5 Ways Your Lifestyle Makes You Instantly Attractive
July 28, 2009 
43 Comments
So you’re having trouble meeting somebody. You’ve read everything on how to meet somebody. You’ve used all different approaches and methods for how to meet somebody. Yet it’s still not happening for you. Why isn’t it working for you? Meeting someone is not just about memorizing approaches or methodologies. That’s only part of the equation…
By creating an amazing lifestyle and being passionate about the things you do, you will start attracting the opposite sex instead of spending your life chasing them and hoping you’ll connect with them. People are attracted to positive, fun, interesting and well-rounded individuals. If you’re miserable or doing things that you don’t enjoy, you are not going to to meet anyone, no matter what approach or methodology you use to do it. No one wants to meet someone who is miserable or spending their life doing things they don’t like.
So before you go out and try to meet somebody, you need to first figure out how to create a passionate lifestyle for yourself. Think for a second about the kind of people to whom you are attracted. Most people are attracted to people who are positive, energetic and interesting. Now think about what type of person you are right now. Are you that positive, energetic and interesting person I just described, or are you someone who is miserable and angry because you can’t meet someone?
It all starts with creating an amazing lifestyle for yourself, so that you feel great and will attract amazing people into your life. So to give you a little incentive to get started creating your own amazing lifestyle, here are 5 ways to create your lifestyle so you are instantly more attractive to the opposite sex:
1. Reevaluate Your Work Environment: One of the first (and most important) things you need to do to create an amazing lifestyle is to take a very critical eye to your current work environment. Because work is something most of us HAVE to do, we sometimes don’t expect that it is also something we can want to do (or at least not hate doing). Think about your current work environment. Do you have a boss who is consistently demeaning? Do you dislike most of your co-workers? Do you dread going into work every day? If your work environment is toxic and causing you to be miserable, then it’s time to evaluate whether it’s time for a change. If you are working in a toxic environment, consider whether you are staying there because you are comfortable and don’t want to have to push your own boundaries. If you stay in a work environment that makes you miserable and angry, then understand that miserable and angry is what you are going to project to everyone around you (whether you intend to or not), including to the people you have been trying to attract.
2. Do The Things You Love: So many people go to places they believe they “should” go or “have to” go in order to meet somebody, but which are places they don’t enjoy being at all. Is it really any wonder they have trouble meeting people in these places? Instead of going to places where you’re not happy to try and meet somebody, pick five things YOU really love to do. Think about what your five favorite things are to do. Then ask yourself whether there are members of the opposite sex present at each of those five things. If not, then go deeper and find five things you’re either already interested in or about which you would like to learn. Then go to any of these places to meet people. When you go to places that interest you, you’ll already have things to talk about and will naturally bond with people. The reason you have trouble making conversation with people in a bar (or other places you may not enjoy being), is when you’re someplace you really don’t like you have to manufacture conversations instead of just talking about what’s already interesting to you.
3. Be Open: Positive people are open to new experiences. So instead of expecting to meet someone when you go out and getting totally disappointed if you don’t, be open to what the day or night might present to you. Being open means talking to everyone with which you come into contact, and not only being friendly to someone you find attractive. Just because you are not attracted to the person you’re talking to doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be open and friendly. You never know if that person may have a friend they’re meeting later with whom you might end up totally connecting. So be open to anything and everything, because people who are open to whatever presents itself to them always meet people. Remember that every connection you make with someone leads to another, and you never know what (or who) that next connection might bring into your life.
4. Find Your Inner Child: A big part of being attractive to the opposite sex is being approachable. That means when you go anywhere, don’t just “show up.” You need to embrace the moment and approach everything with a child-like enthusiasm. Smile, talk to people, ask questions and enjoy yourself. During a recent coaching weekend with several male clients, instead of just “taking them out to meet women” I took them to the beach and had them build sand castles. The reason I did this was to teach them how to have fun again and not to be so serious. If you’re serious when you try to meet someone, then you’re not having fun and that is not attractive. Life is about having fun just like you did when you were a kid. So what happened with the guys on the beach? They ALL ended up meeting great women who joined in to help them build the sand castles.
