Are Dating And Relationships Just A Pain?
March 23, 2010 
13 Comments
Do you ever suffer from breathing issues, where you feel like each breath is laboring through your body? Every breath you take hurts. Every step you take hurts.
I am not talking about a case of the swine flu. I am talking about heartache. We don’t ever really talk about heartache.
Do you ever get into a huge fight with your significant other, and you just feel like it’s the end of the world? How about if your significant other breaks up with you, or you break up with them?
You get that deep, heavy heartache feeling. You experience that wave of emotion where you feel like nothing in the world is going to snap you out of it.
That is really hard. Heartache is tough.
Heartache, however, also makes you grow. It makes you stronger as a person. Let me explain why.
You went through a tough time with a relationship. Your heart aches and your heart hurts.
That means that you are actually fighting for something you believe in. It means that you are fighting for the sake of the relationship, because love takes time and it hurts at times.
Heartache is tough. Nobody wants to feel it.
I remember when I was 17 years old and my high school girlfriend broke up with me. It felt like the end of the world. I felt like I was going to just keel over and die. I couldn’t eat or sleep for days, and every breath I took hurt.
So here is a word of advice I want to give everyone who has ever suffered from this type of heartache or who is suffering from it right now. It is actually some of the best advice (and maybe the only good advice) my Mom ever gave me.
She looked at me when I was 17 years old and my girlfriend had just broken up with me and said, “Remember how much you loved this person today. She is not the person for you. All the pain and suffering you are feeling right now is just temporary. It is growth. It is you learning and processing the relationship. It is okay to grieve a relationship. When you are finished grieving it, make sure you learn each lesson from that relationship so you learn more about yourself and don’t repeat things.”
We never talk about heartache here in the blog, but I know a lot of you have emailed me over and over again about relationships ending and about the pain that you feel associated with that. So to all of you, you need to know that the heartache you are feeling is just growth.
Keep you heart open. The longer you keep your heart open in life, the less your heart is going to ache.
You are going to grow, so push yourself through that heartache when you feel it. Realize that amazing thing will come through you if you remain strong.
One of the best ways to get through the pain of heartache is to take time to really reconnect with yourself and who you are as a person. I recorded my own personal journey through this process. CLICK HERE if you’re a man and CLICK HERE if you’re a woman to listen to this.
It does sound terrifying but i think whatever hits us hard, makes us stronger!
I think the great thing about heartache is that it tests our resolve, our conviction on what we feel is right inside of us.
Heartache sucks. Its silly but sometimes after the heartache is gone- you miss it. That afterwards you miss feeling ANYTHING for this other person. The pain sucked but in that misery you somehow felt more alive. I dunno. Does that make any sense?
very well said David.
I also think its very important to keep our heart open no matter what, eventually all the pain will be gone.
I am amazed how you remember all the little details of your childhood.
I remember the very first time my girlfriend broke up with me, i felt like the world without love is an empty place.
Clint-you don’t remember much about your childhood or what? were you drugged:)?
Vic–what a great insight! I totally get what you are saying. Because when you are in pain about someone, that means you still feel for them and are connected. After the pain subsides, you start losing that connection you once had so it makes sense. Have you had a recent breakup?
it’s a rights of passage…
Thanks Coach Kim,
No I didn’t have a recent breakup but a few that I could remember like yesterday though. But yeah, you’re right – going through something like that is a right of passage in the human condition. Hopefully we can all feel better knowing that ultimately we are not alone when we go through this. I guess there is a bit of solace in that.
I am really good friends with this girl, but I don’t think I am anything more than that. Should I just walk away? Or just hang around? It doesn’t matter to me either way…
Wygant Fan,
If it doesn’t matter either way, do you really want us to answer your question? The first step is be honest with yourself.
I think it DOES matter to you… so what do you want?
I do like your mum’s advice!
What is strange for a woman is when the man, even in a committed relationship, does not share his heartache. eg With my ex, it was only through my ex’s closest confidante that I found out how much he hurt over me. I often think if he had shared those feelings, that things would have been different.
Guys, let your softer side show. It is a genuine need to have male friends to discuss and process the relationship with of course (men discussing with men). Thank God for that. But men, open up to the woman you love, guaranteed she won’t think you’re a loser.
Sometimes I do think the hurt is just an excuse to run away… could it be that one of you is just petrified of rejection?
Of course love hurts, it can also heal, trust, and give hope.