How Having “Rules” Leads To Loneliness
July 29, 2007 
24 Comments
A post on women and their “rules” by David Wygant
What’s up with “women rules?” Recently I was looking at some online profiles of women, and they had all these rules and regulations. Now, I’m not saying men don’t have rules and regulations either, so don’t get your panties in a knot too quickly. Women have rules though, and we’re going to talk about women rules today.
We’ll talk about man rules another time. I’m even going to tease you a little bit about the man rules discussion we’ll have down the line. One of the most famous and ridiculous man rules that men have, is that a woman must be in perfect shape even when a man is fat. So, that’s a ridiculous man rule. But we’re getting off track…
So what’s a ridiculous women rule? Women tend to expect too much. I was reading a woman’s profile tonight, in which she states as follows:
“The perfect first date must be a dinner that’s been planned out. I really love intimate restaurants. And the perfect second date is a continuation of the first date, where we go to another restaurant and we get to know each other more. And the third date is another restaurant, because I want to get to know them again in a neutral surrounding.”
This woman has a three restaurant rule? I mean that’s one of the craziest things I’ve seen online yet! I mean really…a three restaurant rule?! What happens if the guy says “Let’s go to the zoo” or “Let’s take our dogs for a walk.” You know, something spontaneous in the moment. But no, this woman has all these rules and regulations.
If you have rules and regulations in dating that are this rigid, you’re never going to be able to meet someone who is different and interesting because people have to play by your rules. And most people who have to play by other people’s rules, tend to be weak people. A woman like this that has all these rules, tends to be a rigid person. Rigid and weak don’t get along very well.
So, if you’re a rigid person online, and you have all these ridiculous rules that you write in your profile that you carry into real-world dating, you’d better start reevaluating things really quickly. Because if you do this, you’re not going to experience the fun of dating.
I don’t even enjoy dating as many people define it. I love to hang out and enjoy somebody in different situations. I like to invite someone along to things I enjoy, and in turn they can invite me along for stuff they enjoy. For instance, I recently had a first date – and it wasn’t even really a date because it was just kind of a hang out. I asked this woman to join me at an art gallery. So we walked around the gallery. I asked another woman to hang out with my dog and I.
It’s about being in the moment and being present. Because the whole point is to have a conversation with someone and to connect with them, without the rigid pressures of sitting in a restaurant, interviewing each other and swapping resumes.
So for those of you that are very rigid in your life, and very rigid with your rules – and you know who I’m talking about because if you’re reading this and it’s resonating with you or you’re listening to this and it’s resonating with you – what’s going to happen is that you’re going to realize that there’s a lot of life that you’re missing.
How about the women who get online and they’ll only date men who are between the ages of 36 and 38 . . . and they’re 36? To those women, I would ask “How did you come up with 38? Did you just add two and figure a two year maximum age difference was good? What if the guy is 41? How about if he’s 43?” And what if the 43 year old guy was great, and you’re totally attracted to him. Would you cut him off because of the age? Would you not date him because he is seven years older than you instead of two years older than you?
Think about what you might be missing by adhering to such rigid rules. Some women have very rigid rules, but so do men. We’ll talk about men’s rigid rules another day.
David, you mention the rule referring to the other being in shape. I had a brief discussion about this last night with someone, then conversation flowed on to other things. I think there is limited significance to that. If I had a rule concerning that subject, it would be that the person care about the health and well being of their body. No muscle man required, just care about your appearance and hygiene. A sense of humor–gotta have it guys!The ability to carry on a conversation is of utmost importance. That covers my “rules.” lol Oh, and it would be great if you weren’t a prison escapee;)
Rules? I hate the word “rules.” I picture Hitler; I think of dictatorship. This woman is crazy with that 3 rule crap. Honestly, I think a restaurant is the worst place to have a first, second and maybe third date too! How much can you get to know someone in a situation where your mouth is full of food? I know I don’t want someone to be spewing food out at me when trying to talk. I don’t think she will get many takers on that one really.
The Zoo date—-fun! My very first date was at the zoo. You can walk and talk in an outdoor atmosphere, enjoy the animals, and have some fun joking around. Going out to eat is nice—but really a date in, cooking together would be much more fun! The dog day out? Awesome idea!!! I love to spend time with my Tootsie (my dog;) That kind of sounded like I like to spend time with my (tootsies)–toes. lol What more fun than to get together with your pups at the park or the beach and maybe have a little fruit, cheese and wine picnic? Throw the frisbee? C’mon! That IS fun!!!!
People need to be real in the realm of expectations of others. Do you want to get to know someone for who they are inside? That should be the number one priority. Who are you? What kind of music do you like? What do you like to do to relax? Do I sense any passion inside you? Way more important than, “Are they a 5 star restaurant with gourmet desserts?” Sounds like she lives to eat and not eats to live!
