4 Ways To Use Your Morning Wood Effectively
August 1, 2007 
51 Comments
A post on morning wood by David Wygant
Recently I was listening to one of those bad morning shows on the radio. I’m not sure which one it was, but the disc jockeys were arguing about when it’s the best time to have sex. One of them said that he has a boner every morning, so he likes to have sex in the morning.
It’s funny. Just because you have a morning boner, doesn’t mean you have to use it. There are quite a few things you can do with a morning boner:
1. You can keep stabbing her in the lower back or her butt cheeks with it.
2. You can go to the bathroom but you better have good aim. If you’re standing up, then the morning boner may cause you to splash all over the toilet. If you’re sitting down, it may pop back up and cause you to urinate all over the other part of the bathroom floor.
3. Another great thing to do with a morning boner is to hang your girlfriend’s shorts from it like a hanger. Depending on the strength of the morning boner, you may be able to hang anything from a t-shirt to a flannel shirt from it depending on how strong it is. I suggest thin wire hangers for the morning boner . . . they weigh less.
4. You can just stand there and admire it like you used to do when you were a kid, and tell your girlfriend “Look at my boner!” For some reason, when men have a boner, they’re really proud of it. “Look honey . . . a boner!” It’s almost like they’ve never seen it before (or you’ve never seen it before).
But by saying to a woman “Look at my boner,” it’s really not the foreplay they’re looking for. If you’re a morning sex person, try turning her on her side and spooning her, slowly pressing your body and your boner against her back side. At the same time, start rubbing your hands on her front side. Rub her breasts, rub her neck, rub her stomach, rub her thighs . . . turn her on so she’ll want to indulge in your morning boner. Just because you have a boner, doesn’t give you license to screw.
There are some women who love a boner and will jump on that boner whenever that boner arises. Those women are called “boner babes.” I’ve dated a few “boner babes,” and they were a lot of fun. Whenever a boner rose to the occasion, they were ready to jump on and straddle the boner. The problem with the “boner babes” is that you usually get so exhausted that sometimes you need a break from your “boner babe.”
So the next time you wake up with a morning erection, think about these two things:
1. Be glad when your boner is functioning without Levitra or Viagra.
2. If your girlfriend is not a “boner babe,” try to seduce her into becoming a “boner babe.”
Enjoy your morning erection!
Damn! this working so much certainly is cumming with fringe benefits these past 2 nights. I am proud to say, (when one is around) I AM jump the bone Joan! A “boner babe’ I think is the reference.
David you are so friggin funny! I am sitting here reading this laughing my ass off!!!!!!!!!!!!! You make database programming fun. LOL 1-4 left me wanting more:) Funny man you are! You really do have a quick wit and great sense of humor. That always helps when it comes to lifes daily surprises and just in general period! Have a good—morning. I am turning in. There has to be a quitting point somewhere. I have a feeling the data base fairy isn’t going to come finish my work, so it will keep. Good night to you;)
David – This is hillarious!!! This post about morning boners was a great way to start the morning … and incidentally, the spooning scenario that you describe would totally entice me to embrace the morning boner
Elizabeth, I second and third you on the spooning scenario. Who ould resist that?!!! I’d be on it like a dog on a “bone!” LOL
Hilarious!!! don’t mind option #2…feel like a sniper standing and aiming….oh, and #3 might be better w/ plastic instead of metal…metal can get cold
like spooning and transitioning her into “boner babe”…..although sometimes it’s hot to wake up out of a deep sleep and become part of a rodeo show!!!
Desperate Housewife, I must say I would resist it. I like to get my lovin’ at night.
Crystal………..I’m with you.
What are relief, there are men out there who prefer a midnight special to som morning wood!
Crystal……. Lets just stay up late talking in bed, and all that it brings. let the morning come to us, thinking OMG its so late…. BUT O so fun.
Hey there! ANZY, I like the way you think! Yeee Haw1 Ride me cowboy! lol
Hey Jim and Crystal, I respect your nocternal sexual habits, but you might want to think of branching out for better orgasms;)
There is nothing like a spontanious sexual frolic in the morning. When you wake up and as the woman feeling the man pressing up against you, breathing and kissing on your neck already grinding in motion—You bet I am going to jump on that. Thats when a woman on top is the funnest!—a little afternoon delight is yummy and midnight madness is the best!
There is an old song that says, “Sugar in the morning, sugar in the evening sugar at suppertime, be my sexy baby and love me all the time!” So in other words—ANYTIME is the right time for me;))))
I am the Desperate Housewife! Desperate there is your key word. LOL
Desperate…Trying to learn about woman and dating, single at 48 after 20yr marriage. I can handle the one on one, play by play. But what about after? I seem to need to move on after a period of time or hold back not giving, because i know I will move on. I have loved and lost. So i do know the feeling, and its not just physical…….handling the morning, noon or nite is easy…..but what about the after?
