Are You Constantly At Their Beck And Call?
August 24, 2010 
6 Comments
One of the most important things that all of you can remember when you’re going out and meeting people is that friends are noise. They’re that random email that comes in all day long.
If you’re somebody who sits by your computer answering every email as soon as it comes in and you think you’re being proficient by doing so, you’re wrong. You’re actually not being proficient, because what is really happening is that you are allowing yourself to be at the beck and call of all the noise coming into your inbox.
Every single time you hear a beep signaling a new message has arrived in your inbox, do you know what that is? It’s an intrusion.
It’s basically somebody saying, “Answer me right now!” It’s almost like a two year-old throwing a temper tantrum in a supermarket. If you give into that temper tantrum, you made the biggest mistake in the entire world.
You don’t give the little tyrant a Popsicle, when it’s not time for a Popsicle. You reward the Popsicle when it is time for the Popsicle. Answering that email is basically rewarding somebody for intruding on your life.
If you’re in the middle of doing something and you get an email, it’s called noise. So when you’re going out and meeting people, your friends being with you out there are also noise.
All of a sudden you go and see a woman you’re attracted to and you want to talk to her. If you engage in conversation with your friend about it, your friend is going to be noise. “Ah, man, you can’t approach her right now. It doesn’t look like she wants to talk.” Noise. Negativity and noise.
You’re most efficient when you are by yourself. So when you decide to go out and practice meeting people to work on your social life, it should be like going on a date with yourself.
The most important thing to do is to be by yourself, go out there, and not have anybody judge you. Friends are noise, just like that annoying text or email that comes in.
Why do we have to answer our texts and our emails right away? We don’t.
We also don’t need to drag somebody along when we’re going out trying to meet somebody. So when you guys go out and meet people, do it alone.
This is awesome. Great reminder for me not to send out emails as soon as they come in, or text messages for that matter. All about being a little unavailable, a challenge.
Yes, and I hate it when I am visiting IN PERSON with someone, and they continually answer the blasted phone, right in the middle of our conversation, meal, event, or whatever we are doing. It is rude and offensive to me. Because, I took the time and effort to get in my truck, drive to see the person, take valuable time from my schedule, while they are placing more importance on someone (even a stranger calling) by answering the phone, and litterally putting me on “hold”, while they complete their sometimes extended conversation. It is Rude, and unacceptable to me. I have indeed just left without saying a word when this happened to me.
Hello David
It’s funny you should say this because I learnt this once when I was going into town with a friend of mine…for a large part of the night I was glued to sticking with him and not socialising with the opposite sex or basically anyone else.
But then something happened…after a while we both got lost while moving from night club to night club…we tried contracting each other but texting while under the drink isn’t easy… and then all of a sudden
I started talking to girls randomly and it was fun. Nowadays girls actually approach me (mainly in groups but..meh) in bars and clubs, I guess it’s signals that I’m not a threat and open to meet in a normal and natural way.
I’m no “Mac-daddy pimp” or whatever and I’m still a virgin but the fact that not having a friend around or hanging around them does make it a better opportunity to socalise with new people.
You make some valid points, but on the otherhand as a female, if I am out a bar for example and a guy approaches me and I ask who he is here with, I would find it kind of strange that he is out by himself. Immediately, I start to question how genuine he is and whether he is out by himself to try and get laid…
To AS,
It takes a confident man to go out by himself and befriend strangers. I understand your point, but maybe try to see things in a positive light and not make him feel weird for not being out with friends.
I know the gurus make it sound like it’s normal to go out alone….but in real life, I do notice that people (especially women) notice this. They’re always pointing it out to me that some guy is out there alone. It leaves the question of if they have any friends, being out alone on a Saturday night. The social stigma is there for a reason.