The age thing. You are right david. That is age discrimination!! lol Do you click with the person who is 48? Might be GREAT! Give it a whirl. Is he 29—that would be just fine! Now there has to be some limit, but if it is 3-5 years your worried about—get over it!
I am not a dating expert at any rate, nor have I been on a date in—well let me move on:) All that is written here is just what goes through my mind on the subject OF dating—online or off. Girl, I would be revising that profile or you may be sitting at a table for one!
Hey everyone. First let me say sorry to a few people. I wasn’t very tactful in my comment on Card Trick man blog day. darkpoet, i am sorry to have offended you. You seem like a very kind natured guy and Desperate Housewife…I am sorry to you as well. You are an encouragement that maybe there is a man for me. I just keep dating these losers and it is frustrating. I didn’t mean to take it out on anyone:( I think this lady with the 3 dinner date rule is nuts! What does a guy think when he reads that?! Probably f her. That is what I say and I am a woman:) As for the age thing, David you are right. That is never an issue with me…unless the guy is 18 or something. lol Well, everyone have a nice Sunday.
no persia, you didnt offend that much.
your cool in my book.
now on to the blog! i think rules in dating are absolutely fucking stupid, why dont we throw the rules out the window and start acting like human beings?!!?!? and just starting talking and connecting! how bloody difficult is this? David, this is what i was talking about in previous posts. this sound more like a job ad then a dating ad. i dont want to go out on a job interview i want to go out on a bloody fucking date. you know? o.k i’m gonna be harsh david. tell you how i see online dating personal ad from my experience.
the guy are too superficial and want some hot chick to fuck and pay.
the women have a laundry list of requirements that is impossible from any man to adhere too.
cheers,
Joe
When it comes to online dating I have to believe that people get extra particular about ages, height, body type, etc just because they can be….there are so many people to choose from…you can run a search and come up with hundreds of profiles that fit a very narrow specification.
I think initially, all of us have an image of the ideal potential partner in our head, but what seperates the person who finds someone that they click with from the person who never does, is the ability to be open minded and flexible. If you are so “rigid,” good luck to you.
Joan and persia…..obviously most women want to be with a man who is emotionally and mentally mature. if you were online and were messaged by someone who was 5 or 6 years younger than you, wouldn’t you be more hesitant to respond than if you were messaged by someone who was 5 or 6 years older?
Woohoo! You blow that horn darkpoet!!! I agree 100+% with your comments—-all of em! Men are too superfucial, women are stupid bitches out for all they can get with a list on shit. they call that the “honeydew” list—honey do this— honey do that—BS!!
When I do get out there, I am going to make sure dating is fun or BYE BYE!!! It is all about having fun and having a good time with the person for who they are—don’t ya think? That is what I hope for. i want serious passion too, but that can be fun as well:)))
ANZY, hello. I am sorry or I would have answered your question just now so my name does not show up a million times a day here;)
Personally, I would respond to either, because the what if factor is always there. “What if” that guy who just IMed me, (5-6 older or younger) was a fun person with a personality and ability to actually stimulate me in conversation as well as other ways down the line? SOO), I woulbn’t hesitate to respond to either, find out what they are about and THEN make a decision as to how I feel about the picture of a whole.
anzy being open and flexibile is it unfortunely thats doesnt happen.
cheers,
Joe
It is only 12:20 EST and there are already 5 posts! Amazing!
About the age difference… When I was in my 30thes, I was refusing to date men who were 10-15 years younger… I felt it is like dating someone of a different generation. Today 10 years younger men doesn’t seems to be such a big difference.
About the looks… Once I was at a single
I am having an epiphany!!!
I hear people all the time with the expression, “She looks like shes in her 40′s,” or “he looks to be 50ish.”
What so does 40 look like? What does 50 look like? I hate to even guestimate a persons age because 9 times out of ten I am wrong, for the bad!:(
My motto is, “I only open my mouth to change feet,” when it comes to peoples age. It is a number.
I want to know, “How much energy do you have?”
Jessica, lol Yea. I feel so bad for a man or a woman when I see the old style polyester suits. The way a person dresses is something I really notice down to the last accesory. It isn’t that I am judging, I just love to co-ordinate and it is all about ACCESORIZING! You can take the plainest jeans, pumps and shirt and turn it into a bombshell of a sexy outfit just by adding a few accessories, unbuttona button or two to add a litttle sexy there. Same for men. I don’t know why, but a man with a watch or bracelet(s) on—that is a turn on to me! It doesn’t have to be a Rolex—-it can be a Timex! It just adds sexy. Is there any woman that agrees there or am I a weirdo?
