This blog is an open letter to all of you space invaders out there. You know who you are … or do you?
No, I’m not talking to those of you with an affinity for handling joysticks and playing early 80’s video games with poor graphics and creatures making funny “gobbling” noises as they ate things. This open letter has nothing to do with video games. I’m also not talking rodents or anything else that invades your living space. I’m not even talking about clutter on your desk that gets in your way.
The space invaders I’m talking about here are ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends (we’ll just collectively call them “ex’s” here). This open letter is directed to all of you ex’s out there who are space invaders tormenting your ex’s.
Now I know all you space invading ex’s know who you are, and this open letter is directed to you. So listen up and pay attention!
It’s amazing. Ex’s always seem to find their way back into your life to dump all of their own issues all over you at the very moment when you’re most happy with someone else. It’s like they have some kind of special radar which alerts them that it is the perfect time to try to get you back at the very moment you are in this most happy place.
They will have an epiphany wherein they decide they are a new person and that they need to convince you to give your relationship with the “new them” a second chance. In their mind they will think “Wait! My ex is with someone else. How could they possibly be with someone else? I realize now that if we get back together, everything will be different because I’ve changed. They need to give our relationship another try with the new me!”
This whole train of thought misses a critical point: your ex is your ex for a reason. They’re an ex because you already learned the lesson that they did not satisfy you in ways you needed to be satisfied. They are an ex because your heart was not touched by them in ways your heart needed to be touched. Your ex is an ex because they weren’t able to get into your soul and get deep into your core like you needed.
Regardless, there seems to be no shortage of ex’s who are space invaders. So to all of you space invading ex’s out there, here are seven reasons for you to stop invading your ex’s space immediately:
1. Recognize What Your “Epiphany-Come-Lately” Really Means: It is no coincidence that so many ex’s experience the sudden revelation that they need to convince their ex to give their relationship another try ONLY after that ex has found someone else with whom they are genuinely happy. You need to see this “epiphany-come-lately” for what it really is: your knee-jerk reaction to the fact that your ex is with someone else.
It is an only slightly more complicated version of the “you only want them now that you can’t have them” syndrome. While you may believe that you all of a sudden see things differently, it is really a function of feeling like you are about to lose your ex unless you say something right now.
2. You Are Not Entitled To A “Review” Of Your Relationship: Here’s another thing all you space invading ex’s need to remember. You are not an NFL coach. You are not given a relationship red flag that entitles you to demand that your ex review your relationship and give you a chance to “replay the down.”
So, just because you decide that you and your ex need to revisit the wisdom of your breakup does not mean that your ex has to agree to participate. If your ex does not want to do it, you cannot (and should not try to) force them.
3. The Real Reason Your Relationship Ended Hasn’t Changed: Just because you believe you have changed, and you indeed may have changed, that does not alter the real reason your relationship ended in the first place. Further, just because you believe you are a different person or that “things” are different than when you and your ex were together, that does not mean that the two of you are more compatible now than you were at the time your relationship ended. It is really irrelevant that you have made some miraculous change or turn-around in your own mind, because what ultimately made your relationship not work out with your ex was about something much deeper than that.
What made your relationship not work out the first time was that the two of you at your cores were different people, people whose hearts and souls did not have an ultimate connection. So while you very truly may have made some changes, deep down you are the same person (and so is your ex). You were two people who did not share that ultimate peaceful feeling you have with someone with whom you share a true soul connection.
4. Life Is Not Like A Movie: – So many space invading ex’s seem to operate under the delusion that they are starring in their own romantic comedy movie. You know the basic plot line: Boy had girl. Boy loses girl (becoming the “ex”). Ex doesn’t think twice about girl he lost until girl finds someone else. Ex has “the epiphany” moment that he loves girl and needs to get her back (thus becoming the “space invading ex”). Space invading ex discovers that girl’s new boy is not the good guy that girl believes him to be, and that space invading ex is the right man for her. Space invading ex sets up elaborate plan to crash girl’s wedding/relationship and declare his true love to girl. Space invading ex gets girl back in dramatic and romantic wedding-crashing scene. All across movie theaters everywhere, sentimental choruses of “Aw!” can be heard as tear-soaked women frantically search for tissues in their purse. It all seems so romantic!
