A Very Happy Hallmark Day To You!
February 14, 2009 
29 Comments
Before all the women reading this blog get their panties in a knot thinking I am anti-Valentine’s Day by saying “Happy Hallmark Day,” let me make one thing clear . . . you’re 100% correct! I am anti-Valentine’s Day.
I for one believe that you don’t need a special day in the middle of February to celebrate your relationship and your love . . . or to give that microchip-sized diamond pendant from Kay Jewelers. Half of you are still paying off the bills you incurred at Christmas telling your sweetheart you love them.
I personally think that Valentine’s Day should be moved to April 14th – the day before tax day. Think about the headline: “Stressed out having to send the government $20,000.00 tomorrow? Celebrate today by going to Kay Jewelers and buying a microchip-sized diamond pendant!”
Not only that, I can already see the marketing campaign. Somehow Kay Jewelers and the IRS will get together and write it off. “If you buy the microchip pendant now, you can write it off on your 2008 tax return.” I know no one is going to pass that law, though, so let’s get back to my love of Valentine’s Day.
Do you know when I loved Valentine’s Day? I loved it when I was a kid and I got to go to school with my box of Valentine’s cards to give to everyone. You know the ones I’m talking about – the ones where the whole box costs about $2.00 and contains little cards that say “Be My Valentine” coming out of Snoopy’s mouth.
You also got to hand out those disgusting heart-shaped candies that tasted like fourteen year old Tums. You remember those, right? The ones where you give them to someone, and as they eat them dust comes out of their mouth when they tell you “At least I won’t have heartburn this Valentine’s Day!” Tums really should start to put slogans on their little chalky tablets that say things like “Be Acid Free,” I like No Acid,” “Care To Swap Some Stomach Acid?” or “My Heartburn Burns For You!”
Those chalky colored heart candies had sayings on them like “Melt My Heart,” Puppy Love,” “Kiss Me,” “Sweet Talk” and the classic “Get My Drift.” I remember they made a special one based on an episode of “Happy Days” where the Fonz handed ones out that said (misspelled) “You’re the ginchiest.”
Anyway, it was really fun to go into your classroom and give out 50 valentines and bags of bad candy. That was a fun Valentine’s time.
Now what do we do on Valentine’s Day? You have to make reservations at a restaurant where they double the price of same food they serve every other day. Even McDonald’s bumps up the price (and the cholesterol count) for Valentine’s Day.
Since we’re taking a trip down memory lane, let me tell you about one of my favorite Valentine’s Days. It was the year I opened my bar in New York City, and I was broke. Let me tell you . . . opening a bar on 28th? I had no right to do that.
So it was Valentine’s Day, I only had a few bucks, and I had to get my then girlfriend a Valentine’s gift. So I’m walking down the street and see a guy selling stuffed animal bears out of a garbage bag. I asked him how much they were, and he said a couple bucks. Since that was about all I had, I said “I’ll take it!”
I was so proud of my purchase – the bear was white and really cute. So I walk in the door with the bear behind my back and said “Happy Valentine’s Day baby! Look what I found on the way home!!”
As I’m still holding the bear behind my back, my golden retriever Jessie grabs it out of my hand in one violent motion. So I said “Jessie drop it!” She did, but she kept her eyes fixated on it. So my girlfriend Jessie (God, I’m sounding like Dr. Bob now) grabbed the bear and hugged it.
All of a sudden her face contorted and she got a look of disgust on her face. I said “What’s wrong?” She answered (holding the bear toward me) “Smell this!” Meanwhile the golden retriever’s tail is going 100 mph. I took a whiff of the bear and said “It sort of smells like the zoo.”
We made the joint (and quite easy) decision at that point to give the bear to my dog Jessie, who loved “yellow bear” until the day she died. To this day, we have no idea what animal marked that bear. We had a good laugh about it, made some dinner, and created a nice Valentine’s Day memory.
