I had an interesting conversation with somebody not too long ago, and he was really living in the past. Not only that, but he was living in someone else’s past. He was allowing somebody else’s experience he had witnessed dictate how his experiences in the future were going to be.

My client was telling me, he goes, “I really want to meet new women.” He just wants to get to know them, maybe ask them out on a date. So far so good, right? I said, “Great. To get to know a new person, make an observation to her based on what you notice, listen to what she says…”

You know, all the things that I teach all the time.

Here’s where his negative excuse thinking comes in: He can’t, he says. He thinks that something bad will happen if he tries. He goes back into the past and–remember when we were talking about the past? If you’re going to live in the past, you’re always going to get what? That’s right, the past.

He said, “See, this one time I was at the mall with my friend—”

I had to stop him. One time! That’s the key word here: One time. He’s allowing this one experience to basically dictate what happens in his future. He’s allowing it to prevent him from all the things he could possibly be doing in the future. How many times have I told you guys, to be successful in life, you need to do things over and over and over again. You need to get rejected. You need to get blown off. Can you image if the world operated on some “one time principle”? You know what that principle is called? It’s called failure. Because if everybody in the world, if everybody operated on this one time principal, not one person would be successful. Nobody would make a dollar. No progress would be made in the world.

So my client, he’s at the mall with his friend, and his friend tried saying hello to a girl: “She yelled at my friend really loudly to get the hell away from her! How do I cope with that so I can talk to girls if this happens to me?” Basically, by the time my client gets the courage to go talk to someone, he’s already shot himself in the foot. He’s already thinking about that one time and he’s already thinking to himself, “She’s going to scream at me,” or “She’s going to tell the police.”

REALLY? Because in my 30 years of approaching and talking to women, I’ve never once had anybody threaten to call the police on me. Now granted, maybe your friend walked over and had zero confidence, was really staring at her like a creepy stalker boy for a long time before he decided what he was going to do. Most likely, by the time he finally walked over with a weird energy about him, she was totally creeped out. She basically wanted him to get the hell away. That’s what a lot of guys will do. Even though they’re well-meaning, they’ll stare at a woman endlessly before they do anything about it.
Honestly, if you’re having this issue, what you need to do is really work on yourself and your mindset. You need to invest some time in yourself. I’m coaching my client to get working on this issue of his, but the fact is that a lot of guys will send me these type of e-mails because they want that miracle answer. They want the ONE ANSWER that is going to change their entire lives! It doesn’t work that way. I can’t change the way you think in a one-paragraph email and nobody can. I don’t sell you crap that you can memorize and then regurgitate in a situation and to a person I know absolutely nothing about. I will work with you, I will give you some amazing insights, and I will help pave the way, but you’ve got to make a steady commitment. Commit to yourself, buy some of my products, get some personalized coaching, keep up with the blog, dig deeper, and go out there and work every single day to become good at this.

That’s what I would tell you in an e-mail.

You have to stop looking for that magic pill. I feel—and I’ve felt—my client’s pain. I really have, and that’s why I’m so good at coaching. But you really have got to stop looking for that magic pill and start doing the work. I could tell you right now: observe, see what she’s doing, react to what she’s doing with a smile, have power in your voice, etc. But it’s not going to mean anything if you don’t go out there—all of you—and make some type of commitment to this. It’s what it takes to live without that fear that some of you have, every day.

If you’re serious about meeting women and you’re seriously frustrated, send me an e-mail and we’ll set up some type of coaching. We’ll recommend the product you need. For those of you who need it but are worried about cost, we can work within your budget. Stop living so much in your head and get this part of your life taken care of. Otherwise, I am going to call the police and bring you into my prison. I’m going to be the warden of that jail, and you’re not going to like what you see, because it will be the most intense locked-down boot camp you’ve ever gone through. Because I want all of you to have the kind of success that I have.