This is great entertainment and is very fun to watch in your local movie theater … but is not a good model to follow in real life. Think about what this typical movie plot line involves, and what you have to assume to make it the great romantic story that is shown. First, notice that each and every one of these films rests on the major premise that the space invading ex is the right man for the girl and that the girl’s current guy is (unbeknownst to the girl) not such a great guy. As we’ve discussed, and as all of you space invading ex’s know to be the case with your ex, that is not what is going on in your situation. Your ex is in a relationship with someone who is making them truly happy. You are not Patrick Dempsey or Hugh Grant (or Julia Roberts for you female space invading ex’s), so you need to stop trying to play the lead in this kind of movie plot with your ex!
Another flaw in these movie plots is that they paint the space invading ex as the “hero” doing his ex a favor by exposing the rotten current boyfriend and having the girl find true happiness when the space invading ex declares his undying love to her. Think about what you are really doing, though, by being the space invading ex. When you are invading your ex’s space in a relationship where your ex is genuinely happy, your invasion into that space is not romantic – it is selfish. Really, that’s what it is in its true sense. Think about it. When you invade your ex’s space, you are bringing stress not only to your ex but to their relationship. Stated simply, you are bringing unhappiness into your ex’s happy space. The only person who is served by this space invasion is YOU.
5. Think How You Would Feel: Another person you need to consider if you are a space invading ex is your ex’s current significant other. You need to put yourself in that person’s shoes. Consider how you would feel if you were in a relationship with someone and that person’s ex continued to invade your relationship space. How do you think it feels to know that your significant other has been on the phone throughout the day with their ex. Let me tell you how it feels. When someone is invading your relationship space, it makes you feel disconnected with your significant other. You can feel it happening.
Then when you get emails from your significant other telling you how emotionally drained they feel because their ex keeps calling, it causes you to feel emotionally drained yourself. You become emotionally drained because you start wondering what your significant other’s ex said, and what your significant other thinks and feels about what the ex said.
After connecting with your significant other at an emotional and spiritual level deeper than you have with anyone else, to be in the dark about what was said by an ex is a terrible feeling. You want to be there for them and to help them through this, but you also don’t want to be in the dark yourself. This space invasion likewise causes your ex’s energy to be directed totally away from their currently happy relationship.
6. You Can’t Create A Friendship If There Wasn’t Already One: Many space invading ex’s will invade an ex’s happy relationship space under the guise of “wanting to become friends.” This is another very selfish act dressed up as an altruistic one. You can’t be friends with all of your ex’s. It all comes down to whether you and your ex were friends in the first place. If you were, then you would not be invading their relationship space in this way. You would already be a part of their life.
Your attempt to create this sudden friendship with your ex when it wasn’t there before is again nothing more than a selfish act, because a true friend would not want to cause their friend all this stress and pain. A true friend would see that their ex had moved on and has given their heart to someone else, and would not want to do something to directly disrupt that.
7. You Need To Switch Your Focus: Finally, a bit of advice to all you space invading ex’s. Did it ever occur to you that the reason why you all of a sudden feel the urgent need to get your ex back is that you see them feeling the kind of peace, connection and happiness with someone that you wish you had in your own life? You should therefore see this revelation as an opportunity to work on yourself and find for yourself what your ex has found.
Instead of invading your ex’s happy relationship space and causing damage to the happiness they are feeling, why not instead take your ex’s happiness as the inspiration for you to go out there and find the same kind of happiness for yourself. This is the perfect time to work on yourself so you can find the same kind of true soul connection that your ex has found.
So, to all of you space invading ex’s, I hope this open letter has opened your eyes to what kind of impact your space invading is really having on your ex and their relationship. If you are someone who still has feelings for an ex who has moved on and found a truly happy relationship with someone else, then it’s time you let them move on and be happy.
It’s time that the only space invading you do from here on out is with a joystick and on a vintage arcade game. Stop pining over an ex who is not the right person for you … and stop torturing that ex you claim to love so much!