5. Use The Law Of Attraction: This is part of why how you behave in public will affect how successful you will be at attracting member of the opposite sex. It’s called attraction for a reason. When you walk into a place and you start talking to a bunch of different people, other people will line up and want to talk to you (including those members of the opposite sex you’ve been trying so hard to meet). If you’re angry, you are going to attract angry people and you will spend your day in constant confrontations. If you walk around in life having fun, having casual conversations and enjoying every step of the journey – even if you’re just running an errand to the market – you are going to attract great people into your life. People are attracted to people having a good time and who are enjoying their life. No one wants to hang out with a person who is pouting, folding their arms, and looking miserable. That’s why it’s so important that you create a lifestyle you enjoy, which will in turn attract the opposite sex.
Creating a lifestyle is all about learning to genuinely enjoy your life every day. Do things that you love and enjoy them. Embrace every single moment. By doing these things, you will naturally start attracting people. By being more open, not only will you start talking to more people, but more people will notice your openness and start talking to you. Being more open also makes you more memorable.
So why continue to chase after people you want to meet when you can start attracting them? Create an amazing lifestyle and be passionate about the things you do, and you WILL start attracting the opposite sex.
I love what you had to say in this blog David… but I’d like to go even deeper and say this: your lifestyle is what’s going to keep the relationship alive after your honeymoon period!
The lifestyle you live is really a reflection of who you are inside.
That pua stuff screwed up my head so much, thank goodness i am out of all that crap, burned all that crap!
Coach Ken- i really liked what you had to say, how can one live a great lifestyle?
I really liked how you took it a deeper today, I always wanted to know more about this particular topic, very helpful!
howe-
why you call coach Khiem – coach ken?
Coach Ken- where is CJ today?
Jeffrey- its because that is his new nickname i personally love that one, its your choice how you want to call him:)
lets ask coach khiem what he prefers?
While I agree with all of these points, I’ve found that #2 is quite hard for most people. For me, I liked to go out to arcades and comic stores and such, because I’m such a nerd. I feel that a lot of people think that you have to meet people in bars and clubs, they don’t go to these places, so these places end up like a sausagefest on a Friday / Saturday night. And the girls that did come in weren’t attractive in any sense at all to me. A lot of people used to think it’s taboo and a waste of time to like video games and such, so they kept it inside and avoided those places, but it’s not much of a problem now.
I did, however, found my current GF at an arcade, which I feel like the luckiest person in the world because not only does she share a large part of my world already, but she’s everything I wanted.
I guess I’m trying to say, sometimes it’s hard to find someone that you would deem attractive at a place you regularly go to, if that place is generally a place a lot of guys congregate.
5 steps are simple and easy to follow, i will have to implement few of these steps.
howe- i am here don’t miss me too muuch;)
and great to hear that you have taken the trash out of your mind, and you are free!
I like that trash analogy.
todays blog is bigger than the last one but the content is great!
I really don’t mind how you guys call me… Khiem… Ken… it’s all the same.
But when I’m Ken… then I can go out and look for my Barbie
I love this point of view. I’ve recently started using my lifestyle as a way to meet people. By making art the center of my life I’ve opened up places to meet people, made myself the center of attention so I have to engage with new people and not just sink into the background and I’ve also created whole new topics of conversation. Encouragement like this article though remind me to keep my focus and work at this a little harder. Kirsten
its really powerful if anyone implements this, i can now start to see the power of getting women to come chase you instead of chasing them, i know what you mean David.
Clint- yes you have within you a tremendous power!
CJ- I am now seeing the matrix this stuff is simple yet so fuckin powerful.
great to hear that Clint!!!
There you go Jeff- he likes Ken better:)
DW coaches are fuckin hysterical i love you guys, you are the best!!!
Thank You Jeff it means a lot to us:)
Howe,
You mentioned you burned all that PUA crap out of your head. When did you realize this? What made you think differently?