Now I’m not telling you to find an animal, have it pee on a stuffed animal, and then give it to somebody. What I am suggesting, however, is for you to get one of those 50-count boxes of kids’ Valentine’s cards and bring them home tonight so that your sweetheart can open up every single one of them.
You could even buy her a bag of those seventeen year old dusty heart candies with such magical phrases as “Be Mine” on them. Sometimes the “M” looked like an “N,” though, so the candy looked like it read “Be Nine” and thinking you were playing Battleship yelling “B9!”
So you see, I really don’t hate Valentine’s Day. I just think it’s more fun to be creative than to make a reservation at a restaurant. So if anyone wants to “Be Mine” for Valentine’s Day, I’ll be here.
Now let me ask all of you one question. What was your favorite Valentine’s Day and why?
Also, my brand new video will be released on Monday, so if you are on my newsletter list be sure to keep your eye on your email inbox for word about that. This video will NOT be available on the website, though, so if you want to be able to get it, make sure you’re on my newsletter list!
David,
All V-day is, is another day to express your love. Just a glorified day if you will. You can be anti-Vday and they may not. But girls still are a bit “expecting” them. I love your story of the pee’d on teddy bear. Shows what last minute gifts do to men.
I never really had a Valentine. But I’m doing right now is something really cheesy. I’m making a Peter Griffin-like note hunt and at the end of the trail is going to be me with a paper heart with a key hole in it. Her first clue is going to give her a key and she’s going to have to use it. Then I’m going to say a cheesy line like “You stole my heart” and yadda yadda.
Sound good? It’s in about 4-5 hours.
I agree David.
Valentines day is pointless in my opinion because i believe you should be showing your love everyday, not just one single day in February.
I used to like valentines day though because of how fun it used to be when you were a little kid and did not care about anything else except having a good time!
“disgusting heart-shaped candies that tasted like fourteen year old Tums” I want to steal that whole bit for my own work. Really funny!
And thank you for sharing such a great story about your girlfriend. Its always the events in our lives that we create on the spot that make the longest impressions in our memories.
I have one casual coffee date for Valentine’s Day and I am more than happy with that. I just have to think about what I did last year and realize that I am steps ahead of where I used to be, thanks to you and all your great advice. It has been an awesome year.
Mike
Robert, its the orignialtity that counts. Like David always coaches, if you have fun with and enjoy yourself, your energy will show up on her radar and she will love it. Worry and fret over the details or if something is going to go wrong, and it can all come apart on you even if you tried your hardest to be original.
Hey David!
I always thought those heart-shaped candies were rat poison. That’s why they were always packaged in boxes with bright red colors, as if to say, “Stop, don’t eat me! If you eat me because I’m seasonal, you’ll regret it…like candy corn!”
I thought it was funny that there are “chick flicks” on the tv all day for the lonely ladies, and a “hockey game” tonight for the lonely guys…
I agree with David, it’s just another money grab by all the retailers out there. Makes me want to gag. Frankly the same is happening with any occasion on the calendar these days, Halloween stuff before school even starts, and Christmas stuff before Halloween is over, Easter stuff before Valentines day….
I fondly remember those days when we handed out the cards in class, and spent the night before carefully writing each classmates name. I used to like the cinnamon heart candies (with waaay too much “red” dye)
For me it was a great excuse to have a bit of chocolate, and a glass of wine…lol.
I wish that people thought about Love everyday.
Dave,
Now I know that you are for real, Valentines Day is a joke and while you give out good advice on dating and relationships, you opinion and explanation of what V-day really is tops the list. It’s nothing more than a stupid ploy for retailers to get into out pockets and that’s it……Ron
Yeah, I agree with Suzan; way too much commercialism anymore these days with the holidays.