Start working on yourself so you can cultivate a wonderful relationship for you with someone with whom you share a true and deep heart and soul connection. Maybe once you find them, the four of you can meet up at an arcade for a friendly game of Space Invaders…
I think #3 is the one that people forget the most. A little time passes and they start to romanticize everything rather than remembering the reality that was.
I read your blog every day but I have never left a comment before now. I felt I had to today because this entry is incredibly insightful and I wanted to thank you for writing it. Imagine how much of a happier place the world would be if people could just accept these seven points as the truth and live their lives accordingly.
I can’t stand it when an ex comes up to me in a public place (we live in a small town and tend to frequent the same places over and over again) and he cock blocks me with the new person I am talking to…then it’s a rehash of how sorry he is and how he wants another shot-he makes it all about him and then I stop enjoying myself and end up leaving. Not a fun situation!
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Susan: I just arrived at a bar and an attractive woman came up, hugged and kiss my cheek. She had her arm around me, and i looked deeply yet confused. I said can i talk with you alone being i was with a couple friends. WE stepped aside and i asked do i know you? She said no, but had seen me around and that i looked like a nice guy! Oh really? We talked a little then both went back to our friends. Later she come up and slipped me her number and whispered it was nice meeting you, then left. I had earlier i asked for her number and did not get it. When i called she explained that she came up to me because an ex of two years there who always dominates and tried to talk his way into her evening, and life. She said it had happen a number of times, and she wanted to put a chill to him, through me. She called it a back handed compliment. I laughed, oh boy thanks! I ended up dating her for a while. Funny how she handled her EX!
I like this post. I’m on friendly terms with most of my X’s but we’re not “friends”. I’ve re-dated 2 of my ex’s ever . . . but when we rekindled we were free & clear to do so. It still didn’t work out, but it was fun anyway. And I kind of went into them knowing they wouldn’t work anyway and that it would be fun anyway.
I have a different question that is related to this topic that I don’t know how to handle, in the sense that how I’ve handled it up until now has not been working for me:
When my current bf and I started dating, he had a space invading X. After a month of her trash talking me and him not doing a lot about it I told him that if he still wanted to be friends with her, that’s fine, but I wasn’t going to play this bullshit anymore (I’m disappointed in myself for waiting even a month for him to draw a line with her) and that’s when he stopped speaking to her, which left me feeling disappointed (because in my mind her behavior, regardless of their history was unacceptable (try psycho, and he accepted it) but hopeful. When he stopped talking to her, she went even more nuts, she and I were both invited to the same party at one point, and she knew the host better, and had me uninvited (which on account of that I no longer speak to the host) and the boyfriend did nothing. Also, over a year later I still have people asking me “Why doesn’t so and so like you, I was at a party and mentioned something about you and she said ‘Oh that whore’ but then wouldn’t say why when pressed” (So I’ve started telling them, which I’m sure doesn’t help). Oh and by the way, this chick is MARRIED.
This guy and I are still together, because he is a great guy, and in most ways we fit well together. We have a few issues, but everyone does, no one is perfect. I see the reason he took so long to stop talking to her as him trying to be rational about it in his way and I appreciate rationality, but I see it as more rational to have stopped talking to a married X who started insulting your new flame and being a passive aggressive bitch.
The issue that keeps coming up for me, is every now and then that disappointed feeling comes up again for me. And every time that feeling comes up, I’m reminded not only of the current situation but of that situation in the past where I a) didn’t feel protected and b) disappointed because I felt like “if it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t know any better” (here is where I’m sure some guys will tell me to get over it and I will tell you I’m trying to which is why I’m asking this question.)
(An example of feeling B in a similar way is: this weekend we were volunteering at a conference at the registration table, it is a professional conference. He laid down on the floor at the reg table because he was tired. I said “Would you like a chair to sit on?” He said “No”, and I said “I can see you’re tired, can you go lay down somewhere else?” and he looked at me like I was a bitch and said he was tired and he didn’t want to go somewhere else and I said “Look, if I’m going to tell ___ to get up off the floor in front of registration, I’m going to tell you the same thing” and then he got up and stormed off. Leaving me feeling disappointed a little because of the incident, but then the huge amount of disappointment related to that first incident comes up too). I let him go off and have (what seemed to me like a tantrum) and we talked about it later– and he’s upset with me that I didn’t have more empathy for him and his being tired.
