Comments on: Alone Time

By: aalexandraa

aalexandraa — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 10:02:33 +0000

I am guiding my life after the motto that I have to treat people, the way I would like them to treat me. that’s why because I need space and time for myself I let him feel free, while we are dating. I don’t remember doing a jealousy crisis. I think this is a matter of self confidence. If you see yourself ugly, stupid, not so nice, you will always be afraid of losing him, and you’ll try to keep him near, in the house. each woman can become, when you’re feeling this way, a potential date for him (in your mind). But if you work on self esteem, then the jealousy will disappear.

I’m doing this. I am his friend, his lover and I’m trying to understand his position, putting myself in his place. We all need our bubble of air in a relationship. at least, I do.

By: Thomas

Thomas — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 01:09:50 +0000

I’m going to piggy back Khiem on this one. It used to be my fatal flaw in relationships. I would just mold into this “thing” who was completely unrecognizable to anyone. And it was terrible. And even now, if I ever feel like I am even looking in that direction, I’ll get into a “panic” (loose term) and change something. Whether it’s just making me time, or not seeing her for a little bit.

In the end, it’s healthy and important to make time to do other things, even though you may want to spend every waking moment with your significant other.

By: Khiem (DW Coach)

Khiem (DW Coach) — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 00:15:29 +0000

I think the hardest thing to learn in a relationship is how to remain “yourself” while getting closer and more emotionally bonded and fused with your partner without feeling drowned in it.

By: Rocky

Rocky — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 22:45:26 +0000

I couldnt agree with you more David !

Me and my girlfriend travel together for 3 months , asia , australia and usa .
It was a really awsome trip . We got to see other culture and meet new people.
Before the trip we decided that whenever one of us needed some alone time , we could just say it
to each other and do it. Take some time alone on a cafe or someting.
Just sit there and spend some time with yourself , I think thats importent.

And even though we spent 3 months together , every day , and the end of the trip we had gotten closer. And not driven each other apart or getting sick of each other.

By: K

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 10:22:35 +0000

I have always wondered: why can’t all of those insecure, needy, and jealous people just date each other and leave the rest of us alone? One of the best aspects of aging is that many of us do grow up and grow out of those tendencies. I’m a firm believer in “live and let live” and any man in my life who doesn’t have interests and hobbies and friends besides me needs to get a new life and a new friend. When anyone starts to smother me, I do a reality check and if they can’t see reason or reality, I run for the exit and I don’t look back.

By: Hamburger

Hamburger — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 09:36:24 +0000

This reminds me of a story that happened to me few years ago. I spent three weeks on La Palma (Canary Islands) with my girlfriend and we had a really wonderful time there. The wine, the food, the sunshine, the people. It was marvelous. When it was time to go back and we waited at the aiport, I was so full of happiness and energy and I talked to her about how I am looking forward to seeing my friends and family again and wanted to attend that workshop that I had always been thinking about and so on. Her only comment was something like “Oh, you are getting tired of me?” and then she started crying. And within the split of a second, all this positive energy, happiness and and memories of a wonderful vacation were destroyed.

I think it is all about balance. About finding a healthy balance between the time you spend with your partner and the time you spend with others or just with yourself. Any relationship is a dynamic process. It develops, grows and changes over time. It might feel desirable to freeze a certain moment or aspect of a relationship, to always be with your partner and never let go even for a minute. But when we freeze something, we actually kill it.

By: Lexi

Lexi — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 08:45:55 +0000

Some people need more alone time than others too. This posts reminds me that I’m not creating a situation in my life where I have enough ‘without my partner’ time. Different than alone time.

By: Queen of Relationships

Queen of Relationships — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 07:55:55 +0000

Yes, alone time is SO important. How can you even miss each other if you are always stuck up each other’s bum?

By: Coach Kimberly

Coach Kimberly — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 04:47:43 +0000

Everybody needs some space and alone time from their partner. If the person is constantly needing to be with you at all times, there is definitely that “co-dependent” problem or trust issues.

David G–Without knowing your situation with your gal, the issue seems to be more with her and her insecurities. You may never be able to fill her needs given that her pattern is that “every boyfriend has cheated on her”…

By: Sandra

Sandra — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 03:11:56 +0000

Jim C
Thanks

How would you like to have a friend of the same sex try to talk to you about the person you are with always putting them down because they don’t like them in some way…Been there and done that…She is history…