Before you listen to today’s podcast, I am about to share with all the men something to which you need to really pay attention.
Yesterday on the flight home from New York City, I was sitting next to a guy who was wearing a pair of True Religion jeans. Every time he bent over or reached down for something, the whole plane had the privilege of seeing half of his hairy ass. I am not just talking “plumber butt crack,” this was plumber butt crack on steroids.
This is not something anyone needs to see . . . ever. Every time he moved, every person on that plane — women, men and children — were forced to see his ass.
SO, guys, if you can feel the wind chafing your ass when you are wearing jeans, then it means they are way too low and you need to cover up!
Now, on to another revealing topic . . .
This might be the most powerful podcast you will ever hear. I was recently on the phone with a guy who was thinking about taking a Bootcamp, and he asked me why he has trouble approaching women. He had already attended someone else’s bootcamp at which they had instructed him to approach women using some kind of pickup line.
I told him that pickup lines will never work. Life is all about observations based on instincts. He asked me about what kind of instincts I was talking, and I told him I was talking about the kind of instincts we have as a child.
Remember when you were a kid (maybe three, four or five years old) and you’d see something you like so you’d look at it and touch it? Remember also how when you did that your mother would scold you and say, “Don’t do that?”
Do you realize that the social conditioning we got from about the age of four to about the age of eleven was all about the things we should not do (and all about the things we can’t do)? Don’t look at strangers. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t smile at that person.
Our social conditioning is the reason why so many of us out there now suffer from problems meeting the opposite sex. Our social conditioning taught us not to talk to people instead of relying on our natural instincts.
This podcast will truly blow you away. It is by far the most important podcast I’ve ever done. Enough writing now. It’s time to open your ears and start listening!
Also, if you want to learn how to recapture your natural instincts and de-program yourself from all of you bad social conditioning, then you need to check out my Men’s “What’s Your Excuse?” and my Women’s “No Excuses” programs.
I believe most people can’t feel that instinct because they are disconnected from who they really are at their core.
We spend way too much time trying to figure out what the other person wants… in dating, that means most men spend too much time focusing on what the woman want.
When really… we can only focus on ourselves. We can only control ourselves. So pay attention to what your heart tells you and the women will respond accordingly.
Wow a real good podcast. Fars as I can remember for bad social conditioning.Was School!! I was picked on big time. Like some girls would say don’t touch me and say ewwww. So I never asked any girl in school out. Now as Im older. I’ve thought well maybe a girl would go out with me.
David,
This is good stuff… but just about everytime you send me a podcast email… it’s the MOST powerful one yet.
I really really like your POV on things, but I instantly feel turned off whenever you try to pump my state with exaggerated marketing. You are so much better than that, your products can stand on their own with out the blitz.
Thanks.
Wow….
Ron, you are something else — do you always criticize people who give you FREE stuff??
David I hope you don’t take Ron’s comment seriously — this was an AMAZING podcast and I hope you won’t stop giving these to us because of ungrateful complainers like Ron.
So from the rest of us — THANK YOU DAVID! — for all of this kickass content
Keep ‘em coming — I love them all!!!!
Ya know, I can make the observations,and I can see everything, but for some reason I just can’t say something as much as I’d like. I’m fine was the ice is broken, but that first step is the hardest. Few weeks ago I was doing fine,now I’m back in my head…grrr…
David is first and only “main stream” dating coach that I’ve ever seen that actually made sense…For year I thought if I wanted to meet women,I had to go to the bar or club….but I don’t drink…David’s teachings showed me that simply isn’t true and that it’s perfectly ok to approach a stranger. Where was he 10 years ago??
I agree with David, that those instincts still exist, but it has somewhat been replaced by our social conditioning response. I feel like that response has become such a habit, that it kind of disguises intself similar to an instinct.
For me i still have alot of those child instincts near the surface, but they get interupted by social conditioning at times. I actualy think the child instincts are my initial thoughts more so than the social conditioning response. That seems to be the question, is which comes first, or at all, and which do you react to.