(to balance it out there are a lot of really awesome things that he does do, or about us that I really like, but this sense of disappointment I get from situations like this seems so overshadowing when it happens)
I realize both feelings are the result of the way I am thinking about the situation– and I’d like to get over that, and feel like in order to get over it *he* has to do something differently, and I also know I can only change myself, so I’m wondering if there is a suggestion that is given with kindness out there that can help me think about things differently?
What is the proper thing to do with an X invader who is married and trying to fuck up your life anyway?
Candice: Your feelings are valid about the X girlfriend. If my gf was talking with an x bf it would be hurtful to me. I think that feeling is normal for anyone. However you told him your feelings and he has stopped and been respectful of that. Did he pillow talk, just casual talk when they ran into each other? Did they talk on a regular basis? All good questions! Bottom line he no longer talk to her, which is correct. As for the friend to uninvite you to a party? Please! Never wanted to go! Who needs friends like that? No one! Tired laying on the floor at a professional event? Please go pass out somewhere else!! Thats a no brainer. Sounds like he needs to grow up and be more respectful of you! Sounds like you are ready to jump the fence in many ways! We all make mistakes, and hopefully learn from them. Relationships take work and understanding! I know the GF’s i have had, have needed lots of patience and understanding!! SIGH!
What’s funny about this post is that unlike lots of David’s other posts, this one is clearly directed at someone in particular but still, he manages to speak to everyone that reads this blog.
Candace – You have been nominated for sainthood – or at least martyrdom – of the self-flagellating kind (think of that nutty monk in The Da Vinci Code movie). It’s hard to call out the bf’s married ex when the bf won’t man-up and tell the ex and anyone else who wants to bad-mouth you to get off it and go away. Closure must be a mystery for the man in your life but that really isn’t so uncommon. If you can stand it, more power to you – we all have faults and weaknesses. There are many among us who can’t come right out and say ‘no’ or “go away” to anyone – it’s too confrontational. If she really is a bit psycho, that may also drive his behavior. Been there myself and sometimes an ex can be scary and unpredictable.
Sometimes it’s not about you at all…but sometimes it really IS all about you. If you want to move forward without this weight around your neck, you will need to decide what you really want and deserve in a relationship – not necessarily in THIS relationship – before you can decide what to do about it. Rationalizing things based on good behavior and making excuses for bad behavior undercuts your own self-worth. If Dr. Phil was right when he said that we teach people how to treat us, what have your actions taught your bf? I think Jim made many good points.
There should be a point #8 on this list — If the Space Invader Ex claims that he/she has changed, grown, matured to the point that the old relationship needs can now be met, perhaps a reality check is in order: Did it even occur to them that although they can NOW meet the needs of the old relationship, that the other person has also been changing, growing and maturing such that they are in an entirely different place and no longer require what the Space Invader Ex now has to offer? It can be painful to admit to oneself but if you don’t learn from your mistakes, you WILL repeat them – I did, and it took a long time for me to smarten up. If he doesn’t meet your needs or you don’t meet his, it doesn’t make either of you bad people – just not well-suited for each other. And it’s OK – OK?
K: Nice post! Is it Kphd?
I can totally relate to number 3.
About six weeks ago my bf started receiving calls every Sat night from an ex. He told me that he talked to her about it and he said he just thought she still wanted to be friends but he was suspecious about it. I told him if she wanted to be friends maybe we could all three go out for lunch together sometime. He didn’t say anything about that. She hasn’t called since and if he would have taken me up on my offer I would have consider it disrespectful to put me in that position. Also I don’t think he would ever want to to try and be friends with her because I might find out something.. But hey it doesn’t matter now because I have seen bf of 6 months in a week and a half and he doesn’t have time to see me this weekend. So there. Next, next next.
I think you hit the nail on the head about the space invading ex’s behavior being less about wanting the ex back and more about wanting to have the kind of relationship they now have
Angelina: You said “if he would have taken me up on my offer I would have consider it disrespectful to put me in that position.”
