Are You A Lover or A Fighter?
July 30, 2009 
30 Comments
A lot of couples like to define themselves certain ways. My girlfriend and I were sitting around having lunch the other day and talking about how we hardly ever fight. I mean, we’ll get into something and we’ll have an argument (which all couples do).
Do you ever run into couple who say they never have an argument? If you never fight, though, it’s almost like you have no passion.
If you never fight or have a misunderstanding, you probably have a relationship where you tend to accept everything. I’ll hear people say things like,k “Yeah, my husband was seven hours late today. No big deal. I don’t care.”
I always thought that couples who don’t find tend to have a sex life with a similar lack of passion. A good argument once in a while is good, and disagreeing with your partner is all right.
The key thing about fights in a relationship is how your resolve them. When you fight, do you resolve it by making up or do you let the argument linger?
Another type of couple is the one in which one person controls everything. The person who is not in control in these relationships is always being reprimanded.
Do you ever go out and you see this happen? The poor guy or poor girl is always being reprimanded in public by their partner . . . always. I have a friend who was this “poor guy” with his ex-wife. Whenever they would be out together, she would say “I can’t believe you. How could you act like this?” She was the controller in that relationship.
Then there are those couples who just love to fight. They are always picking a fight with one another. My college girlfriend was like this. These people love to fight. Their life is about fighting.
A lot of couples fight non-stop because they really don’t like each other and they’re miserable. They’ve given up on meeting anyone better, and they have accepted being miserable.
So what type of couple are you? Are you a fighter? Are you a lover? Maybe you’re a combination of both. Let’s hear from you.
Today’s video is all about men and there lack of manners. Its the little things that women notice.
right now i am single so now i am a lover, who knows maybe after a relationship i can be a lover and a fighter:)
wonder what everyone else think
A great conversation is one of the keys to be happy. I would put myself has mostly the lover, and yes some fights are good once in awhile.
I have to go with lover.
DonJuan- nice name of-course you choose to be lover:)
curious have you ever seen the move don juan demarco?
i have always been a fighter, so i need to work on being balanced, great informaton.
It sucks to be the poor guy, i used to get that not just from women but from people that were closest to me, like my friends, family, and in school.
what actions can one take if he / she is always reprimanded?
Jimmi- never take crap from people, when you know you deserve better, that is what David is teaching us.
you got to stand up for yourself, seek truth!!!
Todays blog really hit home for me!
I agree with you Vinny, I don’t let it happen anymore, kind of learned from my past.
It is a awful feeling not being able to stand up for oneself.
Thanks John:) Yes i have seen it, great movie!
And David the video was good.
I had a great laugh today at work, really funny video, i can’t believe some of the nasty comments people make over youtube.
They get ballsy over youtube, in person they are like insecure little bitch:)
I was laughing at that too Jeff, these knuckleheads are so brave behind the pc, but in real life they are probably 500 pounds have no life kid of people.
LOL
great to see how this blog always turning into a chat room:)
John- You have to decide and act on the things you will not tolerate from women. Invite her to open and honest communication instead of keeping your mouth shut. You have to stand up and speak how you feel if you really want to move things along the right directions.
Thanks CJ-
You are right that I am not acting on it, I am afraid I might make it worse if I open my mouth, Its my own fears that are holding me back.
The more you LET your fears take over you the less likely you will speak out. Become aware of all the fears you have, and face them, you will realize that they are just illusion!!!
Its facing them is the most difficult part, but I know that i have to, thank you.
Mostly a lover with a lot of forgiveness, but at a certain point if it gets to be too much I more just let go of people and never look back. I would never function in a constant chaos/fightning relationship. Its just not worth it and drains too much. Arguing and disagreeing is fine but not outright fightning, what I
dislike more than anything is dishonesty and bs in a relationship.
I’m actually the opposite of John, if I open my mouth she’d just get more angry so I don’t say anything. If there was something that irritated me or something that I didn’t like and I wanted to talk about it, she’d get mad at me for getting mad at her, not because of what the topic was.
Depends….I like to consider myself as a lover type of person. I have often said I am a lover not a fighter. Also the person you are with are they for you or against you. So if two people are in a relationship and they constantly argue they need to find someone they are more suitable with. Yes even the best of friends argue but the ones who knows they are wrong will ocme up and apologize.
I’m definitely a lover…. but now I’m learning to fight for what I really want
DavidL–This is so common in couples where communication breaks down and it becomes a vicious cycle. The biggest thing is to be true to yourself and communicate what is bothering you. The more you hold inside, the more it builds until suddenly one day she may look at you the wrong way and you explode. Maybe the breakdown is happening more in the WAY things get communicated not necessarily what is said.
I think having an argument is healthy. Like you say- it’s passion!
If it reaches a point where it gets petty though, like “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LEFT THE TOP OFF THE MILK!!”…then some deeper frustration issues are going on.
Love is like any emotion – It can get boring and burn out. I think we all love somebody who has a bit of fire in them.