsess over everything about the kid’s life including nagging the teachers, coaches, everyone the kid comes in contact with.

And then the loud domineering parents who are control freaks in other ways. So they live vicariously through their kids and expect them to be just like them or carry on the family name on the football field or be Dr. Joe Smith the 3rd the next preeminent heart surgeon in the family or carry on the family’s political dynasty for the next generation when all the child wants to do is be an artist or musician.

But going back to what the kid actually needs, in addition to what I said near the beginning is a balance of healthy caution that keeps them out of harm’s way and also the freedom to take some risks and learn from mistakes. In the same way that little kids need to be taught not to touch a hot stove or pick up a snake or pull a dog’s ears, or look both ways before crossing a street, they also need to know not to get in a car or walk away with someone they don’t know. I could go on & on and have already, sorry this is going so long. But suffice it to say that, like I said Saturday, there needs to be a healthy balance & parents need to know or learn not to be too controlling or neurotic. Otherwise, that social conditioning, neurosis & monkey chatter will get passed on to the kid with potentially serious repercussions.

As for Nick, whose ex-gf was constantly nit picking everything he did, I think splitting up from her was a major blessing. You’re better off without her bud.

Miguel, I hope you’ll teach your future son to be a good man first & foremost. Teach him to be masculine, but also teach him to appreciate & respect women. Teach him how to be in the moment, how to be real & genuine, how to speak passionately from the heart. Teach him how to be well rounded and educated so he can talk about many things with authority so he will actually know what he’s talking about. In other words, teach him to be everything a player and PUA is not.

Did you ever see the first Zorro movie with Banderas, Hopkins, and the magnificent Catherine Zeta Jones? In that movie, the old Zorro(Anthony Hopkins) teaches his successor Alejandro Murietta(Antonio Banderas) the finer points of not only swordsmanship & fighting, but also etiquette, poise, charm, dancing and other things. He became a positive father figure to Alejandro, who had always admired Zorro as a kid. That’s what kids need; good parents & role models. And because kids are very observant of what they see their parents and others do, they will pay a whole lot more attention to what you actually do, the examples you set, than by what you say.

It kicked my ass too. So I’m learning natural instincts. Thanks for this one! Someday, in the future, when I have a son, I’ll pass on your teachings to him. Get him started early in becoming the person he wants to be 5-year old kid becoming a playboy? hahahaha

Thank you David I appreciate what you do to the greatest extent, society is very lucky to have you!! You helped me make my life exciting to live it was getting pretty boring not getting the girl I was really attracted to and just settling for the ones that liked me, its a bummer when your with a girl and she really likes you but what really happened is that you did not have the inner game to tell her friend “hey I am really interested in you not your friend”

I dated a girl back in high school and college for 4 years. she was attracted to me do to the way i interacted with people not to mention that im a pretty beautiful man. As we dated she didnt enjoy sharing my attention. Over those four years she constantly conditioned me. I didnt realize this till now, but I was constantly told nick dont talk to them you dont know them or nick thats rude to add your input into people conversations.

Its been almost a year since we have broken up and I find myself not approching people like i used to. not picking up on things like the color of somones shirt or manerisms of people. I need to work on this and practice being like a child again and noticing everything. -Thanks David