And as far as lifestyle, the concept is simple. When you meet a woman, let’s say she’s your type, you like her… she’s a total hottie, she’s smart, caring and what not. Well, as you start dating her, she’s gonna start looking at how you live, how you talk, what you do, how you carry yourself and all the things that are important to her.
Basically, she’s going to look at how you will fit in her life and how she will fit in yours. All women wants to feel that you can belong in their life and vice versa.
If she has good friends, she’s going to wonder if they are going to like you, if you’ll get along… b/c those friends are important to her. If you have hobbies, she’s gonna see if her and her friends can participate in your hobbies too.
So the point is… no matter what kind of routines, scripts, techniques you use, nothing beat the lifestyle you live.
If you have a lifestyle that you are proud of, that you are passionate about, that you love living, she’ll see that… not from the words you say to her, but from the very things that makes you you.
And that’s how the attraction is more real, more genuine, and definitely longer lasting.
DavidL – Your experience alone is a proof that it’s still possible to meet dream girls in arcades, really glad for you, dude!
Khiem – Gotta love ya man!
Thanks for sharing that Kirsten! Love that you are integrating what you are passionate about into your social life and meeting people. I think you will find that you will naturally attract people when you are doing something you love.
Oh and Howe and Jeffery—as long as you don’t Call Coach Khiem Coach Kimberly we’re good:)
man your cool dude
ayo thinx
Khiem
I reckon Khiems a really cool name! I say it like Key-em, but I think it sounds a lot cooler than ken imo!
Key-em thats a good one too Peter:)
Coach Khiem/Ken/Key-em- thank you for breaking down lifestyle concept, it make sense!
i agree with Jeff i love DW coaches!!!
Coach Kimberly- i will make sure no one mixes up Coach Khiem with Coach Kimberly:)
Man, I’ve been wondering why I couldn’t get people to talk to me, but I should have just asking EVERYONE how they’re doing and just have casual conversations. Thank you. I’m going to put this to week at our drumline camp, there are some girls I’ve wanted to really talk to, but I just kinda knew them and didn’t talk to them directly, but now I know I should just have fun and ask how everyone’s doing. This is changing my life thanks man
Having fun as a small child – delight in the moment… that is definitely going to attract bees as to honey!
Games are also good. eg This year one of my focuses is to increase my financial intelligence. This afternoon I am going to play the game Cashflow (of Robert Kiyosaki fame) with new friends. Laughter and fun actually makes us live in the moment!
Raggie – good for you. Keep us up to date with your progress!
Good topic and good advice. Thanks
Can anyone tell me how to connect to a woman at a public place?I notice attractive girls mostly at public places in Mumbai but I get nervous while approaching them.
pratik, as a woman, the only thing i can say is, well, besides following this blog post’s advice, just *go up to her*. find a woman who seems receptive, who isnt too occupied with her girlfriends.
notice something about her that makes her unique. where is she? is she sitting down? ask her if the seat beside her is taken. is she reading a book? ask her what it’s about. compliment her hair. (i have complete strangers come up to me at the mall and say “i just wanted to tell you, you have gorgeous hair.”) make her laugh and then say what a beautiful smile she has.
on another blog post david shared that it’s important to just go up to people, same sex, opposite sex, attractive and unattractive. if that girl that you want to talk to sees you having a good time talking to other people, or just having fun without being an idiot, she’ll want to talk to you.
hint hint many of us girls notice immediately if a guy is good with children. so play with children in the park, THEN go buy a lemonade and chat with some of the women that surely noticed
Speaking of lifestyles…
I am a 21 year old southern belle from Alabama. I LOVE to go out with my friends to flirt and party like any normal college student but the problem is living in a “Bar stool or Church Pew kinda town.” I do not live in some little ghost town though. I live right outside a small city with bars/clubs to meet people at but it is still a place where the whole town knows anything and everything about you.
Because I live in a small city, going to the bars almost every weekend are the only thing to do and I know about half the people anywhere we go, which is good for networking, but I am having no luck!I go out to look good and feel good being out on the town with friends hoping to find that someone but seems like every guy that ever seems interested only wants a ride home and/or for me to sleep with.
