Last night we went to see a The Graduate at the Hollywood Forever cemetery.
What a great night and a lot of fun. You guys need to check out in your town where they play movies at night outdoors.
The perfect summer date!!
Anyway lets talk today about the convenience that things like cell phones, iPhones and BlackBerrys afford us, there is one major drawback: Our constant attention to them may be putting a serious dent in our love lives. There are so many people who spend virtually all day every day giving their cell phone, iPhone or BlackBerry 100% of their attention. Those people are missing opportunities to meet people every day, and in fact may not be meeting people at all.
These are likely the same people, by the way, from whom I receive emails daily complaining that they never see anyone to meet. The irony is that those people are being honest when they say they don’t see anyone to meet . . . but it’s not because people aren’t there. They are victims of “self cell phone sabotage.”
I don’t want any of you to be sabotaging yourselves from finding great connections all because of your cell phone. So to help you be aware if you unknowingly killing your love life by “self cell phone sabotage,” here are 6 ways your phone may be ruining your dating life:
1. You’re Stopping Them Mid-Approach: You’re in a store where someone is checking you out – someone you’ve also noticed and found attractive. Then that someone decides to approach you, but the minute they take their first step in your direction, your phone rings . . . and you answer it. Not only do you answer it, but you proceed to have the same unimportant repetitive conversation with the friend who called you. By doing this, you have stopped someone who was already interested in you from approaching – and they probably won’t wait around to do it a second time.
2. You’re Totally Programmed: Let’s put you in that same store, and that same person you were attracted to walks right by you and smiles just as you receive a text message on your phone. What do you do? Instead of reacting to what’s going on around you and reciprocating with a smile, you react like Pavlov’s dog to the “ding” of the incoming text and immediately look at your phone to find out who texted you. Not only did you miss that person to whom you WERE attracted smiling at you, but by not acknowledging their smile that person will believe you are not interested and they will walk away (and likely never smile at you again).
3. You’re Never “Here”: You could be out with a group of your friends in a great place filled with people you would want to meet. Instead of being present and talking with the people with whom you’re with physically, you are spending the entire time and devoting 100% of your attention to a full-blown conversation you are having with another friend via text message on your BlackBerry. Meanwhile a man or woman that you may have been interested in comes over and starts talking to your group. You are so involved in your text message conversation that you don’t even notice he or she is there. When you don’t acknowledge that person, they will assume you’re not interested and will walk away.
4. It Never Occurs To You To Look: It’s not that you don’t leave the house. You are in the grocery store, the gym, the book store, the coffee shop, or the dry cleaners EVERY DAY. So when I hear people say that they “never see anyone” to meet, I know immediately that they’re not “seeing” anyone because they’re simply not looking. If people want to meet people so badly why aren’t they looking? Well because they allow you to do virtually everything right from the palm of your hand, many people never stop checking their email, making business calls, doing Internet research and sending text messages. So even though they’re out in public, they miss everything (and everyone) around them. They also never interact with anyone – they don’t look at people, smile at people or flirt with people. It it any wonder they’re not meeting anyone?
5. You Make Your Date A “Third Wheel”: You’ve met someone you think you might really like, and you go out on a date with them. So there you are enjoying their company and feeling like there might be an amazing potential connection. Then the red light on your phone starts flashing or your phone starts vibrating alerting you that a text message has just been received. What do you do? Despite the fact that you’re in the middle of a great date, you just can’t resist picking up your phone to see who sent you that text. When you do this, you immediately turn off the person with whom you’re on the date. Nobody likes having a date interrupted by text messages, and nobody likes to feel that their date’s attention is not focused on them. You’re date will feel like a “third wheel.” You’ve also shown your date that your first priority will always be your phone.
6. You’re Always Available But Never Free: When someone tells me that they don’t get approached, or that they never “see” anyone to meet, I know that most of the time this is because that person does not make themselves available. In the case of people who are glued to their cell phone, their BlackBerry or their iPhone, what is happening is that they are “available” in that they are in places where they can meet people but they aren’t ever free. People won’t approach them, because they always seem busy with whatever they’re doing on their phone. They also won’t ever notice potential opportunities to meet people because they never look up from their phone.