Well, I hate to be a grown-up, but for me sex in the morning all depends on what day of the week it is.
I was just thinking this morning, as I reluctantly rolled out of bed to head back to another day of work, that the worst part of my day is waking up.
Waking up to the expectation of sex makes it even worse. Plus I like to sleep as late as I possibly can and still make it to work.
Honestly, you don’t want to talk to me until I’ve had my shower, let alone try to stick anything into me. But once I’m in the shower…there are definite possibilities. Conserve water kids, shower together.
That’s my weekday situation. Now, on the weekend after a lot of good sleep…when I don’t have to get to work. Well, that’s another story. I’ve done all weekend sex-fests that started at sun-up on Saturday and didn’t end until Monday morning. I must admit, those do make Mondays suck even more than usual (and not in the good way) but for the most part it’s worth a bad Monday.
So, it all depends on what day it is, what time he wakes up and what time I have to get to work.
If its Monday and I’m tired and cranky…I’m getting that man a washcloth and sending him to the bathroom. If it’s Saturday we can do whatever he wants all day (maybe even all weekend, wink, wink). In fact, I’ve been known to be the sexual instigator on Saturday mornings.
Jim, you sound romantic and sexy. nice ideas.
Happy Saturday-Morning Wood everyone.
Crystal…….. Thank you for the kind words. I dated a girl and she called weekends of endless possibiliites like you have described!! Jimmy Holidays. That would be a great Blog for David….Special Holiday with endless possibilities focused on your partners every desire.
Wow! lol You both crack me up. lol I am sorry, but the rigidity of your sex schedule? Spontaneity spices up your life! Do you ever do anything just on a whim? Grab the leash and run the dog? Go to any different places than the norm?
Monday schmunday! I say what a way to start your workweek!
Jim I am not quite sure what you mean by holding back/Do you mean holding back sexually?
I think you two need to meet and greet. Sounds like you might get along well. Crystal—what ideas are you referring to that sound nice?
I don’t know. I need to quit. everybody has their own sexual preference in time schedules and what not.
My philosophy is, seize every opportunity that you can if the desire is a mutual one. I am not going to force anyone to have sex when the wanton desire is absent. I am just one who loves to get passionate and sexy no matter what time of the day or what day of the week it is. That is just me. Good luck to you both. I am off to an appointment:)
Crystal—I am with you on the all weekend bed binge;) Well, not “with” YOU, but a man;)
BUT– Desperate HW—-Yea! How about sex everyday sometime of the day—whatever time?
I am not talking about penetration even. Give your man a “mouth massage” when he comes home! TURN ON! I guess just some form of touch and conectivity is where I am going here.:)
Desperate. You are correct in holding back at times sexually. Not a control issue, but looking beyond the phsyical act. Getting laid is easy, morning noon or night. Connecting at a deeper levels. dating brought me to this blog…… But i can see that there is more here. success with your appointment. Love a successful woman.
Joan…….. Exactly! Sweet!
First of all, I’m not a crazy regimentatian, but life doesn’t work without schedules or without boundaries. And a fella who dates me will respect both my schedules and my boundaries. I don’t have a lot of them. I only have enough to live an effective life.
Besides, most of us don’t have the kind of lifestyle that allows us to do whatever we want on a whim. I have to go to work at 8 a.m. and stay until 5 p.m. I’m not independantly wealthy so that’s my life. Which means if he wants sex as I’m walking out the door for work that’s his tough luck. I gotta eat so I gotta work and in order to continue working at my job I have to get there on time.
I haven’t chosen most of the schedules in my life, they chose me.
I guess I just don’t think sex is anywhere near as important as you or Joan do, Desperate. I don’t need it or want it every day.
Besides, sex everyday honestly sounds boring to me. I’m into quality, not quantity. And I guarantee, due to my demeanor in the morning, it will not be good quality sex. It will be “Let’s get this over with so that I can get in the shower and not be late for work sex.”
Now, once I’m home for the night I belong to my man. And even if we’re planning on dinner at 6 he is welcome to snuggle up behind me and start kissing my neck until my panties fall off. Let the dinner burn. I can eat tomorrow. But I also have to go to work tomorrow.
Crystal…… Good for you! Agree with healthy respectful boundries. Boundries are healthty to have and thats a red flag if those around you dont respect yours. BTW I like to come up from behind , kiss and let my special girl know she is desired. As you stated let the dinner burn and the panties drop. SIGH!