I have talked to family about never feeling wanted by guys other than to have as a piece of tail or a ride home! They say it is because I am in the wrong atmosphere to meet a good guy because usually on the weekends I am at a bar (Keep in mind I live near the bible belt). But that is where everyone goes to hangout and I have fun there but is it ruining my chances in finding someone that isn’t just looking for one thing? I don’t want to be thought of as a Bar Queen! I don’t dress nor act sleazy. The only thing to get easy out of me is a conversation. I never drink and get sloppy because I am out to look good and meet men. I listen to Davids blogs and emails all the time and I feel like I am attractive and a damn good catch but this consistency of being treated like this is really making me feel insecure.
I know I am young but most of my friends are settling down and getting married and I am always the “single friend.” I am in no rush, just wanting to find love and I am afraid I am not meeting the kind of men I want to meet by going out to have drinks on the weekend in a small judgemental town?
Self-love, loving yourself is key to being successful with women, and to live with confidence and display that everyday of your life. When you are busy with different things, whether it be work, extracurriculars, music, whatever it may be, enjoying what you do and displaying yourself in the best ways is how you will attract everyone around you. People always watch others who are having a great time, and they really want to be involved in it.
Couple of days ago, afew of my friends and myself went dowtown toronto to “bar hop”. We started ordering a bunch of drinks at the bar and ended up all trying our very first, “irish car bomb” (Baileys dropped in Guinness – its pretty good). After we finished the drink, a women approach us and said “what were you guys doing, you guys seemed to really enjoy those drinks”.
Granted we didn’t speak with this women again throughout the course of the night , however, the whole idea of creating a great time on your own, and others being instantly attracted to that is truly what works.
It’s really all about excelling in all areas of your life. Even if you can attract woman, the high quality ones won’t stay if you don’t have an attractive lifestyle.
Workout, buy some cool clothes, find work you love, and be around people that excite you about life. Does a girl really want to be around an out of shape, poorly dressed, guy who hates his job and is sick of his friends? If you have a lifestyle that your happy with, you will naturally become a more attractive person to yourself and that will translate to your dating life.
I like what you have to say, I live a lifestyle that has taken many years to find. Working in a job that makes me talk to everyone that comes in. This has helped me become a more open person, I have learned not to care someone doesn’t like me. There many out there that do see me has the person I am. And doing things that you want to do, just for you does help show others that you are someone that would be fun to meet.
If you constantly put yourself into uncomfortable situations, you will get much more confident and calm. You’ll know how to handle any interaction because your used to it.
This can be extended to meeting people, even more specifically, women because you will actually be able to have a genuine conversation without being nervous or worried about what to say, if that was an issue before.
Hi there David.
Im an 17 year old young man living in norway. and ive got the problem probably many other has too. Ive got this girl, im really into her, but hen i hang out with her i just cant find anything to talk about so there “akward silences” always apear. Im always nervous and insecure on what she will think of me. Im trying my very best to seem confident, but inside me im a wreck ready to sink… Please respond
Although a rehash of former blogs, this information is excellent,and cannot be repeated enough. all one really needs to improve their lives, and start living happily and attracting people, is contained above. Unfortunately number one, is the hardestto implement and put into effect, especially in a hard economy. I worked at a job for 12 years, that I hated, before I could finally make a move, open my own businesses, become independent, and begin to live as I do now. I needed the job, to support my eventual plans of being independent, and living the lifestyle I truly wanted, which took that long to attain. If you have a miserable job, that you wake up every morning, and loath, the rest of your life will be miserable, as well. With responsibilities, it is impossible to quit your job, and make a move, sometimes for years. So if you are stuck in that situation, begin working toward getting out of it, whether it requires more education, or just time to save up and attain the independence you will eventually gain. Sometimes you have to stick it out, be miserable for a while, and just remember why you are doing it and the eventual payoff from all your efforts. Do not make a hasty move, quit your job, just to make a lateral move to perhaps an even worst position, that will make you even more unhappy.
Excellent advice David, it helped alot. I find this a huge step how I interact with others