)
“Do you like to laugh and have fun?” LETS DO IT!!
????????????
I read in one manual for sales people. “The main rule – cloths must be color coordinated. You wear what they wear, it could be a T-shirt or a business suit, but it must be color coordinated.”
Joan, I agree about bracelet(s) for men – small bracelet can be very sexy!
And about energy is also true. I love polarity. It gives me a lot of energy. A good polarity therapist is hard to find!
i know how to dress, i just didnt want to dress nice. now i do and i have alot more confidence just by dressing better.
cheers
Joe
Polarity Yoga is great! It is just a part of the process.I have a friend at the spa who does “Healing Touch.” She is so awesome! She will come in and just put her hand on my back to say hi with a little rub and my whole body feels like it goes a little limp. It is weird, but it works!
She taught me how to do certain moves over surgery incision sites to help heal them faster. I could actually feel the magnetic effect of resistance when I would start the movements. After their was no pain and I healed really fast. Very interesting stuff.
you friend does reiki? joan, i always wanted to try that out, i’m a big fan of acupuncture/pressure and chiropratic medicine… as well as massage therapy. i’m not a big pill taker…and i think natural medicine heals faster in my opinion.
cheers,
Joe
Darkpoet, yes I guess it is basically reiki. She has it on her card as “Healing Touch.” Yes I agree with the natural way. I have turned into pretty much a health nut. My friends give me a hard time, but hey—I am never sick, I have unending energy and feel great!
I really do try.
If you have a headache you can actually massage certain pressure points and it will go–no Tylenol neded:) These pharmeceutical companies are robbing people blind with the medications out these days. It takes sooo long for an antibiotic to be rid out of your system. better to take Kyolic garlic as your antibiotic and be injesting something healthy for you. Ok Yea I know shut up already Joan!!!
Thank you darkpoet. I don’t know how cool I am, but I am sorry. I like the talk about how men dress. I think it is inportant for a amn to dress decently if he wants to attract a woman. I don’t mean a suit and tie or anything, but I like the “preppie look.” Not real sure about a man and a bracelet? The watch is a nice addition. Darkpoet, you are right. When you dress nicer it does give a sense of confidence. If I feel I look good in what I am wearing, there is always more positive reactions from men then when I just go plain jane. Joan, you are on with the accesories. I really never paid attention to that, but a friend of mine got me into accesorizing to dress my jeans up. I will try the buttons:) I just button up. It is not like I have anything much to show if I do leave 3 or 4 buttons open. lol well time to get ready for whaat lies ahead for tommorrow, so have a great evening everybody.:)
persia you’re cool in my book thats all the matter to me. persia it’s not a matter of what you have to show.. i’m sure you’re a beautiful person, someone well find that out
Cheers,
Joe
joan, i totally believe in natural medicine. and agreed with what you said, thats why i ask you about my neck and headaches.
cheer,
Joe
joan, i totally believe in natural medicine. and agreed with what you said, thats why i ask you about my neck and headaches.
cheers,
Joe
Well, nighty night to all. Missed seeing you Mr. Wygant
Ahhh so many comments. Didn’t read them all; just the first 5 or so. LOL. I believe people have rules because they are tired of the bs and they are control freaks. I am a control freak. I used to have a 3 date rule before they get to the bedroom but that went out the window when I broke it frequently. LOL. Anyways, people try to control things 1. To not get hurt or put in a uncomfortable situation and 2. To gain power. Duh. Although he 3 restaurant date rule thingy is extreme, I can understand possibly why she has that. Maybe because a restaurant is safe and within 3 dates, you can figure out if the person is dangerous. But then again, there are some really GOOD liars out there. So there. I’m tired of typing.
LOL Ari, what did you just say??? You are a hoot:)
Ok, so like Ari I skipped a few posts too.
I can admit that I am a control freak and have rules but only about certain things – like I don’t eat anything with powdered sugar on it because I don’t want to get dirty or I don’t eat anything if I don’t like the way it smells i.e. mayo & pickles lol (and now that I am thinking about them, they are mostly about food lol).
When it comes to dating I had rules, in my 20′s, but I have long since given those up because like Ari, I found myself breaking them all the time and thought – what the hell are they there for if I don’t adhere to them…having rules is like having a “type”. My one beachhouse mate keeps asking me – “what’s your type?” and doesn’t get it when I say I don’t have one. I like men – all kinds, I’m equal opportunity – it’s all about clicking with someone, and if you start to throw things in like…has to be this age, or this height, or never married, or blond, or this or that you end up with no one to pick from and you end up alone.
Um, yeah, David.
I started reading this blog from the most recent post, and you know what? You never did get around to the mens’ rules.
I’m just sayin’.