I just realized yet another reason why couples should stay home tonight and do something original for V-Day. Countless mobs of people are already tying up the streets & roads making for massive traffic gridlock all to get to the malls & restaurants for a last minute gift or that not so romantic dinner in a noisy & crowded restaurant on probably the busiest restaurant night of the year. And if you think that run-on sentence was long, you haven’t been out today have you? I just got back in and am not going out anymore today. It’s like the friggin day after Thanksgiving, but with more cars.
I’m with you Dave. Not so much a valentine’s story, but my last girlfriend was kid of a high maintenance chick. For her birthday, I pretty much knew what she wanted. Expensive dinner, sitting on the couch and me telling her how amazing she was and some sappy romantic comedy. Instead, I knew she wanted a christmas tree, but couldn’t afford one. I picked her up in my friend’s truck, and we set off for the mountains were we spent all night finding and cutting down a tree. We got stuck a few times in a couple feet of snow, but the entire trip cost me maybe 30 bucks and was the best time I ever had.
I just did the box of Valentine’s with both of my children for their class and it is more special than anything else. The looks on their faces when they came home from school yesterday reading all of their cards is the look we should all have when receiving a card from our loved ones…so excited and appreciative! There were some kids that of course had to out do their classmates and give presents like pencils and little toys. Then my son said, “mommy the cards are just as nice as the gifts, right?” Now THAT is a Hallmark moment!
And BTW…they still pass out the heart-shaped Tums and the box is up to $7.99!
Kimberly
Hahaha I couldn’t have said it better myself!
For Valentine’s day my sweet and I will be participating in something else . . . an annual flash mob pillow fight at the Ferry Building in San Francisco. beating the crap out of each other and strangers with pillows sounds like a lot more fun amd way more cost effective than some blood diamond chip.
Lexi’s plans sound like the most fun that I’ve heard in a very long time!
Please whop somebody a good one for me! Or a few somebodies!
Then come back and tell us how you fared!
My favorite heart shaped flower was given to me on a special day from a special friend. This was not on Valentine’s Day but to me it was a special day. One day I was at work and as I left to go home I looked beside my truck door and saw this balloon shaped red heart flower I picked it up and my friend (in which it was a woman by the way) told me she saw who put it there. It made my day and I have kept it ever since this was three years ago. So happy V Day to everyone here on the blog. Before that I received on an envelope where the m was at there was a heart drawn on it. That is when my heart jumped for glee knowing that he cared enough for me to do that.
Oh the animal grabbing the teddy bear? Reminds me of something Garfield would do to John just to make him look foolish. Has anyone seen the movies Garfield the movie or The Tale Of Two Kittens now the second one will make you laugh your ass off.
Sandra aka Just Curious
Today is special for me though one of my relatives celebrates his b-day. Today at work I noticed that some people bought balloons that said Happy Valentines Day on it. I asked one guy if he had a Valentine and he looked at me and I said sorta kinda huh. Then I said the same thing. This young man came up to my register and said this is the only Valentine’s Day that he has went all out for and I said well she must be one special girl and he said she sure is. Oh today as I was sitting in my car I noticed that three different balloons went up in the air where people lost them up in the air they went they probably are in Kentucky by now.
Oh in 10 days I will b celebrating my 49th B-Day.
As a single girl who recently broke up with SO, its a day of thinking how I wished things could’ve worked out, but life was against me & us on this one. I’m glad you have someone to worry about and stress about on this commercialized holiday. I don’t hate Valentine’s, it can be sweet with the right person.
Happy singles awareness day everybuddy!!!
Hahaha David “My Heartburn Burns For You”, that whole bit is funny.
B9!!! Hahaha hilarious!
i need to get my storytelling to the level of this blog.
What was the valentine supposed to say if it was mispelled? The one Fonz passed out?