What kind of games were you playing with you bf by putting him in that position? You get what you give.
I was in a computer class last year where someone made a remake of space invadors called bacon invadors. The space ships were flying pigs that you would shoot bacon at, and your space ship was either a rabbit, a cactus, or something else lol. I’m not even kidding. The game was great
Angelina – Maybe he called her bluff and did offer to have her meet you and that was what stopped her calls. You never know. If he was suspicious of her motives, he probably knew better anyway. Why else would she be calling on a Saturday night?
Personally, I find it a little creepy that an ex wants to be friends. We can be civil to the ex without continuing to be in their business and dating life or them in ours. I don’t need mine rating my current anything since they don’t (and shouldn’t) know who I am now after parting (or surviving) them, y’know? Get along, little doggie, I’m off to new pastures and I’m not looking back wistfully at yours. Hope you’re doing well – with somebody else.
And no, it’s not Kphd, it’s K – oh, how many times did I get “space-invaded” before I finally started to learn how to deal with it. If I were the space-invading type and knew where my clueless exes were, I’d send them David’s comments and give them the clue.
Yeah I realize that. He was telling me they were friends and he was suspucious but he never said he would stop. So who was playing games with who? So I went for the lets all be friends. Considering the situation I couldn’t see asking him to stop talking to her. I wouldn’t have went I just wanted him to think about it and realize on his own that wouldn’t have been a great idea for lots of reasons. For one he wouldn’t have wanted us discussing him and I might find out a few things he hadn’t told me. I’ve been on both sides. I’ve asked bf’s of the past to discontinue an relationship and that didn’t work either. Guess it depends on how feeling are for the one being pursued .
Too true. My cousin dated a guy whose apartment walls were covered with his own numerous paintings and photos of his extended family. She was creeped out by the photos of his ex-wife (who was NOT the mother of his kids). When they were kind of stalled about moving to the next level and she asked about the ex, he replied that they were just friends and why would she care? She pointed out that he did numerous things whenever the ex called for ‘help’ like fixing her car, helping her move, and other ‘boyfriend’ things plus there were no less than 17 photos of the ex on his walls so it sure didn’t look like it was over. He just about choked. Since he normally went out instead of entertaining in his home, he never realized just how many photos there were because he hadn’t ‘re-decorated’ in years. He realized that this ex was a ’space invader’ and was killing off his new relationship so he cut the ties on his own. The next time my cousin went to his apartment, ALL of the ex photos were gone from the walls. They’ve been married now for around 10 years.
K: Great story. It’s means so much more when the one being pursued make the decision on their own to stop contact. Come to think of it my bf has this ex’s pic in his bedroom on a shelf and her kids pictures are on his fridge. He said they were a couple of years old. What really digs at me is that there isn’t a picture of me in his bedroom. He asked for pictures so I know he has some. He wanted exclusive now he hasn’t asked me out for almost two weeks because he needs to spend time with his son. His son is in trouble at school. I dunno. I think I’ve gotten tangled up with a player and its probably time to move on.
Angelina….2 weeks isn’t that long if his son is in trouble. Give him a little more time. Ask him about the pics of his ex when he’s not so busy dealing with his son.
If this continues and he NEVER has time for you, then its time to move on.
I wish I had this when we were invaded. I would have given it to him to forward to her, with points 3, 5 and 7 highlighted and underlined.
While it would be nice if the exes were empathetic enough to consider the new person’s feelings and how they would feel themselves (5), David summed it up best when he said it was just about being selfish. The ex DOESN’T CARE about anyone but him/herself. If the ex is the one that broke things off, they get real repentant real fast when the plans for their new life don’t work out the way they want, and their former partner has managed to move on (1) – a known quantity is better than no quantity no matter how unhappy everyone was the first time around, I guess. How desperate is that? Amazing how fast the old problems resurface when they get back together. Same leopard, the spots were just dyed a different color. (3)
These are all so valid. One more thing that should be said, I think, is that when all of the above attempts fail, it’s just not right to invade the ex’s space by stalking, public bashing, internet bashing, stalking, harassing, etc. Some folks cannot take rejection so must vilify the one who broke it off. It’s so sad to make a bad situation worse but really bad behavior. It’s best to cut your losses, go away with your lessons and heal. This was an awesome article and I really appreciated it.