Crystal, wow are you a little uptight? I don’t NEED sex everyday, and lord knows I don’t get it everyday. I too have schedules(where clients don’t show up–like NOW for instance). I am not talking about laying in bed with my legs open 24/7 saying, “C’mon baby! Do me again!” I am talking about loosening up a little, literally! I think you could use a good “wood” right now. No offense
The point I am making is a little loving everyday keeps a relationship healthy. Even if it is just a passionate hug, some eye contact and some sweet kisses. Don’t you desire to have just even that all in a days work?
I do love to sexually please a man—favorite thing to do! bUT I do have boundaries and schedules also. Sometimes it does feel better when you wait, and a good spooning session in the morning and getting hot, then uh oh! Time is short, gotta get up. Both of you are more than likely hot all day–I would be–then WOW! All that waiting all day has its benefits when evening is nigh and you can have the time to release all that built up heat and tension built throughout the day! Yummy Does that clarify things? I agree with you, but if there is time, I would start the day off in an awesome way!
Hey there! I hate to see tension among all my favorite people on here
I think what’s great, and what all of your comments have reassured me of, is that there IS someone out there that is compatible with us as to our sexual interests … and it’s lucky that everyone doesn’t like the same things, at the same time … we’d all be fighting over the same person 
Hey All
This is why i coach people. One of the first things I do when i work with a client is talk about their sexual appetite.
This is something that we tend to overlook in the dating process.
We are so closed off sexually in this country and we tend to not talk the talk and just accept a relationship into our lives…without working out some major details.
The number one reason why marriages fail is because of sex….and most of the marriages could have been prevented if the couples were honest about the sex from the get go.
Joan you are one horny babe and you need a man that can take care of that edge.
Crystal you are more conservative and that is ok….but you need a man that has the same sexual appetite as you.
We are all so different and todays posting and discussion proves that.
Keep it going and dont hold back the comments or the sex.
David, looks like some possible sexual tension build up here. Ha Good point there Elizabeth. We wouldn’t want to all be fighting over one individual. Joan & desperate housewife, I am stimulated by both your
sexual eagerness to please a man. Ha That is what I find very sexy in a woman. It is almost if you are one and the same with your points made. Mmm..I think I’d enjoy either one myself;) Hope everybody works it out here Ha. speaking of working out…time to get to work. Have a good one. I’m out
Hmmm … I’ve been observing the interraction here, and I just have to say that it sounds like everybody here could use a little … release! I myself think that it’s extremely hot to be woken up out of a deep sleep, and before you’re even fully awake to be immersed in something really, passionate. At that point, I can tell you I would be willing to sacrifice a bit of my perkiness at work …
Not that stuff at night can’t be great too … On your quantity vs quality discussion … I guess I’m wondering why it can’t be both … Why can’t frequent sex also be fantastic sex?! There seems to be too much black and white on here today …
Pamela—My points EXACTLY!!! Morning sex is so sensual. There is something about the feel of it when you start. It is soft, slow and sexy, then as you both start getting that blood pumping, things accelerate into that “give me all you got baby” kind of sex. I cannot think of ANY better way to wake up.
The afternoon quickie may have to be a little hurried and thats why I like the idea of the “mouth massage” for your man. Send him back to work with a little stress release and a smile on his face;))))
The night time sex—Mmmmm thats when you invoke(invoke=summon into action) sexiness, sensuality, passion, freak, romance— with that candle lit room with the music going softly and phone off—and do whatever your desires dictate! OK Damn I need to quit. Time to go so good sex for everyone—whenever you are lucky anough to have it!!
I am like Crystal . . . I don’t have a high sex drive at all, and my friends think there’s something wrong with me. I just don’t think about sex all day long like Joan. I like sex but it is not my priority every day.
Hey Joan, my bad, as I was writing my last post I had it in my head that you had said you wanted sex everyday. I have reviewed the posts I clearly read yours to fast and as a result I misunderstood what you wrote.
I love and agree with your last post though: “The point I am making is a little loving everyday keeps a relationship healthy. Even if it is just a passionate hug, some eye contact and some sweet kisses. Don
Richard, do you find it a turn off or a bad thing that I have a very stout sex drive?
Ipromise you this. When you feel like that inside and there is a person on the receiving end to channel into all that sexual energy—both parties are sexually satisfied beyond comprehension;) It is not my priority
per se, but i definitely have sex on my mind 97% of the time. The other 3%—free time? lol
LOL Crystal! No problem. Yea nothing like burning dinner to have an orgasm. lol lol I am kidding you.