The whole Valentine craziness is over hyped. Has been commercialized into a Billion dollar business..Not bad at all coz we need to stimulate the economy…
BTW David, i hold u in high esteem..Ur doing an awesome job. Sometimes i wonder how ur able to drop one interesting blog after another..Keep it up…
Yeah we always ship our leftover candies to the States for next year’s Valentine’s…
I still think it’s cut in the younger grades in school, but even there if the school allows kids to bring things in for only a few then it turns ugly. We normally makes cards or cookies by ourselves. I like to have my kids to make things instead of just buying.
Lexi loves the pillow fight, that funny just my kind of nonsense.
Mike happy you got you coffee date in.
Oh that teddy bear mixed with hallmark threw me down memory lane. A couple of years ago my husband got this cute sleeping teddy bear from Hallmark. Well when you pushed a button I started this lullaby and it went like this. When you die it’s like you go to sleep but you go to heaven. I freaked out threw the freaking thing out. Wished I had kept it. Not really a valentines story but it just popped up.
Pete
I was wondering where that used candy come from I guess they sell it to Wal Mart and Wal Mart puts a discount on it. Yum Yum! lol
Valentine’s just makes no sense. Someone decided that one day in a year should be all relationships’ day ?
Like my mother says, “every day is Mother’s Day”.
What I would recommend for any one who is in a relationship looking for a good movie to see, IF you haven’t already seen it is Slumdog Millionaire. I saw it last Friday and it beats the living crap out of most of the formulated out the wazoo Hollywood films, including those fluffy and/or sappy chick flicks and the shut your brain off at the door action flicks. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good, escapist, kick ass action film as much as any other guy. Yeah, I like the big budget blockbusters, IF they’re good. Some are great, some simply suck, some are somewhere in between. Jason’s Statham’s Transporter movies will never be confused for Oscar contenders, but still they’re fun, guilty pleasures. Just like the UFC.
But sometimes, ya gotta get away from the same old, same old, and try something different. I enjoy a lot of the Hong Kong films, and not limited to the martial arts stuff. Stuff like Wong Kar Wai’s more arty flicks like Chungking Express & 2046 for instance. I’ve watched a few Bollywood flicks too, including, but not limited to The Kama Sutra. That may not actually have been a Bollywood flick so much as a Hollywood film shot in India. Anyway, it was quite…stimulating.
But sorry for rambling; back to Slumdog Millionaire. I don’t recommend it as a first date movie, and DW would probably not recommend seeing any movie as part of a first date because watching a movie cuts down on that valuable interaction time that you need when you’re first getting to know someone. Unless you & your date really love movies & discussing them at length. Slumdog will give you some things to talk about. But there’s a major gross-out scene about 15-20 minutes into this flick and if you know your date has a weak stomach or you’ve just eaten, maybe you should wait.
It definitely breaks the mold. At least compared to so much of the silly crap like She’s Just Not That Into You and other stuff that will insult your intelligence. Overall, Slumdog Millionaire is well worth your time and movie $$. I hear The Wrestler with M Rourke is excellent also and am looking forward to it. Ya know, both of these Oscar competitors this year are smaller budget films. The Wrestler directed by Darren Aronofsky who’s kind of the indie film director king. If you’re really short on $ however, then wait until Slumdog Millionaire comes out on DVD which shouldn’t be too long. But you’ll probably have to go to somewhere other than Blockbuster because I read they’re about to go out of business also. When you can see it however, at the theater or at home, by all means do so. It is a gift and well worth your time.
I just wish i had had some company at my side while watching it. I didn’t have a date and my friends were either not interested or were a bit short on $ themselves. I know at least one of them however does want to see The Wrestler when it gets here this weekend. It’s kinda lonely going to the movies by yourself.
Damn that was a long post! Sorry for rambling so much.
valentines is a wonderful night! just go to the bar and help yourself to all the women who got stood up lol.
I Really Love Reading Your Blog. Excellent. Keep up the great work!
Wow l must say your advice is very practical, very simple(yet l wonder how we men just mess things up)but you know what the BEST part is?? l am now more afraid of success than l am of failure when it comes to women….THANKS Dave