Jim– it was casual talk, which I don’t care about, it was the trash talk. he did stop speaking to her, but he said nothing to her when the grapevine also started informing us of other shit she’s said/done about me.
My problem is not that he did this, but when I feel disappointed everything I’ve felt disappointed about in the relationship comes up, even the things he has learned from at ones and I want to stop all that stuff from coming up– because I’ve chosen to stay in spite of that, but thinking about it isn’t useful. I hope that makes more sense.
He has some things to learn, and everyone does, he at least seems willing to learn unlike a lot of guys I’ve met. Yes I’d rather he already know, just like I’d rather everyone in the world to behave properly– but I don’t think that fantasy will ever come true!!
K,
Thanks for your comments.
My ex broke up with me for a ton of reasons, which I asked her for and all of which were valid. We had an awesome connection. We are perfect, and we both know this. We had been in a long distance relationship for six months, after living together for six months. Fact is, I’ve been really calm in all my interactions with her since the breakup, and I can sense that she feels really guilty about it. I also get the sense that, although she has a new guy (whom she assured me she wasn’t leaving me to hook up with, but just a week later, they were dating…) and she says that she feels happy that she doesn’t have to fit her future around somebody else, if the circumstances were different and there was an absolute definite time when I could tell her that we would be in the same country, there would be hope for us.
I plan to move to Colorado (where she is from) in 18 months, to train to teach and to live there. It has been my plan for many years, longer than we were together. And I feel confident that there is hope for us when that happens. I have not invaded her space at all since we broke up. In fact, she has probably made the most mistakes and just this morning I received a message from her on FaceBook, saying that she hopes I am happy and that I am in her thoughts and prayers.
She has also emailed me saying that she respects/appreciates me with all of her being. I feel like she is still in love with me, but that she just needed “physical company”. That is why I am hopeful for the future. That and the fact that I know that we will be together forever. This is something that I will never stop believing.
I did find the article interesting though, and I will bear in mind all of the points mentioned.
Hi, I am a man who is in a relationship for a substantial period. I am nuts about this gal who I am currently with, who was just really sweet, beautiful, and funny when I met her.
Prior to this relationship, I was living with a woman, also for a considerate time, but we were not married. She had nice qualities, and we had a decent connection initially and some commonalities, however I don’t consider myself ultimately for her. I don’t see her ultimately for me. I picture her as a nice friend, who I don’t mind occasionally being on friendly terms with. However she seems convinced that I want more from her due to my not candidly saying that I really have no interests in reconciling beyond friendship only. After our breakup, I moved out as soon as I found something, and did infact contact my ex at times, and she did contact me. I wish her well as a person, but am not looking to be back with her. I’ve told her I thought we could be friends, but I never rudely or blatantly said Hey-I-Don’t-Want-You. Sometimes I may have joked, sent her something, ordered her something, or acted in ways which gave her the impression I wanted her to think its more.
I feel happy with my new gal. I have to admit, I have a jokester personality, so I’ve occasionally sent messages or replied with a bit of playful manner to my former girlfriend. My ex seems to have an exaggerated impression that I am interested in her. My current girlfriend never met my ex, but is aware that there’s some contact. I see that it makes my present gal uneasy, and I truthfully feel that it upsets things, but I also want her to trust me.
To my ex, I want to stress that I don’t mind an occasional Hi-There, How-Are-You-Doing , but not interested in more than that. I am man with a simple gift-giving nature, which gives my ex the impression I am interested in her more than I really am. After many drinks, I sent her a message which gave her the wrong idea. So we’ve interacted more, but
ultimately I don’t want her. I occasionally like to play that way. Again, I only agree to friendship, but not sure how to say it to her, as she is convinced we are meant to be. My ex comes on strong and has pushed the issue, and it is difficult to alert her of this. I am not one to cut off all ties, but I am really not interested in her in that particular way, although I may joke or play along at times. Maybe this gives her the wrong idea.