So while I love the flexibility and the convenience that my BlackBerry affords me in being able to conduct so many of my business and personal affairs from ANYWHERE, I want to caution everyone to not let them take over your whole life. By doing so, you may be unknowingly killing your dating life.
Start being conscious about how much time you are spending glued to your phone, and try to avoid behaviors like these. Just think how many people you may have completely missed who wanted to meet YOU. Start paying attention to what’s going on LIVE around you. You won’t believe what (and who) you’ve been missing!
I guess it depends on the kind of work you have, a lot of people have the luxury of not having to sit in a cubicle all day or a 9-5 job, but that comes sometimes with a price as you will have to answer phones at odd times.
If it’s a work issue that you will have to answer your phone, if you are on a date, I see no problem if you tell in advance.
Besides who you might be txt could be friends and it’s a great way to keep up contact. I use with a lot of friends and family to drop notes here and there. A phone conversations would take too long. As anything you will just have to know when you want to answer others calls or txt. If I am in a conversations with another person, I will not answer anything until I am done with them, it’s really similar to you don’t just stop one “live” conversation you are in the middle of to go talk to another person. That would have been considered rude. I just think a lot of people forget about manners when they use phones and the internet. Almost as if you no longer have to abide to common sense manners when you use electronic communications means.
A younger guy asked me in amazement how we ever got laid before cell phones (yes, I’m old enough to remember the time when they were very uncommon). I responded, “Easy, we saw a girl we liked and we took her home that night!”
Cell phones often make it too easy to put an unnecessary step in the process, I’ve noticed.
Adonis,
That extra “unnecessary”step is a positive , unless all you are trying to do bring is to bring someone home that night.
I have had moments like this. I was at work and this really attractive girl was at the Help Desk picking up her laptop. She shook it up and down. I made some smart aleck remark about that clearing the screen like an etch-a-sketch. She laughed and smiled at me. Just I was about to introduce myself my phone rang and since it was my boss I had to answer it. She left and the moment was gone.
I don’t hardly use my cell phone…But there are times that I am checking someone out and they are talking on the phone that I don’t want to be rude and break into their conversation. But if I am on a date I would like for him to at least turn the cell phone off or unless he has told me I am expecting an important phone call. If that is the case why did you come in the first place.
An Idea: There are times when a person could be on a date and their cell phone rings and the person they are with thinks that maybe a gf/bf on the other side that person is not telling them about. Or could they be talking to their spouse. So it is best to let that other individual know who it is or they may think you are a cheater or player.
Matt–before answering your phone, next time let her know somehow to not go away!
I *almost* went to watch the Graduate at the cemetery last night as well. I knew I should have gone and could have stopped by to say Hi!
I put the phone down and put it on vibrate almost all the time and check messages during a restroom break or some other “down” time when it wouldn’t be rude or anti-social to be futzing about with a cell phone. Always being connected is definitely a double edged sword.
Is there any way I could get in contact with Kheim? Whats his email address?
Nice Blog here, I have a friend who texts all the freaking time. its annyoing becuase when I am trying to have a conversation with her she doesn’t hear a thing…its like I’m talking to myself, if I was on a date with a woman and she was a “text machine” like my friend she would instantly become less attractive to me.
Yeah David.. Another great BLOGS. This is the simple mistakes and everyone keep doing but don’t realize the consequenses.
Great blog. Nowadays, I use less of my phone. I even forget to charge my phone! I let it stay on for maybe 3 – 5 days and I get a bunch of texts from my friends. I never answer them :p
Here in the Philippines, we have the prepaid basis for our cellphones. That means we have to “load” our phones so we can text people. We do have the postpaid, but the prepaid is still the popular one. A text can cost you 1 piso (less than a cent! cheap text). But the problem is it costs money. 50 pesos is 1 dollar for you guys there in the USA. So imagine people here load about 50-300 pesos a day. That’s why really, I’m not much of a user of the phone. I only bring it for emergency.