The Attachment By David Wygant

Recently Khiem and I were on the hike that we take a couple of times a week and we were waiting for Daphne to do her business. For some reason or other, Daphne cannot go to the bathroom unless there is grass.

So we’re walking very slowly, and Daphne stops suddenly and starts looking. We’re just talking and when Daphne stops, Khiem stops too, and he’s just looking. And so then I stop, and I start looking.

And all of a sudden, walking down the hill away from us, we see this incredibly sexy woman.

Now we could do the typical guy thing and chase her, which you know is something I am NOT a proponent of, or we could just say, wrong time, wrong place – that’s a missed opportunity.

So I decided to go for the latter of the options, because I’m not going to chase. But as we watched her walk into the distance, we all wondered: what if?

What if our paths crossed? What was she like? What does she look like from the front? From the back, she certainly looked great. She had a black Labrador Retriever, just like Daphne. What a cute couple the five of us would make – Khiem, Daphne, her dog, and us.

How much more fun could that be? Afternoon hikes, sunset walks – my mind was wandering, the deep romantic that I am. As it wandered, I wondered: what if?

As you all know from the blog, I’m not about what ifs. So this fantasy part of the blog is all wrong!

So here’s what really happened after we saw her:

Coming back from our hike, we saw her again, and she had the dreaded attachment. She had the computer virus.

You know that file that you get in your inbox, and it comes from somebody saying you either won the lottery in Egypt or somebody in Africa needs to deposit $10 million into your bank account? And it always comes with an attachment that they want you to open to make sure that your contact information is correct.

You know that if you open that attachment, you’re going to let a nasty virus into your computer (that is, of course, unless you own a Mac – I do, and I don’t have to worry about viruses. I just worry about the wheel of death coming up once in awhile and not letting me do anything!)

But here she was, walking towards us again, and she had the dreaded virus: the attachment. She came with a file. When we first saw her, we failed to notice – as her ass was bouncing down the trail – the dude that must have been 50 yards in front of her!

So when we saw her the second time around, there they were: a couple. Our dream girl was already attached; she had already found her dream boy.

So what is the moral of this story today?

The moral is: who gives a shit? It doesn’t matter! What did we do in this situation, and what did we do to capitalize it?

We still talked to her, and we talked to him. We had a great conversation, and found out the name of her dog – which was Lucy, by the way – and just spent some time talking with two cool strangers.

You know what most guys and women do? When other people see the dreaded attachment, they immediately delete the email! They throw that attachment in the SPAM box so quickly that they don’t ever have to deal with it again.

But, here’s the issue: that email has friends, and the next time you see her hiking, she might be with a cute single friend. And because you deleted the attachment the first time, by acting like an asshole and not saying hello or engaging her in conversation, the woman won’t remember you.

The next time she comes with that hot attachment – you know the one that your friend sends you with a message not to open it at work? – if you’ve been a nice guy and given her a great conversation the first time you met her (when she was with her male attachment) then she’ll remember you the second time. She’ll remember you as the cool guy that engaged her with her boyfriend.

And guess what? You’ve now got a warm lead! Her hot, sexy friend – the attachment you shouldn’t open at work – is now yours to have!

So next time, look at things a little differently!