I can be a man of few words, however I can appreciate good times and good conversations. I also have plenty to say, when I want to.
Although I don’t mind being friends with my ex, and I sometimes might say something playful or seemingly provocative to her, I wish she found herself a new person, and stopped wanting me — My ex has some talents and positive qualities, however there have been many other instances, and I know we are not for each other. We had our run, and I rather her back off without me having to spell it out for her.
I am not good with telling her to back away, though I would not mind it if she did. Even if I sometimes contact her, I want her to go on wit her life, and not expect anything fron me.
This goes as far as, if she asked if I wanted her to back away, I would tell her not to be rediculous, that I think she’s a nice person. Truthfully however, I hope she meets a new person and contacts me less. Even if I occasionally contact her, I am just that type of guy, who likes to maintain friendly terms.
I also feel my current gal is great, and I plan to be more honest and attentive to her. She deserves it. And it will make our relationship healthier. Our main source of friction resulted because of her concern about my ex-contact. And my current gal deserves more of my undivided attention.
I enjoy doing things that my ex was less fond of, if you will. I can sometimes act immature, or do something too laid back which makes me appear irresponsible, however I am a hard worker, and that is my way to relax, without someone handing me a time schedule, especially on days off. I enjoy unwinding, with some good wine more frequently than my ex agreed to. I enjoy not having limits, and she is more into that, although it has frequently been apparent to me that my ex preferred me to be different. My present partner is more flexible, and an overall good, beautiful person, with many amazing qualities I am fond of. My friction with my current gal resulted because my ex would contact me, however I know my present partner ultimately has nothing to worry about. Everyone has rough patches, but with my current gal, I care to clear things up. I like to maintain friendly terms with my ex’s. I am hopeful my present girlfriend worries less, and similarly I am hopeful my ex finds herself a man more suitable.
I am not perfect, but I am intelligent, stay busy, and I make a decent living, and enjoy relaxation. Thought I’d vent here. I hope my ex meets a new person soon. Although I may have acted callously to my ex, I am being cordial and polite to her these days. I obviously no longer live with her, so its easier to get along, if you will.
Still however, I’d be happy for her if she found someone new, even if she considers something special between us. There may have been something somewhat special, but I’m feeling a stronger and better connection with my present girlfriend. There is nothing special between my ex and myself, other than that she is a nice lady who I have nice regards for, and nothing more. I don’t want to say anything more to hurt my ex’s feelings — I am sure I have said some things that did not sound pleasant to her, so now, I prefer not to say anything additionally disrespectful b/c I’d like to maintain friendly contact.
When you don’t live with someone (my ex in this case), you sometimes forget the problems you had, or they seem to fall on the back burner. I want my current gal to worry less, and I am happier with my current gal, and look forward to a future with her.
I wish my ex the very best, with a new person. Hopefully she finds him soon. I like friendly contact, but I don’t want her to insist on having me back.
My present gal is definitely someone I want to maintain a good relationship with. We had our share of arguments, but she seems more willing to be mindful of what to work on. I want to keep her, and have things go well.
Hi Rainy Day Minds, Wanted to comment on your wonderful posting. Sounds real nice.
Hi, I am a man who is in a relationship for a substantial period. I am nuts about this gal who I am currently with, who was just really sweet, beautiful, and funny when I met her.
Prior to this relationship, I was living with a woman, also for a considerate time, but we were not married. She had nice qualities, and we had a decent connection initially and some
commonalities, however I don’t consider myself ultimately for her. I don’t see her ultimately for me. I picture her as a nice friend, who I don’t mind occasionally being on friendly
terms with. However she seems convinced that I want more from her due to my not candidly saying that I really have no interests in reconciling beyond friendship only. After our
breakup, I moved out as soon as I found something, and did infact contact my ex at times, and she did contact me. I wish her well as a person, but am not looking to be back with
her. I’ve told her I thought we could be friends, but I never rudely or blatantly said Hey-I-Don’t-Want-You. Sometimes I may have joked, sent her something, ordered her
something, or acted in ways which gave her the impression I wanted her to think its more.