I appreciate your opinion Lindsay. I don’t think of myself as ungrateful…but mostly as being observant and honest as to how something makes me feel. Like in the podcast, I’m just pointing out my gut reaction to something.
As I said I definitely liked the content, I just feel a contradiction in how it was delivered, regardless of if it cost me 50 dollars or if it is free.
Ron
The podcast as you know is free so when i say something like,
The most powerful ever.
I actually mean it…..its my feeling after i record the podcast.
I think they are all great but i seem to find new favorites all the time.
No marketing here at all just speaking from feelings something most people are afraid to do.
I don’t think David was doing it in order to market something, but to me it sounded like he was mentioning a resource that pertained to the information given in this podcast. Obviously, he didn’t have the time to cover stuff, so he points you to something that does cover it in greater depth.
At any rate, great info here. To answer the question David posed, I was never like anyone in my family so I kept a good distance, always doing what my heart was drawn to even if I was told not to. But I still deal with other conditioning that I’m trying to break free from.
I am looking for my wife now. Thank you for helping me in the process. We are all learning here.
Carl
(laughs)I’m laughing What david saw at the airport.I see that everyday they at my community college. I even make jokes like thats must be their prison fantasies. It’s suppose to be a fad that they’re picking up after other people and rappers like Lil’ Wayne.
Thank you David
man this is some good psychological shit and I’m still wondering how to breakthrough help me! I live in San Jose,CA but this whole place feels to me like with negative people and specially girls here are with that fucking negative energy I don’t seem to get along and man nothings working and I’ve been outside of San Jose and it’s different with the people outside of here I don’t know what it is how I can turn it around
this reminds me of ken robinson’s stance on children and education; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJAL21IE9fY
long but worthy watch.
This is actually something that I’ve been noticing alot of now that I have been focusing on developing inner game. It is so hard for me to get good advice from my parents at the age of 22 due to the fact that I don’t think I have ever recieved good advice from them. It has been extremely difficult for me to change my way of thinking because I have been thinking the same way for sooo long. I always feel like I have something holding me back from becoming person I want to be.
This podcast was awesome though and it is so true.
great podcast today!!!
Thank you David for your podcast.but since i am not a native english speaker,I have a problem here.I could not understand all of your padcast, could you be kind to provide a subtitle or something?
David,
You’re right. Parents teach bad things at times. It’s amazing how some people try to help others with their demons when they have not dealt with theirs. I do understand why they teach some of the things they do. For example, when parents teach their children not to talk to strangers, they are usually trying to keep bad people such as child molesters, kidnappers, and the like from harming their children. I agree it is a good rule at a very young age because there are bad people out there; however, at some point, the rules should change. The main point is to see the totality of things rather than following rules for rules sake, and that does mean breaking out of the excuses, mental barriers, and preconceived notions, which for me is still a work in progress. Wouldn’t you agree?
Dave
What can I say?I agree with everything you said. I’m still in highschool so I don’t get along with many guy/girls but with some I get along great.
I just want to know, is it me doing something wrong or should I accept the fact that some girls that I aproach close to my age are sometimes just…’stupid’ and not worth blaming myself? I mean…some of them really suck as a person.Ok most of them…
But what should my reaction be? I mean here’s an example.She was 18, she started talking on the phone(I know what you think about this and I agree) and I just kept going and wanted to go in a direction.She didn’t want to(still talking on the phone) and I took a few steps that way.She did some stupid faces and then went in the other direction and disapeared after the corner.Did I chase her?No..I put my ipod and went to meet with some friends.After 20 minutes I got a message…”you will never speak to me again” and she told me I’m an asshole.
Soooo David or other coaches….what should I guy like me do?Listen to my gut instints or listen to my mom:”be polite and apologize and stuff…even if I didn’t do something wrong.
