Are You A Dating Recycler?
November 17, 2009 
9 Comments
Are you somebody who really takes a lot of pride in washing out your containers (to make sure they don’t smell), before you put them into your neat little recycling bin that you put out on the curb every Tuesday? Are you a recycler?
We can talk about how passionate you are about recycling plastics and glass another day, because this blog isn’t about the environment and isn’t about that kind of recycling. This blog is about recycling people.
Do you recycle people? Are you someone who has been in a dating mode – you’ve dated twenty or thirty people – but you’re still single, so you start to wonder if you might have missed the right person along the way? Do you think, “I wonder if I should go out with [name] again?”
This is what I call being a dating recycler. Here is how I feel about recycling in dating: The reason you’re not with someone is because it wasn’t meant to be in the first place.
A lot of people think that they maybe should recycle some of the people from their past. The truth is, though, that the reason why you’re not with people from your past now is because you didn’t connect with them in the first place.
Recycling is wonderful for the environment, but it’s actually dangerous in dating. If you recycle when you date, you’ll end up breaking up with someone two, three or more times. I used to recycle people, but it never worked because chemistry with someone is either there or it isn’t there.
There are some asterisks to the rules about recycling. You could have met someone after a breakup, went out with them, and it wasn’t right. You could recycle that person because, technically, you were not in a relationship with them.
In general, though, recycling in dating just doesn’t work. It doesn’t work because it never worked in the first place. So keep on recycling those bottles and cans. It’s great for the environment, but lousy for dating.
Hi David. This blog might be talking about me. I say might because im still trying to figure out if i am recycling the girl that I want to be with right now, since we were in a relationship 2yrs ago for 2yrs. Or maybe im misunderstanding the word ‘date’. I do feel that we connected back then and that the connection has gotten stronger sine we got reacquainted a few months ago. Wait? Maybe this is just in my head since i want to be with her so bad. I love this blog, its helping evaluate my current situation. Thx
David, I agree with you. Personally, I cut ties when it’s over. There is a reason it didn’t work out in the first place (usually a BIG one).
However, I understand why so many people do it. The distance of time fogs the memory and only the great moments are remembered. Especially the things we miss. For this reason, I tell the men and women I work with to keep a dating journal.
When the truth is “black on white” you CANNOT deny it. Thanks for this much-needed post…
Cheers!
Rhonda
I just love the picture on this blog
Rhonda…so true! People tend to remember more of the positive rather than the negative of their ex over time! In fact, sometimes we idealize them.
Charles–it is hard when you’ve been with someone for a period of time, especially since there is such comfort in being with someone who knows you so well. It always helps in relationships to do a cost-benefit analysis. In this case, do the costs outweigh the benefits or visa versa? What do you get out of this relationship that keeps you going back for more?
I’ve recycled, knowing full well that it wasn’t going to work the second time either. You get bored and lonely.
TK,
great questions. Ty for your insight. Ill let you know what I come with. How can I reach you?
charles–are you a member of the community site? I can connect with you there or I can give you my email. Would love to hear how your doing
TK- im not a member on the community site. Your email will work for`now. Thx
Ok ..BUT David didn’t you say remeber someone from the past and call them and…”you never know”? Isn’t that dating recycling?
So this means , I shouldn’t go back to my ex just because she wants too, it’s a reason we broke up.Problem is we can’t stay friends for too long and then she wants me back.It’s all or nothing for her, wich puts me in a tough situation cause despite her bad parts,when she’s with me,she’s a whole diferent person, I can let out her true self.But I don’t see us working any more