Are You a Boring Date?
January 27, 2012 
27 Comments
Happy Friday everybody, Shogo here with another weekend blog!
So let’s talk about dates and dating this Friday.  I’m sure a few of you have a an exciting date, a hookup, a potential partner, an online date–somebody–that you’re going to meet up and hang out with this weekend.  You may be nervous and wanting to make a good first impression, you may  really be hoping you’re going to get laid, you might just be going through the motions and waiting for your date to make the first move.
Whatever ends up going through your head this weekend, one of the biggest stumbling blocks when you’re out with a new person you barely know is running out of things to talk about. Â Even worse if you’re the type of person who runs out of things to talk about so consistently on your past dates that you already fear it’s going to happen on your next date!
Now I’m not talking about having a moment of silence, looking at your date, and understanding how to enjoy that silence.  What I mean is when you go on a date with a new person, talk about some boring topic neither of you really cares about for 30 minutes, then, almost like clockwork,  you have  no idea what to talk about or what to do after that boring 30 minute discussion.
Nobody enjoys a night of sitting across from somebody, staring at their food thinking, “Oh my god, what can I talk about?  Is she bored right now?  Does she think I’m a boring person?  Is this a really awkward date?”  Before you know it, you’re in your head the whole night and this date ends up being just another one to chuck onto your pile of uninspired mediocre first dates.  That’s  a surefire date-killer, a surefire way to go home alone, and a surefire way to not get that second date.
"Does she think I'm boring?"
So what is it that’s causing this? Â Are you a boring person? Â Is it just really difficult for a guy like you to have chemistry with many different women? Â Are you doomed to go on tons and tons of dead-end dates until you finally find that one (out of 100 maybe) who you finally have some sort of a connection and some fun with?
I don’t really believe in boring people. Â If you’re reading this, to me you’re an interesting person. Â I really believe that. Â But you have to believe it also, because if deep down inside you think that you’re just another boring guy, then that’s exactly what you’re going to project for as long as you continue to believe it about yourself.
While I don’t believe in boring people, I do believe in boring lives. Â I guarantee there are a lot of guys reading right now, when you look and reflect back at what your week looks like, what your 2012 has looked like up until now, what your 2011 looked like last year, you will see a whole lot of dullness, mediocrity, and forgettable moments. Â And it’s not because you are dull or mediocre. Â It’s because of what you’ve chosen to fill your life with every single day.
If you’re consistently running out of things to talk about on your dates, if you’re having a hard time connecting with a woman who you actually really like and you want to see again, it’s not because of who you are as a person, it’s because of what you do with your time, what you think about, and what you experience every single day.
Every time you go out on a date, every time you try to connect with a woman, all you can bring with you is what you have experienced up until this point and what you experience in your daily life. Â If you live a life that you’d rather not remember, if you think thoughts that you’d rather not share, if you look back and think, “God, what a boring month I had,” the only thing you’re going to deliver to the woman sitting across from you is the energy of a lifestyle you’d rather not share.
If you can’t enjoy your week all by yourself in whatever you do, you’re bringing to the table a guy who doesn’t know how to enjoy himself in the things he does and the people he’s with. Â If you’re not inspired by your own life every day leading up to this Friday night, what makes you think you’re suddenly going to be able to flip the switch and make this Friday night any more inspiring? Â
But if you are engaged in the things you do, guess what? Â You’re going to be engaging to the woman who you’ve brought on this date with you.
So you can sit around and wait for that one out of 100 women who you finally connect with, or you can do something about your lifestyle, start making some changes, and start connecting with women everywhere. Â So tonight before you go out, I want you to do yourself a favor and sit for a while in a quiet place. Â Maybe turn off the radio on your 30 minute commute home, maybe crack a beer and sit quietly on the couch, Â sit still and meditate, get in the zone on the treadmill at the gym, just do something to give your mind a little rest.
Think about the way you live your life right now and how you feel about your connection to the world around you. Â Are you perfectly content? Â Are you bored? Â Do you see yourself as a boring person? Â Would somebody else think that your life is interesting?
Now envision the way that you would like your life to be.  What kinds of changes could you make to start moving in that direction? What are some things you’ve thought about doing but have just never gotten around to?  What new things would you learn about?  Have you always wanted to sky dive?  Would you pick up a cooking class or learn some new recipes?  Would you cut out a day of lifting weights and pick up some yoga?  Would you travel to South America for a week instead of another shitty trip to Vegas?  Would you watch less How I Met Your Mother reruns and go to read the new releases at Borders?
Write down three new things that you would enjoy seeing in your lifestyle. Â Put yourself out there so that others can see and write them in the comments section. Â Because you can talk about it all day long, but the key is that you have to start doing it. Â So pick the most important one, the one that jumps out at you the most, AND START DOING IT. Â Even if it’s something as simple as trying out one new restaurant a week instead of getting takeout 3 times a week.
You can’t just read a blog post, learn some pickup line, or post your dating questions on the internet. Â You have to make that commitment when you wake up that day and actually add something new and inspiring to your life.
I wish I was tall.
Wow, you really wasted that wish. I hope you still have two more…
http://www.redwingshoes.com/red-wing-shoe/1155-red-wing-shoes/1155-red-wing-mens-11-inch-pull-on-brown
These boots will make you tall John. Well, okay, maybe not 6’4″ or anything, but those heels will add 2″ to your height, which should make you completely normal, if not slightly taller. Not only that, but they’re pretty stylish to boot (pun absolutely intended).
Good article. It’s what you do with your life that makes you interesting to others. One thing about this blog that is NOT appealing is the picture of the “first date”. Heck, if I was that guy I’d be running away from that hog. Come on Shogo, you can get a better more attractive picture to show. It’s simple marketing! All things considered, good advice throughout.