Hey, I am manless also, but there is always hope and I will stay horny until “hope” crosses my path! LOL Can’t help what you feel you know. I have had one encounter (long ago now) and I never felt so sexy. It was “off the chain” as they say. Soooo, maybe there is something said for waiting but it is damn hard! Lots of moaning going on there. i too love to make a man moan amongst everything else;) Ok Wow My next client just pulled up–yes! bye all I will be back This is nice today! Good subject David!;))
Joan, has a high sex drive? lol
i think you have thoses numbers wrong joan.. might want to rethink them. lol 
cheers,
Joe
Now I understand……….
UNderstand? Understand what? Men…so cryptic.
Crystal……… I was Being playful, stupid, or whatever you want to call it. Will you be my friend?
I was getting the impression that we were becoming friends. I’m missing something, aren’t I?
Jim and Crystal, I still say y’all need to meet and really get to know each other. NO I don’t mean sexually, unless that is mutual, then I say have at it;)
Jacob—you feeling bit frisky up there? The word “stimulated” gives you away darlin!
I think the moon is in the 7th house and Jupiter lies with might,lol because I am exxxxxxxtra frustrated today. OR maybe it is all the research I have been reading on Tantric Massage/Orgasms. If just reading about it can do you that way, what would live participation produce?! Good stuff!!! Ok Back to reality—-work!
Crystal….. Any thoughts on Joans comment? BTW we are on the way to being friends, I was just asking officially!
Okay, Jim you and me, officially friends!
Joan, you’re adorable! What have you been reading about Tantric? I’ve always been curious about that, but I’ve never really looked into it.
All I know is the definition: Tantra : one of the later Hindu or Buddhist scriptures dealing especially with techniques and rituals including meditative and sexual practices; also : the rituals or practices outlined in the tantra.
Is the Kama Sutra part of the tantra?
Oh and Jim about us meeting…I have a feeling we aren’t even in the same state.
Crystal……. OUCH! No meeting? I’m in California, where are you?. How about Emailing me? :0)
Sorry Cali boy I’m a Midwestern Mountain Gal. I live about as far away from either coast as you can get. But I can’t think of any reason not to e-mail you.
Crystal……. email is glfingboy2@yahoo.com
Okay I e-mailed you, Jim. Tag, you’re it!
Do we have a connection Hitch?!
Crystal, in answer to your question—Kama Sutra Tantra sexual positions are where say you are—more present in YOUR body as in Tantric sex, the position isn’t the most important part of whats going on. Your more in tune with your partner and conecting with them. Does that make sense? During Tantric Massage there is no penetration, but with your hands touching your partners body, as well as the “Lingam=Wand of light, which is the mans penis, and the females “Yoni” which is her vulva.
I know some of you are probably like, “What the hell did she smoke?” LOL The neat thing is you are listening with your body and heart. You are not talking, just exploring with soft sensual touch, breath—-whew OK. I am zoning out just to talk about this so I need to leave it at that. I hope that helped a little. You 2 need 2 meet and maybe check some Tantric Massage out;))))
Now, it is time for me to go work out, even though it is a litlle late. frustration has the best of me today, so this should release some of that—I hope! Good eve all
Hey darkpoet!!! lol I just saw your post—hey. Where have you been? haven’t seen your name in a few days, or I have been out of it from over working. Anyway, good to “see ya” and yea you are probably right. i will rethink those stats! LOL What can I say–I am a cougar in her primal sexual peak!!! LOL Ok Off to the workout now!
Well, I have been sexless for a looooong time and I’ve never really had a boyfriend sleep over (I know, crazy right?). But boy oh boy. I can only imagine how I’d react if he woke up in the morning, spooned me and I felt that rear nudge. Awesome.
I’m not a morning person in any way, shape or form. But as long as its not before 9am (I wake up for work at 10am at the earliest) I’m totally open to whatever! Lunch, evening, night…as long as he gets me in the mood I’ll be amped up to go! Yay sex!
Yea Jaime, I think I would probably have an orgasm if a man even kissed me! lol Spooning would send my body into orgasmic convulsions!
LOL You make me laugh. “As long as it’s not befor 9am—” I do recall that some of the best sexual encounters happen around 5 and 6 in the morning—3 in the morning is GREAT! It is like the whole world is silent and it is just the two people reaping all the pleasure of the silence and calm. (Except for the heavy breathing and moans going on!;)
Best to you—yea YAY SEX!!!
“Just because you have a boner, doesn’t give you license to screw.”
=)) Brilliant!
I have always just slipped under the covers and started the familiar oral presentation that she loves, and she is very receptive to what ever i want to do in the morning, I agree she gets up with a smile, and is always happy to see me later in the day.
As I’m usually the first to wake up, I tend to treat my man’s morning boner to a good long blowjob, or I just climb on and ride…until he wakes up that is, when he promptly takes control.