Lol dave, so true. some guys really need to shave their asses if they plan on showing their crack like that. ahahahahaha
this podcast is great. one thing I like listening to your podcast is because it always wake me up or keeping in track if I’m led astray concerning the women stuff. lol it’s like my guide of not screwing up. thanks for being here and keeping us posted.
I just hope that one day, you can come to Texas. there are plenty of women to drive men crazy, but lots of single moms. ;D I’m 24 and most of the women I’m attracting are 30+. the oldest so far is 41. how come??? why? why not girls my age??? Lol I want it allllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! help, David Wygant. What am I doing that I’m attracting middle aged women than women my age????
chop chop!!
Hey david, great podcast!, i had a friend 3 years ago who was younger than me but biggr in size and he used to call me a excuse my language ( he called me a faggot) he called me it all the time and now i never speak to him but i feel better. thanks david and kim
Hi David,
Thanks for this great podcast.
Such an eye-opener.
@C-MAN
I am 20 and i have the same thing – I attract older women and seem to get along really good with them, but not sexually. You see, I usually do not relate good to friends of my age, men or women and I cannot see the root of that problem.
David Wygant
I have come across the whole pickup scene like 3 months ago and i really want to get into the hang of this. I have read books form David D, VA, GGG, DYD, etc/ and have listened to tons of audio. I got everything handled in my head… after three weeks of practice I can get 20 phone numbers in one night, and I became an expert of weird, over the top, sarcastic remarks all the time. YOU DO THAT, AND EVERYTHING FALLS INTO PLACE. My friends are so clueless about women, so you might hear from me as a dating coach in the next four years or so
Thank You.
David,
The podcast isn’t playing, at least not for me. I clicked the Play icon and nothing happened and eventually that whole white rectangle of Play, Pause & Stop buttons turned white and now nothing.
Nevermind, it’s working now. Disregard that.
“54321″? Huh?
I’d like a coaching session with TK, so she can hold my hand and give me motherly advice,…
But seriously, I know exactly what you mean David. I love my parents, and realize they social conditioned me out of the best of intentions. But they did all that like all parents to keep us lil yard ape kids out of trouble. Because as kids we gawk(stare), ask probing questions nonstop,(usually “Why?” over & over again)and want to help some 50 year old guy in his car find his lost puppy. So our parents out of good intentions social condition kids to protect them.
But yeah, they sometimes go overboard on that and it psychologically screws people up. So what we have to learn to do is rebuild those natural observational instincts and balance that with knowing when not to say something. Because little kids can be brutal as you said, many of those bitchy girls and bully guys in training are the ones who most need to be taught some social conditioning.
I think if your personality type is more of a Type B, more quiet & introverted type, you’re more likely or vulnerable to being messed up by the social conditioning than the naturally, louder, more extroverted Type A personality kids. They’re the ones who just naturally shrug it all off and continue asking/making annoying questions & comments. They’re the ones who always say whatever is on their mind. The social conditioning doesn’t affect them like it does children who are naturally introverted.
I have a zune full of davids podcasts. I just cant get enough- this weeks podcast kind of hit home for me. Growing up i was an awesome kid i was so interested in everything my parents always bragged how i would talk to anyone about anything. As i got older I keep this mentality when i would go to new york city or dallas i would not be afraid to talk to anyone from a bum on the street to the white collar business man walking with his friends.
I dated a girl back in high school and college for 4 years. she was attracted to me do to the way i interacted with people not to mention that im a pretty beautiful man. As we dated she didnt enjoy sharing my attention. Over those four years she constantly conditioned me. I didnt realize this till now, but I was constantly told nick dont talk to them you dont know them or nick thats rude to add your input into people conversations.
Its been almost a year since we have broken up and I find myself not approching people like i used to. not picking up on things like the color of somones shirt or manerisms of people. I need to work on this and practice being like a child again and noticing everything. -Thanks David
Thank you for everything you do David! Great podcast!