@collin,,, that’s funny,, but I might actually try those!
Lol.
I don’t think I’m a boring date…
But THIS is a boring thread.
@John – If you ever get a date, you can spend the whole time talking about how ugly you are. That seems to be your favorite topic, and one on which you could doubtlessly talk for hours, non-stop.
And then when she doesn’t call you back, you can ignore the fact that all you do is complain about your self-image (which is is lower than whale shit) and just say that she’s looking for someone good looking… and tall… and rich.
You know what’s ugly? People who complain all the time. So yeah… You are an ugly dude.
@Magik – That “hog” may have some hot friends. If things aren’t going well, she’ll know it, and if you have something in common with one of her hot friends maybe she’ll introduce you. So stick around and don’t be boring
If things ain’t working out, just say goodbye and get back to your day after lunch.
^ oh look! Another attack from another faceless keyboard tough guy.
Wouldn’t running out of things to say be more of a lack of connection with that person…? Just a thought…
@john – You seem so intent on beating yourself up, but you missed a few shots. I’m just trying to help
All you do is complain about yourself. When someone offers you advice you just complain more. What kind of responses do you expect… Sympathy? This ain’t the place for people who are stuck in a self-pity loop.
This is a place for people looking to move ahead in their lives. Not people who just complain about being ugly and short and poor. If you don’t do something to improve yourself, you have no right to complain about your situation.
^^ oh look! Another faceless, random person coming in here pretending to know anything about “what I do”, or “what I don’t do.”
well now you have a face…
if that is what you want…
I think pretty much the same as Adam, relating to you!!
“@john – You seem so intent on beating yourself up, but you missed a few shots. I’m just trying to help
All you do is complain about yourself. When someone offers you advice you just complain more. What kind of responses do you expect… Sympathy? This ain’t the place for people who are stuck in a self-pity loop.
This is a place for people looking to move ahead in their lives. Not people who just complain about being ugly and short and poor. If you don’t do something to improve yourself, you have no right to complain about your situation.
“
^^ oh look! Jose’ can’t think of anything of his own to say,, so he’s copying other people’s shit!!
John is just fucking with people
you do not know me John, I do not give a shit!
I do not give a shit that YOU do not give a shit!
One of the best threads on this blog so far, or at least, one of those I most relate to.
About 4-5 years ago, I had a breakup that’s been a pivoting point in my life. That girl has, ever since I met her, inspired me to move. Before, I was geeky, shy, too nice, over-the-top idealistic, a boy of many words but few actions. After that breakup, I realized how boring I was. Comparing myself to her, how she was always moving in life and making friends and having a good health and a good outlook on life, I saw a little better how my life should be, and how I WANTED my life to be.
The months following that were crazy. I took dance classes, I travelled all across Canada, I went to parties I wouldn’t even have considered before, I reconnected with old friends, I spent less and less time on the computer, I read more (started being curious about quantum physics), hit the gym and subscribed to a climbing center. And indeed, when I went to parties, I realized how I could be an interesting and engaging person, all of a sudden. Admittedly, I didn’t get many dates, but then my problem wasn’t a lack of interesting.
The last months have known a similar pattern. I went to many parties. But my life had been less interesting for a time, for many reasons, so at these parties I felt I had little to say. I also often had crappy moods. But now I’m taking steps to take my life in charge. And I’m really thrilled about it. And I can’t wait for all the “I will do” to become “I did” !
My advice to anyone (see if that fits you) : give yourself long-term projects and goals.
I have given myself two goals for 2012, and until 2014 :
1. Start hiking regularly. I was inspired by a Youtube video a friend showed me, showing people hiking some incredible mount in Hawaii. That’s my goal : prepare for a similar hike, there or somewhere else. I think I should be ready by 2014, and I’ll have the money and the time to realize the trip.
2. This winter, I’m passing the online boating security exam, which will give me license to ride a small motorized boat. And next summer, I’m taking sailing classes. I checked it out, they give classes in my town, it’s about 400$ for the introductory course, and it lasts a whole weekend. I can definitely afford it. My long-term goal with that ? In a few years, I’ll organize a trip and go sailing on the Mediterannean, maybe in Spain or Greece, rent a boat and spend some good time on the sea.
I suggest you find similar goals, and find a way to share those goals with other people. Find a club dealing with what you like. There are clubs for everything ! And find something that you can do NOW, but envision what you could do with it a few years from now. Start working on it. Dream of it. Do everything to accomplish it. And if you *must* give up along the way for some reason, don’t worry too much ; you’ll have had fun, and you already have things to say in dating situations. So a major part of the goal is already accomplished no matter what !
If you do not give a shit that I do not give a shit, means that you give a shit! Doh!
No, if I don’t give a shit about you not giving a shit about me not giving a shit, it is because I never gave a shit about wether or not you gave a shit in the first place.
(i can do this all night.)
@majik…i find it absolutely amazing how men hone in on one detail about how the woman looks without viewing the man in the same light. they appear to be quite evenly matched to me…he’s definitely no looker. recently read an article where men who using the neanderthal rating system of 1-10, who were rated a 5 viewed thenmselves as deserving an 8 or better…am just sayin…
@Caroline, I agree with you that the 1-10 scale isn’t ideal. The binary system is much better. Everyone is either a 1 or a 0. Sex or no sex.
Oh,,, so everyone here agrees that it is all about looks.
Hmmmmm.
^ that was a joke, btw.
the 3 things i’d like to bring into my life are:
going to see some classical music and opera performances.
traveling to some touristy destinations in my state and checking them out.
hanging out at cool random spots and chilling with people with a nonchalant atmosphere