This is a recent conversation from my Los Angeles Bootcamp.

David: Everything in life is about stating the obvious.

Once again, I believe that men tend to over think, and they are always trying to think for themselves – this is a continual theme that I want to go through. Men spend so much time trying to be so clever – trying to find the ultimate opener – and if you ask women what they really want, they want you to just walk over and talk to them based on the obvious method.

I think a lot of guys just refuse to talk about things that are obvious because they feel that it is not “special” enough. But the most obvious things are the things that women find special. If you walk over to a woman and remark about something obvious, this is something that she’s already thinking about and you’re not breaking her train of thought.

It’s a problem that most guys walk over to women with made-up routines or some clever opener that totally breaks her train of thought. If you break her train of thought, you’ve ruined that moment inside her head.

So, in the gym, if you’re stressed out because you’re thinking, oh god, what should I say, what should I say? It’s really easy! Don’t walk over there as Mr. Fix It – “hey, I can show you a better way to do that exercise,” because then you’ll come off as the gym asshole.

Instead, walk over and say, “hey, can I work in? You look like you might need a break right now.” Just do it with a smile. And then you can just start talking to her. You could ask, “hey, how long have you been working out here? I haven’t seen you before.” Just be open and friendly.

By just being open and friendly at the gym you can find out how long she’s worked out there, you can find out what days she comes to workout… do you see where I’m getting at with this?

So talk to her a minute, get to know her a bit, and then you use the power of the walk away. Now you’ve gathered information correctly. In your mind, you know what days she goes to work out. You know that you will see her again.

So just walk away, saying, “hey, have a great workout!” Then you become the guy that was confident enough not to hover; you weren’t looking to close her right away. You’re just building a relationship and allowing her to go back to her friends and say, “I was in the gym today and I met the nicest guy…”

Client: What if she’s not struggling at all? What if she’s having a great workout, and she has her iPod headphones on?

David: I would do it like this: I would make a motion with my hands for her to take her headphones off, and then say, “I’ve got to ask you something. You look like you’re having an amazing workout. What are you listening to?”

So she answers, “oh, I’m listening to the new Death Cab for Cutie album.” You respond, “oh my god, I love Death Cab. Which track are you on? Which song is motivating you?”

Client: And what if you haven’t heard of them?

David: Then you say, “oh man, I’ve never heard of them. What type of music do they play?” Have some enthusiasm.

And then make sure that you don’t become the lingering, annoying guy – so many men are. If you know she’s having a great workout, you can acknowledge that she’s having a great workout and you walk away, saying, “hey, thanks for the music tip and have a great workout.”

And then the next time you see her, you can say, “hey, Death Cab for Cutie girl, what’s going on?”