I would like to say something I have been thinking about that has helped me be a better conversationalist and maybe it will help someone out there as well. When guys go out to the grocery store and a woman is looking at premade sandwiches for example most men will not go over and say “Which one is good”? Just because of the monkey chatter and lack of confidence or maybe they just have not practiced how to be observant and therefore coming up with a question about what is going on in the moment is really hard. But when we guys go out to the bar and start drinking we generally become bold, confident, very observant and can talk to everyone in the place because we are living in the moment not by choice but because alcohol can hide your insecurities and your awareness of the consequences of what may happen 30 seconds after you say something. Nonetheless we are living in the moment because we do not care about the future anymore we only care about what is going on right now. I am not promoting drinking I am just using this as an example to get my point across. So my point is this, THE ONLY difference between the confident man that is 3 sheets to the wind at the bar and the guy that is sharp minded at the grocery store is that the man that has been drinking is not thinking about his approach anxiety or what she will say or how he will look to other people or who will hear what he says or if he will look dumb or what he will say next. He is just living in the moment with no insecurities AND ALSO probably thinks he is the best catch and that she needs to impress him not the other way around. What is important to note is that no matter what you did in the bar or how much of an idiot you really did look like when you wake up in the morning the people that were around that heard you talking to every girl in the place are not talking about you and probably are not even thinking about you and like david says your not front page news. I know I have been rambling but think about what I just said and remember, you have nothing to be insecure about we are all the same and what ever you lack you can always make up for it by being confident and trying. When you see a girl observe, get curious, ask a simple question, listen, get curious and speak back. Dont worry about what will happen or what she will think just be curious and see if they can impress you and if you are interested in them.
Thank you David I appreciate what you do to the greatest extent, society is very lucky to have you!! You helped me make my life exciting to live it was getting pretty boring not getting the girl I was really attracted to and just settling for the ones that liked me, its a bummer when your with a girl and she really likes you but what really happened is that you did not have the inner game to tell her friend “hey I am really interested in you not your friend”
Claudiu de unde esti?Hai ca daca tot esti in tema macar o sa am cu cine sa mai dezbat subiecte de genu.Lasa un email sau ceva.
awesome podcast man!
Although I will have to disagree with your statement “All parents suck!”. Not all parents suck. I still live with mine, and I think 50% rings true. But the other 50% is a good influence to me. Especially my dad. I pretty much understand what my dad is trying to teach to me. While some suck, and some rock, I’m beginning to understand him in a deeper level. Combined with your teachings, i’m beginning to relearn my basic instincts and at the same time, learning what my dad is doing wrong, doing right and what he wants to pass on. My mom, I’m learning from as well. But generally, “all parents suck”. At least for me, 50% is positive.
It kicked my ass too. So I’m learning natural instincts. Thanks for this one! Someday, in the future, when I have a son, I’ll pass on your teachings to him. Get him started early in becoming the person he wants to be
5-year old kid becoming a playboy? hahahaha
It is indeed an interesting podcast. By the way, I am quite new to your blog, is there anyway to download this podcast so I can listen to it to an mp3 player and listen to it on the bus? I cannot find any link, and I only see that terrible embeded player..
Tony888–so you need some hand-holding, huh? Well, for sure yes on the coaching but going to take a pass on the mothering..I already have 2 kids:). Seriously, I liked your theory about introverts vs. extroverts. There are a lot of studies out there to try and determine whether even that is innate or socialized. It might be an interplay of both…a child might be naturally quite and then he is conditioned to be the “nice quite one” in the family. OR conversely, he might have a highly critical parent who squashes a child’s confidence so he becomes fearful to speak up or worries about failing. In either case, these fears can be overcome with time and practice which is what David and the other coaches help people with! Thanks for your blog!
Kimberly,
I was just kidding about the hand-holding part. Just running with that joke David made.
But yeah, I think it’s an interplay of both the child’s innate personality traits(i.e. just the way he/she’s wired)and socialized.