I feel happy with my new gal. I have to admit, I have a jokester personality, so I’ve occasionally sent messages or replied with a bit of playful manner to my former girlfriend. My ex
seems to have an exaggerated impression that I am interested in her. My current girlfriend never met my ex, but is aware that there’s some contact. I see that it makes my present
gal uneasy, and I truthfully feel that it upsets things, but I also want her to trust me.
To my ex, I want to stress that I don’t mind an occasional Hi-There, How-Are-You-Doing , but not interested in more than that. I am man with a simple gift-giving nature, which
gives my ex the impression I am interested in her more than I really am. After many drinks, I sent her a message which gave her the wrong idea. So we’ve interacted more, but
ultimately I don’t want her. I occasionally like to play that way. Again, I only agree to friendship, but not sure how to say it to her, as she is convinced we are meant to be. My ex
comes on strong and has pushed the issue, and it is difficult to alert her of this. I am not one to cut off all ties, but I am really not interested in her in that particular way, although I
may joke or play along at times. Maybe this gives her the wrong idea.
I can be a man of few words, however I can appreciate good times and good conversations. I also have plenty to say, when I want to.
Although I don’t mind being friends with my ex, and I sometimes might say something playful or seemingly provocative to her, I wish she found herself a new person, and stopped
wanting me — My ex has some talents and positive qualities, however there have been many other instances, and I know we are not for each other. We had our run, and I rather her
back off without me having to spell it out for her.
I am not good with telling her to back away, though I would not mind it if she did. Even if I sometimes contact her, I want her to go on wit her life, and not expect anything fron me.
This goes as far as, if she asked if I wanted her to back away, I would tell her not to be rediculous, that I think she’s a nice person. Truthfully however, I hope she meets a new
person and contacts me less. Even if I occasionally contact her, I am just that type of guy, who likes to maintain friendly terms.
I also feel my current gal is great, and I plan to be more honest and attentive to her. She deserves it. And it will make our relationship healthier. Our main source of friction resulted
because of her concern about my ex-contact. And my current gal deserves more of my undivided attention.
I enjoy doing things that my ex was less fond of, if you will. I can sometimes act immature, or do something too laid back which makes me appear irresponsible, however I am a
hard worker, and that is my way to relax, without someone handing me a time schedule, especially on days off. I enjoy unwinding, with some good wine more frequently than my ex
agreed to. I enjoy not having limits, and she is more into that, although it has frequently been apparent to me that my ex preferred me to be different. My present partner is more
flexible, and an overall good, beautiful person, with many amazing qualities I am fond of. My friction with my current gal resulted because my ex would contact me, however I know
my present partner ultimately has nothing to worry about. Everyone has rough patches, but with my current gal, I care to clear things up. I like to maintain friendly terms with my
ex’s. I am hopeful my present girlfriend worries less, and similarly I am hopeful my ex finds herself a man more suitable.
I am not perfect, but I am intelligent, stay busy, and I make a decent living, and enjoy relaxation. Thought I’d vent here. I hope my ex meets a new person soon. Although I may have
acted callously to my ex, I am being cordial and polite to her these days. I obviously no longer live with her, so its easier to get along, if you will.
Still however, I’d be happy for her if she found someone new, even if she considers something special between us. There may have been something somewhat special, but I’m
feeling a stronger and better connection with my present girlfriend. There is nothing special between my ex and myself, other than that she is a nice lady who I have nice regards
for, and nothing more. I don’t want to say anything more to hurt my ex’s feelings — I am sure I have said some things that did not sound pleasant to her, so now, I prefer not to say
anything additionally disrespectful b/c I’d like to maintain friendly contact.
When you don’t live with someone (my ex in this case), you sometimes forget the problems you had, or they seem to fall on the back burner. I want my current gal to worry less,
and I am happier with my current gal, and look forward to a future with her.
I wish my ex the very best, with a new person. Hopefully she finds him soon. I like friendly contact, but I don’t want her to insist on having me back.
My present gal is definitely someone I want to maintain a good relationship with. We had our share of arguments, but she seems more willing to be mindful of what to work on. I
want to keep her, and have things go well.