Kids need a number of things from their parents. They need to know they’re loved, they need reassurance of that and also that their parents support & believe in them. A lot of a child’s self confidence, at least early self confidence comes from their parents confidence in themselves and in their child. If little Johnny or Suzy knows their parents have got their back and believe in them and if their parents are active in their lives, they’ll have more self confidence I believe. If they do get regular encouragement from them instead of berating insults like “You’ll never amount to anything you pathetic #$^*(_)&%% loser!” they’ll have more confidence, in addition to finding something they can really enjoy, love & get good at, whether sports, music, academics, etc. If they know their parent(s) are behind them and get encouragement from them, they’ll be much better off.
Parents have to walk a fine line between looking out & protecting their impressionable, naturally curious, but also naive and vulnerable young child and also giving the kid(s) some space to learn a bit on their own & grow. The overly controlling & domineering parent is one who goes overboard on the protecting and consequently over-protects and shelters the kid to an extreme. They try to micro-manage every aspect of their child’s life, especially if they have only one child. Thus you have the infamous “helicopter parents” who constantly hover and obsess over everything about the kid’s life including nagging the teachers, coaches, everyone the kid comes in contact with.
And then the loud domineering parents who are control freaks in other ways. So they live vicariously through their kids and expect them to be just like them or carry on the family name on the football field or be Dr. Joe Smith the 3rd the next preeminent heart surgeon in the family or carry on the family’s political dynasty for the next generation when all the child wants to do is be an artist or musician.
But going back to what the kid actually needs, in addition to what I said near the beginning is a balance of healthy caution that keeps them out of harm’s way and also the freedom to take some risks and learn from mistakes. In the same way that little kids need to be taught not to touch a hot stove or pick up a snake or pull a dog’s ears, or look both ways before crossing a street, they also need to know not to get in a car or walk away with someone they don’t know. I could go on & on and have already, sorry this is going so long. But suffice it to say that, like I said Saturday, there needs to be a healthy balance & parents need to know or learn not to be too controlling or neurotic. Otherwise, that social conditioning, neurosis & monkey chatter will get passed on to the kid with potentially serious repercussions.
As for Nick, whose ex-gf was constantly nit picking everything he did, I think splitting up from her was a major blessing. You’re better off without her bud.
Miguel, I hope you’ll teach your future son to be a good man first & foremost. Teach him to be masculine, but also teach him to appreciate & respect women. Teach him how to be in the moment, how to be real & genuine, how to speak passionately from the heart. Teach him how to be well rounded and educated so he can talk about many things with authority so he will actually know what he’s talking about. In other words, teach him to be everything a player and PUA is not.
Did you ever see the first Zorro movie with Banderas, Hopkins, and the magnificent Catherine Zeta Jones? In that movie, the old Zorro(Anthony Hopkins) teaches his successor Alejandro Murietta(Antonio Banderas) the finer points of not only swordsmanship & fighting, but also etiquette, poise, charm, dancing and other things. He became a positive father figure to Alejandro, who had always admired Zorro as a kid. That’s what kids need; good parents & role models. And because kids are very observant of what they see their parents and others do, they will pay a whole lot more attention to what you actually do, the examples you set, than by what you say.
Fair enough David, that makes a lot of sense to me. I appreciate your candor and your content. Interesting commentary from everyone throughout.
This IS a great podcast.
So is it possible that a person was social conditioned to think they can get whatever they want? I was second youngest (youngest for a long time) and well, kind of spoiled. So I’m used to getting what I want, and having that mindset. My family thinks I’m selfish, I think its a good trait. I’m not used to being disciplined once I broke the good study habits I had. I have bad attendance and tend to only do what interests me in school/college and try to avoid or put off things I’m not interested in. Is that wrong?
But on the other hand, I’m also very anxious and I can relate that down to my earliest memories of being bullied or rejected as a baby, and being too sheltered by my parents.